The Pet
by Remy-Luna
Summary: Complete. "What were you thinking, Orion—a werewolf? In our home?" "We've discussed this. It's a pet for the children." SBRL. Slight AU, werewolves are considered animals and Ministry property & the Blacks buy their son a very unique pet. Close to canon.
1. 1—July 1971

**Summary:** "What were you thinking, Orion—a werewolf? In our home?" "We've discussed this. It's a pet for the children." SBRL. In an AU where werewolves are considered animals and Ministry property, the Blacks buy their son a very unique pet. Other than that, pretty close to canon.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I am not J.K. Rowling. And I did not come up with this idea on my own, it was inspired by a story called "Collared" by albe-chan. I definitely think I changed it and made it my own but I would not have come up with it without reading that story so I will not take credit for the idea.

**Warning:** This will contain pre-slash and slash. Eventually it will contain explicit M/M sex, but I will put up a warning and change the rating when that happens. If slash is not your thing, I recommend finding another story to read.

The Pet

For as long as he could remember, Sirius Black had wanted a pet. And for as long as he could remember, his parents had refused to get him one. As much as he and his brother begged and pleaded, they refused. Walburga did not want some wild animal running around the house and Orion pointed out that no matter what Sirius and Regulus promised, _he_ would end up the one taking care of it.

After the four hundred and fifty-seventh argument about this Regulus had given up, but Sirius was more stubborn than his little brother. Sirius Black wanted a pet. So Sirius Black managed to make a deal with his parents. Once he was old enough to go to Hogwarts, he would be old enough for the responsibility of a pet and they would get him one. He would take the pet to school with him so his parents wouldn't have to worry about caring for it, and if it ran away or died under Sirius's care, Sirius would be held accountable and would not be allowed another pet until he was living on his own.

So on a hot July day when Sirius received a heavy parchment envelope bearing the Hogwarts crest, not only was he excited to finally be going to school, he was excited to finally be getting his own pet.

"All right," Walburga sighed, resigned, when her son brought up the topic. "Your father will take you out this weekend to buy you a pet. What would you like?"

Sirius and Regulus grinned at each other. Though they'd had years to think about it and had discussed it at length, they had never actually reached a decision as to what type of pet they wanted.

Though Sirius really wouldn't have minded a dog (preferably a big, ferocious-looking one), his mother had scorned this idea, claiming dogs and cats were "Muggle pets."

"What about a crup?" Regulus suggested, flipping through the family's copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_.

"Yeah, but once you remove the extra tails it just looks like a Jack Russell Terrier," Sirius pointed out. "Bo-oo-ring. Next?"

"Demiguise? I don't know anyone who's got one of those, and I bet they're really expensive."

"I'd lose it too easily," Sirius argued. "How are you supposed to keep track of a pet that can make itself invisible?" He grabbed the book from his brother's hands and flipped through the pages. "How about an Erkling?" Sirius suggested, smirking at his brother. "When you annoy me I can just get it to eat you."

"Ha ha," Regulus said sarcastically, taking the book back. "A fwooper?"

Sirius glanced at the picture. "What's the point of having a fruity bird that can't even sing? Besides, it says the silencing charms need to be reinforced and I won't learn how to do silencing charms for years."

"You pick something then," Regulus said, shoving the book back at him. "All the animals in here are either dangerous or boring."

"A griffin?" Sirius said hopefully. He called across the room to his father. "Dad, can I get a griffin?"

"Absolutely not," Walburga interrupted before Orion could answer. "Where do you think the name _Gryffin_dor comes from? We are a Slytherin family. Choose something else, Sirius."

"How about a hippogriff then?"

"Much too impractical," Orion said. "Where on earth would you keep the beast?"

Sirius sighed and turned back to the book. Most of the animals in here would not make suitable pets. He thought his brother might like a Runespoor, but Sirius wasn't a huge fan of snakes. Not to be a girl or anything, but he wanted a pet he could...well...pet.

"Can't I just get a dog?" Sirius asked with a sigh, tossing _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ onto a nearby chair.

"Like a common Muggle?" Orion snorted. "Not likely. You're a Black. A dog will impress no one."

Sirius didn't care about impressing people—he just wanted a pet. But he knew it was useless to argue with his parents. "Fine," he grumbled. "How about...a wolf or something then? I don't know."

Orion Black looked up from his _Daily Prophet_ and surveyed his oldest son. "A wolf," he said slowly.

Sirius looked up hopefully and caught his father's eye from across the room. "Could I really?" he said excitedly. "A wolf? It's the perfect pet, Father. Like a dog, but it isn't normally kept as a pet so it won't make us common. And I know wolves are too dangerous to Muggles, but we'd be able to control it with magic. Oh, please, Father, can I get a wolf? Please?"

Orion nodded, and Sirius and Regulus grinned and high-fived each other. "I will take you to the containment center tomorrow."

Sirius didn't even know that the Ministry had containment centers for wolves (were there maybe wolves with magical properties that he hadn't known about before?) but he didn't care. All he knew was that he was getting a pet!

—

Sirius walked quickly to keep up with his father's long, proud strides. They entered a nondescript building where a wizard in gray robes got up from a desk to greet them.

"Ah, Mr. Black, we've been expecting you," the short wizard said, his eyes darting from Orion to Sirius nervously. "How can we help you today, sir?"

"I'm here to purchase a pet for my son," Orion answered shortly.

The wizard's nervous smile faltered. "The...ah...beasts here aren't generally for sale," he explained, continuing to look from Orion to Sirius and back again. "Very dangerous, you see. Wouldn't...wouldn't want any harm to come to your son."

"We will keep the creature locked up," Orion informed him. "You really think I would allow my son and heir near something dangerous?"

The wizard looked scandalized. "Of course not, sir, of course not! I never meant to suggest–"

"–_I_ suggest," Orion interrupted, "You take my son and I to see the animals. If he finds one suitable as his pet, then we can discuss the formalities." He reached into his robe and withdrew a bag that Sirius knew was filled with galleons. "While these beasts may not _generally_ be for sale to the public, I'm sure we can make some sort of arrangement."

The wizard nodded, and Orion replaced the money bag in his robes.

"Well, follow me then," he said, leading the Blacks to a door. "The cages are this way."

Sirius followed his father and the containment center worker down a long hallway and through another door into a large room lined with cages. He stopped in his tracks, however, when he saw the cages were filled, not with frightening magical beasts, as he suspected, but with people!

There were men and women of all ages, including children younger than Sirius, all wearing tattered gray robes and sitting on benches in their cells. Manacles around their ankles kept them changed to the walls. They stared at Sirius as he passed, looking miserable.

"Dad," Sirius said, running to catch up with his father. "What–?"

"–Werewolves," Orion interrupted. "They may _look_ like people, Sirius, but don't be fooled. There just as much animals as manticores or chimeras. Now have a look around," he said, his voice softening slightly. "You can have whichever one you like."

Sirius nodded and had another look around. It was a bit startling—he'd been thinking more along the lines of an actual wolf, and it was remarkable how much these creatures resembled humans. But it was also very exciting. Not only was he getting his first pet, he was getting what was possibly one of the rarest pets there was. He could just imagine how popular in school this would make him. Everyone would want to be friends with the kid with a pet werewolf. And Sirius suspected this might be a major factor in _why_ Orion chose this particular species as a pet for his son. Social standing was very important to Sirius's parents.

So the young boy walked down the long corridor, taking a look at each animal in turn. He would probably want a male, and not one that was too old...

About halfway down the room Sirius spotted a werewolf that looked close to his own age and knew instinctively that he had found his pet. This creature looked like it could actually be a friend to Sirius if only it were human. And it looked _so_ much like a human. They all did. If he'd passed by one of them on the street he'd never have guessed it was an animal.

This werewolf in particular was very skinny with light brown hair and eyes. He looked about eleven in werewolf years, though Sirius wasn't quite sure how that translated to human years. But young adolescent was a good age for a new pet—old enough that it would be housebroken and understand rules, and young enough that it shouldn't die on him too soon. Sirius wondered how long werewolves lived and decided he might do some research on the creatures once he got home. It would probably be useful, considering caring for this animal would be his responsibility.

"You like this one, Sirius?" Orion asked, approaching his son.

The younger Black realized he'd been staring into this cage for quite some time.

"Yes," he said, turning to his father and smiling. "Can I have this one, Dad, please?"

"Is it well-behaved?" Orion asked the containment center wizard.

"Oh, yes," the man answered. "This one's been here nearly six years now. Of course, he gets a bit frisky round the full moon, they all do, but he's an obedient little runt. Never tries anything funny."

"We'll take him," Orion said with a curt nod.

Sirius felt the joy bubbling up inside him and grinned at his new pet.

The werewolf looked up from the floor for the first time to stare back at him with cold, unfeeling eyes.

—

"You keep a tight hold on that leash, Sirius," Orion instructed as they exited the center with Sirius's new pet in tow.

"Yes, Father."

Sirius kept glancing back at his werewolf, who stared at the ground as he walked with them. The manacle was around his left wrist now, attached to a leash held by Sirius at the other end. It was not a chain, like in the cage, but the leash was magically reinforced so it would neither break nor slip out of Sirius's grasp.

"When we get home, I'll fix the bedroom next to your room into a cage for it," Orion said. "It will be chained to the wall at night by its ankle, and by both ankles on the full moon. Outside its cage it is to remain on a leash at all times."

"Yes, Father," Sirius repeated.

"I know it doesn't look threatening right now, but during the full moon it will transfigure into its true form and then it will kill whatever crosses its path. This animal can _not_, under any circumstances, be allowed to escape."

"I understand, Father."

Orion nodded. "The chains in its cage will automatically shorten during the full moon to keep it from moving, but you are not allowed anywhere near it during those times."

"I won't enter its cage during the full moon, Father," Sirius said, trying not to let an exasperated sigh slip through in his voice. So many rules. Well, at least the full moon was only once a month. The rest of the month he'd be able to play with his pet as much as he wanted. Sirius smiled at the thought. His brother would be so jealous.

Orion and Sirius returned home to find an overly-excited Regulus and a disdainful Walburga waiting for them.

Mrs. Black made a face as they entered. "So this is the beast?" she asked, surveying the werewolf with dislike.

"Wow, Sirius!" Regulus said, impressed. "This is your pet? He looks just like a boy!"

"I know," Sirius said. "But he's not, he's a werewolf. Make sure you stay away from his cage during full moon, Reg, he could kill you," the older brother teased.

The younger brother just stared at the pet in awe.

"It is no joking matter," Walburga sniffed. "What were you thinking, Orion—a werewolf? In our home?"

"We've discussed this. It's a pet for the children. And it will be going with Sirius to Hogwarts at the end of the summer anyway." He turned to his sons, who were still staring at the new addition to the family. "I'm going to construct its cage now. Sirius, remember what I said about keeping ahold on its lead."

"I know, Father," Sirius said, relieved when his parents finally made their way upstairs. Then he grinned at his brother. "So what do you think, Reg? Isn't he brilliant? Isn't he the best pet you've ever seen?"

"Definitely," the younger brother agreed. He hadn't taken his eyes off the werewolf since it entered the home. "I just can't believe how human it looks, though. Does it talk?" he asked suddenly, turning to Sirius.

The older Black frowned. "I don't know. I didn't hear any of them talking when we were there." He turned to his new pet. "Can you speak?"

The werewolf looked up from the floor and met Sirius's eyes. It struck him that his pet was nearly as tall as he was. "Yes," the werewolf whispered.

Sirius and Regulus exchanged gleeful looks.

"Wow," Regulus sighed. "A pet that can talk. You're _so_ lucky, Sirius. I wonder if Mum and Dad will let me get a werewolf when I get my Hogwarts letter."

"Who knows?" Sirius shrugged. "Maybe you can get a female and we can breed them. Assuming they haven't been fixed, of course," he added, before frowning and turning to the werewolf. "You haven't been fixed, have you?"

A rush of blood went to the animal's face, turning it pink. _Just like a human_, Sirius couldn't help but think.

"No," the werewolf murmured, not looking at them.

"Oooh—what are you going to name him, Siri?" Regulus asked.

"Hmm, I haven't thought about that yet," Sirius admitted. "What do you think I should name him?"

"Wolfie?" the younger Black suggested.

"Real original," Sirius sniggered. Then he sobered. "How about something to do with the moon, since that's when he really transforms into a wolf?"

"If he were a girl you could call him Luna," Regulus said. "That's Latin for 'moon.'"

"Great thinking, except he's _not_ a girl," Sirius pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Moon...Moony?"

"Yeah!" Regulus squealed. "Moony! It's perfect!"

"Moony," Sirius repeated, trying it out. Then he smiled. "I like it. Come, Moony," he said, tugging on the leash slightly, and Moony took a step closer to Sirius. Sirius and Regulus grinned at each other again.

"Sirius!" The boys heard their mother call from upstairs. "Bring the creature up here—its cage is finished."

Sirius frowned slightly as he surveyed what had once been a guest bedroom. All decorations had been removed, leaving the floors gleaming wood and the walls pale white. The bed had been Transfigured to a bundle of blankets on the floor, and the dresser to a box of old robes. A self-vanishing basin for excretions lay in one corner, and some chains with ankle manacles were attached magically to the wall between it and the makeshift bed. He was pleased to see, however, that an additional door had been added to the left side of the room that led directly into Sirius's bedroom.

"This is where it will stay," Orion informed his son. "The door to the corridor will be kept locked at all times after this. If you wish to take it outside, it will exit through your room. You are responsible for feeding and bathing it."

"Yes, Father."

Orion flicked his wand and a streak of blue light hit the leash in Sirius's hand. "I've charmed your end of the leash to attach to the nearest wall should you let go of it, so you don't have to hold onto it if the creature is in your room."

Sirius smiled, pleased at thought. "I've named him Moony," he added as Orion turned to leave.

The eldest Black did not comment. He gave his son and his pet one last look before walking through the door and locking it behind him, leaving Sirius and Moony alone.

"All right," Sirius said after a moment of semi-awkward silence. "Well, you'll spend your nights in here, but for now I can show you my room. Come on."

He led Moony through the door into his own bedroom, which was much larger, better lit, and more lived in. Sirius let go of Moony's lead which, just as Orion promised, flew to the wall so Sirius could throw himself across his bed without worrying about keeping hold of his pet.

Moony just stood there.

"You're allowed to sit down, you know," Sirius said, indicating the sofa piled with clothes and magazines. "Hold on, let me move some of that stuff for you." He got off his bed and dumped a bundle of robes unceremoniously onto the floor, making a space for Moony to sit. The werewolf sat down gingerly, on the edge of the sofa, and Sirius sat down in his desk chair, swiveling it to face him.

"So what do you think of your new home?" Sirius asked eagerly. "I know you won't be allowed out of your cage at night or during the full moon, but you can come in here whenever you want, and it's nicer than that place you were at before, yeah?"

Moony studied Sirius a second before nodding.

"So the wizard said you were there six years. Did you live somewhere else before there? Or are you younger than you look? Do werewolves age the same as humans?"

For a moment Moony just looked at Sirius, who wondered if maybe he shouldn't have asked so many questions at once. Despite the leash linking the werewolf's wrist to the wall, it was easy to forget he wasn't talking to a human, and the werewolf's cognitive abilities probably weren't up to par with his own.

"I'm eleven," Moony said finally. "I think werewolves age at the same rate as humans." Then he looked down at his hands, which he'd folded in his lap. "Before the containment facility I lived with my parents."

"Are they werewolves, too? How old do you have to be to get put into a center like that?"

Moony shrugged. "I've seen toddlers brought in. And no, my parents aren't werewolves. I lived with them until I was about five or six, but then I was...bitten," he said the word softly. He stared at his hands, which Sirius noticed were shaking. "They brought me in to do some tests...and once they found out I was an animal...I've been there ever since."

"So..." Sirius furrowed his brow and leaned forward, not realizing until now just how little he actually knew about werewolves, "...so you weren't always this way? You used to be human, with a house and a family and everything?"

Moony nodded again, looking like he was about to cry, and Sirius immediately felt bad.

"Hey," he said, getting up and sitting on the sofa next to Moony. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

Moony shook his head. "Don't be," he whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong. You're my master now. I'm just an animal, I'm your pet, you can say whatever you like to me." He shrugged again, still looking at the ground. "I belong to you, it makes sense for you to know my history."

Though everything Moony said was true, Sirius still didn't want to upset his pet. He reached a tentative hand out and touched the light brown hair on the werewolf's head, surprised by how soft it was.

He pulled back immediately when Moony turned to look at him, but the werewolf's expression was simply one of curiosity.

"You..." Sirius said, "...you don't mind me petting you, do you Moony?"

Moony shook his head, and Sirius ran his hand across it. "Moony," the black-haired boy repeated. "Do you like that name? Hold on," he interrupted himself, and caught his pet's light brown, almost amber eyes. "If you used to have parents and a family and everything, you must have had a name. What was it?"

The werewolf looked down again. He was quiet for so long Sirius thought he might have forgotten it or that it was causing him too much pain to answer, but eventually he did. "Remus," the werewolf whispered.

"Remus," Sirius repeated, stroking his pet's hair again. "Would you prefer I call you that?"

The werewolf shook his head. "Remus is a human name," he whispered. "I'm an animal."

"What did they call you at the center?" Sirius asked.

Remus—_Moony_—looked at his master a moment. "Number 439," he murmured, turning to his lap again. Then, to Sirius's surprise and delight, the werewolf gave a small smile. "'Moony' is fine."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Reviews are a very helpful way to let me know what you think. This is the first SBRL fic I've written in four years and I like to think my writing has improved in that time, but if you have any comments, constructive criticism, or questions I'd love to hear them. Please note that I cannot answer questions if you are not signed in (yes, I've actually been interrogated by anonymous reviewers before). Thanks.


	2. 2—July–September 1971

Sirius loved having Moony as a pet. Kreacher helped to take care of him, bringing the werewolf food three times a day and filling the washtub for Moony's biweekly bath. And the pet was very self-sufficient, washing and dressing itself. It even attached its own manacles until Walburga found out and forced Sirius to do it instead.

"_What were you thinking, letting that thing tie itself up? You're lucky it hasn't run away!"_

Moony was not allowed anywhere in the house except his cage or, when on a leash, Sirius's room or the back garden. However, whenever Sirius took him outside he just walked quietly behind his master or sat on the bench until they went back in. He was a very quiet pet. The werewolf never barked or growled, and spoke only when Sirius asked him a direct question. He was a very obedient pet.

About a month before Sirius would leave for Hogwarts for the first time, his mother took him to Diagon Alley to purchase all his things for school. When he got home he really wanted to show his brother his school things, particularly his brand new wand, but Regulus was off at a friend's house. So instead Sirius bounded up the stairs and flew through his bedroom into the adjoining room.

"Moony!" he shouted gleefully, and the werewolf looked up at him from where he'd been sitting on his makeshift bed.

"Come into my room, I have to show you my wand and all my new school supplies and everything." He impatiently grabbed his pet's lead from where it sat on a table—the only real piece of furniture left in the room—and fastened it to Moony's wrist. He knelt down to undo the ankle cuff, smiling at the thought that before long he'd be able to do this magically, and then tugged on the leash, taking Moony into his bedroom.

Moony sat down on the sofa, as he always did, and the leash attached itself to the wall behind him. He watched Sirius as the boy unwrapped the various parcels Kreacher had brought up and laid on his bed.

"Here it is!" Sirius shouted, brandishing his long black wand for the first time, beaming at his pet. Moony stared at him. "I can't do any real magic yet," Sirius explained. "I won't learn how 'til I get to school. But these–" he gestured at a pile of books on the bed, "–have all got a ton of spells in them and maybe I can even try some before school starts." He lowered his voice, stepping closer to Moony. "Don't tell anyone, though. Underage wizards aren't allowed to do magic outside of school and Mum and Dad might punish me if they find out I've broken the law." He grinned at his pet, who stared solemnly back up at him. His golden eyes looked very large in his head, like moons.

Sirius's smile faltered for a moment, and he sat down beside the werewolf. "You could say something, you know," he said. "I suppose you didn't really have anyone to talk to back at that place, but you've got me here now. You can talk to me. We can have a conversation."

For a moment the boy and the werewolf just looked at each other. Then Moony turned to his knees before speaking. "I'm sorry, Master."

"Don't apologize," Sirius said hastily, feeling guilty. "I mean, I'm not trying to...order you to speak or anything. Just...know you can. If you...have a thought or a comment, you can express it."

Moony gave a small, hesitant smile that did not reach his eyes. He looked Sirius up and down for a moment. "That's a nice wand, Master. You're lucky to be able to do magic."

Sirius smiled back. "I suppose that's a bit better. And you can call me Sirius, you know, too."

Moony nodded.

Sirius ran a hand through his pet's hair, then got back up to find something else to show him.

—

Moony looked up as Sirius rushed into his cage, shutting the door behind him.

"Shh," he whispered unnecessarily at his pet, ensuring the door between the cage and his bedroom was locked. Then he sat down on the blankets beside Moony and smiled at him. "Maybe he won't think to look for us in here," he whispered hopefully.

"Sirius!" Regulus's voice sounded from somewhere in the hallway. "Where are you? Sirius!" It was a whine this time. "Mum said you had to share!"

Sirius grinned at Moony and pulled a large bar of chocolate out of his pocket. He opened it and took a large bite. "Serves him right," he murmured thickly before swallowing. "He finished off the last of the licorice wands last time, so it's only fair that I get all the chocolate."

He took another bite, leaning against the wall to savor the taste. Then he frowned as he became slightly more aware of his surroundings. He'd never realized the little room-turned cage was quite this dark. There used to be lamps and a large window, back when it was guest bedroom, but now the only light came from a couple of candle brackets on the wall. The blankets were comfortable enough to sit on, he supposed, but not as comfortable as the furniture in his room. And Moony's food bowl was still next to the locked door to the corridor, a couple of bones and half a slice of bread still in it. The taste of chocolate fresh in his mouth, Sirius couldn't imagine that whatever Kreacher provided Moony with had been appetizing.

Sirius knew the werewolf wasn't fed the same things as the rest of his family, but he hadn't really thought about it before. He must be given scraps, maybe some leftovers. And the half-slice of bread looked awfully stale. Sirius wished Moony could eat with his family, or at least be in the kitchen while they ate, so Sirius could feed him from the table, but he knew better than to ask his parents. Still, though, even as the Black boy reminded himself that Moony wasn't a human, he felt kind of bad that the werewolf couldn't eat well.

"Do you want some?" Sirius asked suddenly, breaking off a piece of chocolate and holding it out to his pet.

Moony spent a moment staring at him, as he always seemed to do when asked a question. "It's yours, Mast—Sirius," he corrected himself. "I couldn't."

"It won't make you sick, will it?" Sirius asked, recalling that dogs were allergic to chocolate. But Moony wasn't a dog, he was a werewolf, and right now he was in the form that imitated humans, so it shouldn't hurt him. "Go on, it's really good. Please have some."

Moony's eyes bore into Sirius's for a moment. "You're certain?" he said eventually. "Really? You want me to have a piece?"

"Yeah," Sirius encouraged, pushing his hand with the bit of chocolate even closer to his pet. "You'll love it, Moony, I promise, and it will be a great break from the scraps we give you now."

Still watching his owner's eyes, Moony very slowly and carefully plucked the piece of chocolate from Sirius's hands. He looked at it for a moment before placing it into his mouth, chewing and swallowing.

Then the werewolf grinned, the first real smile Sirius had ever seen on him, and the dark-haired boy beamed in response. "See?" he crowed. "I just _knew_ you'd love it! Oh, have some more, Moony!" he said, quickly breaking off another piece.

Still smiling, Moony shook his head. "I couldn't. It's yours."

"But I want you to have it," Sirius argued, realizing it was true. He'd never seen his pet so happy before and it made him happy too. "I bet they never gave you chocolate in that place, did they?"

Moony shook his head. "I haven't had chocolate in...almost six years."

"I have it all the time," Sirius said, decision made for him. He handed the rest of the bar to his pet. "Go on, Moony, take it. It's yours."

There was less hesitation this time. Sirius watched as Moony finished the rest of the bar, the both of them smiling.

"Thank you, Sirius," Moony said softly, looking at his owner almost shyly.

"No problem," Sirius said, grinning. "I'll try and bring you more sweets whenever I can. Cauldron cakes and pumpkin pasties...we'll get you fed up with some good stuff in no time, Moony, you'll see."

The werewolf smiled at him.

—

The day before school started had Sirius searching frantically for the last of his school books, as he needed to pack and did not want to be without anything on his first day.

"Dammit," the boy cursed softly, looking through the pile in his trunk yet again to make sure he had not already packed it. He looked up and saw Moony watching him, as the animal always did when Sirius kept him in the room.

"Moony, you haven't seen my book, have you?" he asked.

"Which one are you looking for?"

"_The Standard Book of Spells_," Sirius replied distractedly. "I know I had it out earlier, but now I can't–"

"–It's on your desk," Moony interrupted, pointing. "There, between _Quidditch Through the Ages_ and _The Lost Broomstick_."

"Oh," Sirius said, not realizing he'd accidentally placed a school book with his leisure books. "Thanks, Moony."

"You're welcome."

Sirius snatched the book and was about to put it in his trunk when he looked up suddenly at his pet. "Hang on..." he said slowly, staring at Moony.

"What?" the werewolf asked when Sirius had gone over thirty seconds without finishing his sentence.

"How did you kn–" he glanced at the title in his hands before looking back up. "–You can _read_?"

Moony smiled at Sirius. "Yeah," he said softly. "Not well, I'm afraid. I didn't have much practice at the containment center. But..." he shrugged. "I learned back before I became a werewolf, and I still remember the letters and sounds." He looked at his lap sadly. "Maybe I ought to forget. I suppose it isn't proper...for an animal to read."

"No, I think it's brilliant!" Sirius disagreed, dropping his book in the trunk and coming to sit beside his pet. "How many pets do you know that can read? Moony, you're the smartest animal I've ever met."

Moony smiled again, and Sirius did too, automatically. He loved to see his pet happy. He stroked Moony's hair affectionately. He loved that, too. Maybe there wasn't as much room for petting as there would be on an actual wolf (the time a few weeks ago Moony had turned into one Sirius hadn't been allowed in the cage), but he liked that he had this one little spot where he could show his affection.

"I always liked to read," Moony whispered while Sirius petted his head. "Mum and Dad would read me stories before bed, and I was so eager to learn how on my own...once I did, I was always asking my parents to buy me books, or to take me to the library..." He turned to Sirius and smiled at him, and the boy couldn't help but notice how the werewolf's eyes glowed. "...I'd forgotten about that until now," he whispered. "Being in that center for so long...it's easy to forget about any life I'd had before it."

Sirius smiled back, pushing a lock of hair out of his pet's eyes. "That's the most I've ever heard you talk, Moony," he whispered, and the werewolf chuckled, looking away shyly. "I like it," Sirius concluded. "I like when you talk to me. It's like...you're not only my pet, but my friend."

"I'm an animal," Moony reminded him in a whisper, still looking away.

"I know," Sirius murmured. "But still..."

—

"Write us when you get settled," Walburga said stiffly as they stood on the platform the next day. "And make sure you behave yourself, Sirius, and study hard in your lessons."

"I will, Mum," Sirius promised, only managing not to roll his eyes out of years of practice.

"I'll miss you, Siri," Regulus murmured. "It'll be so quiet without you."

Sirius grinned at his little brother. "Don't worry, Reg, just two more years and it'll be your turn. And I'll write you, you'll see."

Regulus nodded thoughtfully for a moment before throwing his arms around his brother. Sirius was surprised, as they hadn't hugged in years, but returned the gesture hesitantly, making sure to keep hold on Moony's leash as he did.

"Now, really, Regulus," the boys' mother said sternly, pulling the younger son away from the older by the scruff. "That is not proper behavior. You should know better."

Regulus and Sirius just smiled at each other before Sirius made his way to the train, Moony's leash in one hand and the handle of his trunk in the other.

Some people stared at them as they entered the train, possibly not realizing right away that Moony was a werewolf, but Sirius ignored them. He found an empty compartment and got settled, sitting next to Moony with the werewolf's leash attached to the wall beside the window.

Students walked by, peering into the compartment and whispering to one another, but the train had already started moving by the time someone was brave enough to actually come in.

The boy looked to be around Sirius's age, with messy hair and glasses, and he sat across from Sirius and his pet. He didn't say anything right away, but Sirius watched his hazel eyes move to Moony's wrist, tracing the lead's path to the wall where it was firmly and magically secured.

"So are you going to stare at us all day or introduce yourself?" Sirius asked coldly, disliking the way this boy was eyeing _his_ pet.

But the boy grinned. "All right, then. James Potter."

"Sirius Black," Sirius said stiffly.

James's grin just widened. "So that explains it," he said. "I've heard of your family. Think you're pure-bloods to the point of royalty, eh? Well now that I know who you are, it only makes sense for you to above house-elves and start enslaving actual _people_. What, is he a Muggle or just a Squib?"

"He's not a _slave_!" Sirius shouted, jumping up from his seat and glaring at James with intense dislike. How dare someone talk about his pet this way!

"Why's he all chained up, then?" James asked, pointing to the leash. "Why else won't you let him free?"

"Because he's my pet," Sirius said coldly, crossing his arms.

"Your–"

"–I'm a werewolf," Moony spoke up, looking at James. "I'm his animal and he keeps my tied up just like you would a dog or any other pet. My master does not mistreat me."

Sirius smiled at Moony, who smiled back, and then he retook his seat, lifting his chin slightly. James stared between them, openmouthed, for a moment before comprehension dawned on him and he smiled. "Oh," he said, then bit his bottom lip and looked over at Sirius. "Sorry, mate, I didn't realize...a _werewolf_? Really?"

Sirius nodded.

"I didn't even know werewolves were for sale as pets."

"They're not, normally," Sirius said, and he couldn't help but feel a bit smug about it. "But my father has a lot of influence."

James grinned. "There it is," he said. "Ah, well," James sighed, getting up, "guess I'd better go tell the rest of them what's going on. I might be back in a bit. See you, Black." He nodded at Moony and paused before exiting. "So...ah, your _pet_ have a name?" he asked Sirius.

"My name is Moony," the werewolf said simply.

James grinned. "Moony," he repeated in acknowledgement, before turning around and closing the compartment door behind him.

The other boy did not return, though faces continued to appear at the window to stare at Sirius and his werewolf. The Black boy tried to ignore them, and fortunately before too long a witch appeared with a food trolly and Sirius stocked up on sweets. The food provided a welcome distraction, particularly because Sirius took such joy in watching Moony devour chocolate frog after chocolate frog as though there were no greater pleasure in heaven and earth.

They looked out the window and talked a bit, enjoying the novelty of the train ride and the knowledge that their lives would soon be changing irrevocably.

The stares and whispers continued, however, once the train arrived at Hogsmeade Station and Sirius led Moony out onto the platform. He heard snatches of conversation such as "Black!" and "werewolf!" but since nobody approached him about it Sirius continued to ignore them. If anyone wanted to know anything about his pet then, like James, they could ask him about it. If they would rather draw their own conclusions then fine.

Fortunately, the first-years separated from the rest of the school to take little boats up to the castle, and the rest of the new students were much too focused on the castle to pay Sirius and Moony much attention. Sirius, despite being confident by nature, couldn't help feeling a bit nervous about what was to come, and he imagined most of the other first-years must have felt the same way.

Sirius stood proudly at the front of the Great Hall while he waited with the other students to be Sorted, staring at a spot somewhere above the great doors and keeping a tight hold on Moony's leash. Though he and Moony weren't the only two the older students were staring at, eyes flickered toward them so much that the werewolf's face had turned a light shade of pink. Sirius noticed his hands had been clenched into shaking fists and took a step closer to his pet, concerned. "You okay, Moony?" he whispered as a boy took a seat on the three-legged stool and got Sorted into Slytherin.

"Fine," Moony whispered back, though Sirius wasn't sure he believed him. He ran a hand through his pet's hair quickly, hoping the touch might physically and emotionally comfort him, and the werewolf smiled at his master.

"Black, Sirius!" His name was called, and he walked over, holding Moony's leash, to sit on the stool.

After a moment of consideration, during which Sirius was very aware of his heart's rapid thumping in his chest, the hat shocked him completely by sorting him into Gryffindor, the last place he expected to end up.

Sirius couldn't help but smile, though, imagining the horrified looks on his parents' faces once they found out. But there was nothing they could do about it now. Still ignoring the whispers and stares that followed him, Sirius strode down to the Gryffindor table, Moony following slowly behind.

"Where should I sit?" Moony breathed nervously in his ear as they approached the table.

"Next to me, of course, Moony," Sirius whispered back.

The werewolf looked taken aback. "At the table?"

"Well where else?"

"I don't know," Moony murmured. "Maybe...in the cage you said they were arranging for me?"

A few weeks before the term started, Orion had informed Sirius over dinner that the headmaster would fix special accommodations for his pet since "an animal like that certainly isn't fit to mix with the other children."

"Well, we can hardly leave now, can we?" Sirius whispered. "Besides, we don't even know where your new cage is." He gave the werewolf an encouraging smile. "It's the start-of-term feast, Moony, a celebration. Unless the teachers want to take you to your cage, you'll just eat with us tonight. From tomorrow on maybe you'll have food brought to you separately, I don't know. But for now, just relax and enjoy the feast."

Twenty minutes later, Sirius saw that Moony took his words to heart. Since none of the staff objected and there was plenty of food and room at the table, Moony ate ravenously, sampling bits of everything and taking seconds of what he liked best.

"Is he really a werewolf?" A girl sitting across from Sirius whispered.

"Yup," Sirius said proudly. "He's my pet and his name is Moony."

"He doesn't look like a wolf," someone else commented.

"But he certainly eats like one," another girl said.

Moony blushed and put his chicken down, looking at his plate. "I'm hungry," he whispered, softly enough that only Sirius and maybe a few other students could hear him. "And I've never had food this good before."

"There you go," Sirius said, as though that settled it. "Besides, he's not the only one stuffing his face. Have a look around." Sure enough, many of the students (boys in particular) of all ages and at all Houses, were eating like they hadn't seen a meal in days.

After dinner, Sirius took Moony to follow the prefect who'd called the Gryffindor first years, but the two were accosted by Professor McGonagall as soon as they left the hall.

"Mr. Black, you and your...werewolf are to come with me. I will show you his accommodations before taking you to your own common room."

Sirius nodded and held tightly to his pet's leash as he followed his Head of House through the castle, trying to memorize the way there.

Professor McGonagall stopped in front of a tapestry and walked back and forth three times before a door appeared out of nowhere on the other side of the corridor. Moony gasped out at the unexpected sight, but McGonagall simply opened the door.

The room inside looked like a larger, better-lit version of Moony's cage at home. There was a small cot instead of blankets, however, against the wall with the chains and manacles.

"Does he have to stay here all the time?" Sirius asked Professor McGonagall as he led Moony in and replaced the cuff on his wrist with one on his ankle.

"Professor Dumbledore said he may accompany you to the common room and about the castle, but he must not wander without you, and must be back here before curfew."

Sirius smiled at this news. "Thank you, Professor. What about meals? Will he be brought food or should I...?"

"He may eat meals with you in the Great Hall, or you may bring food to him. Now come along, Mr. Black, it's nearing curfew as it is and I need to show you to your dormitory."

"All right," Sirius said softly. He smiled at his pet. "Good night, Moony. I'll be by in the morning to pick you up for breakfast."

"Good night, Sirius," Moony replied, making himself comfortable on his cot.

Sirius followed McGonagall out of the room and down the corridor.

"Now you must understand, Mr. Black, there is not simply a password to get into the Room of Requirement. The door will still be here whilst your werewolf is inside, but will disappear once you take him out again. In order to access the room, you must walk past the wall three times, concentrating hard on what you need the room for."

"So..." Sirius said, studying her. "I just imagine Moony's cage and it will appear?"

"Precisely."

"Cool," Sirius commented.

They reached a large portrait of a large woman in pink and stopped. "This is the entrance to the Gryffindor common room," Professor McGonagall informed Sirius. "The current password is _canes amorem_." At the sound of the words, the portrait opened to reveal a hole in the wall, which McGonagall directed Sirius through.


	3. 3—September 1971

**A/N: **Hey, all. I just want to give a huge thanks to all my reviewers—I'm getting way more reviews for this than for my other fandom (I'm guessing because the audience is bigger for this). Though I haven't finished this story, I have gotten up to chapter 8 (maybe between ⅓ and halfway done?) and I have it all planned out, so I think I'm going to update every three days, just fyi. Thanks so much for reading!

**A/N 2:** I know in canon, Dumbledore doesn't seem to know much about the Room of Requirement or how it works, but for the sake of this story I'm going to pretend he does.

"How was your first night, Moony?" Sirius asked as they made their way down to breakfast.

"Sirius, I...I think there's something wrong with my cage," Moony confessed, lowering his voice so no one would overhear.

Sirius frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well...when I woke up I needed to use the toilet, and I thought a bath might be nice too and well..." He hesitated, looking frightened.

"Go on," Sirius encouraged.

"Sirius, a bathroom appeared out of nowhere, just beside my cot. And when I went in to see what it was, my chain got longer, so I could go in and use the toilet and take a bath and everything. I mean, I didn't mean for it to happen," he insisted, looking terrified. "I would have been fine with a chamber pot, just like at home, and bathing whenever, but the bathroom just appeared."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "Why didn't you show me? I didn't notice an extra room when I came to get you."

"It disappeared just as you walked in," Moony confessed. "I heard the door opening and thought I might get in trouble if someone found out I had used a human bathroom, and it just vanished."

"That is odd," Sirius admitted. Then he shrugged. "Well, you didn't hurt anyone by using it, and your chains still held to the wall, so I guess it's all right."

"Do you think we should tell anyone?" the werewolf asked nervously, but Sirius shook his head.

"Nah. I mean, if McGonagall or Dumbledore asks we can tell them, but unless something bad happens...I don't see a reason to."

"All right then," Moony murmured, still looking unsure. "Whatever you say, Sirius."

When they got to breakfast, Sirius sat down with the boys he'd met in his dorm last night, introducing and (in the case of James Potter) reintroducing Moony to them. While Sirius hadn't been too thrilled to discover he'd be rooming with the boy who'd thought he'd tie up an actual human, he respected the fact that James had actually had the courage to enquire about Moony, not to mention the fact that he'd sincerely apologized once he found out that Sirius's pet was an animal and not a human. So he decided to give James another chance, and chatted excitedly with him and the others about the start of lessons.

While Moony wasn't eating as enthusiastically as he had last night, he sat and listened rather than participating in conversation, even when Sirius's peers' comments and questions turned to the werewolf. Sirius was very proud of his pet and apt to brag about him, but since Moony seemed uncomfortable with so much attention he hoped the novelty of a pet werewolf would wear off soon. For the other students, at least. Sirius still thought Moony was the most brilliant pet ever and couldn't imagine ever getting bored with him.

Sirius made sure to take some extra food back up with him in case there wasn't enough time between lessons to get Moony for lunch, which turned out to be a wise idea. He walked back and forth in front of the brick wall as McGonagall had instructed, picturing the cage he'd seen there last night, and a door appeared. Once they were inside Sirius checked the room over, but there were no mysterious doors leading to mysterious bathrooms, so Sirius shrugged and headed off.

"I don't know if I'll make it up here for lunchtime, but I'll definitely be up after lessons to bring you down to dinner," the dark-haired boy promised.

"Okay," Moony said. He smiled at his master. "Enjoy your lessons, Sirius. I bet they'll be brilliant."

Sirius smiled back. He hoped so.

—

The day passed in a blur, and Sirius simply could not wait to tell his werewolf all about it. He knew learning magic would be a lot of work and was not necessarily looking forward to all the reading already assigned, but his excitement about becoming a real wizard outweighed anything else.

He burst through the door to the Room of Requirement, a story about his first class on the tip of his tongue, but stopped in his tracks and fell silent as he stared around the room.

It was almost unrecognizable.

Moony's cot still sat in a corner next to where his chains attached to the wall, but the rest of the room looked like a cross between a parlor and a library. There was a fireplace with a roaring fire on the right wall surrounded by two overflowing bookcases, an intricately decorated hearth rug and coffee table, two comfy-looking armchairs and a two-seater sofa. Moony was sitting on the sofa, reading, but he gasped and dropped the book on the floor when he saw his owner.

"Sirius!" Moony exclaimed, looking terrified. "I didn't hear you come in. I didn't–"

"–Moony, what is all this?" Sirius asked, walking around the room dumbfounded.

"I don't know," Moony admitted miserably. "I don't know where it came from, I didn't steal any of it, I swear. It all just...appeared. First the bookcases and then the furniture and the fireplace...it just came out of nowhere. I didn't mean for it to, and I swear I haven't left the room. I don't know how any of it got here, Sirius, it just...did." His shoulders slumped and he stared at the ground.

Sirius walked over to him, staring around the room, before bending down and picking up the book Moony had dropped. 'Property of the Hogwarts Library,' was stamped across the cover.

"These must be library books," Sirius mused out loud. "But I can't imagine how they got here."

"I don't know," Moony whispered.

Sirius sighed. "Moony, relax," he said, reaching a hand out to pet him. He hated seeing his werewolf looking upset. "You're not in trouble, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But why is this happening?" Moony asked. "It's like every time I want something, it just appears. Like with the bathroom again. Earlier I had to go, and all of a sudden the bathroom came back, except this time there was just a urinal and sink inside instead of the whole bathroom."

"It looks like this room supplies you with whatever you need," Sirius murmured. "McGonagall told me you get in by imagining what you need when walking back and forth outside the hall. I guess it works when you're inside the room, too."

"Really?" the werewolf asked, looking at him. "You think so?"

"There's one way to find out," Sirius shrugged. Then he turned around and said to the room at large, "I need...a quill and some parchment." To his and Moony's astonishment, what he requested immediately appeared on a nearby table. The boy and the werewolf stared at each other, openmouthed. "You try," Sirius whispered.

"I need...some ink for the quill," Moony said, and a small black bottle popped into existence next to the quill.

"I need a desk for writing on."

"I need a chair to sit at the desk."

"I need some extra wood for the fireplace."

"I need a box of chocolate frogs."

The boys stared around the room as the objects appeared...except for Moony's last request. "Maybe there's a limit to what you can ask for?" Sirius suggested. "I need a candle."

The room obliged him.

"I need a bar of chocolate," Sirius tried again for Moony, but nothing happened.

"Maybe it can't give us food," Moony murmured, "but Sirius, this could be dangerous. If the room gives us almost anything we ask for, it might not be secure. What if, during the full moon, I'm able to get out?"

"Try it," Sirius instructed. "See if you can get out of your manacles."

"I need a key to unlock the manacle," Moony whispered. A key did not appear. "I need the manacle to be unlocked," he tried again, but the cuff held firm to his ankle. "I need the chain to break free of the wall." The werewolf gave the chain a sharp tug, but it only gave him more slack, still remaining firmly attached to the wall. "I need to get out of here," Moony whispered. He walked to the room's door, which would not open.

For a moment Sirius panicked, thinking they were locked in with no way out, but when he tried the door it opened easily. "Seems secure enough for you," Sirius whispered. "Maybe because...we need it to be secure more than you need to get out."

"I hope so," Moony said fervently.

"I'll check with McGonagall before the full moon," Sirius promised. "It'll be okay, Moony, you'll see." Then he broke into a smile. "Now let's get you out of those and come on. I'm starving for dinner and I want to tell you all about my classes."

The manacles that would not budge for Moony opened easily for Sirius, just as the door had, and he led his pet by the leash down to dinner.

—

When Sirius approached McGonagall about his apprehension with Moony's security situation, she told him with a frown that the room ought to be completely safe, but that she would check with Dumbledore to make sure.

Sirius did not, however, expect the headmaster himself to enter the room on the eve of the full moon with Sirius sitting at the desk doing homework and Moony reading in front of the fire.

"Professor!" Sirius nearly shouted in shock, hurrying out of the chair while Moony quickly got off the sofa. He thought quickly that he needed all the extra stuff to disappear, even knowing that Dumbledore had already seen it, and the room immediately became a replica of Moony's cage from the first night.

Instead of being angry, however, Dumbledore merely chuckled. "A fascinating room, isn't it?" he asked. "While it may not be able to supply the user with _everything_ he or she asks for, it certainly gives us enough."

"Sir, we never meant for this to happen," Sirius insisted. "We didn't ask the room for anything but the essentials—at first. The extra stuff, like the bathroom and the books...it just appeared here."

"Of course it did," Dumbledore said. "The room will not give you anything _specific _unless you ask for it, but if it senses you need something, it will do whatever it can to fulfill your needs. Now your werewolf friend here..."

"Moony," Sirius supplied, and Dumbledore smiled.

"...Moony...must have found it rather dull just to sit here all day with nothing to do."

Moony blushed at this and opened his mouth, obviously to deny it, but the headmaster continued and the werewolf apparently dared not interrupt him.

"So the room supplied him with something to help pass the time. You like to read, don't you Moony?" He asked.

Sirius's pet looked scared at being addressed directly by someone as powerful as important as Dumbledore and the boy wished he were standing close enough to give him a reassuring pet.

"Very much, sir," Moony mumbled, looking at his shoes.

Dumbledore smiled. "Excellent. So the room is not limited to what we first request of it, but it cannot go against our needs. Even though you asked it to release you, Moony, you still knew that you _needed_ to be tied up, and when Professor McGonagall first created this version of the room, it was with the need for your inability to escape in mind."

"Sir?" Sirius asked, and Dumbledore turned to him. "What do you mean, exactly, by 'this version' of the room?"

"Well, as I'm sure you've ascertained, Mr. Black, the room can change its size and shape. If the three of us were to leave right now and come back in need of a broom cupboard or a Quidditch pitch, it would take on a different form entirely. However, once the room takes a form it keeps it in its memory and returns to the same form whenever the user needs it.* I designed this version myself, when your father contacted me, and made sure to include every safety measure to prevent Moony from escaping, particularly on the nights of the full moon. When Professor McGonagall brought you here on the first night of term, she was simply recalling the room already designed, with the safety measures already in place. You have been doing the same thing every time you returned here."

"But if we were to leave, and I were to ask the room to become something else...a Quidditch pitch, for example, like you said...the safety measures would not be in place?"

The headmaster surveyed Sirius over his spectacles for a moment. "No, Mr. Black, they would not. This is why I have instructed Professor McGonagall to open the room on full moon nights...to ensure there are no accidents. Another part of the charm on this version of the room is that no human can open the door while the full moon is in the sky."

Moony, to his credit, looked relieved at this news, and Sirius exchanged a small smile with him. "I think I understand, sir. Thank you for explaining."

"No trouble at all, Mr. Black," Dumbledore said. "I trust you have no further questions."

"No, sir."

"And you, Moony?"

The werewolf looked taken aback at being asked, and actually made eye contact with Dumbledore for a quick moment. But then he, too, shook his head.

"I'll leave you to it, then. And boys," he added, just before he stepped out. Sirius and Moony looked at him. "Do not feel guilty about asking the room for what you need. To do so would insult the purpose of the room and, by extension, the school." He gave them a quick smile before departing.

Sirius and Moony stared at each other before Sirius burst out laughing, flopping into an armchair that reappeared just to catch him. "Well, there you go, Moony!" He said. "Go ahead! Have a toilet and a bath, a fireplace and all the books in the world! Even a proper bed, if you want it."

"Sirius, no," Moony objected, and the bed that started to form from his cot vanished before even being completed. "I don't need all that. I'm just an animal. Beds are for humans to sleep in, not werewolves like me."

"But you're so much like a human, Moony," Sirius insisted. "You wear clothes like us, eat food like us, talk...hell, you can even _read_."

"I know, I'm _like_ a human, Sirius, but I'm not one." He raised his leg, drawing Sirius's eye to the manacle around his ankle. "I eat human food because it's more convenient than having the kitchens prepare extra food for me. I talk and read because I learned how before I became a werewolf. And the clothes...well...I'm not the first animal in the world to wear clothes. People dress their dogs up sometimes. And I suppose since I do...sort of look like a human...it'd be indecent for me not to wear them. But I'm perfectly content with a cot, Sirius. It's more than they gave me at the center," he added softly.

Sirius smiled sadly and walked over to ruffle his pet's hair, causing the werewolf to smile at him. "Whatever makes you happy, Moony."

A clock above the fireplace chimed a quarter to eight, and Sirius sighed. "Well, it's nearly curfew, I should be heading back to the common room. See you in the morning, Moony."

"Good night, Sirius."

*****I don't know for a fact that this is true, but I think it makes sense, given the DA headquarters and the room of hidden things remained the same each time the characters returned to it.


	4. 4—September–November 1971

The evening after Moony's transformation had him eating ravenously again. Sirius watched in slight amusement.

"One would think you haven't eaten in days," he commented. "I brought you extra food before the full moon since I knew you wouldn't be let out."

"I know," Moony said through a bite of chicken. "It just...takes a lot out of me, that's all."

"So, back to the common room, then?" Sirius asked once they finished eating.

"All right, if you want to," Moony responded, but Sirius saw the werewolf's shoulders sag and could tell he'd really rather not go to the common room. Sirius had only taken his pet there once so far in the first week of term, and it had been rather uncomfortable for both of them. James had acted civilly but many others in the room had stared at them, even Peter Pettigrew, Sirius's other roommate whom he'd been forming a tentative friendship with. Sirius had thought having a pet werewolf would make him popular and in a way it did—everyone knew who he was—but he didn't need everyone's eyes on him when he was doing nothing more exciting than writing a Potions essay.

Sirius didn't really like leaving Moony alone in the evenings, especially since he spent his days cooped up in his cage, but he wanted to make friends with James and Peter too, and he couldn't do that if he spent every evening with Moony instead of them.

Tonight, however, he figured he could have a little Moony time, particularly since last night he hadn't seen him at all.

"Well, we don't have to go up to the common room right away. Would you like to go for a walk instead?" Sirius suggested. "It's still light out and curfew's not for a few hours. I could show you where I have Herbology lessons, and the Forbidden Forest."

He was pleased when Moony broke out into a grin. "A walk? Yeah, I'd love that."

"Great." He took hold of his werewolf's leash and led him out into the refreshing autumn air.

Right away Sirius knew it had been a good idea and he would be walking his pet as often as possible. While Moony didn't run around outside like he figured a dog would do, the look in his eyes as he stared at the grounds and when he felt the breeze on his face let Sirius know how much the werewolf cherished being outdoors. They ended up staying out later than he meant them to, walking all around the grounds, and soon the sun had been replaced by the nearly-full moon.

"How come you never liked being outside so much back at home?" Sirius asked, holding his knees to his chest as they sat on Hogwarts's front steps.

"I'm not sure, really," Moony admitted. "Your garden was small, I suppose and...fenced in. I know it was outside, but it didn't really..._feel_ like outside." He glanced at Sirius with a slight smile. "Am I making any sense at all?"

"I know what you mean," Sirius assured him. Walking around the vast Hogwarts grounds was certainly a different experience from taking a turn around his own backyard, and it was clear why the werewolf preferred this.

Moony sighed and copied Sirius's pose, staring up at the sky. "I never quite realized how beautiful it was," he murmured.

"What?"

Moony blushed slightly. "The...moon." He chuckled. "It's stupid, I know, the moon is the only reason I'm an animal at all, but..." Sighing, he turned his face skyward again. "It's still beautiful. I think this is the first time I've really taken a good look at it, you know? When I was little I never really thought about it before, and then I spent all those years locked up..."

"You mean they never let you outside?" Sirius asked, scooting slightly closer to his pet on the steps. "They never let you see the thing that makes you...what you are?"

The werewolf shook his head. "They don't let us out."

"Moony, I...I'm sorry," Sirius murmured. "It must have been so awful in there."

Moony just shook his head again. "It doesn't really matter. I'm just an animal after all. And we should be locked up. If the werewolf that bit me had been kept in the containment center I would still be a human."

"Yeah," Sirius whispered, staring at him. "I guess you would."

"I'm not, though," Moony said. "But you are, and you might get in trouble if we stay out much longer."

"You're right," Sirius sighed. He stood up, switching Moony's lead to the other hand as he took him back inside. For an animal, he was quite introspective.

—

Sirius sat in the common room playing chess with Peter while James was at a table complaining about (rather than doing) a Transfiguration essay. He'd persuaded Moony to come sit with them, and though the werewolf still got the occasional stares in his directions, most of the Gryffindors were used to him by now. Sometimes Moony took one of the library books from the Room of Requirement with him to read, but he'd forgotten to grab one tonight and had instead borrowed Sirius's _Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration_.

"Why do they have to give us so much bloody homework?" James whined.

"Think they're under the misguided impression that it helps us learn," Sirius suggested, grinning as his knight stabbed one of Peter's pawns.

"Leave it to teachers to drain all the fun out of learning magic," the messy-haired boy grumbled.

For a moment they were silent except for the scratching of James's quill and the commands Sirius and Peter gave to their chess pieces.

"Any of you know what the incantation is to change a flower into a quill?" James asked, looking up from his essay.

"_Florema_," Sirius said. "Are you going to move or not, Peter?"

"I said flower into a quill, not quill into a flower, you dolt," James said, shaking his head.

"How should I know? Go look it up," Sirius said, his eyes not leaving the chess board.

"It's _Pennalo,_" Moony piped up, turning a page of Sirius's book.

"Thank you," James said as though it had taken the group ages to answer the obvious. "What are you reading that for anyway, Moony? You're the only one of us who actually doesn't have to do homework or go to class or anything, but you're actually opting to read a textbook."

"I think it's interesting," Moony murmured. "Even though I'll never be able to actually _do_ magic, I still love reading and learning about it. You guys are really lucky to be able to go to class and learn magic."

"I wonder if they'd let you come to class with us, Moony," Sirius said.

The werewolf chuckled softly. "I don't think they allow pets in the classrooms, Sirius."

"Well, why not?" the black-haired boy asked, looking up from the chess board and turning to Moony. "You would just sit there and listen, you wouldn't disturb anyone."

"I know I wouldn't, but what purpose would I serve by being there? I'm an animal, not a student."

"You would learn," Sirius pointed out. "You like magic and want to learn about it, so why not sit in on some classes? What harm would it do?"

Moony smiled at his master. "It would be nice, Sirius, but I doubt they'll let me."

—

"Absolutely not," Professor McGonagall responded when Sirius brought it up after the next Transfiguration lesson. "It is out of the question, Mr. Black. Your pet's place is in his room, not the classroom."

"But I promise he won't disrupt anything," Sirius begged. "Please, Professor? He'll just sit quietly next to me and listen. That's all."

"As a werewolf, he is not allowed to do magic," the stern witch pointed out. "Therefore any attendance of his to any class would simply be an exercise in futility."

"Moony knows he can't do magic, but he still wants to learn," Sirius asserted. "Can't you speak to Professor Dumbledore about it? Please?"

"This is an unprecedented situation," McGonagall sniffed.

"Exactly—it wouldn't hurt to ask Dumbledore's permission, would it?" Sirius looked at her with begging eyes, though he figured his logic, rather than his facial expression, was the reason his teacher relented.

"Very well. I will speak to Professor Dumbledore about the situation. Now off with you, Mr. Black, it won't do to be late to your next lesson."

Sirius beamed at her and scurried off. She may not have given him the permission he'd wanted, but perhaps if he swayed one, he could sway two, and the fact that she was even willing to ask the headmaster gave him cause for hope.

He wanted to ask her again after their next Transfiguration lesson, but James pointed out it might be better to let her bring the topic up first. Sirius grew impatient when she didn't, however, and after almost two weeks he had almost given up on having Moony come to lessons with him. Therefore this was the furthest thing from his mind when Professor McGonagall held him back after a lesson one day.

"Mr. Black, a word please."

Sirius motioned for James and Peter to go on without him, which the latter did willingly.

"Look, Professor, I swear I didn't realize that flower still had a sharp tip when I threw it at Peter. I didn't–"

"–Mr. Black," she interrupted, and he stopped talking to look up at her. "I've spoken to Professor Dumbledore," she said. "And he said that, as long as he does not disturb the other students or teachers, your werewolf may attend class with you."

The young wizard nearly jumped with joy. "Really?"

McGonagall almost smiled. "Yes. He seemed rather...ardent...that if the werewolf was interested in learning, he may do so."

Sirius grinned. "Thanks, Professor." He got up to leave, but his professor spoke again before he could make it to the door.

"I must warn you, Mr. Black..." Sirius turned to look at her. "...that your pet must behave if he is to sit through your lessons. If he is in any way disruptive, his privilege to attend class will be revoked and not returned."

"I understand, Professor," Sirius promised, still grinning.

Moony was simply overjoyed when Sirius gave him the news. The last time Sirius had seen him so happy was when they'd had chocolate fudge cake for dessert.

"I can't believe it," the werewolf whispered.

"Neither can I," Sirius admitted. "McGonagall wanted to say no, but I convinced her to ask Dumbledore and he was all for it!"

"I wonder why, though," Moony mused. "I mean, I'm just a werewolf. It's not like this knowledge can actually help me in any way. I just enjoy it."

"Who knows?" Sirius shrugged, lounging on the sofa. "I'm not complaining, are you?"

"Definitely not," Moony grinned. He got up and went to one of the bookcases surrounding the fireplace to search for a title.

"What're you looking for, Moony?"

The werewolf pulled out a battered book and held it up for his master to see. It was a _Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1,_ though this version was much more old and worn than Sirius's.

"If I'm going to be coming to classes with you I'd better study up so I know what the professors are talking about."

Sirius laughed, grabbing a cushion and holding it to his chest. "Isn't that what you already do all day, Moony?" he teased. "I bet you'll be ahead of all of us."

Moony gave a small smile. "Maybe," he said softly, coming to sit on the sofa beside the dark-haired boy. Sirius sat up to make room for him and petted his hair while the werewolf read. He grabbed his potions book while he was at it, knowing he wouldn't do well in class tomorrow unless he read up. For a while the two just sat there, reading in a companionable silence while Sirius absentmindedly stroked his pet's hair.

—

The next day Moony went with Sirius and his friends to Potions and Charms in the morning, followed by lunch and then double Herbology in the afternoon. He could not participate in the activities, but he sat quietly at a spare desk and listened, taking careful, detailed notes. James spent the entire lunch period teasing Sirius's pet mercilessly about that fact.

"Honestly, Moony, you're the only one in the room who doesn't really have to pay attention, but you sit and take your notes filling up more parchment than any of us."

"I like learning," Moony responded simply, nibbling on a chocolate cookie.

Sirius was glad his werewolf was becoming less and less fazed by the reactions the others had to him. Everyone except for James and Peter had been surprised to see Moony follow Sirius into the classroom on his leash (one particularly nasty boy in Potions had commented, "What on earth is _it_ doing here in a classroom?"), but Moony was starting to learn to ignore the stares. He'd simply sat down beside Sirius and pulled out his parchment, looking at no one but Professor Slughorn and the blackboard behind him.

—

Sirius waved his wand at the _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_ currently sitting on the table in the Room of Requirement.

"_Wingardium Leviosa!"_

The book remained on the table.

"Dammit!" Sirius scowled and threw himself into a chair. "I got it once in class yesterday, I swear. Why won't it work?"

"Try it again," Moony encouraged. "Maybe you just need more practice."

Sirius sighed and then got up, taking a deep breath. "_Wingardium Leviosa!"_

The book shivered but did not rise from the table. Sirius glared at it.

"I think you're moving your wrist the wrong way," Moony said. "It looked a bit different when Flitwick showed you in class. Use more 'swish' and less 'flick.'"

Sirius tried again, and again the book simply wobbled.

"Like this," Moony said, raising his hand as if holding an invisible wand, swishing and flicking. The wizard tried to imitate him, but this time the book didn't move at all. "No," Moony said, trying to show him again. "You move your hand around in a circle, then forward..."

"I can't tell when you're not holding anything," Sirius objected. He thrust his wand at his pet. "Here, show me again."

"All right, watch carefully," Moony said. He pointed Sirius's wand at _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi,_ swished and flicked. "_Wingardium Leviosa."_

The book rose off the table and into the air.

Sirius and Moony gasped simultaneously, and Moony immediately dropped the wand, causing the book to fall right back onto the table.

"Holy Merlin," Sirius muttered, staring at Moony with wide eyes.

"I didn't know that would happen!" Moony whispered, his eyes and voice terrified. "I didn't mean to do magic, Sirius, I swear! I...I didn't even think I could! Oh god, Sirius, please don't tell anyone! I'll never touch a wand again, please!"

"Are you insane?" Sirius asked, grinning. "There's no way I'm keeping this quiet! This is the most amazing thing you've ever done—we've got to go to the common room right now to show James and Peter!"

"Sirius, it's against the law!" Moony pleaded. "I'm an animal, I'm not allowed to do magic! Do you have any idea how much trouble I'll be in?"

"No one's gonna rat on you," Sirius insisted. "Oh, come on, Moony, we've _got_ to show them! The other day Lily Evans was showing all the girls how her cat could do a flip in midair but this is so much better than that! An animal that can do magic? Moony, it's the most brilliant thing ever! And it's not like you're using it to hurt anybody or try to escape or disobey or anything. You're just showing off how talented you are. Please, Moony."

Moony sighed. "All right, Sirius. If you want me to do it, I'll do it."

Sirius grinned, running over to ruffle the werewolf's hair, and Moony gave him a small smile in return. "You just see, Moony. Everyone's going to be _so_ impressed with you."

—

With Moony's leash in one hand and his wand in the other, Sirius walked to the center of the common room. The other Gryffindors were used to Moony by now and did not look up from their homework, games, or conversations just to see the werewolf.

Sirius cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. When no one but James and Peter even looked at him, he shot some red sparks in the air and heads turned his way. Most, especially those of the older students, looked annoyed at the interruption.

"That's better," Sirius said. "Now that I have your attention I, or rather, my pet Moony, has something rather astounding to show you." He handed his wand to his werewolf. "Moony, if you please."

There were a few murmurs and those who hadn't cared at the beginning of the speech were now looking over curiously at the sight of a werewolf with a wand.

Moony glanced back at Sirius, who nodded encouragingly. The werewolf cleared his throat and pointed Sirius's wand at the nearest unoccupied armchair. "_Wingardium Leviosa!_"

The chair rose to the ceiling and nearly all the students gasped in surprise before hurriedly murmuring amongst themselves.

"Wow, Moony, how'd you do that?" Peter asked, impressed, as he and James approached their friend and his pet.

Moony shrugged modestly. "I just did. It was an accident at first; I didn't even know I could do magic."

"_You're_ going to get in trouble," a fourth-year girl said, pointing accusingly at Moony as she approached them. "Werewolves aren't allowed to do magic, it's against Wizarding law. I ought to report you to Dumbledore."

"Come on, it was just a bit of harmless fun," James argued. "He didn't hurt anyone."

"But it's an animal!" the girl said, glaring at Sirius's pet. "It's not allowed a wand."

"It's not like he stole it from me; I let him use it," Sirius pointed out, taking his wand back from Moony and scowling at her.

"I'm not going to do it again," Moony whispered. "Sirius just wanted to show everyone that I could."

"Don't talk to me, you mongrel!" she shouted, glowering at the werewolf with pure hatred. "You're just a filthy mutt unfit to even_ address_ humans!"

"Don't talk to my pet that way!" Sirius yelled, brandishing his wand and advancing on her.

She just laughed at him. "And what are you going to do, send sparks at me? You're just a stupid first-year, you don't even know any real spells yet."

"All right, that's enough," a cross voice said, and Sirius turned to see Hugh Spencer, a seventh-year and Head Boy, stepping between them. Spencer, taller than both Sirius and the fourth-year girl by more than a foot, frowned from one to the other.

"Hugh, you saw what happened," the girl pointed out. "That...creature did magic. It should be executed and Black should be expelled for letting it."

"How dare–!" Sirius started to say but Spencer cut him off.

"–I said enough. Ivy, they were just messing around and didn't mean anything by it. There's no need to report them."

"But that _thing_–!"

"–I'm letting you off with a warning," Spencer said, looking from Sirius to Moony. "Ivy's right that what you did was against the rules. If your werewolf ever uses a wand again, I'll have no choice but to inform Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Sirius muttered, annoyed at being told off by a student.

"And Ivy, you're not to report them," Spencer added. "Not unless you want McGonagall to find out about that firewhiskey you keep under your bed."

The girl scowled at both Spencer and Sirius and Moony before turning on her heel and walking away in a huff. Spencer gave Sirius a stern look reminding him he meant what he said, before he turned away as well. Slowly the students who had been watching broke up, returning to their friends and homework.

Sirius shrugged at Moony. "I still say it's brilliant."


	5. 5—November 1971–August 1972

**A/N:** I've noticed a lot of people have been adding the story as an alert, so thanks! I'm glad it has so many followers. I'd also really appreciate it if you'd leave a review every once-in-a-while to let me know what parts you like or what you think I could improve on. For some reason I get more and more story alerts with every chapter I add but fewer and fewer reviews. :-? Thanks!

—

Despite the Head Boy's warning, once Sirius discovered that Moony could do magic he didn't want him to stop. When they learned new spells he would practice outside class with James and Peter, but he really wanted to see if Moony could do them too.

"Sirius, it's a bad idea," Moony murmured. "You remember what that boy said. And if McGonagall and Dumbledore find out, we don't know what will happen. For all we know you could get expelled, like that Ivy girl said."

"I'm not getting expelled," Sirius said. "My father would never let that happen. Worst comes to worst, he'll transfer me to Durmstrang before Dumbledore even has the chance to expel me. But none of that matters, Moony. As long as you only do magic here in your room no one will find out!"

"But what if someone walks in on us?" Moony asked.

Sirius sighed. "I need this door to be locked to anyone but me while Moony and I are in here." Then he smiled. "Problem solved."

"How do we know that even worked?" Moony asked skeptically. "What if Dumbledore enchanted the room so that teachers are always able to get in while we're in here in case of an emergency?"

Sirius frowned. That was certainly a possibility. But then his face lit up as he remembered what Dumbledore had told him...

"Come with me," Sirius said, grabbing Moony's leash and attaching it to his wrist.

"Where are we going?" the werewolf asked nervously.

"You'll see," Sirius responded, undoing the manacle around his pet's ankle and grabbing his bag and wand. He led Moony out of the room and into the corridor. "All right, just stand there a moment."

While Moony obeyed, Sirius paced past the wall three times, thinking hard. _I need a room for Moony to live in that's always locked to anyone but me. I need a chain coming from the wall for him to be attached to so he can't get out. I need a fully equipped bathroom for him to use and a reading area with enough space for us to practice magic without being caught. And (just for emphasis), _I,_ Sirius Black_, _must be the only one who can open the door to this room while Moony and I are inside it_.

He stopped walking and a door appeared. "Try opening it," Sirius instructed. Moony took the handle but found it locked. The door opened easily for Sirius. "See?" he said, and the two walked into the room that was an exact replica of the one they had just vacated.

"What did you do?" Moony asked, looking around.

"I made a completely different room that I only I have access to," Sirius stated simply. "Look, it's still got your chains, everything you need. It's just like the room Dumbledore made for you, except I made this one and the rules that go with it."

"But what about the full moon?" the werewolf demanded. "Dumbledore had special safety measures on this room on full moons—how can you be sure you got all of them?"

"I don't need to," Sirius shrugged. "McGonagall opens the room for you on full moon nights and she'll call up the one Dumbledore designed. You'll be safe, Moony," Sirius insisted.

Moony still looked skeptical, but then he sighed and Sirius grinned. "Come on," he said, thrusting his wand into Moony's hands and grabbing a bowl that had suddenly appeared on the table. "Let's see if you can master the _Aguamenti_ spell."

The werewolf didn't spend as much time working on practical magic as his master did, but Sirius was determined that he try and learn the spells as well. On more than one occasion Moony pointed out that there was no reason for him to actually know how to _do_ spells, since he would never be able to in real life, but Sirius argued that he just wanted to see how advanced the werewolf's magic could get, and it helped him learn for himself. Sometimes it took some coaxing, but Moony always gave in eventually.

They didn't spend every day practicing magic, however. Sometimes Moony just sat and read while Sirius did his homework, either in the Room of Requirement or the common room. Other times he watched while his owner played Exploding Snap or chess with James and Peter. Some nights Sirius would take Moony for a walk around the grounds (though this practice became less common as the weather got colder) and other times the Black boy would opt to give his pet a night alone in his room while he snuck around the castle or played pranks with his friends. But Moony always went to lessons with Sirius, sitting quietly and listening better than any of the actual students, and took notes despite James's teasing.

What with Moony, James, and Peter to occupy Sirius's time between homework and games, pranks and practicing magic (either legitimately or hidden in the depths of the Room of Requirement), the time simply flew and before he knew it it was time to go home for Christmas holidays.

Regulus was excited to see Sirius and hear all about Hogwarts and lessons and everything he hadn't covered in his letters, but his parents were not at all thrilled. Even though it had happened months ago, Orion and Walburga were still sore about their son's Sorting into Gryffindor rather than Slytherin, and even though the boy couldn't see how it was possibly his fault, they were keen to punish him for it. For the entirety of his first week home, Sirius was not allowed to see Moony. Orion locked the door between their rooms, even charming it to be impervious to _Alohamora_, and Sirius was put in a brooding mood so that even his brother didn't really want to talk to him.

It simply wasn't fair! He hadn't _asked_ to be Sorted into Gryffindor. And he figured separation from Moony was about the worst punishment his parents could inflict on him. He wouldn't even have minded being grounded to his room for the entire holidays, so long as he had his pet for company. Sirius tried talking to the werewolf through the door, but Moony never responded and he guessed Orion had also charmed it to block sound.

Christmas itself was rather dull, the only bright spot being James and Peter's presents of sweets (Sirius made sure to save some of the chocolate for Moony). But his parents had simply got him an epic biography of Salazar Slytherin, and the entire family was forced to attend Christmas dinner at some big fancy mansion with a bunch of Slytherin pure-bloods. While Regulus was doted on by their older cousins and other relatives (though he didn't envy his brother too much), Sirius was forced to endure snide remarks and contemptuous glances from the family, who seemed to have given up on him for being Sorted into the wrong House. To make matters worse, the only cousin he'd ever actually got on with, Andromeda, wasn't even there because she had apparently shamed the family by marrying a Muggle-born. Sirius recalled that a lot of his classmates, including James's crush, were Muggle-borns. They'd never seemed that bad to him. A bit ignorant, perhaps, but that would probably change.

The holidays were lonely ones and Sirius decided that when Easter came around, he would most certainly be staying at school.

—

Compared to the fall term of first year, which went by fast, the second term simply flew. Classes were getting more and more interesting, though challenging, and learning more magic made it easier to have fun outside the classroom too. Sirius often snuck around the castle in the middle of the night with James and Peter under James's invisibility cloak, sneaking food from the kitchens and thinking up new pranks to pull (particularly on the Slytherins). Sometimes Sirius wished that Moony could join him on these romps, but he thought there might not be enough room for them all under the cloak, and he saw his werewolf plenty during the day.

Sirius had half-expected his parents to be annoyed with him for not returning home for Easter, but according to Regulus they didn't seem to care much. The younger Black _was_ annoyed that his brother wasn't going to keep him company, but Sirius just pretended that he needed the extra time to study for the upcoming end-of-the-year exams.

He wasn't _too _worried about exams, as he felt quite proficient in all his classes, but occasionally Moony talked him into studying. Most other students studied in the library or the common room, but Sirius liked the fact that he could just come to the Room of Requirement where there was no one around but Moony. It was quieter than the common room and more comfortable than the library, and any books they needed just showed up in the bookshelf without Sirius having to ask Madam Pince for help. Even when he wasn't studying, he could relax and practice spells with his pet just for fun.

And when it did get down to the wire and Moony convinced his owner studying was in his best interest, the werewolf was effective at quizzing Sirius. He was quite a font of knowledge from all the books he read and the notes he took and to his surprise, Sirius found himself actually learning things during the study sessions.

—

The train ride back to London was a somber one. For Sirius, at least. James was looking forward to no class and no homework and maybe getting Sirius and Peter to visit, but Sirius wished they could just skip the summer and go straight to second year. Though there were no complaints from the werewolf, Sirius could tell Moony was dreading the return to Grimmauld Place just as much as he was. He guessed his pet had gotten used to the comforts the Room of Requirement offered, and honestly couldn't blame him.

Sirius tried to smile as he bade his friends goodbye, but he knew it didn't reach his eyes. "She sure looks excited to see me," Sirius murmured in an undertone to Moony as they approached Walburga.

The witch was standing apart from the crowd looking disdainful, as though she were high above such things as train platforms.

"You're ready, then?" she snapped at her son, giving Moony disgusted glance.

"Yes."

"Well then let's go, Sirius. We need to drop that _thing_ off at the house before dinner at Cygnus's."

Sirius groaned.

"Don't you take that tone, young man. You need to learn to be more respectful of your family. Blood is the most important thing we have, Sirius, and don't you _dare_ forget that. And your cousin Bella will be there," she added.

As if Sirius needed another reason to dread the dinner.

The only reason the summer holidays were an improvement over the Christmas holidays was because Moony wasn't locked away from Sirius for half of them, although sometimes it felt like he was.

When he asked Orion's permission to go visit James partway through the summer, he'd scorned the idea, and a week later Walburga informed her son that he was being sent to stay with a more "suitable" friend.

"Evan Rosier?" Sirius shouted, dropping his fork in surprise when he heard the news. "You're sending me to stay with the Rosiers? Forget it, I'd rather stay here."

"I think it's a shame you two haven't retained your friendship at school," Sirius's mother commented. "You were practically inseparable growing up."

It took everything Sirius had not to snort at this. Sirius had had play-dates with Evan Rosier as a child, but the two had hated each other even then, scowling at each other across the garden while their mothers chatted. They were distant cousins in some way Sirius didn't know or care about, but even though they were in the same year at Hogwarts and even had two classes together, Sirius hadn't spoken a word to the boy the entire school year.

"What about Moony?" Sirius asked. "He's coming too, right?"

Orion sniffed scornfully at this. "The Rosiers do not want a werewolf in their home."

"Then who's going to take care of him while I'm gone?" Sirius demanded.

"Kreacher will bring him his meals," Walburga answered stiffly.

"But other than that he's just going to be locked in his cage all the time?"

"He's an animal, Sirius," his mother reminded him. "Animals are meant to be locked up. They're used to being locked up. He can survive for two weeks without you."

"Two weeks!" Sirius said. "No. Forget it. I'm not going."

"Sirius, stop acting like a petulant child," Walburga scolded. "I certainly hope we've raised you better than that, even if you did end up in Gryffindor. You'll be spending two weeks with the Rosiers and I hope to Salazar they have some good influence on you."

—

"I pilfered these from the library for you," Sirius murmured, dumping a pile of books onto the floor next to Moony's 'bed.' "And I swiped this from the kitchen." He laid a bar of chocolate on top of _Myths About Dark Magic_ and smiled at his werewolf. "Make it last."

Moony smiled back up at Sirius, though the wizard could see the sadness behind it. "I'll be okay," he promised. "I spent over five years in that containment center, remember? You should be worrying about yourself, not me."

"Oh, don't kid yourself, Moony—I'm plenty worried about me." His tone was light and he smiled, and Moony laughed.

"You'll get through," the werewolf promised. "It's only two weeks. And you've seen Rosier in class—if things get rough just threaten to hex him and he'll have no choice to leave you alone."

Sirius sighed. "I guess." He sat down on the blankets next to Moony and stroked his hair. "I'm gonna miss you," he admitted. "It's one thing being away from James and Peter, but you're my pet and...well I can't even write to you."

"I'll miss you too, Sirius," Moony said. "But it will be all right. The two weeks will be over before you know it."

The werewolf's prediction did not, however, come true. The days seemed to drag. There was nothing whatsoever to do at the Rosier house, since Evan wanted nothing to do with him and the feeling was mutual. He simply wandered about the estate, bored out of his mind, passing the time by writing letters to James and Peter and Regulus and even taking a leaf out of Moony's book and reading from the Rosiers' vast library. For awhile he felt he had a good idea of what it was like to be Moony, but then he remembered that there was much more to being a werewolf than just having nothing to do all day and felt guilty for even thinking he could empathize with his pet. At least he wasn't chained up. And he got to sleep in a real bed and eat real meals (which were tortuous enough in themselves, trying to make stiff polite conversation with relatives he despised).

Of course, the night he was finally able to return home had to be a full moon, so he could not even see his pet until the next morning. He sat in his brother's room, chatting, until the wee hours of the morning when Regulus shooed him away claiming he needed sleep, and then sat on his floor outside Moony's door, waiting up for him.

The moment the sunlight began to peek through his window, Sirius burst into his pet's cage.

"Moony, I–"

Sirius stopped short and stared at the sight before him.

Moony was cut up and bleeding all over his body. He was only wearing pants and his chest, arms, and back were covered in scratches, scrapes, and bite marks. In addition to the ones bleeding, Sirius could also see scars crisscrossing everywhere, including a particularly vicious set around his side that looked like they had been made by a giant pair of jaws.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered, wanting to take a step closer but frightened to at the same time. "What...Moony, what happened to you?" he asked in a hushed voice.

Looking away from his owner, Moony grabbed an undershirt out of the box that served as his dresser and pulled it over himself. "Last night was full moon," he murmured.

"I know, but..." Sirius did step closer this time. He took Moony's arm and pointed to an open cut. "How did you get all...?"

Moony looked at Sirius. Both of them had grown over the year and now Moony was taller by a fraction of an inch. The golden eyes bored into Sirius's silver ones.

"A werewolf needs prey," Moony stated. "It searches for prey in the form of humans. If it can't find any humans, it hunts for other animals. If there are no other animals, it attacks itself."

Sirius stepped back as though he'd been struck by a blow across the face. "You...you did this to yourself?" he whispered.

Moony nodded. "Not intentionally. I can't control my body when I transform. My body does whatever it wants to do, what it instinctually needs to do." He shrugged. "That includes hurting myself."

"Every month?" Sirius asked.

The werewolf looked away. "Yeah."

Sirius was overcome with a compelling urge to throw his arms around Moony, and only refrained because he didn't want to aggravate the werewolf's injuries further. "You've been living with me for a year," he whispered. "How did I not notice before?"

"I don't usually scratch my hands or face," Moony pointed out. "And werewolves heal fast. Look—I've already stopped bleeding."

"But it must hurt you so terribly," Sirius whispered.

"Yeah," Moony murmured. "It does." Sirius continued to stare at him for a second, and Moony shook his head. "Quit looking at me like that, Sirius. This is part of my life, part of being an animal. One night a month, sometimes two. I'm used to it. It's okay."

Sirius was taken aback. Moony was his _pet_. If he was hurting, it was _not _"okay"!

"I'm going to do something about it," Sirius whispered, promised. "I'm going to find a way to help you, Moony. I'm going to find a way to make it stop hurting."

Moony gave him a sad smile. "I don't think there's anything you can do, Sirius. This _is_ my life."

—

Sirius bounded down the stairs and into the parlor, where Walburga was sitting reading _Blood Purity Today_.

"Mother, Moony is hurt!" he shouted.

"What are you talking about?" she asked coldly. "The beast has been locked up for the past two weeks."

"But he hurt himself," Sirius explained. "Last night was the full moon, and now he's all bitten and scratched up. Mother, he told me this happens every month! When he transforms into his wolf form, he tortures himself! There's got to be something we can do!"

"Sirius, stop shouting," his mother instructed. "Clearly if this happens every month the creature isn't harming itself fatally."

"But he's hurting," Sirius argued. "He's in pain. I've told you, he's all cut up–"

"–For Salazar's sake, Sirius, it's an _animal_," Walburga reminded him. "Its wounds will heal, they don't need attending to. If it bothers you to see it in that state, then stay away from its cage until it's healed."

Sirius stared at his mother. He was supposed to just _ignore_ the fact that his beloved pet was in pain? He felt a prickling behind his eyes and turned away. The boy always knew his mother was on the cold side, but he couldn't understand _why_. Why did he have to have parents who didn't show him any affection, who didn't care about the things that were important to their son? Why couldn't he have parents who would love him no matter which House he was Sorted into, who would just be happy that he was doing well in and enjoying school?

But the fact remained that he didn't. His parents were the only ones he had and he was stuck with them. And at least his brother still cared about him. And he had friends and Moony.

_Less than a week_, he told himself. _Less than a week and I'll be back in school with my friends_.

Sirius spent the remainder of his vacation in his room with Moony, occasionally visited by Regulus. He counted down the days until he would return to Hogwarts.


	6. 6—September 1972–February 1973

**A/N:** Finally getting some pre-slash in this chapter...about time, right?

—

Everything looked brighter for Sirius once school started again. He got to spend time with his friends and Moony both in and out of class and had more fun than he'd ever thought possible. They roamed the castle and the grounds, watched Quidditch matches and practice (James boasted that he was going to make the Gryffindor team next year, and would have this year if the Chasers hadn't all already been on the team for three years), and practiced magic spells.

Sirius hadn't forgotten about his desire to help Moony with his injuries in some way, and after the first full moon of term he had the idea to ask Madam Pomfrey if she knew a way to help heal him.

"There's no cure for lycanthrophy, Mr. Black," the nurse pointed out. "I know students don't study werewolves until third year, but surely you know this."

"I know there's no way to make him human again," Sirius said, "but during every full moon he scratches and bites himself because there's no one else around. I've seen him on mornings after the full moon—it looks like he's been in a train wreck. Isn't there something you could do for him?"

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Essence of dittany helps with cuts, but it's very rare and expensive. We have some here at the school, of course, but it's reserved for upper-level Potions and students in emergency situations. I'm afraid I can't just give some to your pet every month."

Sirius felt anger rippling through him. So Moony's pain wasn't as important as a humans? _He's an animal_, Sirius reminded himself. _Lily Evans wouldn't bring her cat to Madam Pomfrey for dittany if it got hurt, would she?_

"Well, what about spells?" Sirius asked. "There are healing spells, I know there are, I've seen you use them."

"Yes, but those require practice," Madam Pomfrey said. "Doing a healing spell incorrectly will just make the injury much worse. There are books on healing spells in the library, if you're interested, but they can be quite complicated. Even the _Episky_ spell, which heals only the most minor injuries, isn't usually attempted by students until fourth year."

Well, Sirius would just have to change that, wouldn't he? "Thank you, Madam Pomfrey," the black-haired boy murmured. He left the hospital wing to go down to the Room of Requirement and find the books she was talking about.

—

"Look at Sirius, reading," James crooned as he and Peter entered the dormitory. "Becoming a right little bookworm, aren't you?" he said, reaching a hand over to tousle his friend's hair.

Sirius dodged to avoid him. "Shut up," he said. "I'm trying to learn healing spells. I'm sick of walking in on Moony the morning after the full moon and seeing him all beat up."

"This never bothered you last year," Peter said.

"I didn't _know_ about it last year," the black-haired boy pointed out. "I never knew what happened when he transformed, and he never said a word to me about it."

"He never seemed to me to be in pain," James said, frowning. "I know we don't spend as much time with him as you do, but he always seemed fine to me. Bit thin, perhaps, but that's by human standards. Maybe it's normal for a werewolf."

"He said his wounds heal fast," Sirius murmured. "Part of being a werewolf. But they're still painful for him and I still want to be able to do something to help him."

"Why don't you talk to the Care of Magical Creatures teacher?" James suggested. "He's got to have a ton of experience with animals like werewolves, maybe he can help."

Sirius frowned. "That's not a bad idea, James." He closed _Wands Work Better than Bandages_ and placed it on his nightstand. "These spells are kind of high-level anyway, I don't know how long it will take me to learn them. But I'll go talk to him after class tomorrow and see if he has any advice."

Professor Kettleburn, unfortunately, just brushed him off even worse than Madam Pomfrey had.

"Werewolves are Dark creatures," the wizard said, limping around his desk to sit down. "They don't need _caring_ for by humans. When a Dark creature like that suffers injuries, they heal fast."

"They hurt him, though," Sirius argued. "Before they heal, he's in pain."

"It's just a Dark creature," Professor Kettleburn repeated, pouring himself tea with the arm that remained fully intact. "It's used to pain."

Sirius sighed. It was no use. If he wanted to help his pet, he'd have to do it himself. He decided to go back to studying healing spells and just hope it didn't take him too long to master them.

—

"Look what I got," James announced in a singsong voice.

Sirius and Peter looked up from their chess game and Moony looked up from his book. James set a large bag on his bed and pulled out a few brown bottles.

"Butterbeer!" Peter exclaimed, hopping off his bed and going over to examine the contraband. "How'd you get it?"

"I have my sources," James smirked. "Snuck into Hogsmeade with the third years under the invisibility cloak."

"How come you didn't invite us?" Sirius demanded. "Some best friend you are."

"I wanted to surprise you," James defended, handing a bottle to Sirius and Peter before opening his own. "Last night before Christmas holidays and all that. Thought we should celebrate."

Sirius soon forgot his resentment as they started drinking, playing Exploding Snap and laughing about nothing. After the second round Sirius offered Moony some butterbeer, but the werewolf just chuckled and shook his head. "That stuff's for humans, Sirius. I'm an animal, remember? Don't waste your beer on me."

Though butterbeer wasn't very strong, after a few rounds the three twelve-year-olds were feeling a bit tipsy.

"Oh, shit, shit," Sirius muttered, spilling a bit of butterbeer as he looked at his watch. "It's past curfew! Moony!" He stumbled over to James and grabbed the front of his robes. "James, James, how...how're we gonna get Moony to his cage?"

James giggled. "Use the invisibility cloak," he suggested, thrusting the garment at his best friend.

Sirius pulled it over himself, but a moment later his feet and then half his body became visible as he tripped and fell over.

James and Peter burst into giggles.

"Aww, forget it," Sirius murmured, handing the cloak back to James and waltzing back to his own bed. He yawned. "Moony, you can just stay here tonight."

"Okay," the werewolf said hesitantly. He put his book on the nightstand and got off Sirius's bed. After looking around for a moment, he took off his threadbare robe and spread it on the flagstone floor beside his master's bed.

"Aww, Moony, you don't have to sleep on the floor," Sirius objected. "Come on, that's not fair."

Moony smiled slightly at the black-haired boy. "Where else do you suggest I sleep, Sirius?"

Sirius frowned and looked around for a moment before his face lit up. "Here," he said, scooting over on his bed to make room.

James and Peter burst out in giggles again.

"In your bed?" Moony asked skeptically, but still smiling as though humoring his half-drunk owner. "Animals don't sleep in beds, Sirius, they sleep on the floor."

"Lily Evans's cat sleeps in bed with her, doesn't it?" Sirius asked. He turned to his best friend. "You would know that, wouldn't you James? You spend all your time stalking her."

"Taking in interest in the life of your one true love can hardly be described as _stalking_," James objected. "And boys aren't allowed in the girls' dormitories, so I wouldn't know for sure. But probably," he shrugged. "My mum has a cat, and it sleeps in bed with her and Dad."

"There you go then," Sirius said, grinning at Moony. "Come on, I'm in no fit state to take you to your cage now."

"All right, if you're sure, Sirius," Moony said.

Sirius threw black the blanket and his pet hesitantly climbed in beside him. James and Peter started giggling again. "Shut up, you two," Sirius said. "He's my pet."

Moony lay down, his back to Sirius, who was stubbornly ignoring his friends. Sirius settled down more comfortably and ran his fingers through Moony's hair. "Your fur is so soft, Moony," he murmured. "So so soft."

Moony giggled. "Good night, Sirius," he said.

Sirius continued petting the werewolf for a few minutes before it became too much work to keep moving his hand. He looked around for somewhere to put it—Moony was lying in the space where he usually kept his arm. Then he shrugged to himself and slipped it over Moony's side, hand coming to rest on the werewolf's stomach. "You're warm, Moony," he whispered, scooting closer to feel his pet's body heat.

"Good night, Sirius," the werewolf repeated.

Sirius smiled to the back of Moony's head and closed his eyes.

—

Sirius woke up when a pillow hit the side of his face at least three hours too early. He grumbled, fumbling for the pillow without opening his eyes. He found it and threw it back in the direction it had come from without much force, not really caring if it hit James or not. In the process, he felt a warm body lying next to him and remembered Moony had slept in the dormitory last night.

"You know," James's voice came from somewhere Sirius didn't care about. "That _was_ my polite way of saying 'wake up right now or you're going to miss the train,' but since you're going to be rude about it..." Sirius heard footsteps and the voice coming closer, "...WAKE UP RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE GOING TO MISS THE TRAIN!" James bellowed into his ear.

Sirius sat up in bed and walloped James with his pillow, who started giggling and wrestled it from his grasp before hitting his best friend in return. Moony sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking to see what the commotion was, letting out an "oomph!" as he was caught in the crossfire.

"Way to go, James," Sirius said sarcastically, grabbing his wand and levitating the pillow away from them before checking to make sure his pet was okay.

James rolled his eyes. "Whatever, you're awake. I'm going to take a quick shower before breakfast. You might want to finish packing."

As he stalked off to the bathroom, Sirius watched Moony yawn and stretch next to him.

"You sleep all right?" Sirius asked, getting out of bed and digging through his trunk for clothes.

Moony nodded. "Yeah...took me a bit to get to sleep, but once I did it was fine."

"Sorry about last night," the wizard murmured. "I should have been paying more attention, taken you back to your room earlier. I hope McGonagall didn't try and check on you or anything."

"I'm sure you would have heard from her already if she had," Moony pointed out. Then he smiled. "I didn't mind, Sirius, honest. It was fun watching the three of you, and your bed was really comfortable."

Sirius smiled back. "You know you could ask the Room of Requirement for an equally comfortable bed anytime, right?"

"I know," the werewolf admitted. "But it's silly for me to have one. I don't need it."

Sirius was quiet as he exchanged his pajamas for clothes, pulling his robes on over them.

"Sirius?" Moony murmured, stepping closer once his master was fully dressed. "It didn't bother you, did it? Me sleeping there? Because I can sleep on the floor if you miss curfew again, I really wouldn't mind it."

"No," Sirius said quickly. "No, it didn't bother me at all, having you there. It was...kind of nice, being able to pet you as I feel asleep, and having you there next to me. If I forget to bring you back again you can sleep in my bed again." Then he hesitated. "Unless you didn't like sleeping there."

"It was fine," Moony smiled. "I liked having you pet me before I fell asleep, too, and like I said, your bed is very comfortable. I...I wouldn't mind sleeping there again. Not at all."

—

"Quick," Walburga Black hissed as soon as she and her son passed through the door. "Put that disgusting animal in its cage, put on something decent to wear and get down to the dining room. Bellatrix and her new husband will be here at any moment."

Fortunately, she left as soon as she finished her pronouncement so Sirius didn't have to suppress his groan. "I hate my cousin Bellatrix," he complained to Moony as he led him upstairs.

"Sorry," Moony said.

Sirius sighed. "Honestly," he said, opening the door that led to Moony's cage, "tonight I envy you, getting to stay up here and read while I have to sit through a dinner with _them_."

Moony chuckled slightly as Sirius replaced the manacle around his wrist with the one that went around his ankle.

"Sirius!"

They both looked up at the shout, and before he knew what was happening Sirius found himself engulfed in his little brother's arms. "So?" Regulus asked, pulling back to inspect Sirius properly. "Have you been ignoring me on purpose or have you just forgotten how to use a quill?"

"I've written you!" Sirius said defensively, though he blushed slightly, knowing he could have done so more often.

Regulus just shook his head. "Well, it's about time you got here," he commented, leading his brother back through his bedroom into the corridor. "We should get downstairs, Mum's acting even crazier than usual. Bella married this Lestrange bloke and apparently we need to throw a fancy pre-Christmas dinner to impress him."

"I feel sorry for the poor guy," Sirius commented as they went downstairs. "Marrying _Bellatrix?_ Either she decided the Black fortune isn't enough and coerced him or he's about as crazy as Mum."

"Come on, Sirius, Bella's not that bad," Regulus objected.

Sirius stopped in his tracks and stared at his brother. "Are we talking about the same Bella here?" he asked. "Of course she is—all she talks about is this blood nonsense and how subordinate Muggles are to witches and wizards."

"That's not _all_ she talks about," Regulus said slowly, looking as though he was choosing his words carefully. "And when she does...I mean...in some ways she's got a point. Blood purity is really important, and it's a shame how many witches and wizards are overlooking it these days. The Ministry's even hiring Muggle-borns for really high up jobs—we could even have a Mudblood Minister one day! Could you imagine that, Sirius?"

Sirius just stared at his brother. "Reg, did you just say what I think you said?"

Regulus sighed. "Look, Bella's been coming round a lot to...well..._coach_ me. I..." he gulped and looked up at Sirius, "...I think they're afraid I'm going to end up in Gryffindor like you and they're trying to prevent that from happening," he said quickly.

"What's wrong with Gryffindor?" Sirius demanded, and the eleven-year-old flinched.

"It's just that people in Gryffindor House don't have the same values that Slytherins do," Regulus explained, and Sirius could tell this line had been rehearsed. "I mean, Gryffindors value bravery, and that's not bad, but...they don't seem to give a rat's arse about blood status and...well...our family does."

"I don't," Sirius said, looking his brother in the eye. "I live with plenty of half-bloods and even Muggle-borns, and they don't seem any different to me than pure-bloods."

"Because being in Gryffindor has brainwashed you," Regulus argued, sounding frustrated. "See, this is exactly why Mum and Dad don't want me to end up there too—they're afraid I'll lose sight of what's really important. Sirius, please reconsider this. I know you can't change Houses, but try making some more friends in Slytherin. Maybe spend some time with Cissy and her boyfriend—they don't graduate until the end of this year. You're my brother, Sirius, we're connected by blood. Mum's always saying how important blood is and we don't want you to forget about it. Please, Sirius," Regulus begged. "Just...don't spend the holidays cooped up in your room with Moony. Spend time with your _family_ and rethink your priorities."

With that, Regulus went down the stairs to join the others at dinner. All Sirius could do was stare after him, wondering what in the world had happened to his brother.

—

Sirius did not take Regulus's words to heart. He sat by himself at dinner, picking at his food and excluding himself from the conversations. He kept watching Regulus, who was talking with Bella and her husband enthusiastically throughout the meal. He excused himself as soon as possible and darted up the stairs and into his room. _Two weeks_, he told himself. _Two weeks and I'll be back at school_.

"Sirius, are you all right?" Moony asked, looking up from _Magical Drafts and Potions_ as his master grabbed the leash from the table and fastened it to his wrist.

Sirius shook his head. "I'm fine," he muttered.

Moony continued to look concerned, but Sirius ignored his glances. He took the werewolf into his room and then lay down on his bed, grabbing a toy snitch from his youth off the floor and tossing it into the air before catching it again.

"You can stay in here tonight, if you want," Sirius said tonelessly, his eyes on the toy snitch.

Moony spent a moment just staring at him before answering, reminding Sirius of when he'd first gotten his pet. "All right, Sirius," Moony agreed.

Sirius wondered whether Moony thought it was out of pity so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, or if the werewolf could tell his master didn't want to spend the night alone.

The only night during the Christmas holidays that Moony didn't spend in Sirius's bed was the night of the full moon. Even then Sirius sat outside the cage's door, unsure whether to be frustrated or relieved that his father's spells prevented him from hearing his pet's cries of pain. As soon as the sun rose and Moony transformed back, Sirius went in and untied him from the wall, taking him into his room where they both slept through the morning. Upon seeing the werewolf's injuries, Sirius wished he could heal them but didn't yet have confidence in his spells. Though he'd studied the theory he hadn't had practical experience. Seeing his pet's blood-covered body, however, increased his determination to find a way to practice and learn spells for healing.

—

Sirius held the steak knife against his finger, his hand shaking. _Just do it_, he told himself. _Just a tiny little cut. It won't hurt any worse than a paper cut._

"Sirius?"

At the sound of the voice he dropped the knife in relief, and it clattered to the ground.

Peter Pettigrew entered the boys' dormitories, looking at his roommate curiously. "What were you doing with that knife?"

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly. Peter gave him a skeptical look.

"Hey," James said as he entered the room, panting with the effort of running up the stairs. He looked between Peter and Sirius. "What's going on?"

"Sirius was about to cut himself," Peter tattled, causing Sirius to glare at him.

"What?" James said, walking over to his best friend. "Sirius, what's he talking about?"

Sirius sighed, pointing to the open healing book on his bed. "It's nothing. I just want to learn the _Episky_ spell for Moony, but I need an injury to practice on."

"So you're going to stab yourself?" James asked.

"No," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Just a little nick on the finger, that's all."

"That doesn't make it a good idea, mate," James pointed out. "Isn't there some other way you can practice? What about on Moony after the full moon?"

"Until I learn the spell, I might make his injuries worse if I don't do it right," Sirius argued. "I don't want Moony to hurt worse than he already is."

"What if you hurt yourself worse than you already are?" James asked. "Okay, so a little cut might not hurt you much, but what if you make it bigger?"

"Then I go to Madam Pomfrey," Sirius answered stiffly. "She won't help a _werewolf, _but she'll help a student."

"I still don't think it's a good idea," James said.

"Then how else am I supposed to help Moony?" Sirius demanded. "Or, because he's just an animal, am I supposed to just let him suffer?"

James sighed. "Fine. If you want to slice your hand open, then go for it. Just don't come whining to us. Come on, Peter," he added, and the two quickly left the dormitory.

Sirius took a deep breath and bent down to pick up the knife. He willed his hand not to shake as he pressed the blade against his finger.

—

Sirius stroked Moony's hair absently while the werewolf read and the wizard worked on his Herbology homework.

James, who'd been sitting at the table with them, got up and stretched, putting his own homework into his bag. "Well, I'm going to bed," he said. "You coming?"

"Be up soon," Sirius murmured. "This is due tomorrow and I'll need morning break to finish the Charms essay."

"See you in the morning, then," James said, slinging his bag over his shoulder and heading up to their dormitories. Peter followed suit.

Sirius flipped through _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi _to recheck the properties of the Abyssinian Shrivelfig before scribbling a paragraph about it.

"Sirius?" Moony asked.

"Hmm?" the black-haired boy responded, not looking up.

"What have you done to your hand?"

Sirius looked at his bandage-covered hand and then at his pet, who blushed.

"I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Moony said. "It's not my business, I'm just...concerned. It's been like that for two weeks."

"No, it's getting better," Sirius said, starting to unwrap the bandage. Cuts ranging from a week to two weeks old littered his fingers, palm, and the back of his hand. "I can't get the old ones to heal right away, but look." He pointed to his wrist, where there were no cuts. "See, here you can't tell I've cut myself at all."

"You did this to yourself?" Moony, asked, aghast. "Why?"

"It's the only way I can practice," the young wizard murmured. "Look." He pulled the dinner knife out of his bag and before Moony could object, made a half-inch-long and millimeter-deep incision on his wrist and whispered "_Episky,_" causing the tiny cut to instantly heal. His skin looked exactly as it had before he'd cut himself. Then Sirius looked up, his silver eyes shining into Moony's golden ones. "See? I can help you now. After the full moon I can heal your cuts—well, the small ones at least. The bigger ones require a more advanced spell but–"

"–Wait a minute," the werewolf interrupted, staring at his master. "You've been...injuring yourself to learn a spell to help me?"

"Not _injuring_ myself. Not really. It's nothing," Sirius murmured. "You go through worse every month."

"I'm a werewolf," Moony reminded him. "You're not. And the wounds I inflict on myself every month heal themselves within the hour. Most of them, anyway. The really bad ones, the ones that leave scars...they would need a more powerful spell than _Episky_ to heal instantly and even by themselves they heal much faster than on humans." He sighed. "I understand you want to help me, Sirius. I..." his voice faltered and he looked down. "...I don't understand why...but...I don't think there's anything you can do."

Sirius sighed. "I know. It doesn't do as much good after the fact. If only...if there was just some way to keep you from getting hurt in the first place."

Moony smiled sadly. "There's not. The only way I wouldn't attack myself was if there was someone else around to attack, and if there was..." he shuddered. "...I'd just make them a werewolf too. If I didn't kill them, that is."

Sirius stared at his pet a minute, then scooted his chair closer and ran his fingers through his hair. Moony closed his eyes, leaning his head back into the touch.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Sirius asked quietly. "In the dorm...with me?"

Moony looked at his owner, who was struck by the intensity of his amber eyes. They looked _so human_. Moony nodded at Sirius, and the two went upstairs.

Sirius petted the werewolf's hair, staring at the back of his head for a long time until he fell asleep. It was the first time since the Christmas holidays that Sirius's pet slept in bed with him. It didn't happen often, after that, but occasionally when Moony stayed late in the common room with them, and always after the full moon, Sirius would ask him if he wanted to stay and the werewolf would follow his master up to bed. Sirius would spend some time stroking his hair before putting an arm around his waist and holding him until they both drifted off to sleep.


	7. 7—September–December 1973

"SLYTHERIN!" the Sorting Hat shouted, and the Slytherin table clapped and cheered as Regulus Black made his way to the table.

"I'm sorry," Moony whispered in Sirius's ear, but the elder Black boy shook his head.

"Not like I was expecting anything different," he murmured, watching his brother sit beside Evan Rosier and his friends.

James patted his best friend's arm consolingly. "You're still his brother," he said. "You could still try talking to–"

"–I have," Sirius interrupted bitterly, staring down at the golden plate in front of him. "All summer I tried to spend more time with him, be his friend like when we were little, but anytime I brought up _blood_..." Sirius made a face and shook his head, "...all he did was try to convince me how important it is. And now..." he looked anxiously toward the Slytherin table, where some of the older students were introducing themselves to Regulus and shaking his hand. "...surrounded by that lot, I think it's just going to get worse," he admitted.

"You don't know that for sure," James said.

Sirius just shrugged miserably.

"Forget about him," Peter suggested. "It's the first day back, and all you've written us about all summer was how much you're looking forward to being back here. Now you are. The Sorting's almost finished and the feast is about to start. Enjoy it."

Sirius tried. It was great to see his friends again, and to eat with Moony instead of having to sneak him stuff, but he was still worried about his brother.

—

"Today we are going to begin to learn about Animagi," Professor McGonagall announced.

The class murmured with interest, and Sirius saw Moony carefully write 'Animagi' at the top of the parchment along with the date and smiled to himself. He still found it endearing that Moony read so much and paid such close attention in class when he could never legally use magic. Illegally, of course, he still practiced spells secretly in the Room of Requirement with Sirius, but other than the fact that it made the werewolf happy, there wasn't really a purpose to it.

Both Moony and Sirius listened as McGonagall explained the basics of what an Animagus was and how being an Animagus worked. Most of the class gasped and some applauded as their professor spontaneously transformed into a cat and then back into a human.

Though Sirius felt his attention waning as the lesson drew on, midway through he was struck with an idea: a brilliant, perfect, ingenious idea that would prevent his pet from ever suffering through a werewolf transformation again.

A grin slowly spread across his face as the idea formed itself in his head, as he planned it out, as he thought of the potential. Sirius soon became extremely impatient for the class to finish because all he wanted to do was drag Moony somewhere quiet and tell him about his brilliant idea.

At long last the lesson ended (with McGonagall assigning the Animagi chapter and corresponding questions as homework, much to the dismay of the class), and Sirius dragged Moony by the leash into the nearest unoccupied classroom.

"Moony, you will never believe what I just thought of!"

The werewolf looked at his master hesitantly. "What's that?"

"You know how, even though you're not supposed to use magic you're just as good at it as the rest of us, right?"

"Yes?" Moony continued to stare uncertainly at Sirius.

"So you could become an Animagus!" Sirius nearly shouted. "Think of it, Moony. When the full moon nears, all you have to do is transform into an animal and you won't be able to transform into a wolf! Since Animagi keep their minds when they transform, you won't hurt anybody and you won't hurt yourself! It's perfect! You'll have plenty of time to work on it since you don't have homework like the rest of us, and the Room of Requirement will give you all the literature you need and...oh, isn't it the greatest idea ever, Moony?" Sirius beamed at his pet, nearly out of breath from speaking for so long without stopping for a breath.

The werewolf, however, was still frowning at his owner.

Seeing that his pet wasn't sharing his enthusiasm, Sirius frowned too. "Moony, what's wrong?"

"Sirius, don't you think someone else will have thought of this before now?" Moony asked. "According to what I've read, wizards have been searching for a cure for lycanthropy for years. They don't _want_ us to be animals." He sighed. "I mean, look at me. I'm good at magic, like you said, I have so much potential but it all goes to waste because I'm an animal. But if there was any way I didn't have to be, I'm sure they would have figured it out by now."

"Not necessarily," Sirius argued. "Maybe it hasn't occurred to anyone before. I mean, we didn't even know you could do magic until you tried. Maybe no one thought that a werewolf could become an Animagus."

"And we don't know whether I can," Moony pointed out. "And even if I did...Sirius...I might still transform into a werewolf on the full moon." He sighed. "It's got to be such hard work, it will probably take years to master, and just think if I spent all that time only to become a werewolf during full moon anyway." Moony shook his head. "Sirius...it was a good idea, really it was...but I don't think it will work out."

Sirius felt like a balloon that was slowly deflating, but he didn't want to give up hope just yet. He and Moony went to their next lesson, but Sirius did not forget about his idea.

—

Sirius took a deep breath and knocked on the tall oak doors.

"Come in," a woman's stern voice replied from within.

The young wizard stepped inside the office and Professor McGonagall looked up from her desk, where she was grading papers.

"Can I help you, Mr. Black?"

"Yes, Professor, I...I had a question about Animagi."

The witch looked him over carefully and Sirius knew exactly why she was suspicious. Though he got top marks in class, he had never before actually ventured to a teacher's office in the evening to ask a question about a subject.

"You've read the chapter in _Intermediate Transfiguration_?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes, Professor," Sirius said. "I also got a book on Animagi from the library but it didn't have the answer either. But I figured you would know." Had McGonagall been anyone else, he probably would have drawn the last sentence out a bit more, but he knew she was not one for flattery.

"Very well, then," McGonagall said, putting her quill down and looking her student in the eye. "What would you like to know, Mr. Black?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "Can a werewolf become an Animagus? And if it could, would it still transform during the full moon?"

The young wizard and the middle-aged witch looked at each other a moment. Sirius swore he saw a flicker of a sad smile on McGonagall's face for a moment before her expression returned to the normal, no-nonsense look she usually wore.

"No werewolf in reported history has ever become an Animagus," McGonagall informed him. "Although there has been at least one case of a wizard who was already an Animagus becoming a werewolf."

Sirius perked up with interest, and McGonagall continued. "Walter Tweetworthy could transform into a raven. However, he foolishly did not think to do so when he was attacked by a werewolf in 1816. After his attack, he attempted to become a raven again on the night of the full moon, but when it rose he simply went from raven to werewolf rather than human to werewolf." McGonagall bowed her head. "Quite a shame, really. If only he'd thought to transform during his werewolf attack, he could have been spared. Werewolf bites only spread lycanthropy to humans, not fellow animals. Rather unfortunate."

Professor McGonagall then looked back up at Sirius. "Is there anything else, Mr. Black?"

"No, ma'am," Sirius said. He was disappointed, to say the least, but her story had sent another set of gears turning in his head.

"Very well then," McGonagall said, nodding at him. "You may go."

—

Sirius, James, Peter, and Moony sat in the common room in front of the fire. James had the "brilliant" idea to slip a hair-thickening potion into the Slytherins' pumpkin juice, but they needed to figure out how to execute it without getting caught.

"James, keep it down," Peter muttered, looking across the room.

"What? We're being quiet."

"There's a little girl over there," Peter explained. "She keeps staring at us."

James and Sirius turned their heads in unison to the other side of the room where a young blonde girl, most certainly a first-year, was staring over at them.

"She's looking at me," Sirius whispered.

"Think she fancies you?" Peter whispered back, but James shook his head.

"It looks more like...she's angry or something," James said.

The girl had noticed by now that the boys had sensed her presence, and apparently it inspired her courage because she made her way over to them.

"Can I help you?" Sirius asked, bemused, when she stood right in front of the chair he was sitting in and looked him in the eye.

"You're disgusting," she said, and Sirius was taken aback.

"What in Merlin's name are you talking about?" he asked, and the girl immediately gestured at Moony.

"Keeping that poor boy tied up all the time! I've seen you, in the Great Hall, in the hallways—he always has that leash around his wrist keeping him tied up and it's revolting. How would you feel if someone put a leash around your wrist and kept you tied up all the time?"

Her cheeks had turned pink with her passion and she didn't seem to care at all that she was facing three wizards who were both bigger than her and knew a lot more magic than she did. Of course, the fact that the room was full of witnesses who were beginning to notice the exchange probably contributed.

"Look," Sirius said, trying not to sound threatening. "You're obviously new here and maybe no one's told you—Moony's not a boy, he's a werewolf. He's my pet."

"Oh, I know exactly what he is," the girl said, not losing any of her momentum. "And I think it's sick the way people these days treat werewolves: like they're animals!"

"They _are_ animals," Peter pointed out, and Sirius and James nodded with him.

"That's the kind of thinking that just perpetuates this cruelty!" the girl yelled, getting the attention of most of the common room by now. "Werewolves are not animals! They are humans that have been infected with a condition! Lycanthropy is a disease, not a species! This poor boy should be untied and set free!"

"It was a werewolf being free that made me like this," Moony interjected, speaking for the first time since the first-year approached them. "Most of us are kept in a containment center where we stay caged up, and rightfully so. There have been fewer werewolf attacks since the containment center's inception than at any other time in history, and with luck our species will die out completely. I should be tied up. I'm an animal and need to be treated as such."

"Brainwashing!" the girl shouted. "You believe you're an animal because all your life you've been told so."

"He's been _told_ so because it's the truth!" a fifth-year boy shouted, and the crowd gave sounds of assent.

"It is not!" The girl was in tears now, turning around and looking through the crowd for one face that would support her. None did. "Look at him!" she screeched, pointing at Moony. "Look at that boy and tell me he's not human!"

For a moment everyone was silent, and then Moony spoke up again. "I'm not," he said calmly. "I was born a human, but at the age of about five or six I was bitten by a werewolf and irreversibly turned into an animal. This is my life and I have accepted it. I suggest you do the same."

The room was silent again after that, and then the little girl burst into tears and ran off to the dormitories while the students looked after her. Two other first year girls whispered to each other for a moment before slowly and, apparently reluctantly, following her.

Sirius and Moony sat back down and slowly everyone returned to their activities. Sirius ran a hand through Moony's hair, something he'd found helped calm the both of them when they were upset or agitated, and James turned back to his friends.

"So, as I was saying, the hair-thickening potion..."

—

Even though Sirius knew there was no truth in that first-year girl's words, he couldn't help but continue to reflect on them. Yes, Moony was an animal, _of course_ Moony was an animal, but still...there was no denying the fact that he was very much like a human. He looked like one, for one thing, and was certainly as intelligent as one (and much more intelligent than some) and could even do magic. Though he didn't express them much, probably because he didn't feel it was his place, the werewolf was certainly capable of human emotions, and Sirius was clearly capable of feeling sympathy for him. Though he'd made the decision not to try and learn any more healing spells any time soon, Sirius had been secretly reading _Eight Simple Steps to Becoming an Animagus_ and even though he felt the title was one of the biggest lies in magical history, he was learning a lot and felt confident he could, in time, become an Animagus.

Sirius did not tell Moony or even James about his plan because he wasn't entirely sure it would work and did not want to get his pet's hopes up only to have them crushed. If James knew, Sirius thought his best friend might want in on the action and though it might be nice to have some company for this exhausting endeavor, he felt it was something private that he needed to do himself. Neither James nor Peter had ever been in the Room of Requirement while Sirius and Moony were in there and as the werewolf was _his_ pet and not theirs, Sirius wanted to keep this act of compassion to himself.

Sirius often read his book with Moony, as the werewolf was the only one who didn't tease him about reading, though he charmed the cover to look like one of his schoolbooks. They still went out for walks often, as Moony adored the fresh air, and sometimes even read beneath the trees by the lake in the bright sunlight. _I don't treat Moony badly_, Sirius thought, that ignorant first-year girl's accusations reverberating in his head. He knew he didn't—he was literally doing everything in his power to make his pet as happy as he could be. But he still couldn't shake the nagging feeling that it wasn't enough, that he could do better.

"Moony?" Sirius asked one day, leaning against a tree with his pet's leash held tight in his hand.

"Hmm?" the werewolf turned to him, his cheeks flushed from the winter chill.

"If I..." Sirius hesitated. "...if I unfastened the manacle around your wrist, would you run away?"

Moony stared at him for a moment, looking confused. "Of course not. Why would you ask that?"

Sirius shrugged and sat down on the ground, ignoring the cold that seeped through his pants. "I don't know, it just...I keep thinking about what that girl said about keeping you tied up and I just...I look at you always with your leash pinning you to the wall and sometimes I think it's not fair."

"Sirius," Moony said, joining his master sitting down. "That girl had no idea what she was talking about. I'm an animal and I need to be tied up."

"Sometimes I don't think you do," Sirius whispered, looking into his pet's light brown eyes. "I know...during the full moon, of course you need to be kept secure, but the rest of the month..." he shrugged. "I mean, look at the rest of the animals around this place. Lily Evans's cat walks around without a leash or anything, and the owls are allowed to fly wherever they like. I know you're not a human, Moony, but sometimes I feel like we don't treat you like a real animal either."

Moony chuckled. "I know you don't. You let me eat at the table and come to your classes and..." he glanced around for a moment to make sure they were alone, "...do magic. I use a human bathroom and sometimes a human bed, but all that...it's only because you let me," Moony said. "I don't _need_ any of it."

"And I don't think you need to be tied up all the time," Sirius whispered. "You...you promise you won't run away?"

"Sirius," Moony sighed, looking at him. "My life here at Hogwarts with you has been better than it's ever been. When I lived at the containment center I was...resigned to my life, but I never thought I could be happy." He smiled at his owner. "But now...I am happy. If I run away I'll have no promise of a warm meal or a warm place to sleep or security on full moon nights. Chances are it won't be long before the Ministry captures me, and if they do they're more likely to execute me than put me back in the center."

Sirius's hand flew to his mouth in shock, and Moony looked at him mildly.

"You didn't know?" Moony shrugged. "Well, I guess you wouldn't have. The containment center is only for obedient werewolves who register themselves as animals as soon as they're bitten. Any werewolf that has ever bitten a human...or even just attempted a life of freedom...gets put down. That won't happen to me as long as I stay with you because you own me, I'm your property. But if I were to attempt an escape or even if you were to set me free...unless I willingly reported myself to the Ministry right away, I'd be executed. And I'd deserve it," he added as an afterthought.

"Moony," Sirius whispered after a moment, and his pet turned to look at him. "I trust that you're not going anywhere. I...I don't think you need this."

With a slashing of his wand, the cuff around Moony's wrist broke and fell to the ground. Sirius let go of the leash and dropped it down beside the manacle. "There," he whispered, looking Moony in the eye again.

Moony just stared at Sirius a moment. "You know this doesn't change anything," he said eventually.

"I know."

"I'm still an animal, I'm still your pet, I still need to follow you around and be kept in the Room of Requirement, especially on full moon nights–"

"–I know!" Sirius said. They were both quiet for a second before Sirius continued. "I know," he repeated, quieter this time. "I know it doesn't change anything, it doesn't make a difference. That's exactly the point. If things are the same whether you're free to walk on your own or tied up, then why should you be?"

And at long last, Moony smiled at him, and Sirius smiled back.

Of course, Moony still had to wear his leash for show, when they went to the Great Hall and to lessons and home for Christmas. It was just in the privacy of the Room of Requirement, or boys' dormitories, or Sirius's bedroom that the werewolf was allowed to walk around as he pleased.


	8. 8—December 1973–April 1974

Sirius sat on the parlor sofa in his stupid dress robes, brooding. He couldn't understand why his parents forced him to attend their little Christmas party when both he and all the guests would be much happier if Sirius were upstairs in his room. Not even Regulus was talking to him anymore. He tried to catch the eye of Kreacher, who was serving hors d'oeuvres, but he had the feeling the elf was ignoring him on purpose.

"Sirius!" a booming voice rang out across the room. Sirius looked up and, for the first time since he'd come down for the party, smiled.

"Uncle Al," he said happily, and the large man who was his mother's younger brother approached him and wrapped him in a one-armed hug.

"I haven't seen you for ages," Sirius said, looking up at his uncle, one of the few relatives left that he didn't hate, and the even fewer that didn't hate him.

"Apologies, Sirius," Uncle Alphard said, sounding sincere. "I've spent the last few Christmases with your cousin Andromeda. Don't tell your parents that, though," he added, lowering his voice and looking around to make sure they won't overheard. "No one else has really considered her part of the family since she got married." Then Alphard smiled. "She just had a baby, you know, Andromeda."

"Really?" Sirius asked. "I wish I'd known. I miss her," he added introspectively. "She was the only cousin I ever got on with."

"You could write her, you know," Alphard suggested. "Let her know you don't begrudge her her decision to marry a Muggle-born."

"So how come you're not with them this year?"

"With their new baby, they're having a quieter Christmas," Sirius's uncle explained. "I might pop over there for New Years, though. And besides," he added with a smile. "It's been ages since I've seen my favorite nephew."

Sirius smiled back. "Well, it's good to see you, Uncle Al," he said. "It's nice to have someone at one of these things who doesn't cringe at the sight of me."

Alphard chuckled. "Say, you mind showing me your room?" He looked around to make sure no one was listening. "Got a present for you, but it's a bit bulky and...between you and me...I'm not sure your Mum and Dad'll approve." He winked.

"Sure," Sirius said, excited not just for the present but for the excuse to get away. "And while we're up there I can show you my pet!"

—

"Uncle Alphard, this is my werewolf Moony," Sirius said a moment later as he led his uncle into his room. "Please don't tell Mum and Dad he's not tied up," he added in an undertone. "It won't be full moon 'til we get back to school, he's not dangerous. I hate keeping him on his leash."

Alphard just winked again. "Pleased to meet you, Moony," he said pleasantly, extending a hand to the werewolf.

Moony just stared up at Alphard for nearly a full minute. Then he slowly, hesitantly, his eyes not leaving Sirius's uncle's, reached out and shook his hand.

Sirius also stared, wide-eyed, at the exchange.

"What are you boys looking at?" Uncle Alphard asked, staring from one confused face to the other.

"You...shook my hand," Moony murmured. "No one...no one's ever done that before."

"Why shouldn't I shake your hand? Lycanthrophy isn't spread by handshake."

"Because only humans shake hands," Moony said, looking confused about why he should have to explain something so obvious to a grown man. "I'm a werewolf, an animal, I'm Sirius's pet."

Alphard just chuckled. "You look like a human to me."

"But I'm not," Moony objected.

Alphard sighed. "Maybe not in today's society. But werewolves used to be considered human, you know?"

Sirius and Moony stared at each other. Clearly, they didn't.

"Not..." Alphard clarified quickly, "...not equal to ordinary wizards, of course. They were treated inferior, even worse than Muggle-borns, and couldn't find a job within the Ministry to save their lives. And there have always been wizards who consider them animals, beasts that ought to be executed. Just like there are still some today who still considered them human."

"They're wrong," Moony whispered, looking at the ground.

Sirius looked at Uncle Alphard quickly, then reached out and ran his fingers through Moony's hair.

"Well, anyway," Alphard said, clearly trying to diffuse the situation, "what are we sitting around chatting for? I came up here to give you your present, Sirius." He flicked his wand and a long package appeared in the air. It lowered itself into Sirius's hands.

The young Black boy looked at his uncle, who nodded. "Go on."

Moony and Alphard watched as Sirius laid the package onto the bed and then slowly started unwrapping it.

A broomstick fell onto Sirius's comforter.

"Holy Merlin," Sirius whispered, staring at the brand new and completely perfect broom.

"What do you think?" asked Alphard enthusiastically. "Brand new—not even available outside Britain yet. They've completely reworked the old model, got all the bugs out—that's important, you know, for a newer broom company. You never want to buy their first model because they haven't had a chance to perfect it yet. _Always_ wait for the second series, when they've had time to take the user reviews into account..."

"A Nimbus 1001," Sirius whispered, still staring at his present in awe. After he'd run his hand down the handle and brushed away a stray twig in the tail, he finally turned to his uncle. "Uncle Al, I don't know what to say. Mum and Dad have never given me anything like this."

"Then they haven't been treating you right," Alphard surmised, nudging his nephew.

Sirius smiled and threw his arms around his uncle, who hugged him back warmly.

"Now you put that broom to good use, you hear?" the older wizard asked when they pulled apart. Sirius nodded emphatically and Alphard smiled. "That's m'boy. Now come on," he said. "We best get back downstairs before my batty sister notices we've gone missing. All right?"

"All right," Sirius agreed, though half-heartedly. "See you in a while, Moony."

"Bye, Sirius."

The 14-year-old wizard waved at his werewolf, who waved back before they closed the door.

—

Sirius closed his eyes as the wind whipped through his long hair.

"You're trying out for the team next year, right?" James called to him from twenty feet above.

"Might," Sirius called back. "Got the best ruddy broom in the school, haven't I?"

"Doesn't necessarily make you talented, Sirius," James responded, swooping down to tousle his best friend's hair. Sirius spurted forward to dodge out of the way.

"Don't know how you manage to have the time," Sirius shouted over his shoulder. "Between class, pranking, homework, stalking Lily Evans–"

"–I don't _stalk_ her!" James shouted back. "I just occasionally remind her that I would be highly interested in a date in Hogsmeade with her."

Sirius snorted at that, but the sound was lost in the wind.

After Sirius decided his new broom had been thoroughly tested, he and James landed beside the Quidditch pitch, where Moony had been watching them.

"So what do you think?" Sirius asked, grinning at his werewolf. "My broom's way better than James's, isn't it?"

Moony laughed. "Of course it is, Sirius."

Sirius beamed at his best friend. "What did I tell you?"

"He's biased," James argued, smiling at the pair of them.

"Hey, Moony?" Sirius said thoughtfully as they turned to head back to the castle.

"Yeah?"

"Do you...?" Sirius hesitated, and then held out his broomstick to his pet. "Do you want to try it?"

"What?" Moony and James said at the same time, both staring at Sirius as though he'd gone insane.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, looking from one face to the other. "He can talk, read..." Sirius lowered his voice, "...do magic; why not fly?"

"Because I don't know the first thing about flying!" Moony nearly shouted, staring at his owner. "Sirius, I wouldn't know where to start, I know nothing about brooms."

"You watched our flying class first year," Sirius pointed out.

"Yes, but that was two years ago, and I haven't had any practical experience."

"I'd talk you through it," Sirius said. "And be up there with you."

"On whose broom?" James asked.

"Yours," Sirius said simply.

"Sirius," James said sternly, then he stepped closer to his best friend, lowered his voice, and took his arm. "Can I talk to you a moment?"

"I guess," Sirius muttered, perplexed, and the two stepped quickly out of earshot. "Look, James, I'll take care of your broom–"

"–It's not that," James interrupted, looking his friend in the eye. "It's...you're giving your prized broom to your pet werewolf, your animal who's spent most of his life locked up. Don't you think he might...you know...see this as his chance?"

"What?" Sirius asked, looking right back at James. "You think he might fly away on my broom? He doesn't even know how to fly."

James shrugged nervously. "Maybe not, but...that doesn't mean he won't try."

"James, I trust him," Sirius said.

The other boy raised his eyebrows. "You're sure?" he asked. "You have complete confidence he won't try anything?"

Sirius nodded slowly. "Yeah," he admitted. "I do."

"All right, then," James said, shrugging. "He's your pet; if you're sure..."

"I am sure," Sirius insisted. "Now let's go, the sun'll be setting in an hour or two and I don't want to practice after dark."

Sirius walked back to his werewolf and smiled at him. "So? You ready to fly?" Moony bit his lip, looking away, and Sirius sighed before taking a step closer to him. "Look, I don't mean to pressure you; if you really don't want to I won't force you...but I just really think you ought to give it a try. And if you hate it I'll never make you touch a broomstick again."

Though Moony was taller than Sirius, their respective postures had the werewolf looking up into the boy's eyes, which they did for a moment before Moony sighed his concession. "All right, Sirius, I'll give it a shot."

Sirius grinned at his pet, who smiled in return. The wizard then grabbed James's broom from his hands. "I'll meet you in the common room later, all right?"

James glowered at his best friend. "Any damage to that broom and I'll _avada kedavra _you in your sleep."

"Thanks, James!" Sirius shouted over his shoulder as he ran back to the pitch, Moony trailing behind.

"All right," Sirius said once they were back in the middle of the field. "You straddle the broom like this..." he demonstrated, "...then kick up slowly." He rose a few feet in the air and Moony, looking terrified, copied him. "That's great!" Sirius encouraged. "Now you raise the handle up a little bit to go up, or point it downward to go down—but not too sharply now, that's more advanced..."

Sirius and Moony slowly worked on the basics, and it wasn't long before the wizard had the werewolf doing laps around the pitch.

"That's it!" Sirius shouted. "Now see how fast you can go! I won't be able to catch up with you—James's pathetic Cleansweep can't match my Nimbus!"

Moony soared past Sirius, making the black-haired boy's robes flap in the wind it caused. He screamed in delight and Sirius laughed, pushing James's broom to try and meet him on the other side of the pitch.

Sirius did meet Moony halfway, but the werewolf simply zipped right past him again, going for another turn around the field.

"Oi!" Sirius called, but Moony was too far away to hear him. "Hey!" he shouted, turning back around to go clockwise to Moony's counter-clockwise. "Hey!" he yelled again as they passed each other, but Moony simply laughed as he flew away again, climbing higher this time but slowing down.

Sirius lifted the handle of James's broom, bringing it up to catch up to Moony. The werewolf saw him coming and giggled before nosediving to avoid him.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Sirius warned, grinning as he followed his pet. "What—an hour on a broom and you already know all the most advanced moves?"

"Maybe!" Moony called back, pulling awkwardly out of the dive and accelerating again.

Sirius slowed down and headed for land, a bit tired after flying first with James and then Moony. He stood and watched as his pet did a couple more laps around the pitch before diving down to join them. The werewolf's landing was a bit unstable, but he didn't hurt himself. He grabbed Sirius's broom and walked up to him, cheeks flushed and amber eyes simply shining with delight. Sirius couldn't help but grin at the sight; he loved seeing Moony so happy.

"So you liked that, huh?" he asked, turning toward Moony as they started to walk back to the castle.

Moony grinned and nodded.

"Not scary?"

"It was," Moony admitted. "Terrifying actually. But at the same time...Merlin, Sirius, I've never felt such a thrill in my life. I don't know if you got to the chapter on entertainment in the Muggle Studies book yet, but now I understand why they find roller coasters so much fun."

Sirius laughed and Moony beamed at him. "Your hair is a mess," the young wizard commented, sliding a hand through the werewolf's long light brown pelt on the pretense of fixing it while merely making it worse.

"Well, yours is no better," Moony retorted, reaching over to smooth his owner's mussed up hair.

The werewolf's fingers had already been entangled in Sirius's silky locks for a second before he remembered himself and pulled back. He backed away quickly and looked at his master, apology in his eyes.

"Don't," Sirius said gently. "It's okay, Moony, it's all right. You can...touch me," he said, then smiled. "I'm not going to get mad."

"It's all right," Moony mumbled, blushing and looking at the ground. "I just...forgot...for a second..."

"Forgot what?" Sirius asked, stepping closer. He ran a hand through Moony's hair, actually smoothing it this time.

"That..." Moony looked at Sirius with fear in his eyes, almost as though he didn't dare say it. "...that I'm your pet and your my master." He looked down in shame. "I'm sorry. It was just...flying..." he sighed, sounding frustrated, then looked back up at Sirius. "Look, ever since I became an animal, I've always been chained to something. We were rarely ever let out of our cages at the center, I'm to stay on a lead at all times, and even when you do let me loose I'm confined to one room. And that's the way it should be," he added quickly. "I know that's my place, I know exactly why and I accept it. Just..." He stared up at the sky. "...being on that broom, feeling the wind in my hair, laughing and hearing you laughing, moving at what might as well have been the speed of light..." Beautiful light brown eyes turned sadly to their master. "...It's the first time I've ever felt free." Moony sank to the ground and held his knees, Sirius's broom beside him. "I know I'm not supposed to ever feel that way," he admitted, his voice breaking. Sirius knelt down beside him and continued stroking his hair, trying to soothe him. "I'm nothing but a filthy animal and I _deserve_ to be locked up." Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he stared at Sirius. "But I've never felt anything like that before, not ever. And it was just...such a feeling..." He shook his head as the tears continued to flow.

"Moony, I wish you could be free," Sirius whispered emphatically, stroking his bangs with one hand while the other rested on his shoulder. "I really do."

"I can't," Moony whispered.

"I know," Sirius whispered back. He felt a painful tugging sensation in his chest and wrapped his arms around his werewolf, holding him close. "I know you can't be free," he whispered in his ear. "But I'll do...whatever I can, Moony, to get you as close as possible."


	9. 9—May–September 1974

**Warning:** I've changed the rating from 'T' to 'M.' This chapter is rated M for nudity and for content of a sexual nature. If you can't handle it, please don't read it.

—

"Gotcha something," Sirius whispered as he walked through the door to the Room of Requirement.

"Let me guess," Moony said, looking up from his book and smiling. "Could it possibly be Honeydukes chocolate?"

"You've ruined the surprise," Sirius muttered with a scowl as he tossed the bar to his werewolf and sat down on the chair.

"The surprise kind of wears off when you bring me chocolate every time you go into Hogsmeade," Moony pointed out. "Thank you, though."

"I wish you could come with us," Sirius said. "I bet you'd love it—all the shops and pubs. It's a real novelty the first time because there's so much to see."

"People won't know I'm a werewolf, though," Moony reminded him. "If you bring me on my leash they'll look at you in disgust like James did that first day on the train. If you bring me without my leash they'll just think I'm another student and treat me like a normal human."

"It wouldn't kill you," Sirius muttered.

"I know, but it's not right. And imagine what would happen if one of the other students outed me as a werewolf in front of all the villagers."

"I know, I know," Sirius sighed, pulling some fudge out of his pocket and taking a bite. "Just...wishing aloud."

—

"Uncle Aphard," Sirius murmured as they walked down the lane, "you are honestly and truly the best uncle anyone has ever had."

"It's nothing, Sirius," the large man replied, shaking his head and grinning at his nephew. "Who wants to spend their summer cooped up in that old house when they could be spending it with their friends?"

"You're sure Mum and Dad won't come to call while I'm gone?" Sirius asked nervously, but Alphard merely scoffed.

"My old sister hasn't been to visit me in years. And even if that were to change..." he lowered his voice, "...I can do a pretty mean Confundus Charm," he said, grinning.

Sirius and Moony both laughed.

"Well, here we are," Uncle Alphard said as the three made it to a comfortable-looking two-story house surrounded by acres of land and forest.

Sirius grinned and rang the bell.

A smiling woman with dark brown hair tied back opened the door. "Hello," she said pleasantly, surveying the two wizards and the werewolf. "You must be–"

"–Sirius!" came a shout from somewhere inside.

The boy in question was immediately engulfed in a hug. He laughed and pulled back gently, smiling at his best friend.

"You made it!" James said excitedly.

"I told you I was coming."

"I know, but you never did before so I wasn't sure..."

"We have my Uncle Alphard to thank," Sirius explained, gesturing at the beaming man standing behind him. "My parents think I'm staying at his house."

James laughed. "Brilliant," he said. "Well come on, Sirius, Moony, I'll give you a tour."

"I'll be back in two weeks to pick you up," Uncle Alphard said from the stoop. "Have plenty of fun and maybe we can pull this off again next year."

"Thanks, Uncle Al!" Sirius called over his shoulder. Then he turned to his best friend. "James, take me and Moony up to our room first, I want to get this stupid leash off him..."

—

"Come on!" James called. "Just a little bit further...see the break in the trees up ahead?"

Sirius and Moony followed James through the woods until the three reached the end of the forest, where a small lake lay in a valley.

"Cool, huh?" James said. "We would come here all the time when I was little, sometimes every day in the summer."

Sirius couldn't help but feel a bit envious. He wished there was a lake near his house...but then again, even if there was his parents probably would never have taken him to it. "Well what are we waiting for then?" he asked. "Come on."

He and James began to take off their shirts and trousers, stripping down to the swimming trunks they wore underneath. Moony, who had declined to borrow a pair of Sirius or James's swimsuits because "_I'm just an animal anyway_," took off all his clothing and ran into the water, splashing.

Pulling his shoes off, Sirius glanced out toward the lake and then stopped, staring.

Moony had not yet reached deep enough water to reach past his knees and his pale, slender, wet body shone in the sunlight. White scars crisscrossed over his chest, arms, and legs, though Sirius was too far away to distinguish most of them. There were a few light brown hairs in the middle of his chest, and quite a few more leading from his belly button down to his groin, where his flaccid penis and his testicles dangled between his legs.

Sirius didn't mean to stare, really. But he couldn't look away, and he couldn't help the tingling feeling beginning in his lower abdomen. A twitch in his cock woke Sirius up and he jumped, forcing himself to look down. That wasn't supposed to happen. That didn't make sense.

"Sirius, you coming?" James called.

"Yeah," Sirius called back, hoping his voice didn't sound weird.

It didn't make sense. Moony was a werewolf, a _male_ werewolf. And even he'd been a male human, Sirius wasn't gay. Of course not. Maybe he wasn't really interested in girls like James was, but he figured he was just a late bloomer. He would find a girl he liked eventually. That didn't make him _gay_. _Gay_ were kids like that Hufflepuff boy that everyone always teased, Samuel Steig. Or, as he was better known, "Queen Samantha." He had a high-pitched voice and all his friends were girls. _He _was gay. But Sirius certainly wasn't. It was a fluke, it had to be.

As he made his way into the water, Sirius tried to objectively look at James without his best friend noticing. James was wearing swimming trunks, of course, but Sirius surreptitiously glanced at his chest. More muscular than Moony's, definitely. From an objective viewpoint...possibly...more attractive. But it did nothing for him. No...strange inexplicable movements in his genital area.

_See?_ Sirius thought to himself with relief. _Nothing. I'm not attracted to men._

In spite of the reassurance, Sirius refused to look at Moony until the werewolf had put his clothes back on. He was certain it had been nothing, just his hormones acting up at the moment he happened to glance at Moony, but nevertheless he didn't want to take a chance of that happening again.

"You all right, Sirius?" James asked as they traipsed back through the trees to his house. "You were awfully quiet this afternoon."

"Fine," Sirius said, forcing a smile. "Just thinking, that's all."

"Something new for you?" James asked, sniggering, and Sirius shoved him. He told himself to forget about what happened at the lake. It was nothing. At the end of the summer he'd back to school and before he knew it he'd find some girl who would _really_ get his blood pumping.

—

_Moony laughed and fell back into the water, the resulting splash getting Sirius wet._

"_Hey!" Sirius objected, but he was smiling and laughing too. Moony floated on his back, arms out to the sides and his eyes closed as he basked in the sun's glow. Every droplet of water on his body shimmered in the sunlight, making it look like _he_ was glowing. And he was. He was so young and perfect and naked and beautiful._

_Sirius reached a hand out, wanting to touch him, but he was afraid._

"_It's okay," Moony encouraged. Even though his eyes were still closed he must have felt Sirius's want, his _need_._

_Sirius touched the pool of water that had collected in the dip on Moony's collarbone. He traced his finger slowly down the werewolf's chest. Moony shivered at the contact but Sirius knew he liked it. His finger met the other's bellybutton but he didn't stop there. Feeling the wet skin beneath his the pad of his finger he went lower and lower until..._

Sirius woke up with a start. He looked around and it took him a second to remember he was visiting James, but that wasn't the most pressing concern at the moment. His cock was stiff and positively _aching_. While yes, he'd indulged himself occasionally before because it felt good, he'd never felt such a _need_ for it before.

Praying he wouldn't wake Moony, Sirius slowly and carefully got out of bed, grabbing his wand from the bedside table and hurrying into the bathroom. He quickly locked the door and whispered "_Muffliato!"_ just to be safe, before dropping his wand on the floor and touching himself.

Sirius moaned as he felt the friction. It always felt good but had never been anything like _this_ before. He didn't even care that Moony's wet and naked body kept flashing before his eyes because this was so good, it was so good.

With a loud cry he ejaculated over the toilet seat, sweating and panting for breath, holding the bowl to support himself. God...so _intense_. All the times he'd done it since he'd first discovered he could were _nothing_ compared to this.

After taking a moment to catch his breath and let his heart slow down, Sirius quickly cleaned off the toilet and washed his hands. He picked his wand back up, disabled the muffling spell and went back to his room, crawling into bed beside Moony.

"Sirius?" the werewolf whispered, squinting his eyes open. "You okay?"

"Had to use the bathroom," Sirius muttered without catching his eye. It wasn't a lie, after all, he just didn't specify what he'd used the bathroom _for_. "Go back to sleep, Moony."

Moony closed his eyes again and rolled over, shifting the tiniest bit closer to Sirius in the process. The young wizard, however, could not fall back asleep right away. As he lay in the Potters' guest bedroom and stared at the ceiling, the unprecedented high he'd felt from his orgasm wore off and guilt settled in.

What had he done? What was going on? Why had that..._incredible_ feeling been brought about...not just by a boy, but by _Moony?_ It didn't make any sense. Even if he _were_ gay (which, of course, he wasn't), he shouldn't be attracted to _Moony_ of all people! Well, that was just it. Moony _wasn't_ a person. Moony was a werewolf, an _animal_ for Merlin's sake! What kind of freak was he, attracted to an animal?

"I'm not," Sirius whispered to himself.

Of course he wasn't. He couldn't be. It was just a bizarre dream, born out of perhaps spending too much time with his pet, and for happening to see the werewolf naked for the first time while he was going through puberty. He was fourteen, his hormones were raging. It had been better this time than ever before because he'd never had such a needy erection before. His significant arousal had not been a result of being attracted to Moony. Nothing like that.

—

Sirius continued not being attracted to Moony for the rest of the summer. He did not find himself staring at the werewolf across the room, marveling at how his eyes shined whenever he smiled. He did not imagine what it would feel like to touch the skin of his chest, his back, his...erm...other places...when he was petting his hair. And he most _certainly_ did not have any more dreams involving Moony naked, dreams that left him so hard he thought he would die or, even worse, dreams that left his bedsheets a sticky mess he needed to clean up before the cause of his dream woke up. No. None of this was actually happening.

Except it was.

Sirius told himself it was a phase. It had to be a phase. And it would go away once the summer ended and school started again. Sleeping in a bed without his werewolf curled up next to him would certainly get the dreams to stop. And...well...even if it didn't at least he wouldn't have to worry about Moony waking up covered in Sirius's semen. He knew he could change the sleeping arrangements whenever he pleased and his pet wouldn't argue, but Sirius just didn't have the heart to kick him out of the bed. And he had to admit he liked having Moony right there next to him, feeling his warmth, stroking his hair. He'd always liked it. Watching his breathing profile after he fell asleep or before he woke up...well maybe that one was new.

—

Sirius played with the food on his plate instead of eating it. He didn't know why he felt so lonely. All right, so it was full moon and Moony had had to be rushed off to the Room of Requirement as soon as their carriage had arrived, but James and Peter were here. He hadn't seen Peter all summer and he hadn't seen James in over a month, but somehow right now he felt like he was eating next to them rather than with them.

He realized it was because he was not participating in the conversation.

And he also realized that the reason for this was because the conversation was about girls.

Apparently Peter had had his first romance over the summer. A Muggle girl babysat for his next-door neighbors and they'd hit it off. James wanted to hear every juicy detail even though they'd done nothing more than kiss. Then he bragged about how he was being pure and saving himself for Lily Evans, who he decided to ask out at that moment in front of the entire school for the umpteenth time. As a result, he had a bowl of mashed potatoes charmed to dump itself on his head, much to the table's amusement.

"So how about you, Sirius?" James asked in an undertone once his hair was rid of all traces of mashed potato. "You got your eye on anyone?"

"What?" Sirius asked, dropping his fork. "Oh...no," he said, not catching James or Peter's eye. "No...not at the moment, no."

"Who is it?" Peter asked eagerly, leaning forward.

"Are you deaf or just stupid?" Sirius asked crossly. "I just said I _don't_ fancy anyone right now."

"Yeah, and you were very convincing about it, too," James added with a grin. "Go on, we won't tell."

Sirius laughed out loud. "Sure you will. Or you'll forge my signature on some sappy love note and charm it to sing her awake in the morning."

"That's a brilliant idea!" James said, his hazel eyes lighting up. "Peter, have you got any parchment on you?"

"No, it's in my trunk. Besides," he added, rolling his eyes. "We don't even know who the mystery girl is."

"No no no," James said in disgust, shaking his head. "Not for Sirius. For Lily! It's such a romantic idea—she's bound to go out with me!"

Peter and Sirius burst out laughing for a near minute, and right when they were about to stop they both caught sight of James's crestfallen face, which simply amplified their mirth.

Fortunately, Peter's amusement and James's horror got both boys to forget about Sirius's nonexistent love interest...at least until the end of the feast.

"Hey, Sirius," Peter said as they headed for the dormitories, "you never did tell us who you like."

"I wonder why that could be," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Because he's afraid we'll tease him," James said, slipping an arm around his best friend's shoulders. "Come on, mate, don't you know us better than that?"

"No, it's because there _is_ no one in the first place," Sirius said angrily. And well...it was half-true. Sirius didn't _fancy_ Moony. The werewolf was his pet and he adored him, but he didn't have _those_ kinds of feelings. He didn't obsess over him the way James obsessed over Lily. And the sexual attraction...well...it was just something weird he'd soon get over. Although maybe...Sirius frowned to himself. Maybe a good way to do that would be to actually get a girlfriend. True, he didn't have a crush on any particular girl at the moment, but there were certainly plenty of attractive ones around. Surely if he went out with a girl that was pretty enough, he would start to fancy her, start to find himself attracted to her..._and_ he could jerk off without having to fantasize about his _pet's_ naked body.

"All right," Sirius hissed. "If I tell you, will it get you off my back?"

James grinned. "No," he said at the same time as Peter shrugged, "Probably not."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine. I won't then."

"Aww, come on," Peter whined.

"Yeah, Sirius, that's no fair."

Sirius sighed. "All right," he repeated, still in an undertone. He cast his eyes around and they landed on a Ravenclaw fifth year, a pretty girl with shiny black hair down to her waist. She had very feminine curves and skin a few shades darker than Sirius's and was about an inch or two shorter than him. "Rebeka," he whispered to his friends, nodding at her. "Rebeka Vick."

James and Peter stared openly at Rebeka and Sirius rolled his eyes, thinking it was a miracle the girl didn't notice.

"Sirius," James said as he turned back to his best friend. His voice was filled with patience. "You know aside from Lily she's one of the best-looking girls here, right?"

"What about her sister instead?" Peter asked. "Rhonda? She's in our year and she's...well...almost as pretty."

It took nearly all of Sirius's self-control not to roll his eyes again. "I'm going to bed," he stated. Then he stalked off without giving a second glance to James, Peter, or Rebeka.


	10. 10—September 1974

**A/N:** This chapter is rated M for language and a few mentions of sexual things that still gross my sister out. And there's not a lot of Remus in this one, which I apologize for, but these events are important to the story.

—

By the next day, James and Peter seemed to have forgotten about Sirius's pretend crush between all the extra homework and their plans for the first prank of the year. James tried to whisper his ideas to Sirius during their Transfiguration lecture, but the latter was slightly distracted by the way Moony's hand glided across the parchment as he took notes.

However, after dinner they had plenty of time to discuss (over their essays) precisely how to sneak flobberworms into the Slytherins' spaghetti without getting caught. Moony, who of course had no homework, listened in on their plans, not contributing to the conversation but occasionally giggling at it.

"The house-elves will notice something's up; we won't be able to move until the food is already in the Great Hall," James argued.

"But once the food's on the table, people will notice if we just go over there and dump flobberworms in it," Peter pointed out.

"What we need is a Switching Spell," Sirius said, thinking. "We add the flobberworms to the bowls on the Gryffindor table, then trade it with the bowls on the Slytherin table."

"Brilliant!" Peter said, and James grinned, nodding in agreement.

"We'll have to execute it carefully though," James cautioned. "No one can notice that anything's amiss as we're doing the spell."

"So we practice it beforehand," Sirius shrugged. "We'll probably have time anyway. The next step is asking the house-elves the next time they're planning on making spaghetti; I don't think it will work as well with any other food."

"Why don't we go now?" James suggested. "Second day of term—the last thing I want to do right now is homework."

Sirius and Peter heartily agreed and James went upstairs to grab his invisibility cloak.

"You coming with us, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"If you want me to," Moony shrugged. "I know I'm not really supposed to be in the common room without you, but I don't think anyone will mind. Besides," he added with a grin. "You three aren't really _supposed_ to be sneaking down to the kitchens after curfew anyway."

Sirius grinned back, feeling a fluttering sensation in his midriff as he did. That had been happening a lot lately...particularly when Moony smiled at him. "It's loads of fun to go down," Sirius said. "The house-elves are so accommodating; they always give us snacks. Sometimes even chocolate."

Moony laughed, and the sound rang like a bell. "If you want me to come, just say so," he said, smiling at Sirius. "You don't need to bribe me with chocolate."

"Who's bribing?" Sirius grinned. "I was just describing the many wonderful pleasures of sneaking down to the kitchens—it's entirely up to you whether you want to indulge in them or not."

Moony just laughed again, and Sirius watched his mouth as the ringing sound penetrated the air. His lips were pink and–

–_Werewolf, _Sirius interrupted himself for the millionth time, looking away. _He's a werewolf. He's my pet and he's an animal. Humans don't kiss werewolves_.

"Let's go, then," James said, returning from the dormitory with his invisibility cloak. They threw it over themselves, though it was a tight fit with Moony, and went out the portrait hole toward the kitchens.

The house-elves offered to make the boys spaghetti right then and there if they wanted it, but laughing, they simply explained that they were just curious about the next time it would be on the menu.

"We is making spaghetti one week from tonight, sir," a house-elf informed James. "It will be served with meatballs and salad, with tiramisu for dessert."

"Great," James grinned. "That's good to know."

"You got a sample of that tiramisu?" Peter asked eagerly, and the house-elves conferred for a moment.

"We's can cook some if you want, sir, but it will take some time and we has many other desserts already made."

So instead they helped themselves to cake, brownies, and ice cream covered in hot fudge before returning back to the common room.

"What do you think, eh?" Sirius asked Moony once they were back at the dormitories. "Fun, right?"

The werewolf, whose mouth was still too full to talk, merely nodded. The wizards changed into pajamas and brushed the chocolate off their teeth, chatting a bit as they got ready for bed. Sirius felt a warm feeling in his abdomen as Moony climbed into bed beside him, sighing in contentment and making himself comfortable beneath the covers. Even though Sirius knew it was a bad idea for them to share a bed now, he still couldn't help smiling at the joy it made him feel. And it was the night after full moon, after all. Moony always stayed in bed with him the night after a full moon. Sirius told himself it helped him recover.

The almost-full moon shone its light on Moony's face and hair, and Sirius ran his fingers through it. His eyes already closed, Moony smiled. Sirius smiled back even though Moony couldn't see him, because it was his automatic reaction. He stroked his pet's hair for a few more minutes before yawning, settling down, and slipping his arm around Moony's waist. "Night, Moony," he whispered to the back of Moony's neck.

"Night, Sirius," came the werewolf's sleepy reply.

"You guys know you look like a couple of poofs when you do that, right?" Peter's voice filtered through the night air.

Sirius's heart jumped into his throat. He sat straight up and looked directly at Peter. "_What?_" he asked, praying he'd misheard.

Peter shrugged, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "Just...the both of you sleeping in one bed and like...cuddling...you look like two queers."

"Well we're not," Sirius yelled, jumping out of bed and glaring at Peter. "We're not _fucking_—what the hell do I look like? Moony's a _werewolf_, Peter! He's an animal! You think I'd fuck an animal? What kind of sick fuck do you think I am?"

"Sirius, take it easy," James said, stepping between him and Peter. "He didn't mean anything by it."

"He doesn't need you to defend him," Sirius snapped, glaring at James instead. "He can speak for himself as to what he meant."

Peter stared between his best friends, looking taken aback. "All I said was that you _looked_ like poofs in the same bed. Merlin, Sirius, I never meant you'd _actually_–"

"–Well I wouldn't!" Sirius yelled. "I wouldn't fuck a man and I sure as hell wouldn't fuck a werewolf! Do I look like some sort of zoophile to you?"

"Sirius, relax," James said, putting a hand on his arm and guiding him back to his bed. "We know. No one is suggesting you'd–"

"–Sick," Sirius muttered, getting moodily back into bed. "You're sick, Peter."

"Sirius, I'm sorry," Peter murmured miserably, climbing into his own bed.

Sirius pulled his hangings shut, not wanting to set eyes on him and, almost defiantly, put his arm back around Moony, whose face was buried into Sirius's pillow. It didn't mean anything, Sirius reminded himself. He'd held Moony in bed since they were twelve—before there had ever been any attraction of any sort. And whatever was going on with him _was_ just a phase he'd get over. It was nothing. Sirius was _not_ some sort of pervert who got off on animals. He would find some normal human girl and he'd be much more attracted to her than he ever was to Moony.

"Sorry you had to witness that," Sirius murmured to his werewolf. Moony did not respond. There was no way he could be asleep already given the volume of Sirius and Peter's argument, but the wizard figured he was just trying to fall asleep. He forced away his sudden desire to kiss Moony's hair and closed his eyes, intent on getting some sleep himself.

—

"I've decided to ask Rebeka Vick out," Sirius informed his friends over breakfast the next morning.

James and Peter looked at each other for a moment before turning back to Sirius.

"The other night you wouldn't even admit you liked her," James pointed out.

"Yeah," Sirius conceded, "but now that I have I think it's pointless to keep pretending. I want her and I'm going to get her."

Peter sniggered, then hastily coughed to cover it up.

"You don't think I can?" Sirius asked, turning to him with challenge in his eyes. He was still angry about the night before, though he realized in retrospect he'd overreacted majorly since the accusation had hit so close to home for him. If the comment had been made last year he probably would have had a good laugh about it.

"I think she's...older..." Peter said slowly, "...and...well...hot."

"You're saying she's out of my league?"

Peter and James looked at each other again, and James shrugged. "It's not that you're not good-looking, mate, but...she's a fifth-year–"

"–and popular," Peter cut in.

"I'm popular," Sirius said.

"Sure," James said, "but–"

"–Listen, James," Sirius interrupted, suddenly grinning. "Just because _you_ couldn't get a date if your life depended on it–"

"–I could get a date if I wanted!" James argued.

Peter laughed. "Yeah, you've asked Lily Evans out how many times now? And how many times has she said yes?"

"She wants me," James stated simply. "She's just playing hard-to-get."

Sirius and Peter rolled their eyes at each other.

"Well I see no reason why Rebeka Vick wouldn't go out with me," Sirius said, folding his arms.

—

James nudged Sirius as they walked through the courtyard during morning break. Sirius looked in the direction he nodded and saw Rebeka talking to a few other Ravenclaw fifth-years.

"You gonna do it?" James whispered in Sirius's ear.

Sirius shrugged. "Why not?"

He looked at Peter and Moony, who each gave him a small smile. When the latter did so, Sirius felt the now-familiar warm fluttering sensation in his chest as well as the increase of his heart rate. That wasn't right. He shouldn't be feeling that.

Handing Moony's leash to James, Sirius turned the girls instead. Rebeka was easily the prettiest of the bunch. She wasn't the tallest or the thinnest, but her face and her curves made her stand out from the others. Sirius noted how he didn't feel anything as he walked across the courtyard toward them. No fear, no nervousness, no...excitement.

Well that would come soon. Once Rebeka was his girlfriend, he'd feel excited to see her and spend time with her, and once he had the opportunity to touch her, well...

Unbidden, fantasies came to Sirius's mind of him running his hands across Moony's body. They were the same images he'd jerked off to in the shower this morning, the same images that had been haunting him for two months now and got him hard as a rock within seconds.

_Rebeka_, Sirius thought to himself. _Focus on Rebeka. She's the one you're asking out, you dolt. Not Moony._

"Hey, Rebeka," Sirius said casually, leaning against the courtyard wall.

The Ravenclaw girls all stared at him, looking a mixture of confused and curious but not rude or condescending.

"Hi, Sirius," Rebeka said slowly, looking him over. Like her friends, she looked confused as to why he was talking to her. They'd spoken maybe twice before in their lives.

"Had a pleasant summer?" he asked politely.

"Brilliant," she said without much intonation. "You?"

"Same," he shrugged.

"Well...er...can I help you?" she asked when it became clear he wasn't going to volunteer anything else.

"Guess you can," Sirius replied. "Was wondering if you wanted to come into Hogsmeade with me on the next visit."

"Oh," Rebeka said, looking surprised. She glanced at her friends, two of which shrugged and another of which smiled encouragingly. Rebeka shrugged too. "Sure," she said. "I guess; why not?"

"Brilliant," Sirius said, smiling at her. "Talk to you soon then, yeah?"

"All right," Rebeka agreed. "Well...see you."

The bell rang and the Ravenclaw girls went down to Herbology while the Gryffindor boys headed for Care of Magical Creatures. Sirius looked back over his shoulder at them as they left the courtyard only to see Rebeka doing the same thing.

—

"You lucky bastard," Peter muttered, staring across the entrance hall where Rebeka stood waiting for Sirius.

The girl was wearing short denim shorts that showed off her long, dark legs, and a flowy top that exposed her cleavage and an inch or so of skin above the line of her shorts. Her shiny hair was down and it reached her hips.

"Haven't you got a girlfriend, Pete?" James asked. He glanced over to where Lily and a few friends (including Rebeka's sister Rhonda) were about to head out the door. "Hey, Evans!" he shouted. Lily was not the only one who turned to look at James, but this didn't seem to faze him. "There's still time to change your mind," he called, grinning as though she were missing out on a golden opportunity. However, Lily gave a jab of her wand and James "oomph!"ed and grabbed his stomach as though he'd been punched.

The girls laughed and one of them said, "Good one, Lily," as they exited the entrance hall.

Sirius grinned. "Better luck next time," he said, patting James on the arm before crossing over to meet Rebeka. "You ready?" he asked, smiling at her.

She shrugged. "I suppose."

Sirius held out his hand and Rebeka glanced at him for a second before taking it and walking out with him.

All in all, Sirius found the date well...dull. Rebeka didn't seem to have much to say, nor did she seem all that interested in anything Sirius had to say. She asked Sirius a few questions about his family, but seemed to lose interest when she heard he didn't really get on with them. She didn't really have an interest in going to either Zonko's or Honeydukes and when he convinced her to go to the Three Broomsticks she simply traced her finger in circles around the rim of her glass.

Sirius was feeling a bit frustrated because not only was he bored half to tears, he could tell Rebeka wasn't having much fun either. He couldn't help but wonder why she'd agreed to go out with him if she didn't really seem interested. For awhile Sirius wondered if he ought to just give it up as a bad job, but then he remembered that he had more reasons for going out with Rebeka than just to prove to his friends that he could. He should at least _try_ and salvage the date rather than give up so soon.

"So..." Sirius said and Rebeka looked up at him from her drink. "...when you...come here with your friends, what do you do for fun?"

Rebeka shrugged. "Shop, usually. There are some nice robe shops a few blocks down. And even if we don't buy anything we often have a chat over coffee or tea."

"Well...would you rather do that, then?" Sirius asked.

She looked up at him and nodded. "We could go to Madam Puddifoot's," she offered. "I like the...ah...atmosphere there."

"Do you usually go there with your friends?" Sirius asked as he paid, more to be polite and make conversation than because he particularly cared.

Rebeka smiled and shook her head. "It's not a place you usually go to with _friends_."

Sirius couldn't help but wonder exactly what that was supposed to mean, but he was quiet as they walked down the street and she led him into the shop.

And as they entered he saw...quite clearly...what she meant. All the tables and booths were set for two, and each was occupied with a couple ranging from awkward and giggly to passionate and steamy.

"Look," Rebeka said, leading Sirius by the hand. "There's an open booth over there, let's sit down."

Sirius did as he was told, feeling his apprehension level grow when Rebeka sat next to him rather than across from him. She held his hand in between their bodies, stroking Sirius's fingers. The boy did not object, but he couldn't really understand why she was doing this either. Up until about five minutes ago she'd seemed bored out of her mind. And it wasn't like they even really knew each other. Even in the few weeks between the time Sirius asked her out and the day the date arrived, they'd barely spoken.

When the server arrived Rebeka ordered a peppermint tea and Sirius a sweet iced tea. He tried to think of something to talk about while they waited for their beverages to arrive—Rebeka certainly wasn't starting any conversations—but he couldn't think of anything. As their server left, Rebeka let go of Sirius's hand and instead placed hers on his knee.

The tea shop suddenly seemed very hot and stuffy, too much so for Sirius's liking. He felt himself sweating and could feel his heart beating in his chest...but that was a good thing, right? Wasn't this the way he was supposed to feel when a pretty girl touched him? But...again...was it supposed to make him this uncomfortable? Moony's closeness—especially recently—always made him feel relaxed and at ease even when his heart was going a million miles an hour. He always wanted to get closer to Moony, find an excuse to touch him. Rebeka's hand was sliding up to his thigh now and all he wanted was to bolt from the room.

Sirius was relieved when their drinks arrived, but the appearance of her tea did not stop Rebeka's wandering hands. He really wanted to tell her she was making him uncomfortable and that he wanted her to stop, but he couldn't because he knew that this was right, this was how it was supposed to be. Rebeka's finger was tracing the inseam of Sirius's jeans and he wondered if this was supposed to make him hard...or was that supposed to come after kissing and other sorts of touching with clothes removed?

"Hot," Rebeka whispered, and Sirius stared at her. She smiled. "The tea," she explained, nodding at the steaming cup on the table. "Think we'll have to wait a bit...before it's ready to drink."

Then, without warning, she kissed him.

Sirius, who probably should have expected something with the way she was moving closer to him, but somehow didn't, simply sat there, eyes still open as he processed what she was doing and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do in return. Close his eyes, right? Folks were supposed to close their eyes when they kissed.

So he did. It wasn't really much of an improvement, not that he'd honestly expected it to be. He pressed his lips against hers and she pressed back harder, so Sirius figured that was the right thing to do. He did it again. Then he wondered when he was supposed to pull back. His instincts were screaming at him to do so now, right this second, as soon as possible, but Rebeka didn't seem interested in stopping right away. The girl was the one who pulled back when she'd had enough, right? Then again, Sirius had also always thought that the girl wasn't supposed to make the first move.

But before Sirius could decide whether he ought to pull back or not, a slippery wet tongue plunged into his mouth.

Oh.

He wasn't quite sure what to do with that, either. Touch it with his own tongue, maybe? He really didn't want to, in fact he wanted the tongue out of his mouth, but again he ignored instinct and slid his tongue across Rebeka's. Was this supposed to be exciting? Because it wasn't...really...maybe just because Sirius had never kissed anyone before and it was so new to him?

Sirius pulled away, honestly without meaning to, and came face-to-face with a slightly panting Rebeka.

"That was your first real snog, wasn't it?" she asked.

Slightly put out that it was so obvious, Sirius nodded. "That bad at it, am I?" the words slipped out before he could stop them.

But Rebeka just grinned. "Nah. You just need some practice, that's all. I could show you some other things, too," she added in a lower voice, running her hand along Sirius's thigh again.

And before the boy had a chance to protest, she was kissing him again. And he forced himself to kiss back because this was what he was supposed to do, right? He couldn't enjoy it without learning how to do it properly and he couldn't do that without practice. So he would sit here and snog her until he learned to like it even if it meant sitting in this cramped stuffy tea shop all night.

—

Peter and James both grinned as Sirius entered the dormitory.

"So, tell," James said, leaning forward on his bed. "How was your date?"

Sirius shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "Fine. We snogged."

"Just fine?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, suddenly feeling defensive. "Fine."

"Sirius, I thought you fancied this girl," James said, rolling his eyes. "After all that you get a date with her, hell you even snog, and all you can say is fine?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you're head over heels in love?" James suggested. "Well, have you made plans for another date?"

Sirius hadn't even thought of that. But he imagined spending his next Hogsmeade trip like he'd spent today and very nearly cringed. He shook his head quickly.

"Didn't you have fun?" James asked. "Or didn't she?"

Sirius sighed and sat down on his bed. "I don't know," he muttered, feeling unusually vulnerable and hating it. "Maybe...maybe I don't like her as much as I originally thought I did. It was...I don't know...it was boring, all right?"

Peter and James both laughed, and Sirius glared at them.

"It wasn't my fault!" he defended. "The stupid girl didn't want to go anywhere except this stupid tea shop and she didn't even want to talk about anything. All she wanted to do was make out."

"What's wrong with that?" Peter asked through giggles.

Sirius's face suddenly felt hot. He remembered that he was supposed to _like_ the kissing, that was what he was supposed to _want_.

"No, I understand what Sirius means," James said and Sirius felt relieved. "My first date with Lily will be filled with romantic strolls through the village, plenty of flirting, she'll tell me all about her dreams and desires...and _then_ we'll snog our brains out," he declared.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, nodding fervently. "I'm not complaining about the snogging..." he lied, "...I just thought there would be more to it than that."

"Well you picked the wrong girl, mate," James said, smiling. "Rebeka...yeah...she's great to look at...but not so much for conversation."

Peter nodded in agreement.

"Guess I'll have to find someone else then," Sirius said, with a sigh, feeling slightly relieved. It wasn't his fault he hadn't had fun today. It was Rebeka's for being a boring date. If he just found a girl that was more interesting, a girl that he could actually enjoy spending time with, then chances were he would enjoy kissing her more. It just made sense.


	11. 11—October 1974

**A/N:** Introducing another OFC, she's going to be prominent for the next couple of chapters but it's necessary.

—

"Today we are going to begin practicing the Shield Charm," announced Professor Jetty, this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

The students all grinned at each other as they put away their books and pulled out their wands. They'd been reading about the Shield Charm for weeks now and all thought it was about time they got some practical experience with it. Many, of course (including Sirius, James, Peter, and even Moony), had been practicing the charm in secret on their own when the chapter in _The Dark Forces _became too dull to handle.

"Everyone pair up and decide who will be the first to try the Shield Charm and who will be the first to try and curse the other—nothing too dangerous, now; I don't to have to send any of you to the hospital wing."

James partnered up with Peter (_"sorry, mate, but you have to admit he needs more practice than you do,"_) leaving Sirius to find someone else. He wished he could just work with Moony, but of course not only was the werewolf forbidden to do magic, he didn't have a wand either. It had taken some serious cajoling before Sirius managed to borrow James's wand so he and Moony could practice the spell in the privacy and security of the Room of Requirement.

"Do you need someone to work with, Sirius?" a soft, feminine voice asked.

Sirius turned around to see Rhonda Vick, Rebeka's younger sister, smiling at him. He nodded, slightly surprised at her friendliness. Sirius and Rhonda had been in Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic together since first year and while not quite friends, spoke in class on occasion and always waved or said hi in the halls. However, considering how disastrous the date with her sister had gone, Sirius thought Rhonda's feelings toward him would have cooled down a bit.

"All right," Sirius agreed, and they walked over to find an empty space.

"Do you want to try shielding first?" Rhonda asked. "I..." She looked over to make sure Professor Jetty wasn't listening and grinned. "...I've done a bit of practicing on my own, actually, so it might be more beneficial for you to go first."

Sirius couldn't help smiling back. "I've practiced on my own, too," he admitted. "Well, with James and Peter."

Rhonda laughed softly. "All right, then," she agreed. "I'm ready. Hit me."

"_Expellia–_"

"–_Protego!_" Rhonda shouted, and a bright shield formed around her, allowing her to keep a tight hold on her wand.

"Well done, Miss Vick!" Professor Vick shouted delightedly as he made his way over to them. "Ten points to Ravenclaw!"

Rhonda was either a natural or she really _had_ done a lot of practicing, because she was able to withstand all of Sirius's curses.

However, soon Professor Jetty called time to switch places, and Sirius would prove equally proficient.

"_Protego!_" Sirius shouted again and again as Rhonda tried to curse him. "You're going to have to be faster than that," he smiled at her, lifting his Shield Charm after her third failed jelly-legs jinx.

Rhonda just smiled back and Sirius braced himself as she lifted her wand for another attempt. The incantation was on the tip of Sirius's tongue, waiting for her to make a move when he suddenly found himself hanging upside-down in midair. Sirius shouted out in surprise as his wand fell out of his hands and some spare change clattered from his pockets. The class began to laugh at him, despite some of them sporting hexes of their own.

"You cheated!" Sirius shouted upside-down at Rhonda, who was giggling behind her hand. "You didn't say anything."

"Sorry, Sirius," Rhonda laughed. "Since I wasn't being challenging enough for you, I thought I'd try a non-verbal spell." She carefully let Sirius down and he haughtily brushed off his robes and picked his wand back up.

James, a pustule-covered Peter, and Moony were still giggling at his misfortune. "Cut it out, Moony," Sirius muttered at his werewolf, "some loyal pet you are...laughing at me."

"Sorry, Sirius," Moony apologized through giggles. "But you have to admit it was funny."

Sirius knew it was funny and that no one's laughter was ill-natured, but his pride prevented him from admitting so. "You'll see," he muttered, turning back to Rhonda. "_Taranta–_"

"–_Protego!_" yelled Rhonda, and the spell rebounded to hit an unsuspecting Peter. Sirius quickly forgot his own humiliation as the class's laughter turned to his friend and he joined in on it.

—

"...So...er...how's your sister?" Sirius asked Rhonda as the class packed up.

"The same as she always is," Rhonda shrugged. "She is a bit sore at you for not asking her out again," she admitted. "But then again she always finds something or other to complain about, so really it's not too much of a shock."

"I couldn't tell if she wanted me to ask her out again," Sirius confessed, though he knew that he wouldn't have bothered even if she had seemed interested. "She didn't really talk much—I couldn't even tell if she actually liked me or not."

"I know, that's why I was surprised when she told me she agreed to go out with you," Rhonda said. "I never got the feeling she particularly liked you..." She blushed, likely realizing that might of been offensive. "...I mean, not that you're unlikeable...I mean _I _like you..." Rhonda's face got an even deeper red. "...I mean...well...I just think that Rebeka agreed to go out with you more because you're attractive than anything else."

"You think I'm attractive?" Sirius asked. Then he mused that Rhonda's face seemed like it would retain its shade of scarlet for forevermore.

"Well...all the girls do," Rhonda said, trying to sound nonchalant. "You...well...you _are_," she admitted. "But since Rebeka's never really spent any time with you since last week, she hasn't had a chance to see any of your other qualities."

"Like how talented I am at magic?" Sirius suggested.

Rhonda laughed. "Or how you goof off in class," she added. "How you can't take a nonverbal curse..."

"I want you to teach me that, by the way," Sirius added. "I need some way to not-so-subtly let James know how sick I am of hearing him go on and on about Lily Evans."

Rhonda just laughed again. "I actually learned the spell from her," she said. "She said one of her really good friends actually made it up...though I'm not sure I quite believe that," she added.

"Oi!" James shouted, and Sirius and Rhonda turned to him. "The bell already rang, are you coming or are you going to sit and chat all day?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, can I meet you later to learn the spell then?"

"Sure," Rhonda agreed. "How about tomorrow night after dinner? I'll find you in the Great Hall."

"Okay," Sirius said. "See you then."

He waved at Rhonda and grabbed Moony's leash from the wall before joining James and Peter to head to their next class.

"What?" he said blankly, staring at James's smug face.

"I thought you said you liked _Rebeka_ Vick," James said, smirking. "I think you got your girls confused, mate."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked. "I _did_ like Rebeka...before I found out she's about as exciting as a flobberworm, anyway."

"But Rhonda's a bit more interesting, eh?" Peter said, matching James's smirk.

"Sure," Sirius shrugged. "You both know her. We've all had conversations with her; we all know she's capable of conversation."

"So are you going to ask _her_ out then?" James asked, nudging him.

"What? Why? I don't like her that way."

Peter and James looked at each other and laughed. "It sounded like you _already_ have a date planned," James commented. "Tomorrow night after dinner, yeah?"

"We're not having a _date_," Sirius muttered. "She's teaching me a curse—a curse I plan to use on _you_," he added.

"Sirius, why don't you just admit you like her?" Peter said, rolling his eyes. "It's obvious you do, and that she likes you too."

"I don't—wait a minute..." Sirius interrupted himself, looking at Peter. "She likes me?"

"You need to change your middle name to 'oblivious,'" James decided. "You really couldn't tell?"

Once he thought back on it, Sirius realized that yes, Rhonda must like him. She'd been blushing and stuttering when talking to him, she'd called him attractive and even _admitted_ she liked him (though she didn't specify that it was as more than just a friend).

"I suppose I could like her back," Sirius mused.

"You _could_ or you _do_?" James asked, shaking his head.

"Well I never really thought about before," Sirius admitted defensively. "I liked her sister up until a little while ago, remember?"

"That was long-lived," Peter said sarcastically.

"'Suppose that's what happens when you base it on looks alone," James shrugged. "Not that Rhonda's bad-looking," he added quickly. "She's pretty, just..."

"...flatter," Peter supplied.

"And her skin isn't as clear."

"And her legs aren't as long."

"And her hair isn't as shiny."

To be honest, Sirius hadn't really noticed any of those things. And to be honest, he didn't really care much. He hadn't liked kissing Rebeka no matter how beautiful she was, so maybe he'd like kissing Rhonda if he went out with her just because he liked her more.

"Good thing my Lily has both personality and looks," James sighed as the object of his affections passed by.

Sirius and Peter rolled their eyes at each other.

—

"Rhonda, do you like Quidditch?" Sirius asked. They were sitting in the Great Hall after dinner a few weeks after she had taught him the _Levicorpus_ spell, which he now used on James whenever the other boy spent more than sixty seconds ranting about Lily Evans (much to Peter and Moony's amusement). He wanted to ask Rhonda out on a date, but thought it would probably be more successful if they spent more time together beforehand. He'd discovered that she (reminding him of Moony) really liked to read, and sometimes he would read _Eight Simple Steps to Becoming an Animagus_ or work on homework with her after class.

"Hmm?" Rhonda said, looking up from her book. "Quidditch? Yeah, I like it all right. I don't really play, except sometimes with my cousins during holidays, but I like to watch it." She smiled. "My parents took Rebeka and I to the World Cup a few years ago. It was brilliant."

"Well, the match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff is this weekend. Would you like to watch it with me?"

Rhonda's smile became a grin. "Yeah, I'd love to."

"Great," Sirius smiled back. "It should be a great time."

—

"You should bring her flowers or something," Peter suggested.

"And put your arm around her when you're walking," James added.

"Maybe kiss her on the cheek when you meet her in the entrance hall."

"Tell her she looks really nice even if she's just wearing regular clothes."

"And say you've had more fun watching the match with her than you ever had with us."

Sirius sighed. "You're making this into so much of a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"Well you want it to be a good date, don't you?" James said. "You want it to actually work this time, don't you? And let's face it, mate, there are more romantic date destinations than a Quidditch match."

"What else am I supposed to do?" Sirius demanded. "The next Hogsmeade visit is ages away, and I don't want to be creeping around under the invisibility cloak with her."

"That's why you need to make it extra-special," Peter pointed out. "Make an ordinary weekend Quidditch match into a date she'll never forget."

—

Sirius washed down his pancakes with orange juice.

"You might want to hurry up, mate," James said to him from across the table. "It's almost time to go and you still need to bring Moony back upstairs."

"What?" Sirius asked, looking at his best friend. "What for? Moony always comes to Quidditch matches with us."

"Sirius, you're going on a date," Moony said, rolling his eyes at his owner. "I would just intrude."

"No you wouldn't," the Black boy objected. "It's not like having Peter or someone tag along; you're my pet."

"Isn't the whole point of going on a date to spend time alone with Rhonda?" Moony asked.

"But you'll miss the match," Sirius pointed out. "And you love Quidditch. And besides, Rhonda wouldn't mind at all. She's never had a problem with you in lessons or anything."

Moony sighed. "Sirius, listen. You're going on a _date_, all right? I know I'm not a human, but I would still get in the way. I don't need to witness your date. I'll be fine in the Room of Requirement. And look at it this way," he added with a smile, "if I'm not there you can tell me all about it when it's finished."

Sirius was still a bit put out that Moony wasn't going to join them, but he knew his werewolf had a point and grudgingly led him back to the Room of Requirement before he met Rhonda.

Sirius noted that he didn't feel any more excited or nervous about this date with Rhonda than he had before the one with Rebeka. He decided to chalk it up to not being the nervous type.

"You look very nice," Sirius said when he met Rhonda in the entrance hall, and she blushed slightly.

Really she was just wearing a cloak like everyone else, and a blue scarf, but she'd done up her hair differently and was wearing makeup and earrings. Sirius decided to continue taking his friends' advice and placed a quick kiss on her flushed cheek.

Rhonda giggled shyly. "So...you ready to go, then?" she asked.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. He held her hand as they walked to the Quidditch pitch.

It was easy, really, and much more comfortable than it had been with Rebeka...but there still wasn't the fluttering or excitement.

_Just give it time_, Sirius told himself. _It will get that way eventually. You haven't even kissed her properly yet._ And Sirius was much more willing to try and 'give it time' with Rhonda than he'd been with Rebeka. Though he missed Moony's presence at the match, he actually enjoyed spending the time with Rhonda and was able to talk and laugh with her.

They held hands again for the walk back to the castle, Sirius boasting about how Gryffindor won and Rhonda maintaining that Sirius's House will definitely not be so lucky when it's their turn to face Ravenclaw.

"Well, I'm off to the common room," Rhonda sighed as they headed back inside. "Got some Potions homework I ought to finish." She stopped walking and smiled up at Sirius. "I had a great time today, you know. It was fun to watch the game...you know...with you."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed truthfully. "It was fun for me, too."

Rhonda didn't say anything else; she just continued to smile at Sirius. It struck him that she wanted him to kiss her. Kiss her...that was what he was supposed to do. They'd had a date, they'd had fun...so now he had to kiss her. And he liked her, right? So it should be better than kissing Rebeka, right?

There was only one way to find out.

Sirius leaned forward and saw Rhonda close her eyes and do the same. Their lips met gently, softer and less forceful than Rebeka's had been.

_This isn't so bad,_ Sirius thought to himself as he pressed his lips to Rhonda's. _I guess I can deal with this_.

The girl was the one to pull back, and as she did she smiled breathlessly at Sirius.

"Wow," she whispered. Her chocolate-brown eyes shone with joy. It occurred to Sirius that, though darker, they were almost as pretty as Moony's. Almost.

Though, to be honest, he wasn't quite sure what she was "wow"ing about. This was only his second real kiss and there hadn't even been any tongues or anything that time. Was Sirius maybe better at it than he'd thought? Was Rhonda maybe not as good at it? Well, Sirius supposed it didn't really matter what he thought. At least he hadn't hated it, like with Rebeka. And if it made Rhonda go "wow," then that was quite a good sign, right?

"Just in case you couldn't tell," Rhonda murmured, looking into Sirius's eyes before leaning close and whispering in his ear, "I would definitely be interested in going out again." Then she gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked up the staircase, turning back around at the top to smile and wave at Sirius.

—

"Did you have a good time?" Moony asked politely, looking up from his book.

"Yeah," Sirius shrugged, launching himself onto the sofa and putting his feet up. "I see you found a way to watch the match," he added, gesturing at the floor-to-ceiling windows with a view of the Quidditch pitch that had not been there this morning.

"Yup," Moony smiled. "I could even hear the commentary. I'll have to congratulate James when I see him."

"Don't," Sirius disagreed. "His ego doesn't need any more inflating."

The werewolf just chuckled and turned back to his reading. Sirius didn't really feel like homework on a Saturday, even though he knew he had a fair amount to do, so he picked up his Animagus book again. He'd been through it a few times, knew all the steps, and thought he was ready to start preparing for an actual transformation...but he needed somewhere he could practice. The Room of Requirement could potentially be the perfect place if it wasn't already occupied by Moony. He knew he could just ask the room for a separate space, but his werewolf would know he was up to something. The dormitory had the risk of Peter or James walking in on him, so that was out. Really, the only place that seemed like it might work would be an empty classroom after hours. He could enchant the door to keep out intruders...and if he went when James had Quidditch practice his friends would be less likely to notice his absence.

Excitement bubbled up in Sirius's belly at the thought of actually turning this ambition into reality. He flipped through the book and reread _Step Five: Proving Proficient in Animal Transfigurations_ and _Step Six: Where Did that Tail Come From?_

—

"Had a good week?" Rhonda asked, pecking Sirius on the cheek as she sat down at the table beside him.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, scooting over to make room for her. He smirked. "Definitely had fun kicking your arse in D.A.D.A. this time."

"Please, you got through my Shield Charm once," Rhonda said, rolling her eyes. Then she softened. "I've been looking for you after dinner to work on homework together...but you haven't been around. You...er..." she blushed. "...you still like me, don't you?"

"What? Of course I do," Sirius said, turning to her. "I...I hadn't even thought about it, actually. I've been a bit busy." And it was the truth. Every evening James had had Quidditch practice, Sirius had snuck into an empty classroom to practice animal Transfiguration. They hadn't gotten to anything that advanced in class yet, so it was a challenge. And Sirius had mused more than once that it would be more fun if he had a friend with him, but he didn't want James, Peter, or Moony to know what he was up to.

Then an idea struck him. "Rhonda, maybe you could help me," he suggested.

Rhonda furrowed her brow and looked at Sirius. "With what?"

"I'm trying to advance myself in Transfiguration," Sirius explained. He didn't need to tell Rhonda why. "It'd be more fun if you were practicing with me."

"Sure," Rhonda grinned.

"How about tomorrow morning?" Sirius asked. "I can meet you in the entrance hall after breakfast, after I take Moony back upstairs."

"It's a date," she said.


	12. 12—November 1974

**A/N:** Rated M for sexual situations, sexual conversation, and bad language.

—

"Sirius, I think that's really good," Rhonda said, trying to hide her giggling behind her hand.

The desk with the legs, head, and tail of a mule came up and nudged her, and she started to pet it.

"Yeah, except for the fact that it's still a desk," Sirius muttered, going up to where the mule's flank would be and opening up the desk drawer to reveal parchment and quills.

"But it's a great try for a fourth-year," the Ravenclaw pointed out, waving her wand so the half-mule, half-desk became entirely a desk again. "This is N.E.W.T.-level stuff, Sirius, and you're already making such good progress."

"I guess," Sirius conceded.

"Try the textbooks again," Rhonda suggested, picking up an outdated copy of _Hogwarts, A History _and placing it on a table for Sirius.

Sirius sighed, flourished his wand, and the textbook became an armadillo.

"See?" Rhonda said happily.

"Yeah, I can get the smaller animals all right, it's just the bigger ones I have trouble with," Sirius explained.

"How about something in between then?" Rhonda suggested. "Try a chair instead of the whole desk."

"Maybe..." Sirius said, looking at one of the chairs critically. "What animal do you think I should go for?"

"Hmm," Rhonda said, flipping through the library copy of _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_. "Here's an incantation to change into an eagle..._Aquilain._ The wrist movement is a twirl and then a slash."

"You _would_ pick an eagle, Rhonda," the Gryffindor boy said, rolling his eyes as he prepared his wand.

"Just 'cause I'm in Ravenclaw?" she asked, stepping up to him. "And what have you got against eagles, then?"

"Nothing," Sirius said innocently.

"Eagles are very strong and...powerful...and wise...and they have great eyesight," Rhonda added.

"A lion would beat an eagle in a fight, that's all I'm saying," Sirius said.

"An eagle would be too smart to fight with a lion in the first place. It would just fly off."

"That's very brave," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Eagles don't need to be brave," Rhonda pointed out. "What good would bravery do an eagle?"

"Make him more impressive," he suggested.

"Eagles are impressive enough as it is," Rhonda argued. She pointed at the chair. "Now if you go and actually succeed in Transfiguring one, I can show you what I mean."

Sirius twirled and slashed his wand at the chair, shouting, "_Aquilain!_" and the chair grew a giant pair of wings. Sirius sighed.

"Go at it again," Rhonda encouraged. "It's your first try, Sirius, no one gets a full successful transfiguration on their first try."

So Sirius waved his wand at a different chair, and this time got a pair of talons to go with the wings. He tried it on each chair of the classroom in turn, with varying degrees of success, until finally one of the chairs transformed completely into a dark-feathered eagle. It took a turn around the classroom, looking disdainfully at its partially-transfigured counterparts, before perching gracefully on a beam of the ceiling.

"See?" Rhonda said happily.

"Yeah," Sirius smiled. "I got it. And if I can get chairs, maybe soon I can get desks–"

"–No, no, not that," Rhonda cut in. "I mean yeah, you got it, good for you, but look at the eagle. See how graceful and majestic it is?"

"I'm going to take that as a compliment on my part," Sirius decided, "as _I'm_ the one who Transfigured the eagle." He raised his chin in pride.

Rhonda spent a second looking at him before she burst out laughing. "You are a lot of things, Sirius Black, but two things you are _not_ are graceful and majestic."

"And you are?"

"Don't you think so?" Rhonda asked flirtatiously, giving Sirius a coy smile as she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"Maybe," Sirius shrugged, smiling back at her. He took a step closer. "So if I'm not 'graceful' or 'majestic,' then what am I?"

"So lacking in self-confidence that you need to fish for compliments?" Rhonda asked, stepping closer to Sirius.

"Certainly not," Sirius disagreed, grinning. "I just love hearing how great I am."

Rhonda gave him a playful shove, which she then negated by stepping close to him again. "Well...you're handsome. Funny. Smart. Quite good at Transfiguration, apparently. And completely full of yourself to boot," she added with a grin.

"Better to have an excess of confidence than none at all," Sirius shrugged, unfazed.

"What about me?" Rhonda asked, taking another step closer so they were standing less than a foot apart. She cocked her head to one side. "How would you describe me?"

"Evidently, just as apt to fish for compliments as I am."

Rhonda chuckled. She put her hands on Sirius's waist. "I mean it. What do you think of me? Do you think I'm...pretty?"

"Sure," Sirius said.

Rhonda laughed and pushed him away again. "You're lying!" she accused playfully. "After you've gone out with my sister you can't really think that."

"You're still pretty," Sirius argued, walking up to her again. Again, she placed a hand on either side of his waist as she smiled at him. "Maybe you don't have the same looks she does but you're smarter and funnier and much more interesting. I like you more than her," he added.

Rhonda encircled Sirius's waist with her arms, drawing their bodies closer. Sirius felt a shiver of discomfort but chose to ignore it. This was what they were supposed to do. "You mean that?" Rhonda whispered, and Sirius nodded. "I like you, too," she whispered. And then she leaned forward and kissed him.

Sirius expected it this time, at least, even though they hadn't kissed on the lips since their Quidditch date several weeks ago. But he supposed it was about time for it to happen again. He kissed back like he had before, pressing and repeating, and after a moment Rhonda took Sirius's bottom lip between hers. They slowly experimented with opening each other's mouths and tasting each other's tongues. It wasn't nearly as abrupt or unpleasant as it had been with Rebeka, but Sirius still felt himself growing bored fast. He couldn't quite understand why people did this. Was it supposed to be fun or exciting? Because it wasn't. Or was it maybe just supposed to be fun and exciting for the girl?

It was supposed to lead to sex, eventually, which _would_ be fun and exciting, but they weren't going to do that right now so what was the point? Why kiss if things weren't going to lead to sex? All those couples in the tea shop...why did they do it? There were better ways to occupy the time.

Sirius pulled away after a few minutes and Rhonda smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling just like they had been the last time he kissed her.

"Did you like that?" Sirius asked, curious.

"Yeah," Rhonda nodded emphatically. "It was brilliant."

"Good." Sirius tried to force a smile even as worry crept over him. There was something wrong with him. Why did she enjoy the kissing but not him?

Rhonda frowned, possibly noticing that Sirius's smile was fake. "Didn't you like it?" she asked.

"Of course," Sirius lied, nodding and putting an arm around her for emphasis. "Yeah, definitely."

Rhonda sighed and leaned into him, holding him and resting her head against his chest. "Maybe I'm just not that good at it yet," she admitted. "I've read about it, but...you're the first boy I've kissed, you know? When I was younger I...sort of had a boyfriend, but we were kids so all we did was hold hands and hug sometimes."

"I don't think you're bad at it," Sirius said truthfully. It was his fault for being defective, not hers. "I just think it's a bit new...for both of us. The more we practice, the better each of us will get at it, and the more we'll enjoy it," he decided.

"Yeah?" Rhonda said, stepping back to smile up at him.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Look, I saw on the notice board the other day that there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up in two weeks. You want to go with me?"

"Of course I do," Rhonda said, linking her fingers with Sirius's. "I've been wanting to go with Hogsmeade with you for ages...even since before you asked Rebeka out," she admitted.

"All right then," Sirius agreed. "So we'll go to Hogsmeade together when the trip comes up and in the mean time..." he shrugged. "We'll just have to have a few more nights when we practice Transfiguration...and after that we practice snogging," he decided.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Rhonda concluded. She hugged Sirius again, and he hugged her back. He wondered why people didn't just hug instead of kiss. He liked this a lot better. "So..." Rhonda asked as she held him. "...does this make me your girlfriend, then? If we're going to be dating and...kissing?"

"Yeah," muttered Sirius, who hadn't really given it much thought. "I guess it does."

Rhonda grinned against Sirius's chest. "Brilliant," she whispered.

It was another moment before they pulled away. "It's going to be curfew in a bit," Rhonda sighed. "We should probably fix these chairs and get back to our common rooms."

Sirius nodded. Rhonda helped Sirius Untransfigure the chairs—the eagle that had been sitting on a ceiling beam fell to the floor with a loud crash—they put them back in their proper places in the classroom and then left. Sirius walked Rhonda to her staircase.

"Well, I'll see you in class tomorrow, Sirius," Rhonda said. She gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before departing.

—

_Rhonda_, Sirius thought, his eyes shut tight as the water cascaded over his body and pounded onto the floor. Rhonda's lips against his. Rhonda's tongue in his mouth. Rhonda's pretty dark eyes.

Moony's eyes, light and searching. Moony's pale wet body.

_No! _Rhonda was his girlfriend. Rhonda. Her mouth on his. Her arms around him, holding him. His hands in her long dark hair, and hers in his.

"Sirius!" James's voice reverberated through the bathroom over the sound of the shower spray. "Quit wanking; I want a shower!"

"Go fuck yourself!" Sirius shouted back. _Rhonda. Rhonda's lips, Rhonda's tongue, Rhonda's mouth._

"I can't! You're hogging the shower! Finish up already!"

Sirius groaned in frustration rather than pleasure. _Moony,_ he thought. _Moony naked in the water. Moony laughing, Moony's eyes, Moony's cock_...

He finished within the minute, panting as he turned off the water and grabbed his towel.

"About time," James complained as Sirius returned to the dormitory. "Merlin, Sirius, how long does it take to wank?"

"I was _showering_," Sirius muttered without catching his best friend's eye.

"Exactly," James smirked. He looked around for one of his own towels. "Now I'm going to go have a _shower_," he announced to Sirius and Peter, winking. "A nice, good, _shower_."

"Good to know," Peter commented, rolling his eyes.

Sirius changed into his pajamas but didn't really feel like going to sleep yet. Peter was still up, working on last-minute homework, and James was off 'showering.' Sirius grabbed the library's _Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_ and flipped through it, looking for some new ideas to Transfigure animals. According to _Eight Simple Steps_, it would be pointless to even attempt an Animagus transformation unless he was an expert at Transfiguring large animals.

A little while later, James returned from the bathroom, putting on pajamas himself and falling onto his bed.

"James?" Sirius murmured, putting his book down.

"Yeah?"

"When you..." Sirius looked at his best friend's nightstand instead of his face, "...toss off...what do you think about?"

"You, Sirius darling," James answered, batting his eyelashes at his best friend while Peter giggled. Then he rolled his eyes. "Lily, of course. Who else?"

"Well...yeah..." Sirius muttered, "...but...do you just picture her naked or...imagine yourself kissing her or...imagine yourself shagging her...?"

"First of all," James said, sitting up on his bed and sounding highly affronted, "I would _never, ever_ 'shag' Lily. I would make love to her."

Peter giggled, and Sirius couldn't help letting out a chuckle. "So?" he asked after a moment when James still hadn't really answered his question. "Is that what you think about then?"

"Depends," James shrugged. "A lot of times it doesn't even get that far. I think about her face, how pretty she looked today, then I think about kissing her and touching her...but I'm usually done before it gets to the part where I'm inside her."

"Mm," Sirius murmured, his heart slowly sinking. "Do you think you would get hard then...you know...from just kissing her?"

"Sirius, sometimes I get hard from just _looking_ at her," James admitted. Then he smirked. "Why?" he asked. Then he imitated a baby voice, "Siri's wee-wee not working?"

"Shut up," Sirius said, throwing a pillow at his friend, who laughed. Then Sirius turned to his other roommate. "Peter, you had that girlfriend over the summer. Did you get hard when you kissed her? Did you get off from thinking about kissing her or doing other stuff?"

Peter grinned at the memories. "Well, the first time I met her she was just coming back from a Muggle pool, so she was in shorts and a bikini top...so pretty much I just wanked to that for awhile. But when I kissed her it usually got me hard, especially when she wasn't wearing a lot, which was most of the time. I mean, not from just a quick kiss, you know, but when we kissed for more then like a minute then yeah. Especially when we were at the beach or pool and she was in her bikini top...it showed so much cleavage and even though she wouldn't let me touch her boobs I could touch her sides and her stomach and the bare skin there. That always got me the hardest and that's usually what I would get off to. And sometimes when she pressed her boobs against me when we hugged."

Sirius tried to think if Rhonda's boobs pressed against him when they hugged. They must have at some point, right? He couldn't remember.

"Did you ever...?" Sirius asked, leaning forward and looking at Peter. "...did you always think about her or did you think about anyone else?"

"Yeah, sometimes I thought about other chicks," Peter shrugged. "Still do. I mean, it was usually her because she was so hot and I liked her so much, but sometimes I saw another hot girl in a bikini and I'd think about her instead. And now, you know, since she's not around anymore I think about other girls sometimes. But it's easier to think about her because I've seen her with way less clothes on than I've seen any of the birds here."

"Yeah, but you can imagine them naked," James pointed out. "I've never seen Lily in anything less than a t-shirt or a skirt but my imagination fills it in for me."

"And do you think about anyone else?" Sirius asked, turning to him. "Do you picture other girls or is it always Lily?"

"It's always Lily in the end," James said. "There've been a few times I've tried to think about other girls, but they never get me as hard. And even when I do get off from them it's never as good as when I think about Lily. And I'm in love with Lily," he added, as though that settled the matter. "She's the only one I have dreams about. She's the only one I'll ever want."

"And you're going to end up alone because of it," Peter sniggered. "Hey!" he shouted a moment later as he was unwillingly hoisted into the air and flipped upside-down by James's wand.

Sirius and James both laughed before James let Peter down. Neither of the others said anything else, so Sirius decided not to continue the conversation either. Maybe he just hadn't gone far enough with Rhonda to excite himself. Maybe it took more for him. He knew he liked her because he really enjoyed spending time with her. When he'd taken her to Hogsmeade, unlike with Rebeka, they'd actually walked around the village, holding hands and laughing. They'd avoided Madam Puddifoot's, but instead cuddled in a booth in the Three Broomsticks and snogged some. And it had been just like when they kissed in the classroom after Transfiguration practice: neither horrible nor exciting. Rhonda always loved it; Sirius could tell by the way her breathing sped up and her face flushed and her eyes glowed when she smiled at him. Sirius...just couldn't understand the allure. It was like reading a chapter in _The Standard Book of Spells_: it passed the time, but Sirius would rather sit and talk or go flying on his broom or practice magic with Moony.

And Moony...

Stupid Moony.

Even though they now only shared Sirius's bed on nights after a full moon, the young wizard still had the occasional dream about his werewolf. Dreams with only one of two results: a mad dash to the bathroom or a whispered, "_Tergeo!_" accompanied by a flick of his wand under the sheets.

Though he still really didn't understand the attraction, Sirius reasoned that maybe he could get off on Moony and not Rhonda because he'd seen Moony naked and every time he'd seen Rhonda she'd been fully clothed. The only problem with this theory was that its only solution would be to see Rhonda naked, which he didn't think the girl would be interested in at this point in time. But maybe...Peter said he really got off on his girlfriend in her bikini...maybe if he saw Rhonda partly naked it would be enough for him. Maybe if he could kiss her while touching bare skin other than her hands...that would make him hard and he could prove to himself that Sirius Black was just a normal, straight fourteen-year-old boy.


	13. 13—December 1974

**A/N:** This chapter contains some light het. Nothing past 2nd base but warning you anyway. And there will be a lot more of Remus in the next chapter, I promise.

—

It would have to be in the Room of Requirement.

There were no more Hogsmeade trips until after the Christmas holidays, and Sirius didn't want to wait that long if he could help it.

And he wanted to make a date out of it. There weren't really many opportunities for Hogwarts students to go on actual dates outside of Hogsmeade, but since he knew about the Room of Requirement he could use it to his advantage. He would ask James and Peter to look after Moony for the evening, go down to the kitchens beforehand and request a special meal to be brought up there (he was sure they'd be more than accommodating), and get the room to create a lovely romantic atmosphere. After a dinner filled with stimulating conversation and laughter, they would move to the sofa in front of the hearth where they would kiss...and then maybe...hopefully...do some other things that would make Rhonda feel more like his girlfriend and less like a girl friend that he snogged with.

Part of Sirius was very worried that he wouldn't like going further with Rhonda any more than he liked kissing her, but he tried not to think about it. Of course he would like it. Boys always liked to see girls take articles of clothing off. And they always liked to touch girls. Sirius would be no different. And once he got to experience a bit of what went past just kissing, he would find the kissing itself way more interesting because he'd be able to recall the excitement that the next step would bring about.

_So what's stopping you?_ Sirius asked himself each time a day passed by and he hadn't made plans for a romantic date. _Why not? The sooner you get this done with, the sooner you'll be able to jerk off to Rhonda instead of Moony, the sooner you'll know for sure that you're normal, and the sooner you can brag to James and Peter about it_.

_I'm going to do it today_, Sirius told himself as he stepped into his morning Potions class. James had Quidditch practice, so he was meeting Rhonda after dinner to spend some time practicing Transfiguration and some time snogging, and at some point during that he would bring up the idea of a romantic dinner for two with something special planned. After she agreed, he would talk to James, Peter, and Moony about the werewolf spending the evening with the other two in the common room or dorms while he was on his date. _I'm going to do it today,_ Sirius repeated to himself again and again as he mixed his Pepperup Potion, ignoring Slughorn's repeated remarks about how perfect the timing was to learn this potion, considering the time of year.

_I'm going to do it today_, Sirius told himself at the end of the lesson as the class began to pack up so the Gryffindors could head to Charms.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Snape, Miss Evans, a word please," Professor Slughorn called through the classroom.

Sirius exchanged a blank look with James and Peter, who both shrugged at him before leaving.

Grabbing Moony's leash from the wall, Sirius joined two of his fellow classmates at the front of the room, waiting uncertainly to hear what their professor had to say.

Slughorn began his pronouncement with a jovial smile at the trio. "I've watched all of you since you were just first-years," he explained. "Didn't know much about you then, though it immediately became clear how good you two are at Potions." He winked at Lily Evans and Severus Snape, who smiled at each other, the latter albeit a bit hesitantly. "And of course, I knew who you were right away," he said to Sirius. "Your whole family have been in my House, haven't they, your brother included. 'Course, I was a bit disappointed I lost you to McGonagall–"

_You and the rest of the world,_ Sirius thought bitterly, waiting impatiently for Slughorn to get to the point.

"–but out of your class, I've decided to invite the three of you to join the Slug Club."

"The what?" Sirius asked, staring at his teacher and wondering who would possibly want to join an association calling itself the 'Slug Club.'

"You know, Sirius," Lily said, turning to her classmate and beaming for some reason. "Professor Slughorn invites a select few students to join, and they host dinner parties and such. It's a great way to make friends. I've wanted to join since first year," she added, shyly turning back to the professor. "But of course, I knew Professor Slughorn only asks fourth-years and up."

"And I've had you on my list from the beginning, Lily," Slughorn smiled, giving her another wink. "But it gives me time to get to know the class and see who I'd like to invite—not to mention the fact that the parties can be after curfew and not necessarily suitable for the younger students."

"Well thanks for the invite," Sirius muttered, "but I think I'll pass." He wasn't any better at Potions than any of his other subjects and unimpressed by the fact that Slughorn had picked him simply because of his family.

"At least consider coming to the Christmas party," Slughorn said in a slightly pleading voice, shoving a fancy parchment invitation into Sirius's hands before handing identical invitations to Lily and Snape. "It's always loads of fun. I expand the office to several times its normal size and there's hors d'oeuvres, drinks, and live entertainment. You can bring a date too, if you'd like," Slughorn pointed to the 'and Guest,' printed in fancy lettering on his invitation.

"Please come, Sirius," Lily pleaded. "I bet Rhonda would have a blast. And just think how disappointed she'd be if she found out you had the chance to go to the party together but you didn't want to take her."

Sirius sighed and took a look at the invitation. "The party's on my birthday!" he complained.

"What a lovely coincidence!" Slughorn exclaimed. "I'll talk to the house-elves about a cake."

"What's wrong, Sirius? I think you're lucky," Lily said. "I wish I had a party scheduled on my birthday. Imagine how much more fun you'll have at a party with Rhonda than you would sitting in the common room."

"All right, I'll go already," Sirius sighed, interrupted at the end by the bell.

"Merlin, is that the bell?" Slughorn asked. "Well, you three had better get off to class now. I hope to see you all at the party."

—

Sirius wasn't entirely sure why he decided to make his and Rhonda's 'big date' Slughorn's Christmas party instead of the romantic evening in the Room of Requirement he'd half-planned and never got around to. Possibly it was because it was the last day of term, so he could put it off longer, but that didn't make sense because he wanted to move ahead with her sooner rather than later, right? Was it because he thought Rhonda might be more likely to respond favorably to his planned advances on his birthday? Or did part of him think there might not even be a chance of them happening since they'd be at a party rather than in private?

Of course, he could always take her to the Room of Requirement after the party, couldn't he? Would he?

"James," Sirius muttered on the eve of the party, hoisting his bag more securely on his shoulders as they entered the common room.

"What's up?" James asked his best friend.

"Would you mind looking after Moony during the party tomorrow? I think I might want to take Rhonda to the Room of Requirement. You know...after," he muttered.

Peter began giggling and James smirked. "Can't, mate," James shrugged. "Though Peter might be able to."

"Why?" Sirius asked, furrowing his brow. "What are you going to be doing while I'm at the party?"

James gave a smug smile. "I'm going to the party. With Lily."

Sirius and Peter looked at each other and laughed.

"Just watch," James said smugly. He sat his bag down beside an armchair and strode over to where Lily was laughing and chatting with her friends. "Hey, Lily," he said casually, sitting beside her on the sofa and putting his arm around her shoulders. She immediately shrugged him off and scooted over.

"What do you want, Potter?" she sighed while the other girls laughed.

"Just wondering if you'd like to go to Slughorn's Christmas party with me," he said sweetly.

The volume of the girls' laughter increased, and Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter, you weren't even _invited_ to Slughorn's party."

"You were," James pointed out.

Lily scoffed and scooted even farther away from him on the couch. "So you're asking _me_ to ask _you_ to the Christmas party. Do you think you're being funny, Potter, or are you really just that obnoxious?"

"Lily, I really want to go with you," James insisted, trying unsuccessfully to take her hand. "It'll be the most romantic night of your life."

"No thank you," Lily retorted, getting off the couch and grabbing her books from the table in a huff. She started toward the girls' dormitories before changing her mind halfway through and turning back around. "And for your information, Potter, I'm already going with Severus." Then she stormed off.

"_Snivellus?_" James asked in disbelief, leaning back against the sofa. "She's going with _Snivellus_ over me?"

"It's just as friends," one of the other girls assured James.

"I'm sure she'll grow out of it," another one added. "She'll probably realize you're the better choice eventually."

"Don't encourage him," Sirius and Peter said simultaneously as they joined their fellow Gryffindor fourth-years.

This caused both boys and the girls to start laughing, and after a moment James joined in.

"So what do you say, mate?" Sirius asked, remembering his own plans for the night and turning back to James. "Let Moony sit in here with you guys while I take Rhonda to the party?"

"Yeah, sure, Sirius," James smiled. "Anything."

"Great," Sirius said. He felt his heartbeat begin to race as he thought forward to that night...what he had planned. He had to go through with it, he just had to. He had to prove...well he had to prove something.

"You don't know how lucky you are," James muttered as the girls bade them goodnight and went to join Lily in the dormitories. "Not only have you got a girlfriend, you've got a girlfriend who might actually let you..."

"I don't know yet," Sirius murmured, running his hands through his hair. "We haven't discussed it or anything. I'm only going to try and still...I'm not planning on going _that_ far. One step at the time, you know?"

"Well go as far as she'll let you," Peter advised. Then he smiled. "You know, the more you do, the more you'll have to go on when you–"

"–Right," Sirius interrupted, looking away. He knew he needed it though. Thinking of Rhonda instead of Moony was just so hard and so much less satisfying and exciting. He was beginning to hate himself every time he did it. But he told himself that would soon change. All he needed was to go a bit further with Rhonda and then he'd be able to wank to her every time and it would be much more enjoyable and he could just bask in the sensations instead of feeling like a pervert for it.

—

Sirius and Lily walked down from Gryffindor Tower together to meet their respective dates.

"There they are," Lily said cheerfully, waving across the entrance hall at Rhonda and Snape. Both waved back.

Sirius greeted Rhonda with a quick kiss while Lily met Snape. He heard the Slytherin boy whisper, "You look really beautiful," to Lily and could see her blush in his peripheral vision. Sirius wondered if he should say something similar to Rhonda. She did dress for the occasion, apparently, wearing a flattering red dress and a poinsettia in her long braided her.

"I like your dress," Sirius murmured. "It looks really good on you."

"Really?" Rhonda asked, apparently thrilled. She gave Sirius another kiss. "Rebeka said I didn't have the body for it, but I don't think I look too bad. And besides..." she took Sirius's hand and grinned at him. "You're my boyfriend, you like me anyway."

"Sure I do," Sirius said.

"Don't listen to Rebeka, Rhonda," Lily cut in. "Sirius is right, you look stunning."

Rhonda grinned at her friend. "Thanks. So should we head down, then?"

The others nodded in agreement and Sirius and Rhonda, hand-in-hand, followed Snape and Lily to Slughorn's office. Sirius could see Snape attempt to hold Lily's hand the way Rhonda was holding Sirius's, but she pulled away and gently chided him.

"I told you, Sev, we're going as friends. Your friendship is too important to me for us to mess it up by dating."

"I'm not allowed to hold your hand as a friend, then?" he asked, scowling at her. "Are you even going to dance with me at the party?"

Lily sighed. "Of course I'll dance with you. Please don't be like this. I want us to have fun."

Smiling, Rhonda leaned in close to Sirius to whisper in his ear, "I'm glad we don't have that problem."

He just nodded and squeezed her hand. They had a very different problem, although she didn't know it. But hopefully it would be solved tonight anyway.

The party itself actually wasn't too horrible, except when Slughorn came out with a cake and tried to encourage everyone to sing "Happy Birthday" to Sirius. Many of the group were Slytherins that had about as much affection for Sirius as his family did; everyone else just knew him as the kid with the pet werewolf and one of those Gryffindors that got detention for trying to sneak Doxies into the Slytherins' laundry. Slughorn and Lily were the only ones that really sang (though Sirius would have greatly preferred it if they hadn't at all) and Rhonda half-sang while also giggling and patting Sirius consolingly on the arm. But other than that, the food and drinks were tasty, the music was good, and since Sirius spent most of the party with Rhonda, the company was pleasant. They danced a bit, which Sirius liked. It wasn't that he minded touching her, not at all. He liked hugging and dancing and holding hands and whatnot. Just none of it...so far...was anywhere close to sexually exciting for him.

_It will be_, Sirius told himself. Promised himself. Tonight.

After a couple of hours the party was beginning to die down and Sirius knew the time had come. For the first time in this...relationship, he felt his heart pounding with nerves as he took Rhonda's hand and led her to a corner.

"I don't want this night to end," Sirius whispered in her ear in what he hoped was a seductive manner. "Will you come with me? I have a place I want to show you."

Dark eyes that looked even darker in the dim lighting glowed at Sirius as their owner nodded, kissed him, and took his hand. They bade goodnight to Slughorn and Lily as they left, and then Sirius led Rhonda by the hand through the deserted corridors up to the seventh floor.

"Where are we going?" Rhonda whispered excitedly in Sirius's ear, clutching his hand.

"You'll see," Sirius whispered back. His nerves had not died down on the walk upstairs. He tried to see this as a good thing—it meant he was excited about what they were about to do, right?

They made it to the corridor and Sirius let go of Rhonda's hand, telling her to hold on for just a moment. He walked past the wall three times, imagining a cozy little room set up for a romance between two young lovers, accessible only to him and Rhonda. The door appeared moments later, much to the girl's astonishment, and Sirius smiled at her, took her hand again, and led her in.

This room was smaller than Moony's, and dimmer. The fireplace was just as grand, but on the back wall instead of the right wall. A love-seat in front of the hearth was the centerpiece of the room, and it was surrounded by tables covered in dozens of tiny glowing candles. The room seemed to have a red tinge to it, probably because the love-seat, hearth rug, and a few decorative tapestries adorning the walls were all scarlet.

"Wow, Sirius," Rhonda breathed, staring around. "I never knew a place like this existed in the castle."

"Not many people know about it," Sirius murmured, and then he couldn't help wondering if this room had ever existed before. It must have, he decided. The school was a thousand years old; how many generations of young lovers would have walked by needing a private place to express their affection? They couldn't be the first to sit on this love-seat in front of this hearth, staring into each other's eyes before holding each other and kissing.

Sirius led Rhonda to the sofa, where they both sat gingerly down. The candlelight reflected in Rhonda's chocolate eyes as she stared at Sirius.

They _were_ pretty eyes, he reminded himself. Maybe they weren't as unique as Moony's, but that didn't mean they weren't pretty.

"Happy birthday, Sirius," Rhonda whispered solemnly, her eyes not leaving his.

"Thanks," Sirius whispered back in the same tone, not breaking eye contact either.

Then Rhonda closed her eyes and leaned forward and so did Sirius, their lips meeting a half-second later.

It felt different, tonight, much more serious than usual. Still not arousing, no matter how much Sirius wanted it to be, but the atmosphere was different. Maybe because Sirius knew he was planning on a bit more than just their usual make-out sessions. He wondered if Rhonda could feel it too.

After a few minutes of sliding his tongue around Rhonda's mouth and feeling her do the same to him, Sirius pulled back. He could still feel his own heartbeat, not from the intensity of the kiss but from the nerves that accompanied trying something for the first time, trying something that he hoped to Merlin would work because he was Sirius Black and he couldn't be queer and this would prove once and for all that he wasn't.

"Rhonda," he whispered, taking and caressing her hand. "If it's...all right with you...I'd like to try something."

She looked at him for a moment, searching his eyes, and then nodded. He kissed her again, deep like he had before, and one of his hands crept up to the back of her head. She reached up to undo her braid, letting her long hair fall over her shoulders and back. Sirius's other hand made its way through the strands until it reached the fabric of the back of her dress. He located the line where fabric met skin and traced his finger along it until he found the zipper. He held her back with one hand to keep steady before giving the zipper a tug, sliding it down. Then Sirius hesitated for a moment, waiting for Rhonda's reaction. She continued to kiss him, leaning him down on the love-seat so his back rested against one of the side cushions and she lay over him, partly on top of him.

Sirius undid the zipper the rest of the way before Rhonda pulled back. She was panting and breathless, as she always was when they snogged for more than a minute. After looking at him for a second, she kissed him chastely on the lips before leaning back again. She slid the straps of her dress off her shoulders so the garment fell to her waist. It wasn't completely off, but Sirius could now see her flat stomach, her clavicle, and the part of her breasts that weren't hidden by her black bra.

Was the sight simply supposed to excite him? Or did he need to touch first?

Tentatively, Sirius reached a hand out to caress her side. The skin was smooth and the flesh very soft, and the touch made her shiver. Rhonda ran her hands up Sirius's chest, pausing at his collar. She looked at him while her fingers slid the button of his shirt through the buttonhole.

Sirius's nerves crept up on him again. He hadn't even thought about this. He'd planned this night with the purpose of seeing and touching her without a shirt on—it hadn't even occurred to him that she might want to see and touch with any of his clothes off. And he wasn't sure he was comfortable with it.

_It's a good thing_, Sirius reminded himself. _Don't you think you'll be more likely to get turned on if she's touching you?_

He didn't know. But it might work, he had to see.

Running his hands up and down Rhonda's sides, he let her unbutton his shirt all the way and help guide his arms out the sleeves. Then she kissed him, wrapping an arm around his bare waist. He wrapped one of his arms around hers as well. As they kissed she slid a hand between them, sliding it up and down his chest.

Sirius pulled back.

"You okay?" Rhonda whispered, still panting slightly.

He nodded, slightly embarrassed that he hadn't been able to control his automatic reaction to pull away. The fact was that he didn't _want_ her touching him like that. It made him really uncomfortable and as much as he liked her, all he wanted was to remove himself from the situation.

But he knew that wasn't what he was supposed to want. He was supposed to enjoy the feeling of her small hands against his skin. It was supposed to arouse him. And he needed to touch her, too, and it wouldn't be fair to ask her to let him touch her if he wouldn't let her touch him.

So he kissed her again, sliding his hands up and down her back and over her stomach as she felt his chest. She pulled away only to move her head to Sirius's neck and start kissing him there, and down his collarbone and chest. "Do you like that?" she whispered, her breath hitting his chest as she spoke.

"Yeah," Sirius lied, and she continued. She took one of his hands and guided it to the hollow between her breasts. He let it rest there, unsure of exactly what he was supposed to do. Rhonda's lips made her way back up Sirius's clavicle and neck before they met his mouth again.

"You can take my bra off it you want," she whispered, her face inches from his as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Okay," Sirius murmured. He reached around her back and fumbled a bit with the clasp before she helped him. The bra fell between them and exposed the rounded bits of flesh with the protruding pink nipples. Rhonda bit her lip, clearly nervous about it, but Sirius didn't know quite what to say. He spent a moment just staring and willing his dick to show any sort of interest, but nothing happened.

_Touch,_ he told himself. _Touch her. Kiss her like she was kissing you a minute ago_. So he did. He put his hand on one of her boobs and kissed her neck. Rhonda wrapped her arms around him and moaned softly against him. "I like that," she whispered.

Sirius was glad at least one of them was enjoying it. He palmed the other breast with his other hand as well and wondered what it was about these things that made it impossible for guys to shut up about them. Why was cupping a breast any different from touching her hands or her waist or any other part of her body?

After a few minutes of touching her breasts and kissing her neck, he wondered if kissing her chest might do it for him. Just another minute, another try, and if it didn't work he would get the hell out of here like he'd been wanting to do since this started.

Sirius kissed his way down her neck to between her breasts. She pressed against him and he didn't like it. He stopped, pulling back slightly and holding her waist instead. Rhonda pulled back too, her hair falling over her shoulders and hitting Sirius's chest as she smiled down at him. She gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "I had so much fun tonight," she whispered. "This has been the most romantic night of my life."

"Yeah," Sirius murmured softly.

She kissed him again. "I'm going to miss you over the Christmas holidays."

"Me too."

Rhonda smiled and brushed a stray hair out of Sirius's face. "But at least we have this to remember each other by until we get back."

"Right."

She kissed him gently for a moment before pulling back and getting off of Sirius, straightening herself up and pulling her dress back on.

"You forgot this," Sirius said, picking up her black bra and handing it to her.

Rhonda blushed and gave Sirius a shy smile. "I thought you might want to keep it," she said.

"Oh...right," Sirius murmured, looking away so she wouldn't see him blush as well. He continued to look away from her on the pretense of locating his shirt and putting it back on.

As he redid the buttons, he felt Rhonda's arms wrap around him from behind and her head come to rest on his shoulder. She kissed his neck. "I'm glad I was able to make your birthday so special," she whispered. "I...I don't know if you wanted to go further tonight, but if you want then maybe we can...another time."

Sirius's heart jumped into his throat again as his brain screamed _NO! _at him. "We'll have to see," Sirius said as he finished buttoning his shirt. "When we get back we'll take it by ear. And we won't do anything before we're both ready."

Rhonda gave Sirius a squeeze. "That's really thoughtful of you," she murmured. "Rebeka was telling me that a lot of times guys will just try to pressure us into sex even if we don't want to yet because that's all they care about." She kissed his neck. "But I know all guys can't be like that. I'm so lucky that you're my boyfriend, Sirius," she sighed.

He wasn't so sure about that. It would be luckier if she had a boyfriend who actually _liked_ snogging her and feeling her up. Of course, she didn't know that.

"Come on," Sirius muttered, stuffing Rhonda's bra into his pocket before getting up and taking her hand. "I'll walk you to your common room."

Even though it was late, the couple was lucky enough not to run into any teachers or Filch on the way there or back. Rhonda and Sirius kissed one more time before she went up to her tower, and Sirius started to return to his, alone. Nearly there he realized that the three were probably waiting up to hear all about his night and how far he got. He thought about the bra in his pocket that any other boy would probably want to show off to his friends.

Sirius didn't feel like recounting the night's events. He wasn't sure he could fake the enthusiasm that would be expected of him when just the thought of what he and his girlfriend did made him feel miserable.

So instead he went back to the Room of Requirement. He automatically requested Moony's room and then tried to make himself comfortable on the werewolf's cot. He couldn't help but wish the room's usual occupant were there beside him.

—

**A/N: **Thanks to the over 100 people who have subscribed to this story—that's the highest number of subscriptions I've ever had for a story. Please remember to also review—I have more subscribers and reviews. If you like it enough to subscribe please let me know what you liked. It only takes a few seconds and it's encouraging to me.


	14. 14—December 1974–January 1975

**A/N:** This chapter is rated M for sexual content.

—

"Well, look who's back," James commented, he and Peter grinning at Sirius as he entered the dorms. "So, did you have fun last night?"

"Yeah," Sirius muttered without looking at either of them. He pulled his trunk out from under his bed to finish last-minute packing for Christmas. "It was brilliant."

"How far did you get?" Peter asked eagerly. "We waited up for you for awhile, but then you didn't come back and we figured you were spending the night in the Room of Requirement. So did she stay with you all night?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Sirius responded coolly. He caught the eye of Moony, who was sitting on his bed and looking at him, then looked away and turned deliberately back to packing.

"Why not?" Peter asked, nonplussed. "It's just me James and Moony here."

"I know," Sirius answered. "And I don't want to talk about it. Let it go."

He could see Peter and James exchange a look, but ignored it. None of them said anything else about the night before, and before long they all finished packing and went down to breakfast before the train ride back to London.

—

Sirius stared at his ceiling, stroking Moony's hair. He wondered if his pet found the touch as comforting as he did.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back last night," Sirius whispered. "Just...didn't feel like facing the interrogations."

"Don't apologize," Moony murmured. "It felt weird sleeping in your bed without you, but you don't need to be sorry about it."

Sirius scooted closer to Moony on the bed even though they were already nearly touching. He liked how it felt to have the werewolf so close to him. "I'm glad you're my pet, Moony," he whispered.

"Me too."

The wizard wished his pet could sleep in bed with him like this every night, erotic dreams be damned. They weren't any more frequent when Moony was with him than when he wasn't. Sometimes he wondered if the werewolf enjoyed sleeping together as much as he did, but the first time it happened he'd said he hadn't minded. And he'd never complained about it.

Then again, Moony never really complained. About anything.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Do you like sleeping here?"

Moony rolled over so that he was facing Sirius. They were inches apart. Sirius wanted to kiss him. But that didn't make sense because he didn't like kissing, remember? Rebeka and Rhonda had proven that.

"Of course I like it, Sirius."

"And you're not just saying that because I'm your master and you feel like you have to?"

Moony smiled fondly at Sirius. "No. I'm content to sleep wherever you'll put me because you're my master and I have to, but I really do like it in your bed. It's warm and it makes me feel safe. And when you fall asleep first your breathing relaxes me. And when you pet me...that relaxes me too. I like it, Sirius."

Reassured, Sirius smiled. "But listen," he whispered. "If there's anything...you don't like...if I do something or say something...I want you to tell me. I know that technically I'm your owner and you don't want to offend me or anything, but I still want to know. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Moony whispered, his amber eyes gazing into Sirius's. Again, Sirius wanted to kiss him for some reason. "I'm happier than I've ever been in my life." His eyes were so beautiful...well, his whole face—no, his whole _body_ was beautiful. Thinking about it made Sirius tingle all over. And his smile...Merlin, those lips...

"But there is one thing I don't like," Moony said, and Sirius perked up. He forced himself to focus on the words coming out of the mouth rather than just the mouth itself. "When you bring me chocolate from Hogsmeade, sometimes you buy these chocolate cauldrons with coconut inside them."

Sirius couldn't help but giggle. "Moony not liking a chocolate? I never thought I'd see the day."

Moony smiled. "The chocolate is brilliant. But whoever had the idea to ruin something as perfect as chocolate with something as foul as coconut ought to spend the rest of his life under the Cruciatus Curse."

Sirius continued to giggle and after a moment Moony joined in. "All right," Sirius whispered once he'd calmed down. "No more coconut chocolate for Moony."

"Thank you," Moony whispered, smiling at Sirius.

It would be so easy, _so easy_, just to move his face forward another two inches and kiss him. He could do it if he wanted to. He really could.

"Goodnight, Moony," Sirius murmured, giving him a quick smile before rolling over and facing away before he could give in to temptation.

"Goodnight, Sirius," Moony whispered back.

Sirius closed his eyes.

When he woke up, he knew it wasn't quite morning yet but couldn't tell what time it was. The house was quiet, so he wasn't quite sure what had waken him. And he'd rolled over in his sleep to face Moony. Sirius spent a moment just watching his sleeping profile because he thought it was beautiful and it might help him fall back asleep. The profile moved slightly and the werewolf gave a small moan.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered, slightly concerned. His pet wasn't having a nightmare, was he? Did animals have nightmares?

But at the sound of his name, Moony just smiled in his sleep and let out a content "hmm."

So he was definitely dreaming, but it didn't seem like a bad dream. Moony shifted slightly under the covers, and when Sirius's eyes followed the movement, he discovered the most likely source of the quiet nighttime noises.

Sirius's blanket was tented down on Moony's side about where his crotch would be. The bulge was barely noticeable, but there. Sirius stared at it. Moony murmured again. Before long Sirius had his own bulge to match Moony's, and he really wanted to give it a stroke but feared Moony waking up and catching him. So instead he just watched, transfixed, as Moony rode out his dream, moaning softly and quivering under the covers. After a few minutes a soft cry echoed through the room and as Moony shifted under the covers the tent disappeared. It was the hottest thing Sirius had ever seen. Sirius checked to make sure the intensity of his orgasm had not woken Moony up and once he confirmed that the werewolf was indeed asleep, he reached his hand under the blanket and went at himself, picturing the vivid image that his covers had hidden from him. He was finished less than a minute later, panting and trying not to because he didn't want to wake Moony up. Once he'd recovered he grabbed his wand from the bedside table and cleaned up both of them with two quick spells. Sated, he fell asleep with his arm over Moony's waist.

—

The next afternoon, Sirius approached Moony. He'd wanted to do it since they woke up this morning but kept backing out at the last minute. But he'd been getting more and more tense about it as the day went on and by midafternoon he couldn't take it anymore. Sirius sat down on the sofa beside his pet, hands in his lap and select lines rehearsed, and took a deep breath.

"Moony, I need to ask you about something. And it's...kind of personal."

The werewolf set his book down and looked curiously up at his master. "Of course, Sirius. Anything."

Sirius sighed. "Do you ever...you know...have dreams that are like...well...you know...?" Moony gave him a blank look, and Sirius sighed again. "Sex?"

"Oh," Moony said suddenly, looking taken aback as a flush crept across his face. He looked away from Sirius and nodded. "Sometimes."

"Does it ever happen when you sleep in the same bed as me?" Sirius had never noticed Moony having an erotic dream before last night but was immensely curious if it had happened before. Just thinking about it got him hard again, and he adjusted his robes, trying not to think about it.

"Sometimes," Moony repeated, still looking away.

"Really?" Sirius asked, and his werewolf turned to look at him. "I never noticed before."

"I know I shouldn't," Moony whispered, looking at his lap, "but if I come in my sleep I use your wand to do a cleaning spell. I just get so embarrassed about it and didn't want you to find out."

"Don't be embarrassed," Sirius said quickly. "All guys have those dreams, even me. I just...I wasn't sure about you before since...you know...you're not human and I didn't know that it happened to werewolves too."

Moony nodded.

"So..." Sirius said, studying him, "...what do you dream about? Werewolves? Are they in their human form or wolf form?"

Without looking at Sirius, Moony shook his head. "I dream about humans," he whispered.

Sirius stared at him. "Are you sure?" he asked after a minute. "Are you sure they're not just werewolves on nights other than the full moon?"

Moony nodded. "Positive," he whispered.

"Oh..." Sirius murmured.

Moony shook his head. "It's unnatural," he whispered. "I shouldn't be desiring humans...as if a human would be sick enough to sleep with an animal like me."

"Hey," Sirius said gently, empathizing more than Moony could ever know. He put a hand on Moony's arm. "It's okay. It's not your fault. You can't help it. It's probably just because you spend so much time with humans."

"Still wrong," Moony murmured without looking at Sirius. "I'm a freak," he whispered, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"Don't," Sirius said, rubbing his arm. "You're not. Damn, I'm sorry I ever brought this up. Please don't cry, Moony."

"Sorry," Moony mumbled as the tears began to flow. "It's just so wrong for something as low as me to want something...to want a human."

"Don't," Sirius said again. He put his arms around Moony and held him, hoping and praying that he would stop crying if Sirius could comfort him enough. "Don't, it's okay, you're not the first one in the world to have...unusual...sexual desires. It's okay and it's not your fault. Just please stop crying."

Moony pulled back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling slightly.

"Okay, a...are you better now?"

Moon nodded and Sirius sighed in relief. He hugged Moony again for a second. "Okay, good, let's...let's not talk about this anymore. I'm sorry I upset you."

"Not your fault," Moony whispered.

Sirius didn't argue the point despite the fact that he knew, of course, that it was his fault. If he wasn't such a sick fuck that his _werewolf_ of all things turned him on...but then again, Moony was attracted to humans too, so maybe it wasn't that weird after all...

"It's the body," Sirius said suddenly, despite his declaration a moment ago that the conversation was finished.

Moony gave Sirius a blank look again.

"Moony, don't you see?" Sirius asked. "A werewolf when it's not transformed has the same body as a human. So the body of a human would turn it on. It makes sense, Moony, doesn't it?"

"Sort of," Moony murmured, "but why wouldn't I just be attracted to untransformed werewolves, then?"

"Maybe because you don't know any," Sirius pointed out. "It's been years since you had contact with others of your kind. You spend every day surrounded by humans. And since they have the same type of body as you, it would make sense for you to be attracted to them." And since _Moony_ had the same body as a human when he wasn't transformed, in that manner it would also make sense for Sirius to be attracted to him, though obviously he didn't say that.

"Maybe," Moony muttered, looking away.

"I mean, it's just sex," Sirius pointed out, reassuring himself as much as if not more than his pet. "It's just the body you're attracted to, and it's just the body you would be attracted to."

"All right," Moony agreed softly. "If you say so, Sirius."

Yes, Sirius said so. Sirius was triumphant about it. Being attracted to Moony didn't make him perverted, since it was just Moony's human-looking body he was attracted to. The only thing it made him was...well...gay. Of course, he had no desire to deal with that issue either, but it was looking more and more like he would have to. Neither the really pretty girl nor the girl he really liked had ever done anything to arouse him, and Sirius was pretty sure he knew why. Part of him had known from the beginning, from the moment he'd first seen Moony naked in the lake.

However, he was determined not to actually think of himself as gay until he found a way to confirm it.

—

"Sirius!" Rhonda squealed, throwing her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips.

For the first time he didn't fake enthusiasm and instead held her gently until she pulled back.

"I missed you," she whispered, gazing into his eyes with adoration.

"Yeah," Sirius muttered. "Me too." It wasn't a lie, not really. He still liked Rhonda and enjoyed her company and he had missed talking and laughing with her. He just hadn't missed snogging or anything of the like. "Listen," he said, squeezing her hand. "I need to talk to you. Do you think we can meet after dinner in the classroom?"

"Yeah, sure," Rhonda smiled. Then her smile faltered. "It's not anything bad, is it?"

Sirius tried to give her a reassuring look, though once she found the actual news it would certainly be anything but reassuring. "We'll just talk about it later. Don't jump to any conclusions, okay?"

Rhonda nodded nervously and gave Sirius a chaste kiss before heading off. Sirius sighed as he watched her go. After thinking about it all Christmas he still wasn't sure what to say or how much to tell her...but he knew he couldn't continue with the charade of being her boyfriend any longer. It wasn't fair to either of them.

—

"All right, Sirius, I'm here. What do you want to talk about?" Rhonda stood in the center of the classroom looking very serious. It was clear she had not taken his advice about jumping to conclusions. He could see in her face that she assumed bad news.

Well, she wasn't exactly wrong.

Sirius sighed and sat on the teacher's desk, looking at the floor. Rhonda hoisted herself up to sit beside him, studying him. "I've been thinking," he murmured. "About...us."

Rhonda slipped off the desk and stood in front of Sirius, glaring at him with her hands on her hips. "And now that you've gotten into my bra and felt up my breasts you're done with me and you don't want to be my boyfriend any more—is that it?" she asked angrily.

"Rhonda, it's not like that," Sirius insisted, getting off the desk. He tried to approach her but she shook her head and turned away.

"I thought you were different," she said, and though she wasn't facing Sirius he could hear her voice break. "Rebeka warned me—all guys care about is seeing you naked and then they're done with you—but you!" She turned to look at him again, and he could see tear tracks down the sides of her face. "We always had such a good time together! Being with you made me feel so good inside. And even the making out and the things we did before Christmas—that never really seemed to be at the forefront of your mind." Then she paused for a second and Sirius could see the wheels turning in her head before she changed tracks. "Or is that it?" she asked, striding up to him. "Is it that I'm just not good enough at snogging and all the rest and it's so boring to you you've decided to ditch me?"

"No," Sirius said, frustrated. "Rhonda, it's not personal, it's not you–"

"–Well what do you want from me, Sirius?" she asked. "You knew from the start that this was new for me and that I was inexperienced, but you said we could try anyway because we liked each other. Or at least I _thought_ you liked me," she sniffed.

"Rhonda, I _do _like you," Sirius insisted. "Just...I only like you as a friend. I thought I could like you as a girlfriend, and I really wanted to, honest. I just...don't."

"Why?" she asked, tears beginning to flow from her eyes again. "God, Sirius, I've had a crush on you for so long. Why don't you like me that way? Because I'm not as pretty as my sister?"

"No," Sirius contradicted. "You're plenty pretty, it's nothing like that."

"Well what then?" she demanded as the tears streamed down her face. "What is it? What do you find so offensive about me that after all this time you still don't like me?"

"It's nothing to do with you," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "I don't like you in that way the same reason I didn't like Rebeka in that way."

"So what's the reason? Tell me, Sirius! I've been your girlfriend for two months, I've gone farther with you than I ever have with any other boy under _false pretenses_! Don't you think you owe me the truth?"

Sirius uncrossed his arms and sighed. She had a point, and he still liked her enough to not want to hurt her. "Rhonda, this isn't easy for me," he murmured. "I want to tell you, but only if you promise not to tell anyone."

Rhonda stopped crying and looked curiously at Sirius. "What?" she whispered.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" Sirius asked.

"I promise," Rhonda said, stepping closer to Sirius and staring at him.

"All right," Sirius murmured. His heart was pounding so loud and hard he thought Rhonda might be able to hear it. He'd never spoken the words aloud but he trusted her...and maybe if he said it it would make him one step closer to accepting it himself. "I think," he whispered, staring into Rhonda's eyes. "I think I might be gay."

The girl took a step back and stared at him.

"Don't tell anyone," Sirius repeated. "Please. I never told anyone before and I...I'm not even sure yet. But I...I think I could be."

"I won't tell anyone," Rhonda said in a hushed voice, still staring at him with wide eyes. "Sirius..." She took a step closer. "Why didn't you say anything before now?"

He sighed and leaned against the desk. "I thought if I spent enough time with you...kissed you, you know, and all that...then maybe I could prove I wasn't."

"Sirius..." Rhonda murmured, sympathy in her eyes. She took a step forward and put her arms around him in a platonic hug. "I'm sorry I yelled at you...I never knew you were going through all that."

He hugged her back, relieved. "So you're not mad?"

She sighed as she pulled back. "I wish you would have said something earlier. I mean, this was my first relationship and now it's like...the whole thing was a lie."

"I'm sorry," Sirius apologized sincerely. "I didn't mean to hurt you, really. I just really hoped that I could make myself like you that way." He sighed. "I should have known that it wouldn't work."

"It's okay," she mumbled. "I...I believe that you care about me and didn't mean to hurt me. And I know it must have been really difficult for you to be struggling with that."

Sirius nodded, looking at the ground. "It's just...so confusing," he murmured. Actually, he felt better now than he ever had before...liberated now that he'd told his deepest darkest secret (or at least part of it) to another person. And though she was still understandably upset, she'd sympathized with him and it certainly didn't seem like she was about to run off and announce it to the school. He felt closer to Rhonda now than he ever had during their semi-relationship.

"Talk to me," she murmured, taking a step closer to him and looking at him. "I still care about you, I'm your friend. Please trust me. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"I...think I like boys," he explained, looking at her. "I mean, I know I didn't like kissing your sister and I didn't like kissing you—sorry—but I've never kissed a boy either and what if I don't like that either?"

"Well...do you _want_ to kiss boys?" Rhonda asked. "I mean, I've always known I was straight because I've always crushed on boys and I _want_ to kiss them. I wanted to kiss you and touch you before I even knew how good it would make me feel."

Sirius thought about that. He had no idea what it would feel like to kiss or touch Moony...or any other being with a human male body for that matter...but he knew he wanted it. The first night of the Christmas holidays when he'd lain in bed with Moony and talked with him just inches apart it was all he could think about.

"I think I'd like to kiss a boy," Sirius murmured. "But how do I know...for sure...?"

Rhonda chuckled softly. "When it happens, you'll know. Sirius, when you kiss me it's like the whole universe is jumping for joy. I get so happy and excited and I just want more. And when you touched me...even though I wasn't ready to have sex or anything, I knew it felt good and I knew that in time I would want more. Now I understand why you were so hesitant—obviously you didn't feel the same things I did—but you will."

"When?" Sirius sighed, leaning against the desk. "I mean, this place is crawling with straight girls and straight guys, but how do I find someone else...like me? The...the boy I think I might like is straight." _And not even a boy at all, but a werewolf. So even if he _were_ gay nothing could happen. I wouldn't let it. Because it's just his body I'm attracted to._

"Hmm..." Rhonda thought. "Well, I don't know any other single gay guys...but maybe you could talk to Lennie or his boyfriend; since they've been through it they might be able to help you out."

"Lennie?" Sirius asked, looking at her. "Lennie who?"

"Lennie Richards," Rhonda said. "He's in Ravenclaw and he's a sixth-year."

"The one on the Quidditch team? Tall, brown hair, good-looking?"

She smiled. "Yup. He's the one."

"He's gay?" Sirius asked in surprise. Though he'd never met Lennie personally, he knew exactly who he was. The whole school did. He was handsome and popular—the last boy you'd expect to be gay.

"Very," Rhonda confirmed. "He has his boyfriend over in our common room all the time. I mean, they don't do anything out in the open, but everyone can tell they're together by the way they interact. And Rebeka says she walked in on them in the dorms once when she was looking for her new boyfriend."

"So people like...know? They don't keep it secret?"

"I think only most of the Ravenclaws know," she explained. "Of course there are some people who don't like it, but most of us are rather open-minded and don't mind. But we don't spread it around because there's no reason to. It's not really anyone's business but theirs."

"All right," Sirius muttered. "Well...yeah...I think I'd like to meet him. It would be...helpful...to talk about it with someone who's been through it."

"Sure," Rhonda said. "Meet me at Ravenclaw Tower tomorrow after dinner and I'll introduce you to him."

"Okay," he agreed. "Oh...and Rhonda?"

"Yeah?"

Sirius smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Thank you...you know...for being so understanding."


	15. 15—January 1975

**A/N:** I know Remus only has one line in this chapter, but that can't really be helped because the whole thing is basically just one long scene and he can't really be present for it. Thanks for your patience, and please don't forget to review!

—

"I'll be up later," Sirius promised Moony as he dropped the werewolf in the Room of Requirement.

"Okay," Moony murmured. "Have a nice time with Rebeka, Sirius."

"I think I will," Sirius said happily. "She's introducing me to some new friends."

Though part of him was apprehensive about meeting someone else...gay (which he still didn't want to think he was no matter what he knew he felt), the more he thought about it the more he knew he really wanted it. Talking about his feelings with Rhonda had been a huge relief and she couldn't even empathize with him. But discussing it with someone who had been there and done that would probably clear a lot of things up for him and possibly (hopefully) make him more comfortable with the whole idea. Because right now he hated thinking about it. It made him feel so weird, different, and alone. The only time it actually didn't bother him was when he was around or thinking about Moony. A smile automatically lit up his face whenever the werewolf crossed his mind, and when he thought about him he knew he wanted him no matter what sex he was. He was Moony. He was beautiful and sexy and Sirius just wanted to be close to him all the time. And when he was close to him, when he stroked his hair or spooned with him all thoughts of sexuality left his mind completely because he was too busy focussing on the moment, on the fact that he was so happy in his pet's presence.

"Hey, Rhonda," Sirius said, surprised to see her in the entrance hall, rather than Ravenclaw Tower as planned.

"Hi, Sirius," she replied breathlessly, crossing over to him. "Sorry—Lennie and his boyfriend went to the library after dinner instead of to the common room, so you can meet them up there instead. I can still come with if you want, but since you don't need me to let you in I thought you might want to go by yourself. You know...considering what you're going to talk about."

"Right," Sirius murmured. "Well, thanks for letting me know. I'll see you in class tomorrow, I suppose."

"Okay, bye Sirius," she said brightly. "I hope they'll be able to help you out." She gave him a quick hug before departing back toward her common room, and Sirius turned back around to go to the library.

Though he'd been at Hogwarts for four years now, he'd actually only been in the library a handful of times. The Room of Requirement gave him whatever books he needed and was a much more pleasant place to do homework or read. This being the case, it took Sirius quite some time to navigate through the maze of shelves until he came to a study area littered with tables, chairs, and studious older students hunched over books and essays. He had to look around a moment before spotting the handsome Lennie Richards in an alcove seated next to...

"Samuel Steig?" Sirius whispered aloud to himself. The biggest ponce in the school? _He_ was Lennie's boyfriend?

There was no doubt in anyone's mind that the chubby blond Hufflepuff was gay—one only had to look at him to know and once the boy opened his mouth any remaining doubt was immediately swept from the observer's mind. But how could a misfit like Samuel Steig get one of the most—if not _the _most—attractive and popular boys in the school? Richards could have anyone he wanted; Sirius himself wouldn't mind walking around hand-in-hand with _that_, and he'd never even consciously been attracted to anyone other than Moony.

_It must be because Steig's the only other boy he knows that's gay_, Sirius decided. That had to be it.

But he certainly must have been quite desperate to actually go out with "Queen Samantha." Sirius thought he was gay himself but he wouldn't touch Steig with a 10ft wand.

Unless Rhonda was mistaken.

That would make more sense, wouldn't it? Sirius wasn't the least bit attracted to Steig, but he did sometimes feel sorry for the boy when he heard the others make fun of him and wouldn't have minded too much being his friend if they were in the same House or year. Perhaps Lennie also felt sorry for him and the two were just friends. As Rhonda had said, most Ravenclaws weren't too judgmental, so maybe Lennie just took his friend to his common room because it was a safe haven where the boy could escape from the jeers and insults. Perhaps the others only _thought_ Lennie was Steig's boyfriend because they spent so much time together. All right, Rebeka claimed to have walked in on them in the dorms once, but Sirius wouldn't put it past her to make that up. From what Rhonda had told him about her while they'd been together the older sister was quite the drama queen and it made Sirius even more grateful he'd only given her the one date.

Reminding himself why he was here, Sirius took a deep breath and approached the boys sitting at a study table in a secluded alcove in the corner. The more he looked at the pair of them the more ridiculous he thought it was that they were a couple. Steig was of average height, slightly chubby, blond, freckled, and bespectacled and while Sirius wouldn't exactly call him _ugly_...he certainly didn't rank high up in the looks department.

Lennie Richards, on the other hand, was tall, lean but muscular, with beautiful auburn hair and classic good looks. They were both sixth-years, but Lennie was the Quidditch hero and Steig the loser poof. Sirius couldn't imagine two people less likely to form a friendship, let alone date.

Both wizards looked up as they heard Sirius approach and spent a second looking at him while he gawked at them in return. While the younger boy was too busy contemplating the impossibility of their relationship to say anything, Richards spoke up.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Are you really gay?" Sirius whispered once he found his voice.

Richards and Steig exchanged a look before the former turned back to Sirius. "Not that it's any of your business," he said coldly, "but yes, we are."

"Both of you?" Sirius asked in blatant disbelief.

He wasn't the only one: Richards's face held an equal amount of disbelief as he exchanged another look with his supposed boyfriend. "Yes," the handsome boy said defiantly.

"And you're really dating?"

Richards closed his book and in one move stood up from the table. Steig quickly put a hand on his arm but Richards shook it off. He glared down at Sirius, who he towered over. Sirius wasn't short by any means, but he was two years younger than Richards and still had quite a bit of growing to do.

"May I ask who you are?" Richards said icily, his brown eyes flashing at Sirius. "And why you've decided to interrupt our studying with your rude and intrusive interrogations?"

Sirius took a step back, the Gryffindor bravery failing him for a moment. This wasn't the way he'd planned this to go at all. "I'm sorry," Sirius said quickly, meaning it because he realized he'd offended the two and that wasn't at all what he wanted. "I...I suppose I should've gone about this differently but I was just...surprised...when I saw you..."

"What do you want?" Richards interrupted, his tone of voice barely softened by Sirius's apology.

"My name is Sirius Black," he said, looking Richards in the eye. "And I was hoping I might be able to have a talk with you two...privately...and ask you a few things."

"Why?" the older wizard cut him off. "What business is it of yours whether Samuel and I are _gay_ or not?"

"It's not my business," Sirius answered, retaining eye contact. "But I thought you might be able to help me out because I think I might be gay too and I wanted to find someone I could talk to about it."

This time Richards was the one to take a step back. He spent a moment studying Sirius before glancing back at the Hufflepuff. Sirius looked at him too, for the first time since he'd approached them, and was surprised to see Steig's eyes on him, filled with compassion. Steig looked away from Sirius to catch Richards's eye.

"Lennie, let's go," the blond boy said. "Look, he's obviously just curious and didn't mean to upset us. He just wants to talk is all. We can take an hour or so off from studying to have a chat with him."

Richards sighed. "All right," he murmured. He packed his things into his bag while Steig did the same, smiling at him. The Ravenclaw caught Sirius's eye as they started to leave the library. "But some free advice, kid: next time you want someone's _help_ you could be more polite about it."

"Lennie, let him be," Steig chided softly, putting a hand on the other's arm again. They looked at each other and something Sirius couldn't quite define passed between them in their eyes. Lennie nodded and led the way out of the library.

Once they were in the corridor, Sirius led the sixth-years to the empty classroom where he and Rhonda came to practice Transfiguration and (formerly) snog. He locked the door and cast the _Muffliato_ spell as a precaution. In the library they'd been far enough away and quiet enough that no one else heard their conversation, but Sirius couldn't be sure that someone wouldn't walk past the classroom at the wrong moment and possibly recognize Sirius's voice while he was talking about...what they were going to be talking about.

"So what do you want to know?" Richards asked, leaning against the teacher's desk the same way Sirius had leaned against it the day before. His voice was softer than it had been in the library, but his arms were folded and his stance suggested he still hadn't entirely forgiven Sirius.

The Black boy sighed. "How...do you know...exactly...whether you're gay or not?"

"Are you attracted to men?" Richards asked bluntly.

"I...I think I might be," Sirius mumbled. "But I've never snogged one; I don't know for sure."

"Does the thought of men make you sexually excited?" Steig asked Sirius. "When you masturbate, which sex do you think of?"

Sirius was taken aback at the bluntness of the question. It was one thing to talk about wanking with James and Peter, who were his best friends, but he'd never spoken to Steig in his life and here the man was calmly asking him how he got off.

"I...I tried to think of my girlfriend," Sirius admitted without looking at him. "But it didn't really...work."

Both of the other boys chuckled softly, which might have offended Sirius had he not been relieved that Lennie was, at last, smiling.

"I remember being there," the handsome boy said when Sirius looked at him.

"But how do I know I just haven't found the right girl yet?" Sirius asked. "I've kissed a couple of girls and neither of them...you know...made me want to shag them, but what if it's just because I haven't found the right one?"

"Have you ever seen a girl you'd like to shag?" the Hufflepuff asked.

Sirius shook his head.

"And have you seen boys you _have_ wanted to?" the Ravenclaw inquired next.

The Gryffindor boy looked down. "I...try not to think about it," he admitted. With Moony, it didn't usually work and he ended up thinking about it anyway, but yes...occasionally if he saw a nice-looking boy in the corridor and it occurred to him that the boy really was quite nice-looking...he would hastily push the thoughts aside. And there was really no need to think of any other boys in that way because whenever he wanted to jerk off thinking of Moony naked got him hard as rock in seconds.

"I think you should let yourself," Steig suggested gently. "You're not hurting anyone by just looking or thinking about it. And if you allow yourself to be honest about how you feel and what you think when you look at men, the answer will come naturally to you."

"Is that how you knew?" Sirius asked, looking from one boy to the other.

Steig nodded. "I always knew I was different, you know, but it wasn't until I was about eleven or twelve that I could tell how or why. And at first I was very ashamed, embarrassed that the names everyone called me were actually true, but soon I learned to embrace it and now the insults just fall off my back. I know exactly who I am and I'm proud of it," he smiled.

While he spoke, Sirius and Lennie both stared at him: the former in surprise and the latter in rapt fascination. Lennie brushed a hair out of Steig's face and behind his ear after he finished his speech, his expression not wavering. Its intensity surprised Sirius, and for a second he got a glimmer of what the Ravenclaw clearly saw in his boyfriend.

"What about you?" Sirius whispered, hesitant to interrupt Lennie from his enthralled staring.

The older boy turned away from his boyfriend and grinned at Sirius. "I knew for sure I was gay the second he kissed me," Lennie admitted. "Like you, I'd thought it for awhile but wasn't quite certain...Samuel was in a few of my classes and of course I knew he was gay like everyone else did, but instead of turning me off it fascinated me because...well...like you I wanted to know what the process was like for another person. I was too shy to approach him about it, but eventually he caught on and asked for a private word and..." He grinned nostalgically before his gaze turned to Steig, who caught it.

That emotion flashed in both sets of eyes again, the one Sirius couldn't identify earlier. But as Lennie took Steig's hand and gave it a brief squeeze, it hit the Gryffindor boy exactly what it was.

"You love him," Sirius stated, looking from one sixth-year to the other.

Lennie looked at the fourth-year in surprise. "Of course I do."

"It's..." Sirius muttered, looking from the Hufflepuff boy's watery blue eyes to the Ravenclaw's deep brown ones, "...it's not just sex. It's not just attraction. You actually _love_ each other."

"Well, what did you expect?" Steig asked kindly, smiling at Sirius.

"I don't know," the younger wizard admitted. "I just...I hadn't really thought about it as...love...before. I didn't even realize that's what it could be."

"It's no different from straight folks," Lennie explained. "There are some who shag just to shag and others who actually fall in love with each other." He smiled. "I'm lucky to say that Samuel and I fall into the latter category. Much as I _love_ shagging him..." he added in a teasing voice, grinning at the object of his affection, "...it's way more than just the sexy arse that I fell in love with."

It took Sirius a second to catch up with the older boy's words. 'Sexy arse?' _Samuel_? The Hufflepuff had a rather pudgy arse that Sirius had no desire to get better acquainted with.

But then again, Sirius remembered that day at the lake when Moony's skinny and scar-ridden body had simply transfixed him while James's more muscular and objectively more attractive body did nothing for him.

Was that maybe because he thought of James as a brother and so naturally wouldn't have any inclinations toward him?

But he also thought of Moony as a pet, so by that logic he shouldn't be having any inclinations toward Moony either.

Why _did_ he find Moony so attractive? Sirius asked himself for the first time. He knew it was because Moony had a human body, there was no doubt the fact that he was a werewolf had no bearing on it, but why not James? Why not any of the other objectively hotter students roaming around Hogwarts? Why not Lennie?

Well, Sirius _did_ find Lennie attractive, certainly. But Lennie wasn't the one he dreamt about. Lennie wasn't the one he tossed off to. Why was Sirius more interested in Moony sexually than any of the other males in the school?

It couldn't be for the same reason Lennie found Samuel sexy. Lennie was in love with Samuel, so of course he would be sexually attracted to him despite the flaws in his appearance: even see the flaws as endearing rather than undesirable. But Sirius certainly wasn't _in love_ with Moony. Moony was a werewolf, for Merlin's sake! Humans didn't fall in love with werewolves. He could be physically attracted to Moony's body because it looked exactly the same as a human's body so his dick wouldn't know the difference, but to love someone mind body and soul...you couldn't do that with someone of a different species. Not unless you were some sort of sick freak, anyway.

"Sirius?" Samuel asked, breaking the boy from his reverie. "Are you all right?"

Sirius nodded. "I think so," he murmured. "I've had a few things cleared up, so...but I'm still...unsure." He just couldn't understand. Why Moony of all people? Well, Moony _wasn't_ a person, so...why Moony of all beasts and creatures with humanlike bodies? Would it be better if it were an actual human? If Sirius found a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend would he be able to wank to him instead of Moony? "I just wish I could kiss a boy," Sirius sighed. "Just to know what it feels like...what it's _supposed_ to feel like..."

"It wouldn't work with just any boy, though," Lennie pointed out. "It would have to be a boy you're attracted to. If you just picked a boy at random and kissed him it probably wouldn't be any better than kissing girls."

"And I don't even know any other gay boys," Sirius murmured. "_You're_ attractive, but you're taken. And even if I did find some guy I thought was cute he'd probably just be straight."

Steig giggled and whispered something into Lennie's ear, who then hit him lightly on the arm before he giggled some more.

"What?" Sirius asked, annoyed at being left out of the conversation. "What did he say?"

"Just to humor him," Steig said to Lennie, ignoring Sirius. "Just for a moment...and don't act like he's not cute, Lennie. Nothing on you, but for a fourth-year..."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius demanded, looking from giggly Samuel to Lennie, who was shaking his head.

"No," Lennie objected. "There's no reason to."

"But it could help him," Samuel pointed out. "He just said he was attracted to you."

"What is going on?" Sirius asked, taking a step closer and looking from one boy to the other.

"Samuel thinks I should kiss you," Lennie explained while the blond boy burst into giggles again.

"What?" Sirius asked. "But you two are..."

"I know," Lennie agreed.

Samuel rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying shag him and I'm not saying leave me for him. Just a little kiss. I trust you completely. It's only to see if he likes it or not."

"And what if he likes it so much he gets a crush on me and starts chasing after me?" Lennie asked.

"I won't," Sirius said quickly and the others turned to him. "I..." he muttered. "...I already...there's already someone I sort of..."

"You fancy someone?" Lennie asked. Then he turned to his boyfriend. "Well there you go then. If he already likes someone else then kissing me shouldn't be nearly as interesting for him. He may be _cute_, Samuel, but I don't think he'd do it for me considering I've already got my sights set on someone else." He eyed the blond pointedly.

"I don't _fancy_ anyone," Sirius disagreed. He was _attracted_ to Moony, not crushing on him. "And I do think you're attractive. I just..." Wait, did Sirius find Moony more attractive than Lennie? If Lennie kissed him could he get off thinking about that just as much? But he wanted to, didn't he? It made more sense to get off on a male human than a male werewolf, even if werewolves did have human bodies.

Sirius sighed. "I wouldn't follow you around trying to get you to kiss me again or anything. But since I've never done it before I'd like to try if you'd let me."

Lennie looked at Samuel before sighing and giving in. "All right, one kiss, just to see whether you like it or not. But if you end up falling in love with me, Black, you're going to be sorely disappointed."

Even though it would make sense, at the moment Sirius couldn't imagine wanting even super-hot Lennie as much as he wanted Moony. He thought about them laying in bed inches away from each other and staring into each other's eyes. It made him shiver. He looked at Lennie and nodded.

Lennie slid off the desk he'd been sitting on and gave Samuel a quick peck before walking over to Sirius. "Don't try anything funny," he added.

Sirius's heart began to beat faster as the tall boy stepped close to him. He was quite muscular, and very handsome. Lennie placed one hand on Sirius's waist and the other in the center of his back as he leaned forward. As he got close Sirius could see the texture of shadow along his jawline and couldn't help thinking it was sexy. He put both hands on Lennie's waist, not quite sure what else to do with them, and closed his eyes as the older boy's face neared his. His last thought before their lips met was that his eyes still weren't as pretty as Moony's.

The lips against his made his heart beat faster. There was a bit of awkwardness to it, considering the situation, but he didn't feel the need to get out right now like he had with Rebeka or Rhonda.

A tongue surprised him by tickling his lips, and he opened his mouth hesitantly to grant it access. As he did, the arm around his back tightened a bit, and it felt strong. Not...entirely comfortable but not alarming either. The tongue in his mouth was gentle but experienced and as he touched it with his own he felt a tingle of excitement.

Sirius ran one of his hands along the arm attached to his waist and felt the arm hair and the strong muscles in his forearm. Not as soft or fleshy as Rhonda's body...more interesting to touch. It wasn't getting him hard, exactly, but snogging Lennie was definitely a preferable experience to snogging Rebeka or Rhonda. He wouldn't mind doing it again if he had the chance, though he knew he wouldn't. He wondered if he could get off on remembering this and the thought made his cock twitch.

That hadn't happened with Rhonda even when he'd tried to to fantasize about wanking to thoughts of her.

Lennie pulled back and stepped away, looking at Sirius critically. "Well, you didn't stop me," he said, "so I'm guessing you didn't hate it too much."

"I never stopped the girls either," Sirius pointed out, "and I don't think I got as excited as my girlfriend used to get when I'd kiss her, but I...I did like it better than them," he admitted.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it because that's all your getting," Lennie said, walking over to Samuel and putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Did you...like it at all?" Sirius asked out of mere curiosity. He knew he couldn't be that bad a kisser because of the reaction he'd elicited in Rhonda, but again her experience was limited.

Lennie sighed. "Sure, I _liked_ it," he said and Sirius gave an involuntary smile. "You're a cute kid, Sirius, and not a bad snogger. But since I haven't got feelings for you it's not going to get the same reaction as when I kiss Samuel. And I'm sure it's the same way for you," he added. "You're interested in kissing me because you think I'm attractive, but once you find someone that you really have that chemistry with, that you think is just the sexiest man on the planet and you're completely crazy about him...then you'll be able to tell when you kiss him. Your world will explode and your bones will light on fire and you'll want to drag him to the nearest surface and just have your way with him because a kiss isn't enough."

Sirius thought of Moony in the context of Lennie's description and it nearly had him drooling. Merlin how he wanted that werewolf. When he'd watched him come under the blanket...

Sirius couldn't repress the shiver that suddenly took over his body.

"Anyway, we ought to go," Lennie said, glancing at his watch and picking up his bookbag. "Glad we could help you, Sirius."

Sirius nodded. Well, he was more certain of his homosexuality now than he ever was, _and_ he'd had his first kiss with a bloke and it was the best (well, all right, the only decent) kiss he'd ever had. "Are you going back to the library to finish studying?"

"No," Lennie said conversationally. "I'm taking Samuel to Ravenclaw Tower. I need to find a way to remind him that even though I'll kiss cute confused fourth-years every now and again he's still the only one I'll ever want."

And with that Lennie took his chuckling boyfriend by the hand and left Sirius alone in the classroom.


	16. 16—February–April 1975

Sirius waved goodbye to Rhonda as he went with James, Peter, and Moony to Muggle Studies while she headed to Charms. Rhonda waved back with a smile and a wink before disappearing around the corner.

"So...are things okay between the two of you, then?" James asked hesitantly, looking at Sirius.

"Yeah," Sirius said with a shrug. "We decided to just be friends."

"Really?" Peter asked. "You're both okay with it? Even after...?" He trailed off and gave Sirius a meaningful look.

Sirius gave him a blank look in return.

"You know," Peter continued, walking faster to keep up with his friends. "You never did tell us what happened that night."

"You're right," Sirius said conversationally. "I didn't."

James and Peter exchanged glances.

"Well," Peter said after a moment. "Are you at least going to tell us what you spent the whole lesson talking about?"

"No," replied Sirius coldly. "It's not your business." They'd just had History of Magic together and Sirius and Rhonda had spent the whole lesson exchanging notes, during which Sirius had recounted his meeting with Lennie and Samuel.

Again, James and Peter looked at each other. Sirius wondered what conclusion they'd come to when they'd speculated about his and Rhonda's relationship. But it didn't matter. He wasn't going to tell them and he knew they'd never guess the truth. He quickened his pace, stepping out ahead of them, and Moony hurried to keep up.

—

Even though Sirius still considered Rhonda a friend, he stopped inviting her to practice Transfiguration. He'd mastered large animals by now and was ready to try transforming himself, and Rhonda couldn't witness that. He still only went on James's Quidditch practice nights, lying to Peter and saying he was spending evenings with Moony. Which he usually did afterward, working on homework, practicing spells, and inadvertently fantasizing about his werewolf's body.

The transformation process itself was very frustrating, particularly because nothing of interest had actually happened yet. He followed the book, focussing all his energy on his transfiguration ability, practicing large animal transfiguration, and trying to clear his mind and concentrate on nothing but transformation into an animal. He was doing everything the book said, and even though the authors warned that it would likely take several days or even weeks worth of practice before any transformation actually occurred, Sirius was impatient to become an Animagus. He wanted to know that all his work hadn't gone to waste, and he wanted to be able to keep Moony from hurting himself when he transformed.

On nights after full moons, when Moony slept in bed with Sirius, the wizard would hold his werewolf close, breathing into his hair and lamenting the pain that his pet had to go through. These nights in particular, he redoubled his determination to succeed in transforming.

After a few weeks of practice, something exciting _finally_ happened. He felt a weird sensation on his butt, a pricking sensation, and when he turned around he saw a fluffy black tail sticking out of his pants.

"Weird," Sirius muttered to himself, hesitantly touching the tail. And he could feel it. He could _feel_ it in the tail just like he could feel it in his fingers. Then he focused again and the tail grew back into Sirius's tailbone.

After that, he could grow a tail every time, but it was still a whole week before anything else changed. His right leg changed but his left leg didn't, causing him to fall over and shout out in surprise. That was a rather awkward stage, but after about another week his left side evened out with his right. Unfortunately, his animal legs weren't really conducive to standing upright and his center of gravity was completely thrown off. After a couple of hours of practice, he found that it was easier to transform sitting or lying down. Maybe once his transformations were more than just partial he'd be able to do it standing up without falling over and bruising himself, but for now that certainly wasn't the case.

Sirius didn't know how long it would be before he could transform fully, but it was very exciting to finally be making progress after reading the book so many times and after so much anticipation. His only regret was that he had to come down to the empty classroom alone, leaving Moony in the Room of Requirement and Peter in the library or common room. The time he actually got to spend alone with his werewolf or his friends was more limited. But he told himself it would be worth it. Once he became a fully-fledged Animagus he could spend even full moon nights with Moony—and the more time he spent practicing, the sooner it would likely be before he mastered it, and once that happened he wouldn't need to practice anymore and he would have all the time in the world.

After over a month of only getting his lower half to transform, though, Sirius was beginning to get discouraged. He knew he could do it—the furry legs and tail were proof of that, but everything from his belly button up remained resolutely human. Step seven warned that even successful partial transformations didn't mean quick progress to full transformations, but Sirius was sick of the stupid book by now and just wanted to finish. Why was it taking so long?

"Come on," Sirius muttered to himself, lying on a blanket on the floor and staring into the mirror he'd transfigured. He'd taken his shirt off (his pants went into nothingness when he transformed and returned from the same when he transformed back) so he could see exactly where the black fur ended and the skin began. He transformed back and forth again and again, trying to see if the fur grew any higher. By now Sirius was pretty sure he was canine, but couldn't tell if he was a dog or a wolf. Secretly he hoped for the latter, thinking about how brilliant would be to have that in common with Moony. The back of his neck itched and automatically one of his animal legs went up to scratch it.

"Fuck," Sirius muttered as his claws scraped his neck so hard it broke the skin and began to bleed. He grabbed his wand, grateful he'd mastered healing spells thanks to Moony, and repaired his cut.

At that moment, the door opened, and before Sirius could hide himself, Rhonda and Lily walked in. Lily saw Sirius with a furry lower half and stopped in her tracks. Rhonda was looking at Lily and hadn't seen him yet. Sirius thought Lily might be speechless because she was staring at him with her mouth open.

"–great place for practicing," Rhonda was saying to Lily. "Sirius and I used to work on Transfiguration here all the–" She finally turned to see what Lily was looking at, gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth. "Sirius?" she whispered through her fingers. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing," Sirius said hurriedly, scrambling to put his shirt back on and changing back as though he could somehow convince them the fur was only their imagination.

Unfortunately, changing back had been the wrong thing to do: once his tail shrank back and the black fur became his black trousers, both girls gasped and took a step back.

"Sirius," Lily said, speaking for the first time and staring at him with what looked like fear in her eyes. "How did you Untransfigure yourself without a wand?"

Shit. Idiot.

"Sirius, what is going on?" Rhonda asked, taking a step closer. "What are you doing in here? Is this why needed so much extra Transfiguration practice?"

"It's not your business," Sirius muttered, getting up and brushing himself off, avoiding both girls' eyes.

"Excuse me?" Rhonda said, stepping forward again and putting her hands on her hips. "When we first started I was curious why you wanted to learn such advanced Transfiguration spells, but I thought it was just for extra practice so I didn't say anything. But if you're using it to Transfigure _yourself_—without using your wand, I might add—I think it becomes my business."

"Especially considering we walked in on you," Lily added. "Now we know that something's going on. If you're doing something you're not supposed to do and the teachers find out we knew and didn't say anything–"

"–What makes you think I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be doing?" Sirius asked, feeling his heart pounding. "Where's the rule against practicing Transfiguring yourself?"

"For one, you're acting like the kneazle that ate the canary," Lily pointed out.

"Two, you haven't asked me or anyone else to join you or help you out," Rhonda added.

"And three," Lily said, crossing her arms and looking at Sirius in a way that reminded him of Professor McGonagall, "it looked like you were transforming into an animal without using your wand. The only witches and wizards that can do that or Animagi, and it's illegal to become an Animagus before you're of age and without registering yourself."

Rhonda looked at Lily as the comprehension dawned on her. "That's what you're doing, isn't it Sirius?" she asked. "That's why you needed to Transfigure large animals—you can't become an Animagus until you've mastered animal Transfiguration. But Sirius, why?" she asked. "Why are you doing this?"

"And why are you alone?" Lily asked. "This is exactly the sort of thing that Potter would do—why aren't he and Pettigrew in this with you?"

"They don't know about it," Sirius said, looking at the floor. "I go on nights when James has Quidditch practice and I tell Peter I'm going to see Moony."

"Why, though, Sirius?" Lily asked gently, also stepping closer to him. "You could get in so much trouble if the teachers or Dumbledore find out."

"They won't find out if you don't tell them," Sirius said, almost pleading. "I've been able to partially transform for almost two months now and no one's found out. You're my friends, you don't want to get to me expelled. Promise you won't tell."

Rhonda and Lily looked at each other for a moment, and then turned back to the boy.

"Sirius, I don't know if I can promise that," Lily sighed. "This is really serious—like you said, you could get expelled. And like _I _said, if they find out some other way and they also find out that we knew about it, Rhonda and I could get in trouble too."

"But I'm not doing it to hurt anyone," Sirius said. "I..." He had to tell them. They were girls, they were compassionate, and they both liked Moony. Once they knew there was no way they would report him. "...I'm doing it for Moony," Sirius explained, looking first Lily and then Rhonda in the eye. "I'm only becoming an Animagus so that I can help Moony. Not to sneak around or cause mischief or anything like that. If it weren't for Moony I never would have even started."

Lily and Rhonda exchanged blank looks. "How does your turning into an animal help Moony?" Lily asked. "It won't change the fact that he's a werewolf. There's no cure. Once you've been bitten, you're changed. For good."

"You think I don't know that?" Sirius snapped. "Of course I can't stop his transformations, but I can make them easier for him."

"How?" Rhonda asked.

Sirius sighed. "Every month when he transforms, he hurts himself. He bites and scratches himself and he has to ensure all the pain that goes with it. _Every month_. And it's only because there's no one else around for him to attack. If there were, he would attack them instead of himself. But he can't be in the company of a person, because then he would turn that person into a werewolf just like he is—and they could execute him for that. But if I were an animal like him, I could keep him company all night and he couldn't hurt me," Sirius explained jubilantly, grinning at the girls. "He would never have to hurt himself again! And did you see? I think I might even be a wolf like him, or at least a dog, which is close. Once I can transform fully I'll make his full moon nights so much better. We can play, as canines, and he might actually _enjoy_ his transformations instead of having to suffer through them every month."

Sirius was relieved to see that Lily and Rhonda were smiling too. Maybe that meant they wouldn't report him after all.

"Sirius, that's so sweet of you," Lily said. "Going through all this work, risking getting in trouble all for your pet."

"I have to," Sirius murmured. "You've never seen him the morning right after a full moon. If you saw your pet all cut up and scarred and he told you that he went through this every month, you'd do the same thing."

"I don't know about that," Lily said. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my cat, but I don't think I'd become an Animagus for her. Moony is really lucky to have you, Sirius," she said sincerely. "You must really, really love him to go through all this for him."

Sirius looked at the floor and didn't say anything. Of course he loved Moony—Moony was his pet. People were supposed to love their pets. Anyone who didn't love their pet didn't deserve to have one.

"Sirius?" Rhonda asked softly, looking at Sirius and taking a step closer to him. "Do you like Moony? You know..._like_ him?"

"What?" Sirius asked, taking a step back and staring at her. His heart was beating a million miles an hour and all of a sudden this empty classroom felt much hotter than empty classrooms ought to be. Why would Rhonda suggest such a thing? How did she know he even...and Lily! How could she say such a thing in front of Lily, who didn't even know he liked boys!

"Rhonda, why would you ask that?" Lily asked, looking confused. "Sirius isn't ga–" she cut herself and turned to Sirius. "Wait, are you?" she asked. Sirius felt the dread creeping up on him as Lily's eyes filled with understanding. "That's why you two broke up!" Lily said, turning from Sirius to Rhonda. "And that's why you wouldn't tell me the reason why, but you still stayed friends. You have no idea how confused I was about that," she added, almost accusingly. "When you were dating you were crazy about him, so when you told me you broke up I thought you'd be devastated, but you were so cheerfully okay with it. It explains everything!"

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone!" Sirius said, crossing his arms and glaring at Rhonda.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean to," Rhonda said, and though he could tell she meant it he was still angry about it.

"Sirius, _I'm_ not gonna tell anyone," Lily said. "Do James and Peter know?"

Sirius shook his head. He thought about his best friends, talking about girls all the time, and felt ashamed that he was different. He couldn't imagine telling them. What if they didn't want to be his friends any more? And even if they did, they'd probably treat him differently, act weird around him.

"Does Moony know?" Rhonda asked.

"No," Sirius said. "Why would I need to tell him?" he asked. _Except for the fact that we sleep in the same bed sometimes, and I fantasize about doing unmentionable things to him several times a day_.

"Because you're so close," Rhonda said. "He's like your best friend."

"James is my best friend," Sirius contradicted. "Moony is my pet. He's an animal."

"He's more like a human than an animal, though," Rhonda pointed out. "I think you should tell him. And do you?" she asked leaning closer. "You know...like him?"

"He's a werewolf," Sirius evaded, not catching her eye. "Why would you ask if I like him—he's not even human."

"But like I just said, he's a lot _like_ a human," Rhonda said, rolling her eyes. "And you spend so much time with him, and...well...you're doing all this for him."

"That doesn't mean I'm _in love_ with him," Sirius said, looking at his ex-girlfriend. "I care about him, but not in that way. He's an animal, that would be sick."

Rhonda shrugged. "You can't really tell he's an animal just by looking at him, and he is kind of cute. I don't think it'd be sick for you to have feelings for him."

"Well _I_ do," Sirius said. He was attracted to Moony's body, yes, very much so, but that didn't constitute love. "I'm doing this for Moony because he's my pet, not because I have some sort of perverted crush on him. And do I have your word you won't tell on me?" he added, looking back at Lily.

She sighed. "All right," she said. "I won't tell—unless the teachers ask," she added. "I'm not going to volunteer information because I think your reasons for doing it are really sweet and show a side of you I think you should show more often...but I'm not going to lie to the teachers either."

Sirius decided that was the best he could hope for. "Fine," he said. "And don't tell anyone about...the other thing, either."

"I won't," Lily promised. "But I think _you_ should."

"Yeah," Rhonda agreed. "You should tell Moony, at least."

"Maybe," Sirius muttered without catching their eyes. "Now...do you think you could give me some privacy? James's Quidditch practice ends soon and I want to get some more practice in."

"All right," Rhonda said, and Lily nodded. "Good luck, Sirius."

"Thanks," Sirius muttered. After they left, he made sure to _lock_ the door before lying back down on the blanket in front of the mirror. _Transform, transform_, he thought, concentrating hard. _You can do it. You have to. Do it for Moony. Transform._

And to his great surprise, he felt himself change and saw the fur grow all the way to his chest.


	17. 17—June–July 1975

**A/N:** I hope this isn't too sloppy, I haven't had time to edit it properly. I actually only finished it today. I'm gonna have to start power-writing to get ahead again, waiting until the last minute is a bad idea. BTW, Remus is back again. Yay! Thanks for reading and with almost 150 subscribers I expect plenty of reviews!

—

Sirius smiled to himself as he lay in his bed, stroking Moony's hair absently with his finger. Last night had been the last full moon of the school year, and he was getting closer and closer to finally mastering his Animagus transformation. He'd been practicing diligently, and even though it seemed to take forever between each step, he'd finally managed to transform every part of his body except for his head.

He'd laughed when he'd looked at himself in the mirror in the classroom. He looked like some sort of weird sphinx, with the body of a wolf or dog and the head of a human, with his long black hair, exactly the color of the animal's fur. He still wasn't quite sure whether he was a wolf or a dog—the shape of his head would probably determine it. He still hoped and prayed for a wolf, because that would make him even closer to Moony in species, but even a dog wasn't bad. Dogs and wolves were close and could even interbreed—not that that mattered at all. Of course he wouldn't breed with Moony as a wolf—and he wouldn't breed with Moony as a human, either, of course not. Because he was only attracted to Moony's body, he was not in love with Moony. He would not sleep with Moony because that would make things weird between them. Moony was his pet, not his sex slave or anything of the sort.

He looked so peaceful now, laying beside Sirius in the bed. Sirius was pretty sure he was asleep by now. There was a smile on his face. He was beautiful.

Sirius's only concern was the length of time it would take him to finally complete his Animagus transformation. Step seven warned that the head was always the hardest part to transform and always took the longest because it contained the brain, the most complex organ in animals and humans. And since the summer was drawing near, Sirius would not have nearly as much time to practice. Moony would be with him almost constantly—and while that was really a good thing, as he adored Moony's presence—he knew it would take a lot of practice before he could transform his entire body. He would still have to find time every day, somehow, probably a few minutes in the bathroom or in the shower.

This wasn't the only reason that Sirius was almost dreading the summer. He would have to leave Hogwarts, leave his friends, and see his family again instead. Things between him and his family had never been worse. He and Regulus were no longer on speaking terms. Even in the corridors of the castle, his brother ignored him. It hurt Sirius because he didn't know how to mend things and every time he tried, Regulus rebuffed him. It seemed that the only way his family, brother included, would ever accept him would be if he were to take on the values of the Slytherin House. And the fact simply was that he didn't. He believed that Muggles and Muggle-borns were people too, and just as worthy as pure-blood wizards.

True, Lily Evans was the only Muggle-born he was particularly close with, and he wasn't nearly close with her as he was with pure-blood James and Peter, but he still considered her a friend, and to take on Slytherin values would be to deny that. He knew Lily was just as good at doing magic as anyone else of any other blood status and she was just as decent a person—no, more decent a person than most pure-bloods he knew. Other than James and Peter, of course. They were his best friends and they were...great...even though he couldn't tell them everything. Of course, he wouldn't have chosen to tell Lily, either—he was still upset with Rhonda for letting it slip, but it had been two months and she hadn't said anything to anyone. No one but Lily and Rhonda seemed to know. He wondered for the umpteenth time if he should tell Moony.

Sirius looked at the beautiful werewolf lying beside him. He wanted him.

He knew he should tell Moony, it was only fair for Moony to know. They shared a bed every month and as soon as they went home they would be sharing a bed every night. But he feared Moony's reaction. What if Moony didn't want to share a bed with a gay boy? He would miss it, he knew, and even more than that, the rejection might kill him.

Maybe he wouldn't tell Moony. It wasn't really Moony's business, was it? Moony was just his pet, just an animal. Did people come out to their pets? Sirius chuckled to himself. He couldn't think of a time that anyone had, not that he really knew much about other gay people's coming out processes.

Sirius yawned and closed his eyes. He ran his fingers through Moony's hair one last time, and smiled. His hair was soft, and it was growing quite long. Sirius liked it.

—

At first Sirius wasn't quite sure what had woken him. The room was very quiet. But then he heard it: a soft "hmm" noise, a soft moan coming from his bed. He squeezed open his eyes and looked over at Moony. The nearly full moon peeked into the dormitory, allowing Sirius to make out the werewolf's profile. He was smiling in his sleep, quivering under the covers, facing away from Sirius. He was dreaming. Sirius wondered if it was a _dream_ dream, like he'd witnessed that one unforgettable night. The thought made him hard already, even though he wasn't entirely sure it was that type of dream.

Moony was facing away from him, on his side, so though he looked Sirius couldn't tell whether there was a bulge underneath the blankets or not. He felt almost guilty for looking, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. He stared at Moony's trembling body, quietly moaning every now and again. He hoped none of the others had woken up, but didn't think so. James and Peter must have had wet dreams every once in a while, and he'd never heard them in their sleep or woken up to them, thank Merlin.

Sirius wanted so badly to reach around, to feel Moony's body, feel whether there was really a bulge there or not. The thought made him shiver and he could feel himself leak in his underwear.

But he couldn't. He didn't have the right to. But he wanted so badly to touch Moony, to touch him while he was in this state of bliss, somehow be a part of it. Any way he could...

Sirius was terrified that the his bed-mate would wake up at any second, but he slowly, hesitantly, reached a hand out and traced it down his hair to the back of his neck. That was the most he could bring himself to do. If Moony woke up he'd probably be suspicious enough already. He knew Sirius was smart enough to know what sort of dream he was having, and he would certainly want to know why he would be touching him, even just a pet of the hair, during such a dream. But Sirius could try and play dumb, explain it away, and hopefully Moony wouldn't wake up at all. That was what he was counting on. Moony hadn't woken last time.

So Sirius stroked Moony's hair carefully, staring at him. He wanted to whisper something. 'You're so beautiful, Moony,' came to mind but he kept silent. Moony hadn't woken up at the stroking of his hair, but at a sound...he wouldn't risk it. Yet he did grow riskier with petting Moony's hair. The first few times he was careful not to touch the other's scalp at all, but he grew braver. And as he ran his fingers through again and again, he allowed himself the touch of the skin of Moony's scalp and neck, watching his pet's face carefully for any sign of a reaction. There was. Moony smiled in his sleep. "Sirius," he whispered softly.

Sirius withdrew his hand immediately, heart pounding. Moony hadn't woken up, had he? It didn't look it. His eyes were still closed, he was still shaking with the pleasure of his dream, still smiling. Surely if he'd woken up, he would have turned over to confront Sirius, ask him what he was doing. So no, he must still be asleep.

After another few seconds of watching, Sirius concluded that this was, indeed, the case. But...if Moony was sleeping...and Moony was having a...sex...dream, why would he say Sirius's name? Unless—no, of course not!

Sirius had to repress the urge to chuckle. Of course not. It was because he'd stroked his hair, no other reason. Sirius always stroked Moony's hair and Moony had simply felt in his sleep and he knew that it had to be Sirius, so...his dream self had whispered Sirius's name. The Sirius-hair-petting aspect of the dream was entirely different from the...other...aspect of the dream, it had to be. Because...well, yes, Moony was attracted to humans, but female humans, of course. Right?

Sirius tried to think back to their conversation so long ago. Moony had said human girls, hadn't he? Had he? Sirius honestly couldn't remember.

_But what difference does it make?_ he asked himself, shaking his head and laying back down on his bed. _It doesn't make a difference, of course it doesn't make a difference. _Even if Moony had said Sirius's name because he was attracted to him(which he wouldn't be, of course he wouldn't be, he couldn't be), it didn't matter. Nothing would ever happen. He couldn't sleep with Moony even if Moony wanted it as much as he did. Moony was his _pet_, that would be so awkward.

Sirius was gay and one day he hoped to find a boyfriend, right? Didn't he? Wasn't that what he wanted? Someone...kind of like Lennie? Attractive...and...smart?

He couldn't imagine it. He wanted to, right? But... As attracted as he was to other boys (which he'd noticed more and more, the more he'd allowed himself, as Samuel'd suggested, to think of it), he couldn't imagine himself _with_ any of them. He didn't...get excited at thoughts of them.

After his kiss with Lennie he'd tried to masturbate to him a few times but it hadn't been all that successful. More successful than with Rhonda, certainly, it got him a bit hard, but...it just wasn't the same as when he thought of Moony. And...for some ridiculous reason...the few times he'd tried it he'd actually felt _guilty_ about it. Like he was betraying Moony somehow. But that was preposterous! Moony didn't know Sirius thought of him when he did that, and if he did he'd likely _prefer_ Sirius think of someone else. Any normal person wouldn't want to know that someone thought of them when they were wanking unless they were attracted to them too, which Moony couldn't be.

Sirius remembered something James had said once about Lily. Even though he thought of other girls sometimes it always came to her in the end. Because he was in love with her. But that was ridiculous, Sirius wasn't in love with Moony, he'd been over this! He was _attracted_ to Moony because Moony had a human male body, but he couldn't be _in love_ with him.

So why couldn't he think of other boys like that? Why did he want Moony so much?

Because he hadn't met the right boy yet. The only other gay boys he knew were Lennie and Samuel, and...they were taken. He saw from the way Lennie had acted around Samuel that he could never love anyone has much as he loved that blonde Hufflepuff boy. And Samuel...well, Sirius wasn't attracted to Samuel in the least, he wasn't any more attracted to him than he'd been to Rhonda or Rebeka, for that matter. Just like he wasn't attracted to James or Peter. He'd thought of James several times just to see if he could...be attracted to his best friend, out of mere curiosity, but he wasn't. James was like a brother to him. The thought of James in that context was just as...off-putting to him as the thought of any girl in that context. Which was honestly a relief—he didn't want to be attracted to his best friend any more than he wanted to be attracted to his pet. Nothing could happen with James either because James was straight.

But he didn't want to be alone forever. Someday he did want something to happen with some boy. He remembered what Lennie had said about someone you had that chemistry with. Well, someday he would meet a boy like that, a boy he knew was gay, and a boy he knew was _human_. They would meet and they would date and there would be chemistry. Sirius would fall in love with him and want to have sex with him and want to spend the rest of his life with him.

_Of course you will_, Sirius told himself. _You're only fifteen, you don't know what it is to love someone. You have no idea. Some people don't meet the loves of their loves until they're much older. You'll get over this thing with Moony, of course you will. You just need to find someone else. Someone...someone human. Someday it will happen. For now you can be as attracted to Moony as you want, it doesn't matter because nothing will ever become of it because he is a werewolf. You can think of him all you want, fantasize as much as you want. Flatter yourself by thinking that because he whispers your name during a dream, he is attracted to you too. Go ahead. Do it. But nothing will ever become of it, nothing can ever become of it. You don't want anything to become of it._

This idea comforted him slightly. He watched Moony finish his dream, went at himself thinking about it with the happy idea that his was only temporary, cleaned them both up and went back to sleep.

—

"Moony," Sirius sighed, staring at his shoes instead of his pet, "I've got to tell you something." He had to do it. Three weeks at home and he'd witnessed two more...dreams. And it had been so difficult not to reach his hand out and touch, to stroke his hair like he had before. But not only was he frightened of Moony waking up, he was frightened that Moony might say his name again. Thrilled, too, at the thought of it, but still too frightened to go through with it. Because he didn't know what it meant. He didn't know what any of this meant.

No, he wasn't frightened of hearing his name, he was more frightened of _not_ hearing his name. He still didn't know why he hoped that Moony felt the attraction that he did because he knew nothing would become of it. But he still did, for some ridiculous reason, hope that Moony had whispered 'Sirius' into the night because he'd been dreaming about Sirius touching him the way Sirius longed to touch him.

But he knew it couldn't be so. He couldn't remember Moony specifying whether he was attracted to human males or females but that didn't matter anyway. It was wrong of him to stare at Moony when he was having a sex dream and want to touch him. It was infringing upon his privacy. How would Sirius feel if someone stared at him in the middle of the night while he was having one of those dreams?

And as he thought that, he wondered. During any of the dreams that he'd had while Moony was in his bed, had Moony ever woken up? Watched him? Wanted him?

No, no, not wanted him. If he'd ever woken up and figured out what Sirius was doing, he'd probably blushed the color of James's Quidditch robes and simply looked away and never brought it up again. Tried to block out the sound of Sirius's moans. He'd never said 'Moony' in his sleep, had he? Merlin he hoped not. How embarrassing would that be?

But Moony had never said anything, never acted any differently. Maybe he'd never witnessed any of Sirius's wet dreams. And maybe if he had, he'd simply ignored them liked Sirius wished he could simply ignore Moony's.

Sirius was frightened because he wasn't sure what would come of this conversation. He still thought it was highly likely that Moony would express a desire never to share a bed with him again. He knew that would crush him, but it wasn't fair to watch the werewolf at night and fantasize about him.

So he had to tell him. He sat down on his bedroom sofa beside Moony, still staring at the floor.

"What is it?" Moony asked, looking at Sirius with nervous eyes.

_Well, do it already_, Sirius told himself. "This is difficult for me," he said eventually. "Just...please understand that."

"Sirius, what's wrong?" Moony asked. "What happened?"

"Nothing...happened," Sirius said. He couldn't bring himself to meet Moony's beautiful eyes. "I just have...sort of a...confession...to make." He chanced a glance up.

His pet looked confused. "What?"

"I...I'm gay," Sirius blurted out. "I...I'm not attracted to girls, I'm attracted to boys. I'm a freak," he whispered

"Oh," Moony said, looking surprised and confused. "What about Rhonda? She was your girlfriend."

"I know," the young wizard muttered. "I thought if I went out with a girl I could make myself attracted to her, but I'm not. I'm just attracted to...to boys."

"Is that bad?" Moony asked, still watching him. "Like really bad?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's unnatural. I'm not supposed to be attracted to men, I'm supposed to be attracted to women. You know, all the couples you see are made up of men and women, not men and men. And I suppose you haven't spent as much time hearing James and Peter talk about girls as I have, but...well, they're normal. Just...another thing wrong with me."

"Don't say that," Moony said. "I...I didn't realize it was such a bad thing, being attracted to boys. I'm sorry you feel you're a freak, but..." he chuckled, "...at least you're not nearly as unnatural as I am. Look at me, a werewolf, an animal of all things and I'm attracted to humans. At least the males you're attracted to are of the same species as you." He looked disgusted with himself. "You shouldn't feel bad, Sirius. Compared to me, you're perfectly normal."

"I've told you," Sirius muttered, annoyed because Moony was only making it worse even though he didn't know he was and certainly had no intention of doing so. "There's nothing wrong with your being attracted to humans, it's because you have the same body as a human so you would be attracted to other beings with the same body as you. It's perfectly normal."

Moony just shrugged.

"At least you're attracted to humans of the opposite sex as you," Sirius ventured.

Moony didn't say anything, didn't catch his eye for a moment. Then he did look up with a half-smile on his face. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to make this about me, I was just trying to make you feel better. So...you know for sure, then?"

"Yeah," Sirius sighed, looking away again. "I'm positive. I...whenever I kiss girls I don't like it. A few months back I kissed a boy and I liked it."

"Really?" the werewolf asked, looking surprised. "Who? Is he your boyfriend? Are you going out? Is that where you go...when you don't come back to my room 'til late at night?"

"No," Sirius said quickly. "No, no, it's...he's not my boyfriend or anything. He...he has a boyfriend. He just kissed me as a favor to help me out, to help me realize that...I'm gay."

"Oh. Okay." Moony murmured. "Not that it's any of my business," he added quickly. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

"Quit apologizing, Moony," Sirius sighed. "You're allowed to ask questions, you're allowed to be curious. I'm your master, we live together. You're allowed to _know_ things about me, my life isn't a giant secret. If you want to know something, ask, and then I'll choose whether I want to disclose, just like..." He trailed off. He was going to say, 'just like normal people do,' but Moony wasn't a person. Moony was an animal. So, in a sense he was right, it wasn't his place to pry into Sirius's life, but Sirius had never felt that Moony was prying. He almost never asked questions. Sometimes Sirius wished he would ask more.

"I'm sorry," Moony said again.

Sirius looked at him. "I'll understand if you don't want to share a bed with me anymore."

"Sirius, that's ridiculous," Moony said, rolling his eyes. "I've told you before, I like sleeping in your bed. It's warm and it makes me feel safe. If you don't want me there anymore I'll go willingly, but...your being gay doesn't change how I feel."

Sirius smiled, relieved. That had been one of the things he'd been the most concerned about.

"I don't really see how it changes things," Moony continued. "To me, it seems that the only difference is that when you grow up you'll find a man to fall in love with and spend your life with instead of a woman."

Sirius shrugged. "I guess so, yeah."

"It doesn't seem all that different to me," Moony murmured.

"Well, men and men can't have children, so...not that I've ever really cared about having children, but...Mum and Dad won't be pleased if they ever find out. I don't think I'll tell them anyway," he said, shaking his head. "They already hate me enough as it is. I don't think they could possibly hate me any more than they already do." He glanced at his bedroom door with loathing.

Moony was quiet for a moment. "Sirius?" he said.

"Hmm?" Sirius said without looking at him.

"There is something...I've been wondering about. If you don't mind."

Sirius looked up at Moony curiously. "What?" he said.

"Well," started the werewolf. "When you...grow up and find someone...a man now, instead of a woman, you'll fall in love and...well, maybe if it's a man you won't...get married, but...you'll probably want to spend your lives together, right?"

Though Sirius couldn't really imagine wanting to spend his life with any man because at the moment all he wanted was Moony, he knew that someday he would fall in love with a real human. So he nodded. "Yeah, someday, I suppose," he said.

"Well...when that happens...what's to become of me?" Moony asked quietly.

Sirius was confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...what are you going to do with me?" Moony asked. "Will I go back to the Containment Center?"

"Why would you?" asked Sirius. "You'll stay with us, you'll always be my pet."

"What if your...boyfriend...doesn't like werewolves?" he asked. "What if...even if you don't _have_ children, what if you adopt a child or something? Would you want your child exposed to a werewolf?"

"You're harmless," said Sirius. "Except for one night a month, and then we make sure you're safe. I wouldn't date anyone who didn't want you. You're my pet first," Sirius said. "You were here first. I'd never fall in love with anyone who wanted to give you up. You're not going anywhere, Moony. You're my pet and you're always gonna be with me."

Moony smiled. "Really?"

"Of course," said Sirius. Sending Moony back to the Containment Center, not having him in his life? Not being able to see him every day? He couldn't imagine it. Not being able to hold him in bed on nights after the full moon? Well, that part would be more difficult if he had a boyfriend, but he wouldn't need to. Because...well...he'd almost mastered Animagus. Almost, he was so close. And by the time he was old enough to meet and fall in love with someone he certainly would have mastered it. So Moony wouldn't even need comforting on nights after the full moon because the full moon wouldn't be painful to him. He would have fun playing with his wolf or dog friend. Sirius smiled at the thought. "You don't need to worry, Moony," Sirius said. "No matter what happens, nothing will change us."

Because he wanted to, because the impulse wasn't simply one he could control, he threw his arms around Moony. He buried his face in the werewolf's long hair. It smelled so nice, it was so warm and soft. Moony was hugging him back and the arms around him felt so comforting. He wished they could just stay like this. No, that wasn't right, he wished he could pull back, kiss those beautiful lips, see what he tasted like.

He couldn't. This was as close as he could ever get.


	18. 18—July 1975

**A/N:** This chapter contains a fun familiar face :-)

—

Sirius sipped his butterbeer halfheartedly, playing with the liquid in the glass more than drinking it.

"Sirius, will you quit pouting?" James whined. "We were planning to have so much fun, but how are we supposed to do that if you're just sulking?"

"Why couldn't Moony come with us?" Sirius muttered. "It's not fair he had to stay in your house all locked up."

James sighed. "Mum and Dad _said_ he could come with us if he wanted to. The full moon is ages away, they don't have a problem _at all_ with him coming along and pretending he's just another human like us, all right? It's not their fault, nor is it mine, nor is it yours, that your werewolf refused. It was _his_ idea to stay locked up in the house, okay?"

"I know," Sirius muttered, swirling his glass. "Why, though? He's not gonna hurt anyone." He knew why, though—Moony had explained it to him. He wasn't a human, so he couldn't go into public with the public thinking that he was. He still wore his leash in school when he went to class and to meals. He knew he looked like a human, but he wasn't a human and he didn't want strangers thinking he was a human and treating him like a human. And taking him to town on his leash wasn't really an option, either because, just like everyone on the Hogwarts Express Sirius's first day of school, people would think they were tying up a human and undoubtably call the authorities. Sirius's parents would probably find out, which meant that they would also find out that Alphard lied to them about saying _he_ was taking Sirius and Moony for the couple of weeks. They would never trust him again, and Sirius would never again be able to spend time at James's house during the summer. They might send him to stupid Evan Rosier's house again, with Regulus.

"I just don't understand what the big deal is," Sirius sighed, setting his butterbeer glass on the table harder than he'd intended to, creating a slam that made people at the other tables look up. "I know he's a werewolf. I know it, you know it, and your parents know it, but he looks so much like a human no one else needs to know it. What difference does it make if he comes down with us to Diagon Alley for _one day_ and has people treating him like a human like us? What does it matter? They don't need to know."

"I don't know," James sighed. "He's not human, Sirius. I don't know, maybe it offends him, the idea of being treated like one of us."

"It shouldn't," Sirius muttered. "Humans get treated loads better than werewolves. If I were a werewolf I'd wish everyone would treat me like a human."

James chuckled. "You're not, though. You don't know what it's like for him. I mean, nor do I, obviously, but...maybe there's an aspect of it that you're not considering, that's all."

Sirius sighed.

"Hey, cheer up," James said. "We're supposed to have fun today, remember? Here we are in the Leaky Cauldron with no adult supervision, we've got a whole day and a decent amount of gold to spend in Diagon Alley. I'm ready to go out there and spend it, aren't you?"

"I suppose," Sirius said.

"Yeah," James encouraged. "We're best friends, Sirius. I know Moony goes with you everywhere, but we can still have fun even if he's not here. And he'll want to hear all about it when we get back home, I know he will. And do you think he'll want to hear about how you spent the whole day sulking because he wasn't with you?"

Sirius smiled. "I suppose not," he said.

"Good," said James. "Now hurry up and finish your butterbeer, I want to get our school stuff taken care of first. I'm sure we'll forget about it once we start shopping for more interesting things, and Mum and Dad won't be impressed if we come home without having bought anything for school."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. He drank the rest of his butterbeer in one gulp and wiped the foam from his mouth as he set it back down on the table.

James grinned, and as the two were about to stand up and make their way out the door, the most peculiar-looking man that Sirius had ever seen (and that was saying something) stopped them.

"Excuse me," he said. "I couldn't help but overhear—you two were talking about werewolves."

Sirius stared at the strange man. He was young, probably in his early twenties or so, and dressed in mismatched clothes in bright colors. His hair was a very light blond, long like Moony's—about shoulder-length—and he wore a strange symbol around his neck.

"Who are you?" Sirius asked. "What's it matter to you if we were talking about werewolves or not?"

"Oh, do excuse me," the man said. He held out a hand that Sirius was not quite inclined to take. "My name is Xenophilius Lovegood and I've just written an article on the humanity of werewolves in my new magazine that I thought might interest you."

"The humanity of werewolves?" Sirius asked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, it's all in this article," Lovegood said enthusiastically. He pulled a magazine out of his bag—Sirius could see several more copies stacked next to it. "You'll have to buy it to read it, though, I'm afraid," he chuckled. "Just starting up the business, can't be handing free copies all around. That'll be a sickle, then," he said.

Sirius exchanged a glance with James.

"Well, there's tons of other good stuff in here, too," Lovegood said excitedly. "A whole seven pages on crumple-horned snorkacks, some new theories on the _surprisingly_ beneficial effects flobberworm feces have for one's complexion, and..." he leaned closer and lowered his voice. "...some information involving goblins that the Ministry _might_ not be too happy to see published." He grinned and stood back again. "But you'll have to buy it to see. That'll be a sickle."

When Sirius hesitated, he continued, "And I expect the werewolf article will interest you very much. See..." he leaned closer to the table and lowered his voice once again. "...the _theory_ is that werewolves aren't a different species at all, but humans just like you and me!"

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius.

"That's ridiculous," Sirius said. "Of course werewolves aren't humans."

"Ahh, don't say that 'til you've read the article," he said, shoving the magazine at Sirius again. "I'm sure it'll prove very...enlightening."

"Why not?" James said to Sirius. "Just a sickle. Could be interesting."

Sirius looked down at the magazine, which was called _The Quibbler._ There was an illustration on the front of some colorful, odd-looking animal that he'd never seen nor heard of before. The name _Xenophilius Lovegood, editor_, was stamped at the bottom. A starburst between the odd animal and Lovegood's name went in and out of focus with the words, _Werewolves: Human or Animal? _flashing at him.

"Well," Sirius muttered, "for a sickle, I guess I could–"

"–Lovegood!" came a shout, and all three young men looked up. Tom the barman was shouting from behind the counter, which he scurried around, glaring at Lovegood. "What have a told you about trying to peddle that rubbish to my customers? No one in this bar wants to read about about your made-up theories on your made-up animals! If you don't stop bothering these young men these instant, I'll curse shut every orifice in your godforsaken body!"

Lovegood scurried away immediately, looking terrified that Tom would make good on his promise and forgetting to take his magazine back from Sirius.

"Sorry about him," said Tom as he approached their table. "Every time I look the other way he sneaks back in here and tries to sell his ridiculous magazine to another one of my patrons. But you don't want to read that rubbish—it's all made up and there's no value to it at all. Don't know why he bothers, don't know how he expects to make a living from selling this." He took the magazine from Sirius and walked back over to the bar, making to toss it into the rubbish bin behind the counter.

"Wait," Sirius said at the last minute, getting up from his chair. "I...I'd actually like to read that, if you don't mind. I know I didn't pay for it, but..."

Tom gave Sirius a quizzical look and then shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said, handing the magazine back to him, "but I warn you, it's all rubbish. No facts whatsoever in here." He glanced at the cover and snorted. "'Werewolves: Human or Animal?' As if we need to be told that."

"Yeah," Sirius chuckled. "Just for laughs, you know?" He took the magazine and hastily shoved into his bag before he and James left the bar. He thought he could hear Tom mutter "Teenagers," in a condescending sort of tone as they walked out, but didn't look back.

—

_The Quibbler_ stayed in Sirius's bag for another twelve hours, until after he and James had come back from their day trip and they'd all gone to bed. It wasn't until late at night, once Sirius was certain that Moony was sleeping, that he Summoned it over and lit up his wand to take a look. He glanced at Moony, who stirred but did not wake from the light. He took the magazine out of his bag, flipping through the pages until he found the werewolf article. _Werewolves: Human or Animal?_ There was an illustration below of a wizard howling at a full moon.

For a long time, Sirius just stared at the title and illustration. He thought about what Tom the barman had said about it being rubbish. He thought about all he knew about werewolves. And then he began to read.

_Werewolves. For centuries, they have been considered one of the most dangerous and terrifying creatures known to wizard-kind. BUT ARE THEY? After all, one of the things that makes a werewolf so terrifying is that it does not always kill its victims, but makes them like itself, turning innocent humans into savage beasts. No other beast known to wizard-kind makes its victims one of its own (vampires, of course, have a similar ability, but the Ministry of Magic has classified them as beings rather than beasts). They can kill or do worse in a number of other ways, but the werewolf is almost unique in this aspect. It is completely unique in the aspect that it is the only animal that was once human. So the question comes to: is it really possible to change one's species?_

_Some people would argue yes, one would only have to look at the werewolf during the full moon (when the werewolf is safely locked away, of course) to know that indeed, this is not human but a completely different species._

_But then again, one would argue the same thing for a transformed Animagus, a human under the effects of Polyjuice Potion that has accidentally been infused with an animal hair, or someone who has been cursed with one of the various spells or hexes that change his or her appearance to make it animal-like._

_The obvious argued difference is that most humans under the effects of a spell or curse that make them look like animals have the ability to change back, either with a counterjinx, with other potions or spells, or—in the case of an Animagus—the transformer him- or herself can change at will. The werewolf does not have a say in his or her condition and will always transform into a deadly beast when the full moon is in the sky. There is no changing that. _However_, the werewolf does change back into a human when the full moon sets, and remains a human for all the other days of the month._

_Unlike with vampires, one cannot tell an untransformed werewolf from a human simply by looking at it. Werewolves have the ability to do magic just like humans, when given the chance. They are capable of all human emotions when in their human state (which is not the case with vampires, who remain in a single state all the time and whose constant desire for blood numbs them from feeling the full range of human emotions). Werewolves are also of equal intelligence to humans._

_There are some who claim that werewolves must be animals because they act like animals, even on nights with no full moon. However, there is no evidence to suggest that this is their inherent nature. Werewolves who act like animals do so because they are _treated_ like animals, and therefore led to believe that they are, in fact, animals. If a werewolf were told he was simply a human with a disease that required him to be locked up one night a month, there is no reason to believe he would not act just like any other human with a nonfatal incurable disease. There would be no reason for him to act aggressively toward other humans, as some who work at the Werewolf Containment Center claim the werewolves do all month long. Has it occurred to these workers that the werewolves act aggressively because they are being imprisoned against their will? If werewolves were integrated into human society, most humans they interacted with on a daily basis would be none the wiser; they would notice neither aggressive behavior nor anything else different between the werewolf and any other human._

_This is not to say, of course, that werewolves are not dangerous when they are transformed. A werewolf on the night of the full moon can easily harm or even kill any human that crosses its path. During the full moon it is fully an animal and loses its sense of self completely. But for the rest of the month, it is a human just like any other._

Sirius put down the magazine. His head was spinning. On the one hand, Lovegood's explanations made perfect sense. He knew Moony looked exactly like a human and he always acted quite like a human. If Sirius had met Moony casually and not known he was a werewolf, he probably never would have guessed it. When Moony did act like Sirius's pet rather than like a human: being shy and submissive, it was because for his entire life he'd been told he was an animal. When Sirius's father purchased him, he'd been _told_ he was Sirius's pet, so he acted that way because it was expected of him, not necessarily because it was his inherent nature to do so.

He remembered the time he'd taken Moony flying on his broom. He smiled at the memory. Moony had looked so beautiful, soaring and laughing, so carefree. Sirius had never seen him like that before and hadn't since. He remembered Moony telling him that he'd felt free, so much so that he'd almost forgotten that he was an animal, Sirius's pet.

Sirius wondered what Moony would be like if he could be free all of the time.

And if he was a human, he would be.

_But he's not a human!_ Sirius's brain argued at him. _He can't be. Lovegood doesn't know what he's talking about._ How could he? He wasn't a werewolf expert. As Tom the barman had said, he made outrageous claims with no evidence to back it up. Well, there was no proof of any of this in here.

Sirius sighed. But what did it matter anyway? Even if Lovegood believed werewolves were human and even if Sirius believed werewolves were human (which he still wasn't convinced of), it wouldn't change the fact that society didn't. No one would accept Moony as a human. No one would accept that werewolves weren't animals. That was what everyone had been told their whole lives. To accept werewolves as humans would mean that the Werewolf Containment Center would be illegal and inhumane and it would need to be shut down, and no one would accept that. The number of werewolf attacks had gone down dramatically since the inception of the Containment Center. If it were shut down, werewolves would be free, and that would include full moon nights, the one night a month when everyone, including Lovegood, agreed that the creatures were animals.

It occurred to Sirius that all the werewolves could just do what he and Moony did: ensure that they were safely locked up on those nights, but he knew it wouldn't happen. If werewolves cared enough to ensure their security, there wouldn't be any at all. Their species would have died out years ago. Moony would never have been bitten. Moony would never have become an animal. He would be a human, a kid just like James and Peter and Sirius. He might even have gone to Hogwarts as a real student. Sirius would have met him at school, had classes with him, maybe even have become friends with him, practiced magic with him legally. He wondered if he would still have feelings for him—_no_, Sirius reminded himself. _Be attracted to him. You don't have feelings for him because he's not a human, he's a werewolf. Maybe if he had been, if he'd never been bitten and he'd been a full human, then you could actually _like_ him and actually _want_ something to happen._

_Is that why you're reading this?_ He taunted himself. _So that you could convince yourself that Moony's a human and that you can like him and not just be attracted to him? Is that what you're trying to do here?_

Sirius tried to push the thought away, but it wouldn't go away. He knew it was true. He knew as much as he tried to deny it that there was more to what he had with Moony than just attraction. He couldn't get the werewolf off of his mind. He didn't want anyone else, he couldn't imagine wanting anyone else. As Rhonda and Lily had pointed out, he was going through all the effort to become an Animagus just for Moony. That wasn't something one did lightly. He would do it for James and maybe Peter, he would have done it for Regulus before things had turned so sour between them, but he couldn't honestly think of anyone else he would do it for. Anyone else he cared for that much.

He knew he loved Moony. He just wouldn't admit it because he knew it was wrong. It was so wrong. It was one thing to be attracted to him, of course he would be naturally because Moony had a human male body and he was attracted to human male bodies. To act on this attraction would be unnatural because even though he had a human body, he wasn't a human. Sirius had come to convince himself that there was nothing unnatural about that attraction except for the fact that it was a gay attraction. But he knew he would have to come to terms with that anyway, and was starting to accept it more every day. So it was okay for Sirius to be attracted to Moony.

It was not okay for him to be in love with him.


	19. 19—July–October 1975

**A/N:** I'm going to apologize for the length, but hopefully the content will make up for it. Starting a major transition here :-)

—

Every month, Sirius told himself that this would be it, this would be the one, this would be the month he would master Animagus and be able to transform to help Moony. And every month, on the eve of the full moon, Sirius would stare into his human eyes in the mirror and admit that he wouldn't be able to help Moony tomorrow.

But if he kept working on it, he'd be able to help him next month.

True, while he was still home for the summer, Sirius wasn't sure if he'd be able to go into Moony's cage with him even if he did manage a complete transformation, but once they returned to school for his fifth year he really hoped he'd make it before the first full moon of the school year. Despite all the extra homework he was given, this being OWL year and all, Sirius made sure to spend at least an hour practicing every day. He even went when James didn't have Quidditch practice, lying to both James and Peter to say he was going to Moony's to work on homework. He wished he could have had more time to practice over the summer—he was certain if he had he would have mastered it by now.

September came and went with no change, and as the October full moon neared Sirius was sure it was going to go the same way. The weekend before the full moon (which was on a Monday), he almost didn't want to go practice. He really only ended up going because he needed a break from all the homework. He sat in front of the Transfigured mirror and transformed, not expecting anything new to happen. And nothing new happened. A canine with a human head stared back at him. He changed back and back, again and again.

_Come on_, he told himself, frustrated after another hour of nothing. _Think of Moony. Think of your poor pet (who you love; no I don't!; yes you do; ...all right, I do), who has to suffer._ He remembered the image of Moony at twelve, when Sirius had walked in on him before his cuts had a chance to heal, how upset he'd felt on behalf of Moony's pain. He remembered cutting open his own hand to practice healing spells on himself. He flexed the hand automatically, though the cuts were long healed. He'd loved Moony even then, hadn't he? How had he not known it? How had he not realized it?

Sirius thought about Moony, about all he felt for that werewolf and how he had to do this for him, how this was the only way to ease his suffering. He concentrated hard, Moony's beautiful face flashing before his eyes, and transformed.

Immediately he felt a difference, he felt the change take over him, deep inside him, and when he opened his eyes a shaggy black dog stared back at him in the mirror.

He probably stared at himself for two full minutes, not even believing it was real. He wondered if he was dreaming—every once in a while he had dreams in which he managed the whole transformation (these often ended with Moony throwing himself at Sirius in a fit of adoration)—but this didn't feel like a dream. Sirius couldn't usually tell when he was dreaming, but he could always tell when he was awake, and he knew he was awake. In dreams one often ended up somewhere without knowing how they got there, and Sirius could remember his whole day. Today was Sunday, October 19, 1975. He'd woken up late this morning, gotten Moony from the Room of Requirement for breakfast, gone back up with him so they could help each other learn Silencing Charms. Moony actually mastered it faster than Sirius, having read the theory thoroughly while Sirius had merely skimmed the chapter. After lunch, he'd taken the werewolf on a walk around the castle, which enjoyed simply because Moony enjoyed it. But he'd spent the rest of the afternoon cooped up in the castle, working on Defense Against the Dark Arts and Muggle Studies homework with James and Peter. His Transfiguration essay he'd breezed through—that was definitely an advantage of all his extra practice, he was far ahead in Transfiguration, much to McGonagall's surprise, without having to put forth too much extra effort. In his other subjects, however, with the teachers grading extra hard, he had to study just like all the other fifth years. About an hour ago, though, he'd gotten so sick of doing homework that he'd told James and Peter he couldn't concentrate in the common room and was going to the Room of Requirement instead. And he'd come here.

This was definitely real. The dog's yellow eyes stared into Sirius's own. He raised his paw, and the dog in the mirror did the same. It also wagged its tail when Sirius did. Yes, Sirius was a full dog, he could transform. Now for the real test. Sirius changed back, grabbing the mirror as his legs changed back unsteadily to human ones. Could he transform fully again?

He knew he'd never gone backwards in his transformations, but step eight in _Eight Simple Steps to Becoming an Animagus_ said that it was not unusual for the head to be reluctant to transform for newer Animagi, even if it had done so before.

Focussing carefully like he had before (and thinking of Moony seemed to help, too), Sirius transformed again. And once again, his head transformed along with the rest of his body.

Overcome with glee, Sirius barked in jubilation. He ran around the room, tripping over his feet, looking at everything from this new angle. Colors looked different. And he could _smell_ everything. For awhile he just got accustomed to his new form, walking around, sitting, laying, and running in this new body. He chased his tail just because he had one, scratched where he itched, and stretched because it felt good. After that he changed back and forth a few more times, making sure that it worked every time, and it did.

He could really do it. He could really become an Animagus. And tomorrow...Sirius grinned a doggy grin at the thought...he could join Moony for the full moon.

Sirius sat back and howled. He couldn't help it. The thought made him so happy! He could _finally_ help Moony, finally keep his beloved werewolf from ever hurting himself ever again!

—

Sirius checked his watch for the millionth time. He couldn't go too soon, because McGonagall would come to open the cage for Moony, and she would probably make sure he went to the common room rather than staying. But he couldn't go too late, because once night set and the moon rose, he wouldn't be able to get into the room to change it.

But McGonagall would probably go by earlier rather than later—she would want to make sure to leave plenty of time before Moony would change. So at about fifteen minutes before sunset, Sirius said he was going to the library to study and not to wait up for him (James gave him a suspicious look—even so far this year, Sirius didn't really 'study' much—but didn't say anything), and went to the Room of Requirement. He walked past the door three times, thinking about the room Dumbledore designed to keep Moony safe, and opened the door that appeared.

Moony looked up, clearly shocked at seeing the door open, as he entered. It stung Sirius to see him chained, arms and legs, to the wall, and he hurried to unlock the binds. Yes, he still wore his leash to class and meals, but Sirius always took it off when they were in the Room of Requirement, the common room or dormitory, or his bedroom at home. And the leash was only on wrist, while the chains tied up all four limbs.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" asked Moony in a terrified whisper as Sirius waved his wand and freed his pet. "You need to leave right now! I'm going to change any minute, and I'll hurt you!"

"No you won't," Sirius whispered gleefully. "I'm going to keep you company all night and I'm going to be perfectly safe—watch!" And he transformed into the giant black dog, wagging his tail at Moony.

Moony just stared and stared at him, his mouth hanging open.

"Moony, it's okay," Sirius said, changing back. "It's me."

"Sirius?" asked Moony, still staring at him, dumbstruck. "How did you do that?"

"I became an Animagus," Sirius explained, grinning. "I can turn into a dog..." he demonstrated again quickly before returning to human. "...and now I can stay with you tonight! Remember what you were telling me about how your transformations would be easier if you had company? Well, now you do! You'll have your own playmate, and since I'll be a dog, you won't be able to hurt me!" Sirius beamed across the room at Moony, but stopped when he saw his face.

His pet's eyes had filled with tears, and one fell slowly down his cheek as the two looked at each other.

"Moony?" Sirius asked, slowly stepping forward. "Moony, what's wrong?"

The werewolf opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. Instead he began sobbing uncontrollably, sinking to the ground and holding his knees to his body.

"Moony!" Sirius rushed over to his pet. "Moony, I'm sorry!" Something had gone wrong. Something had gone terribly, terribly wrong. Sirius felt a prickling in the back of his own eyes, though he did not let the tears form. He carefully put a hand on Moony's shoulder, and when the werewolf did not object, scooted closer. "I'm sorry, Moony," he said very softly. "I thought it would make you happy. Honest. I never meant to upset you." Moony just kept crying, so Sirius squeezed his shoulder. "I'll leave if you want," he whispered.

Moony shook his head. "Don't," he mumbled. "It's not that. Don't apologize. Don't leave. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry," he said, sniffing and wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry for falling apart like this."

Sirius rubbed the scruff of Moony's neck. "Don't cry," he said. "It's okay. I'm here. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me why you're so upset."

Moony sniffed again. "I'm not upset," he said. "I just...I couldn't help it. I was so surprised. You did all this just to help me." A few more tears fell from his eyes, and his voice wobbled. "No one's ever done anything like that, done so much just to help me. I love you, Sirius," he whispered, and Sirius felt his heart jump into his throat. "I've read books on Animagi, I know how much work it takes and how long it takes to become one, and I don't understand why you would go through so much trouble just...just for me," he murmured.

"Moony, I...I care about you," Sirius whispered. He couldn't bring himself to say love. He knew it was true, he knew he loved this boy crouching on the floor next to him more than anything else in the world. And as such, he worried that just how much he loved him might show in his voice if he said it. Moony couldn't know how he felt. Sirius knew Moony had just said he loved him—he'd said it not even a minute ago and Sirius's heart was still racing from the words—but he hadn't meant he was _in_ love with him. He'd meant he loved him as a pet loves his master, that's all he'd meant. So Sirius couldn't say it back to him. "I care about you," Sirius whispered, rubbing Moony's upper back. "I don't want you to hurt."

"But why do you care?" Moony asked, fresh sobs emerging. "I'm just a werewolf, I'm nothing, why would you care so much about...an animal?"

"Moony, about that..." Sirius murmured, not looking at him. He trailed off because he wasn't really sure what to say. He knew Moony was a werewolf, knew he was an animal, but at the same time, he was more than that. At least to Sirius. He was worth more than an animal.

Sirius looked at Moony, trying to find a way to word what he was feeling in a way that made sense, but got distracted when he saw the look on Moony's face. His eyes were unfocused and he was completely rigid. Then he started trembling, a little bit at first, but the shaking got more and more violent. Sirius backed away, staring, before quickly transforming into the dog and watching from a few feet away.

Before his eyes, Moony's body became distorted. Unlike the Animagus transformation, which was instantaneous, Sirius could see every step of Moony's change. He tore through his clothes as his arms and legs lengthened and changed shape. Fur sprouted on his body and his irises turned yellow, expanding to completely take over the whites. His nose and mouth lengthened into a snout and his chin receded, ears becoming triangular and moving to the top of his head. His hands and bare feet became paws, with his nails growing into claws.

About a minute after it all started, a panting, trembling brown wolf stood before Sirius, still wearing the tattered remains of Moony's robes.

The wolf spotted Sirius and took a step forward, lifting his tail, raising his hackles, and growling. Sirius reacted instinctively, lowering himself to the floor and letting his ears fall back. He froze as the wolf approached him, circling him and sniffing him. He wondered if Moony would attack, but he didn't, at least not right away. After he finished sniffing various areas of Sirius's dog body, he stood in front of him, slightly taller, and took Sirius's snout in his jaw.

Sirius was nervous because Moony could hurt him if he bit down—he would need to transform back to heal himself or go to the hospital wing, and he couldn't do either until the next morning—but he didn't. Sirius could feel Moony's teeth on his snout, but the wolf did not inflict enough pressure to break the skin and after a moment he released him, taking a step back.

Although Sirius had never studied wolf behavior, probably because his Animagus form was canine, he somehow knew that the wolf was asserting its dominance. And he wasn't going to argue with that. He kept his body lower than Moony's, looking up at him.

For a while at first, the two kept their distance, though never taking their eyes off each other. Sirius was content to let Moony make the first move; he didn't know what the wolf wanted and didn't want to upset him. Moony would get closer and then back away, growling.

But after about two hours, the wolf came within touching distance of Sirius again. He began by clamping Sirius's snout like he had before, and then he nudged him. Sirius wasn't quite sure what to do, so he nudged Moony back.

Moony jumped back, looking at Sirius as his tail flew back and forth, his rear end in the air. The stance looked rather playful. Encouraged, Sirius assumed the same position. After a few minutes of watching, Moony approached Sirius again, nudging him again. So once again, Sirius nudged back. Moony nudged harder and Sirius matched him, and soon they were play-wrestling all over the floor. The play was rough, with claws and teeth, but Sirius could tell it wasn't a real fight. Moony could probably really hurt him if he wanted to; Sirius wasn't sure he'd be able to fight back—this whole thing was about _preventing_ Moony from getting hurt.

For hours the two canines play-fought, sniffing each other and (to Sirius's surprise) even a bit of friendly licking. Though he knew it should feel weird to him, sticking out his tongue to run it across another creature's fur, as a dog it felt completely natural to lick another canine.

Sirius didn't know how late it was when he finally dropped to the floor, panting with exhaustion, but he was pleased to see the wolf curl up beside him, sharing his warmth. For quite a long time he stared, watching the sleeping wolf's body move up and down as he breathed, just like he watched Moony in human form whenever they shared a bed. And although Sirius didn't feel any sort of sexual stirrings looking at the wolf, he still thought he was beautiful. He licked the back of Moony's neck one more time, almost fulfilling the wish he'd often had as a human to kiss Moony there, and closed his eyes.


	20. 20—October–November 1975

**A/N:** Some anticipation...at the end of this chapter you're going to either love me or hate me. ;-)

It took Sirius a minute to figure out why he was in such an odd position when he woke up. Then he realized that he was on the floor of the Room of Requirement, and that he'd fallen asleep as a dog. He rolled over to see if Moony had changed back yet, but neither the wolf nor the boy were there.

Sirius sat up, stretched, scratched his neck, and had a look around. Relief took over him when he saw Moony, human again, sitting on the bench of a window that wasn't usually there. He was staring outside, his eyes looking a thousand miles away, as he held his knees to his body.

Ignoring the pang of disappointment that Moony hadn't been beside him when he'd woken up, Sirius walked over to him. He didn't change back to a human, not just yet. He wanted to comfort Moony, find out what was wrong and why he looked so scared after what should have been a happy night. After what _was_ a happy night. Once Moony had transformed, the wolf and the dog had had fun together. At least, it had seemed like the wolf had had fun. Sirius certainly had.

Sirius whined, nudging Moony's leg with his nose. Moony turned to Sirius and smiled. Feeling better, Sirius licked Moony's hand.

"Good morning, Sirius," Moony said. His hand roamed over Sirius's head, scratching and petting. Sirius stretched out and stepped closer. That felt good! "I didn't get a chance to tell you last night before the full moon came," Moony murmured while he scratched behind Sirius's ears. "Thank you. Thank you for doing all this."

Sirius climbed onto the window bench with Moony, climbed over him, and licked his face. He couldn't help it. He loved Moony. And it was okay because he was a dog. Maybe he couldn't kiss Moony when he was a human, but he could lick him as a dog.

Moony laughed, and Sirius's tale thumped with joy. "Sirius," he chided gently, wiping Sirius's saliva from his face as he held the side of the dog's head with his other hand, still petting a bit. He held Sirius's head in both of his hands, rubbing circles in the fur, and then leaned forward and kissed the top of Sirius's head between his ears.

Sirius's heart stopped beating. Or maybe it sped up. Moony had kissed him! Why couldn't he have been human for that? He was almost disappointed, until he realized that he wouldn't have kissed him at all if he'd been human. Then he decided not to change back, which he'd been about to do. If Moony would kiss him he could stay a dog forever as far as he was concerned. He nudged Moony's face, hoping it might happen again, but Moony just held Sirius's head away from his body, petting.

"This isn't right," Moony murmured, looking at Sirius. "Look at us. You're a dog, and I'm petting you. This isn't how it's supposed to be, Sirius." He leaned back, letting go, and Sirius whined at the loss. "I'm _your_ pet, Sirius, not the other way around," Moony said. "You're a human, and _I'm_ the animal. You should change back," he added, sliding off the bench and going into the suddenly adjoining bathroom. "It'll be time to go down to breakfast soon."

Sirius did change back, but he did so halfheartedly. The last thing he wanted to do was go down to breakfast and then class. He wanted to stay up here all day, with Moony. They'd been so close, so intimate when they were both animals and even when just Sirius was a dog. When they were both human there wasn't nearly as much touching going on, and not nearly as intimate touching.

Moony was quiet when he emerged from the bathroom, and after Sirius took his turn and they both went downstairs, he still wasn't talking. True, Sirius wasn't really talking either, but he didn't really know what to say. 'Kiss me, Moony, I love you'? He did keep trying to catch his eye, but Moony wasn't looking at him.

"Where the hell have you been?" James demanded when they got to the Great Hall.

"Later," Sirius said, sitting down and helping himself eggs and bacon. "I can't talk about it here."

James still looked a little irritated, but slightly mollified at the promise that the mystery would be explained. For a while Sirius had thought about keeping it secret, like he had while learning to transform, but since he would be disappearing all night on a monthly basis, he knew they would figure out that something was going on before long and would get the truth out of him somehow. And there was nothing anyone could do about it now that he was a full Animagus.

Sirius found it hard to pay attention in class—the lack of sleep was catching up to him. After lessons, dinner, and an hour of homework in the Room of Requirement with Moony (who was still quieter than usual, but Sirius attributed it to him being tired after the full moon), Sirius decided to take an early night.

"I know you weren't hurt this morning like you usually are after a full moon," Sirius said to Moony as he packed up his textbooks and parchment, "but you can still come and sleep in my bed...if you want."

Moony sighed, looking down at the book he was reading. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Sirius," he said quietly.

Sirius turned away from Moony, feeling a prickling his eyes and not wanting the other boy to see it. Why was Moony rejecting him? What had he done wrong? What had happened since this morning to make Moony not want to sleep with him?

"Okay," Sirius said quietly, forcing his voice to stay steady. "Whatever you want, Moony."

He left the room without another word and without looking back at Moony, but he didn't go straight to the common room. He made a detour in the boys' bathroom where, after checking that it was empty, he let his tears fall. He sniffled and wiped his nose, calling himself pathetic for being a 15-year-old boy and crying just because Moony didn't want to sleep in his bed. After a few minutes he calmed down, washed his face, and went to Gryffindor tower.

James and Peter accosted him as soon as he got there.

"You gonna tell us where you were last night? The night of the full moon, I might add?" James said, speaking in a low whisper so other students wouldn't hear him.

Sirius sighed. "Yeah, sure. Let's go up; I can't show you here."

James and Peter followed Sirius up to the dormitory, where he made sure the door was locked behind him.

"All right," Sirius said. "I was in the Room of Requirement with Moony last night."

Peter gasped and James frowned. "How could you have been? He could have killed you—or at least bitten you. And you're fine."

"Yeah," Sirius said, and he couldn't help smiling in spite of himself. "I found a way around that." And he transformed right in front of them.

This time James was the one to gasp, while Peter screamed a rather unmanly scream. Grinning, Sirius changed back.

"Sirius, how did you do that?" Peter asked.

"You're an Animagus?" said James, and Sirius could hear jealousy in his voice as well as shock. "When did this happen?"

"I only mastered it over the weekend," Sirius admitted, "but I've been practicing for a year."

"A year?" James repeated, staring at Sirius. "Why the hell haven't you said anything?" Yes, that was definitely jealousy. "That would have been so brilliant if we'd all learned how to become Animagi! We could have worked on it together and it would have been so much fun!"

"I know," Sirius said, looking at the floor. "And I thought about it, but...this was just something I wanted to do myself. I had to do it for Moony, to make his transformations easier and...well...since Moony's my pet, I wanted to do it."

"Wait," Peter said, looking from James to Sirius. "You didn't become an Animagus because it's completely cool and brilliant—you just did it for Moony?"

Sirius wasn't entirely sure he appreciated his friend's tone. "Yes," he said. "I did it because last night when I was a dog and he was a wolf, he didn't hurt himself. We just played together. I was able to distract him, and he had me to take out his energy on. He didn't hurt himself at all last night—he was fine."

"So you became an Animagus just for Moony?" James asked. "You spent a year learning how to turn into an animal just to keep him from hurting himself?"

Sirius nodded almost defiantly. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," James said quickly. "Just...well...I guess I'm impressed. That's some serious devotion."

"He's my pet," Sirius said, though he knew by now that that wasn't the only reason. He knew that he loved Moony, and not just as a pet, and that he probably wouldn't have gone through all the trouble if he didn't.

"All right," James said. "Well...good for you, mate. You said it worked? He didn't get hurt last night?"

"Yeah, it did work," he smiled, nodding. Then the smile slowly turned into a frown. "The only thing is...Moony doesn't seem to happy about it," he admitted. "I don't know what's wrong, I don't know why, I thought he'd be so excited, but all day he's been quiet..." He decided not to mention the fact that Moony had declined to sleep in bed with him. Sirius didn't want his friends to know, or even get a clue, that he really did care whether his werewolf slept with him or not. He still hadn't forgotten the comment Peter had made about how they looked in bed together, even though it had happened over a year ago.

"I don't know," Peter said, shrugging. "I didn't notice any difference, but I don't spend as much time with him as you do."

"Maybe it still needs some time to sink in," James suggested. "I mean, he must have been shocked to see you, just as shocked as we were. Once he has some time to get used to the idea of you being an Animagus, I'm sure he'll be really grateful for it. Just give him some time to let it sink in."

Sirius nodded.

He tried to be patient with Moony, give him some time as James had suggested, but it didn't seem to be working. In fact, over the next few weeks, Sirius thought Moony was becoming more and more distant with him. When they went to the common room, he didn't talk as much as he used to (and he'd always been on the quiet side). But now even more so.

And even when they were alone together in the Room of Requirement, Moony spent more time by himself reading. He wasn't as interested in practicing magic as he usually was—he pointed out more than once that there really wasn't any point since he was just an animal.

Sirius was getting so sick of hearing those words.

As the next full moon grew closer, Sirius worried about what would happen. Would Moony even want him there with him?

_Of course he would, he had to_, Sirius thought. But he couldn't be sure with the way Moony had been distancing himself.

About a week before the November full moon was to rise, Sirius had had enough.

They were both in the Room of Requirement, Moony curled up in a chair with a book as usual, and Sirius sitting at a desk working on a History of Magic essay. They'd come up here after dinner and had been sitting like this for nearly two hours. And in those two hours, not a single word had been exchanged between them.

And Sirius could not stand it.

"All right," he said, slamming _A History of Magic_ shut. "We need to talk, Moony."

Moony looked up from his book. "What?" he said.

"Ever since last full moon you've been distant with me, and I want to know why."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Moony evaded, looking away. "I've been acting the way I always do."

"Don't give me that," said Sirius. "You've been quiet, you haven't talked to me. You're not as interested in spending time with me. You don't laugh or joke anymore. You've been eating less. Something's been going on, something is _wrong_, and I want to know what. What did I do wrong?" he asked. "The only thing I've done different was I showed you that I can become an Animagus, but you didn't seem to have a problem with that on the full moon. When you were a wolf you certainly appreciated it, I could tell. And even the next morning. You said thank you. You smiled. So I thought you appreciated it. But then ever since then it's like we're not even friends anymore."

"We're _not_ friends," said Moony, putting his book down and standing up, looking at Sirius. "We're not friends, Sirius, we're not equals. I'm your _pet_, and you're my owner. You're my master, not my _friend_."

The words stung Sirius. He knew they were true, technically, though he could no longer accept the part about them not being equals. Not anymore. And he didn't like Moony saying they weren't friends.

"You've still been acting different," Sirius said. "You haven't been acting like my pet–"

"–Yes," Moony said. "For the first time in ages, I _have_. Up until recently, I haven't been acting like an animal, I've been acting like your friend. And you've been treating me like a friend, not an animal, and you need to stop."

Sirius was shocked to hear Moony talking to him like this. He'd never heard him speak this way before, tell Sirius what he should and should not be doing or how he should and should not be acting.

"It's wrong," Moony said. "At first it was little things, just one thing at the time. You let me eat at the table, you let me come to class with you, you let me do magic, you let me walk around without a leash." He raised his arms to demonstrate, showing his bare wrists. "I let it slide because, after all, who was I to complain? I enjoyed being treated like a human," he admitted. "It was so different from the way anyone else had treated me my whole life—well, ever since I was bitten. I thought, what harm could it do? But this..." he said. "...what you did...breaking the law, becoming an Animagus just to help something as low as I am...that was it. That opened my eyes, Sirius. It showed me that you haven't been treating me the way I _deserve_ to be treated."

"How do you _deserve_ to be treated?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms. "The way my parents treat you? Calling you 'beast' and 'it,' feeding you scraps, giving you a cage the size of a small closet, and keeping you chained up 24/7—is that how you want to be treated?"

"It's what I deserve," Moony said. Then he sighed. "Sirius, I know your intentions are good, I don't mean to sound unappreciative of all you've done for me—you have no idea how grateful and touched I am by it—but you just...you shouldn't have. And I mean that literally. All that work," he said, and Sirius noticed that he was close to crying again, like he had been on the full moon night. "All that study, all that trouble, just to help _me_? Just to help a pathetic animal? You shouldn't have done that, Sirius. I'm not worth it."

That was it for Sirius. "Yes you are!" he shouted. "I don't care what you say, I don't care what you think, I don't care what anyone else says or thinks—you _are_, Moony! You don't deserve to go through all that pain every month."

"But what difference does it make whether _I'm_ in pain or not? Maybe _I_ don't like it, but what does it matter to society? What does the suffering of an animal matter to anyone?"

"You're not an animal!" Sirius screamed.

"Yes I am!" yelled Moony. "Of course I am! I'm a bloody werewolf! You saw me on the full moon! You saw what I become!"

"Right," said Sirius. "But right now, in this room, today, every other _day_ but the stupid full moon, you're not an animal!"

"Yes I am!" repeated Moony.

Sirius couldn't explain the anger he felt. He grabbed his wand, and before he even had time to do the spell consciously, tears ripped through both his and Moony's robes, and they fell to the ground, leaving them both naked. He turned to Transfigure a mirror where the wall was, but before he had a chance to, the room supplied a mirror for him.

"Look!" Sirius shouted, pointing at the mirror.

It reflected two naked teenage boys with bundles of clothes around their feet. Sirius couldn't even appreciate Moony's beauty because he was too agitated and upset, too determined to make this boy he cared for so much see something he couldn't even define when he'd seen himself.

"Look," Sirius said. "What difference do you see?" he asked.

Moony was taller than Sirius by a few inches. His hair was light brown and came down to the middle of his back while Sirius's black hair almost hit his shoulders. They were both slender and neither was particularly muscular. Moony had more body hair than Sirius, but it was less noticeable because Sirius's was darker.

These were differences, however, that would show up between any two men. Even naked, Sirius would not have been able to tell that there was anything at all different about Moony if it weren't for...

"The scars," Moony whispered. "Your skin is smooth like normal humans', and mine is all cut up because I'm an animal–"

"–Oh, for Merlin's sake," Sirius cut him off. A slashing of his wand made a deep cut across his chest, and while Moony's jaw dropped he closed it up just as quickly with his _Episky_ spell. The cut had been long and deep, and while _Episky_ stopped the bleeding and the pain, it wasn't strong enough to heal a larger injury completely, and as a result, a thin white scar now decorated Sirius's chest. "See?" Sirius said to Moony, who still looked floored. "Humans scar too. Because you _are_ one. Remus."

He'd only said the name once, on the first day Sirius had got him when he'd asked. And though he hadn't thought about it much until recently, he'd never forgotten the name. It felt strange in his mouth now, foreign, but Sirius didn't care. Remus was his name and Sirius had never had a right to call him anything different.

"Don't," Remus said. "I'm Moony. That was what you named me when you got me. I'm your pet and you're my master. You're the one who owns me and you called me Moony so Moony is my name."

"I don't own you," Sirius contradicted. "It's not my job to name you—it was your parents' job to name you. And they named you Remus. So Remus is your name."

"They're not my parents anymore," Remus said. Sirius could see tears in his eyes. "They're humans."

"And so are you!" Sirius shouted. He slashed his wand through the air, repairing his and Remus's clothing, which flew at its respective owners. Sirius pulled his on angrily, nearly ripping it again, and Remus slowly did the same. "If you were an animal, you wouldn't wear clothes!" Sirius shouted. "No other animals wear clothes."

"Sirius, you saw me!" Remus said, tears running down his cheeks. "You saw me transform into a wolf, you saw my true form!"

"Yes," Sirius said, folding his arms across his chest. "I saw you as an animal—for one night a month. And then for all the other days I see you as a human, because that's what you are!"

"I'm not a human. Every month I become something that would _kill_ if it had the chance. I become a monster–"

"–Like I said, just for _one night a month_. The rest of the time you're just as human as I am."

"How can you say that?" Remus asked. "How can you—the fact that I become what I become makes me an animal."

Sirius transformed into the dog. He spent a moment looking pointedly up at Remus, and then transformed back. "Look at that," Sirius said. "I just transformed into a dog. Am I not a human now? Or is the dog human, too?"

"You weren't a human when you were a dog but you're a human right now," Remus said. "You changed back."

"Exactly!" Sirius said triumphantly. "I was a dog and then I transformed into a human, and I will remain human until the next time I transform. Just like you!"

"It's different for me!" Remus argued.

"How?" demanded Sirius. "How is it different?"

"First of all, you have a choice," Remus pointed out. "You turn into an animal when you want to and only when you want to. I don't have any control over my transformations.

"And secondly," he added as Sirius opened his mouth to argue, "when I transform I have no control over my actions. I only remember flashes of what goes on, the wolf instincts take over me and I have no way to fight them. I've read enough about Animagi to know that, even though emotions as an Animagus can be less complex than human emotions, the witch or wizard is still always conscious of their surroundings and doesn't do anything he or she doesn't want to do."

"It makes no difference," Sirius cut in. "You change into an animal, and then you change back just like I do. You may not be able to control your actions as a wolf, but you can control them now, can't you?"

"Yes," Remus said hesitantly.

"Then you're human now," Sirius deduced. "Maybe in some ways you're _more_ animal when you're transformed than I am while I'm transformed, but while you're human you're every bit as human as I am. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. There was that girl—she's a third-year now; I see her in the common room from time to time. She said you were a human. And my uncle Alphard said that werewolves used to be considered human and he even treated you like a human. James's parents had no problem treating you the same as him or me. And there's this article—you should read it, _Remus._ It brought up a lot of things I didn't think of arguing that werewolves are human. I met the man who wrote it myself. His name is Xenophilius Lovegood and he has his very own magazine, and he devoted a whole article to just pointing out how werewolves are human. You're just as smart as a human," Sirius began ticking off on his fingers, "You can do magic just as well as a human. You admitted yourself that you're attracted to humans..."

Remus blushed deeply, looking away.

"...When you flew on a broom the first time you said you felt free and you actually _forgot_ for a second that most of the world—including me, at the time—considers you an animal–"

"–And why does society think that?" demanded Remus. "Because it's true!"

"No it's not!" Sirius screamed. "Just because a lot of people think something doesn't mean it's true! That's why laws change and things get run differently—because people change the way they view things. I may not pay any attention in History of Magic, but I have heard enough against my will to know that the Wizarding world sometimes changes the way it thinks because it realizes it was wrong. And I'm not saying that's going to happen now; maybe the majority will never see you as human, but that doesn't make them right."

"Just because you think you're right doesn't make you right either," Remus pointed out, arms folded across his chest.

"Maybe it doesn't," said Sirius. "But there's something else I haven't told you."

Time seemed to slow down as Sirius walked up to Remus, stopping only two feet in front of him. He became very aware of his heart in his chest and his breathing. He looked into Remus's eyes, which struck him as beautiful just as they always did when Sirius took the time to look into them.

"I love you," Sirius said. He was surprised how easy it was to say, even though he had very little reason to believe Remus might feel the same. He kept remembering the whispered, 'Sirius,' at night, the confession of love at the last full moon, and even the kiss Remus had given to the top of Sirius the dog's head. True, there were explanations for each of them, but still...

"And I don't mean I love you as a pet..." Sirius continued "...and I don't even mean I love you as a friend."

Remus's gorgeous amber eyes widened as he stared into Sirius's, shocked into silence.

"I mean I'm in love with you," Sirius continued, taking advantage of Remus's silence and maintaining eye contact. "If you were an animal, then my being in love with you would be sick and perverted. Are you going to call me a pervert, Remus?"

Remus said nothing, so Sirius continued.

"I want to kiss you," he said, taking a step forward, even closer to Remus. Sirius could actually see Remus's breath hitch before the taller boy closed his eyes. He leaned forward, and their faces were just six inches apart when he stopped. Neither continuing forward nor stepping back, Sirius whispered, "I'm not going to."

Remus opened his eyes, and for a second they just stared at each other.

"I want to kiss you, but I'm not going to," Sirius repeated. "Because you're human just like me, you're equal to me, and you have an equal say in this. I'm not kissing you unless you want it just as badly as I do."

Sirius took a step back. They were still standing close together, but not kissing distance anymore. Remus's light brown eyes were locked onto Sirius's gray ones.

"Last full moon..." Sirius said, still watching Remus, "...you told me you loved me. And I'm going to assume that you meant it the way a pet loves his master. Because I'm not going to be presumptuous and pretend I'm better than you and assume that you feel the same way I do just because I want you to."

For what felt like hours but was probably less than a minute, they stared at each other.

"Say something," said Sirius. He took a step forward again, close enough to kiss Remus if he leaned forward. "Tell me how you meant it." He leaned closer, watching every muscle in Remus's face. Remus closed his eyes again. "Tell me you only meant it as my pet." Sirius was pretty sure his breath was hitting Remus's face as he spoke. "Tell me to stop." He hovered, his face inches from Remus's, waiting for him to say or do something, anything.

Remus leaned forward.

**A/N:** Before you ask, yes, I really am going to make you wait three days. Sorry! ;-)


	21. 21—November 1975

**A/N (Please read this one):** This chapter is rated M for sexual content. Seriously. Very adult explicit sexual content, and if you are under 18, you might want to consider not reading it in its entirety. If you get uncomfortable at any point, you can stop and I promise you won't miss anything essential at the end of the chapter. So, without further ado...

—

Sirius couldn't breathe. Remus was in front of him, their lips maybe a centimeter apart, and part of him wanted to close the space between them while the other part wanted Remus to do it because he couldn't be sure if Remus was just letting him or if he actually wanted Sirius.

His lips trembled and he could feel Remus's breath hitting them.

"I can't," Remus breathed.

Sirius opened his eyes. He almost couldn't focus on Remus's because they were so close.

"I can't tell you stop," whispered Remus, his eyes not leaving Sirius's. "I want you to kiss me."

They watched each other, moving closer much too slowly. It became too much for Sirius, who closed his eyes and leaned the rest of the way forward, brushing Remus's lips with his at long last. It was short, shorter than Sirius wanted it to be, but when they pulled away it was still only inches apart.

"You love me?" Remus whispered.

Sirius nodded. "You love me back? You're sure?"

Remus nodded too, closing the distance between them again for another quick brushing of lips while one of his hands found the back of Sirius's neck, the other positioning itself on his waist.

"You're sure this is what you want?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, Sirius," Remus whispered. "I've been in love with you since the first day I met you."

Warmth filled Sirius from top to bottom and he went for Remus's mouth again, still gentle but a bit less hesitant, and this time he held the kiss for longer. Remus's grip got firmer where he held Sirius's neck and waist, and in return Sirius wrapped his arms around him, holding him close like he wanted to for so long.

He kissed Remus more and more passionately, using his lips to open Remus's and slide his tongue in. Remus slid his tongue along Sirius's, stepping even closer and pushing their lips even more together.

It wasn't like kissing Rebeka or Rhonda, and it wasn't even like kissing Lennie. Sirius couldn't get enough, he wanted more and more—more and more kissing, more and more skin contact. His body reacted immediately and he couldn't control his mind's wandering to more than just kissing. He wanted Remus so badly, he'd wanted him for so long. He'd fantasized about this so often and it was finally happening and he wondered how much would happen.

"Remus," Sirius murmured, pulling away and stroking his face. "I...I love you. I don't want to..." His words were cut off when Remus kissed him again, brief and chaste.

"What?" he said breathlessly, running his fingers though Sirius's hair. "What is it?"

"I want to..." He kissed Remus fervently and nudged his body against the other boy's, hoping he'd get the message. "I don't want to pressure you," he whispered. He stroked Remus's face again. Merlin this boy was so beautiful. "I don't want to do anything you're not ready for. Just tell me when to stop, tell me how far you're ready to go..."

Remus kissed Sirius, pressing his own body against his and Sirius couldn't control the moan that left him. "Take me all the way," he whispered, holding the back of Sirius's neck and rubbing small circles with his fingers. "If you want to, if you're ready for it...make love to me, Sirius. I want you in every way. I want you inside me."

Sirius moaned again and kissed Remus, hard. Remus kissed back, matching his passion, and wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck. Sirius moved his arm down Remus's back, pausing kissing him so he could reach behind his legs and lift him up, carrying him to the luxurious king-sized bed that the cot had transformed into. Sirius laid Remus down on it as he climbed over him and they spent a moment just looking at each other.

Remus was smiling at Sirius, his chest moving up and down beneath his tattered robes as he breathed more heavily than normal. Sirius flopped down beside him on the bed, stroking his long brown hair. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

Remus laughed. "Me? _You're_ the attractive one."

"I think you're beautiful," Sirius said. He traced his thumb over Remus's cheek, and Remus closed his eyes, turning his head so his lips brushed Sirius's knuckle. "I've always thought so."

Keeping his eyes closed, Remus kissed his way down Sirius's hand, wrist, and arm, leaning over him so their mouths met. They kissed slowly, savoring every millimeter of contact between them, exploring each other's mouths, Sirius guiding Remus's tongue and lips. He found the front flap of Remus's robes and unbuttoned it. Remus helped take his arms out of the sleeves and then unbuttoned Sirius's robe. Sirius waved his wand and both sets of robes vanished. Then they unbuttoned each other's shirts, occasionally looking up to make eye contact and exchange shy smiles.

Sirius got Remus's shirt off first and spent a moment staring at his chest. He could see the scars, all of them long—Sirius knew the little cuts healed without scarring—all over his chest. He traced them, first with his fingers and then his lips and tongue, while Remus trembled under his touch and ran his hands up and down Sirius's sides and back. Sirius kissed up Remus's neck back to his mouth, where his lips stayed for several minutes as their hands explored each other's bodies.

As Sirius's hand ran down Remus's stomach, following the path of soft hair below his belly button, it reached the seam of his pants, which he traced. Remus wanted him to, didn't he? He'd just said he did...

Still kissing Remus gently, Sirius lowered his hands until he found the button of Remus's pants, which he slowly undid. He then unzipped the pants very carefully (there wasn't as much room in the front of Remus's pants as Sirius guessed there usually was, and it brought him a thrill to know that he was the cause of that), and removed them, Remus helping.

Remus pulled away to look up at Sirius, smiled at him shyly, and then started on Sirius's pants. He kept Sirius's eye throughout, his expression asking permission and making it clear that he would cease the moment Sirius wanted him to.

Sirius didn't ever want him to stop. He'd thought he was already as hard as he could get, but every time Remus's fingers brushed his erection through the material he got even more aroused. He wanted these pants off now, he wanted Remus to touch him, to...well, to be honest, he truly wasn't sure what they would do. His fantasies and dreams had never gotten past nude fondling, but Sirius thought there had to be more to it than that. Remus had said he'd wanted Sirius inside him, but that wasn't possible, was it? Remus was a boy. He must have just meant it as an expression, right? Between men and women that was the most intimate thing they could do, so by saying it that way Remus indicated he wanted the most intimate thing possible between them.

Sirius lost his train of thought then because Remus had pulled his pants down and begun cupping Sirius's hard-on through his underwear. He'd never felt anything like it before. It couldn't even be compared to touching himself; it was so much more than that. Sirius murmured in pleasure at the contact, closing his eyes involuntarily and clutching Remus's arm.

"You like that?" Remus asked softly.

Sirius nodded, unable to speak.

"You mind if I take them off?" he asked.

Oh sweet Merlin, just the thought of it...

"Yeah," Sirius said hoarsely. "Yeah, do it."

Remus removed Sirius's underwear as instructed and added them to the growing pile of clothes and shoes at the foot of the bed. Now Remus was touching him and it was amazing and he was going to come any second if Remus didn't...

"Slow down," Sirius whispered, and Remus's hand ceased immediately. He looked at Sirius with apology in his eyes, but Sirius shook his head. "You didn't do anything wrong, I just...I'm not ready for it to be over yet."

Remus smiled as he realized what the problem was, and kissed Sirius gently. Sirius kissed back, wrapping an arm around Remus's sweaty back to hold him close. With his free hand, he reached down to Remus's underwear, slipping a hand underneath them. He felt Remus moan into his mouth as Sirius touched him, and the sound was just as arousing as anything.

Sirius withdrew his hands from Remus's underwear just enough to peel them off of him. As Remus kicked off his underwear, Sirius just stared at his nakedness for a minute and felt his arousal increase ever more. He reached out to touch again, taking Remus in his hand and staring at his face and body as he stroked him. Remus reached back to touch him again, and Sirius threw his head back, thrusting his pelvis toward Remus, toward the warmth and the touch.

Soft wet lips fluttered across Sirius's neck and chest, and Sirius giggled as Remus's hair ticked his skin. He let go of Remus's erection to push his long hair back over his shoulders, and then spent a few moments running his fingers through it, watching Remus kiss his torso. Remus began moving his kisses lower, past Sirius's bellybutton and down toward the hardened flesh he was currently stroking. He let go of Sirius's erection with his hands, moving them around to grip his waist, and Sirius watched and gasped as Remus's mouth closed around the tip of his penis.

Was that what he'd meant? Inside? Well, if it was, Sirius wasn't complaining. He couldn't remember ever feeling anything so incredible in his life: the soft wet tongue touching the most sensitive area of his body...Sirius couldn't control his moaning. He would come soon, he knew it, and he hurriedly reached for Remus's erection again, finding it and stroking it fast. He wanted Remus to come with him. Remus moaned around him and Sirius responded with a moan of his own; the vibrations from the sound nearly sent him over.

"Sirius," Remus murmured, pulling his mouth away and looking up at him. His face was flushed and sweaty and so attractive. "You're going to make me..."

"Isn't...aren't I supposed to?" Sirius asked as he let go, slightly disoriented from being so close to orgasm and then being pulled back from it.

Remus smiled. "Not yet," he whispered. "Not unless this is as far as you want to go."

"We can go further?" Sirius whispered back, running his fingers through Remus's long sweaty hair. "What do we...?" Suddenly he felt foolish, and his embarrassment put a bit of a damper on the mood. Here he was, about to lose his virginity with the love of his life, and he didn't even know how it was supposed to go. The puberty book his parents had had Kreacher deliver to him when he was ten didn't cover gay sex. "Have you had sex before?" he asked Remus.

Remus burst out laughing. "Of course not!" he said. "Who in the world would have me?"

"I would," Sirius murmured slightly defensively, kissing Remus to prove his point.

"Yeah," Remus said when they pulled back, running his fingers through Sirius's hair. "I know you would...now."

"So..." Sirius felt awkward, he couldn't help it. Touching Remus naked was different from talking about it. "...if you've never done anything like this before...how do you...know...what to do...?" He trailed off, not catching Remus's eye.

Remus gave him a chaste kiss full of affection. "Sirius..." he said, tilting Sirius's chin with his finger so that they were looking at each other. "...not everything I read is a textbook. And this room...well...if you're feeling curious about something and there's a book that exists on the subject, it'll be in that bookshelf within the minute."

"You are _not_ telling me that the Hogwarts library has books that describe gay sex," Sirius said, staring at Remus.

Remus giggled. "They're not library books, no; I don't know how they got here. But..." he smiled mischievously, an expression Sirius had never seen on him before, "...they definitely kept me entertained on nights when you were away or doing homework. I would read them and think about you and me, and...well...there were definitely times when I was grateful I had this room all to myself."

Remus had...touched himself...thinking of Sirius? The idea of it certainly restored Sirius's erection to its former state. He remembered the time he'd heard him murmur his name in his sleep.

"And did you...?" Sirius asked, watching Remus's gorgeous eyes, "...did you ever dream about me?"

Blushing slightly, Remus nodded. "All the time. I would get so scared you would wake up and know what was going on, especially at first...but it was worth the risk to be able to sleep with you."

Sirius smiled. "I did wake up, a couple of times," he admitted. "And I felt so bad for watching you, but I couldn't help it. You said my name once," he added, and Remus's blush got deeper. "When I stroked your hair during your dream. I told myself it wasn't connected to what you were dreaming about."

Remus wasn't catching his eye, and Sirius's smiled at his embarrassment—it was cute.

"Did you ever wake up while I dreamed about you?" Sirius asked, out of curiosity as much as desire to get the focus of Remus.

Remus nodded. "I never knew you were dreaming about me, though. You never said my name. For awhile I thought you were dreaming about Rhonda, but then you told me you were gay and then I wasn't sure..."

"Always you," Sirius murmured, running his fingers through Remus's hair and kissing his temple. "Always."

Remus smiled at him and they started kissing again, somehow tenderer than before now that they'd mutually opened up even more about their feelings for each other. Hands roamed over bodies, on chests, arms, and backs for a moment before getting braver and going for each other's erections again.

"So..." Sirius said, shivering as Remus touched him and trying to form a sentence with all the right words in the right order. "Are we...I mean...what do we...what exactly are we going to do?"

Remus kissed Sirius gently. "Do you know a lubrication spell?"

Sirius nodded. There had been one in his puberty book in one of the many sex chapters, and though he'd slammed the book shut after reading what the spell was used for, he'd never forgotten the incantation or wand movement. "I've never practiced it before," he admitted, "but it's supposed to be a simple spell."

"All right, well try it, and if it works, put a little bit on your fingers."

Sirius grabbed his wand from the floor, where it had fallen during their kissing, and did the spell. More came out of the tip of his wand than he'd intended, but the substance was very smooth, odorless and colorless and not at all unpleasant to the touch.

"Okay," Remus said, smiling at him. He kissed Sirius again, and positioned their bodies side-by-side on the bed, facing each other. While they kissed, he led Sirius's lubed hand down his body and between his legs. "Touch me in there," he whispered to Sirius.

"There?" Sirius whispered back, looking at him. He touched the puckered opening with his finger. "You're sure?"

Remus nodded. "Go slow...I've read that it works best one finger at a time, and then..." He trailed off and gave Sirius's erection a squeeze.

Sirius had no idea how this was going to work. Even with the lube, he could barely get his finger in Remus's tiny opening; he had no idea how his whole penis was going to fit in there.

However, the thought did excite him, and he trusted Remus. For a long time they just kissed and touched each other gently as Sirius slowly stretched Remus open.

"They say it gets easier in time," Remus told him, stroking his face as Sirius removed his three fingers and did the lubrication spell again and this time covered his trembling hard-on. "If we...er...do this...often enough, my body will get used to it and need less preparation."

"Okay," Sirius said. That was all well and good for the future, but what about now?

Remus lay down on his back and spread his legs open, and Sirius climbed over him, positioning himself. His hands and knees were on the bed on either side of Remus, his arms straight so his face was a few feet above the other boys and their pelvises were just inches apart. He could feel the blood pounding through his body—and could feel it especially in one part of his body in particular. Remus was beautiful before him, breathing fast but not as sweaty as before, his erection lying on his stomach as he stared at Sirius.

Sirius had never felt so much anticipation in his life, he'd never been so excited in his life, but at the same time he was a bit apprehensive.

"Remus?" he asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Remus said, running featherlight fingers up one of Sirius's arms.

"Is this...going to hurt?" His puberty book had said that it hurt for girls the first time, and from what he read, a girl's opening would be much larger than this.

"I'm not scared," Remus said. "I trust you. You won't hurt me on purpose. And it's supposed to feel really good—for both of us."

"Okay," murmured Sirius. He and Remus each put a hand on him and guided him to the lubricated entrance.

And Sirius couldn't get it in at first. Not all of it, anyway. The tip started to go in, but he encountered resistance. Which was really all well and good because it was so much sensation he didn't think he'd have been able to keep himself from coming if it had all gone in at once.

They both took a few deep breaths, getting accustomed to it, and then Sirius pushed further.

Remus bit his lip.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" asked Sirius. "Are you sure you want to keep going?"

"Yes," Remus insisted. "I want this more than anything. I never in a million years thought it would actually happen and if you weren't calling me Remus I'd think this was just another dream, but I've wanted you to make love to me ever since I knew what making love was."

Sirius decided not to argue with that. He forced himself to calm down (Remus's apparent discomfort did assist in bringing him down from the edge), and then pushed in the rest of the way. He watched Remus's face as his expression adjusted from strained to relaxed, and he nodded at Sirius.

"Can I move?" Sirius whispered. It was agony not to. There was so much pressure but no friction, and he desperately needed friction.

"Yeah," Remus murmured, taking one of Sirius's hands and squeezing it. "Go ahead."

Sirius pulled out slowly, trembling at the sensations taking over him. He forced himself to breathe and then went back in again, still watching Remus, who smiled at him encouragingly.

"This is good for you?" Sirius asked hoarsely. He knew how it felt for him—he'd never felt anything like it before. There was so much movement and pressure all around him that he didn't think he'd be able to hold on for much longer.

"Touch me," Remus said, guiding Sirius's hand between their bodies to his penis, which had lose some of its volume while Sirius had been preparing Remus. Sirius took it in his fist and stroked, and it soon came back to life. "More," Remus murmured, leaning his head back and closing his eyes in bliss.

Focusing on Remus's pleasure, though the sight turned him on, kept Sirius from coming too soon. After a minute of stroking Remus he began moving inside him again, squeezing with his hand and trying to recreate the sensations that he felt from Remus's arse around him.

"There's a gland," Remus explained. "Inside somewhere...it's called a prostate, and apparently when you touch it...it's like nothing else."

"_This _is like nothing else," Sirius said, kissing Remus's scar-ridden chest. "Merlin, Remus, you're amazing. It feels...fuck, it's so hard to restrain myself."

"You can come if you want," Remus said. "I'm close; one of us can finish me after you're done."

"No," Sirius objected. "No, if there's something that feels good inside you then I want you to feel it. Isn't that the point of this kind of sex?"

"You already feel amazing," Remus sighed, wrapping an arm around Sirius's waist to bring their torsos closer.

Sirius smiled and leaned down to kiss him. They shifted the angle of their bodies to allow for this, and suddenly Remus cried out.

Sirius panicked. "What is it?" he asked quickly, freezing. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"N-no," Remus stammered, squeezing Sirius's arm so tightly he could feel his fingernails digging into his skin. "You...you found it. The spot. Holy Merlin, Sirius, I practically just came—I might've if you hadn't stopped."

"Hell," Sirius muttered. "You had me freaking out for a second, Remus."

"Sorry."

"Don't be," Sirius said, shaking his head. He leaned down again, trying to recreate the angle, and thrust again. It took a few tries, but once again Sirius heard the cry and felt the clench that meant he'd hit Remus right there...he tried to memorize where he was, exactly how it all felt, but it was impossible. He was so close to coming and Remus was so close to coming and there was all so much everywhere...he let loose and let instinct guide him as he plunged in again and again. Just as he felt it about to take over him, a warm sticky substance exploded against his stomach—he didn't even have time to process what it meant as he tumbled over the edge into oblivion.

The most incredible orgasm he'd ever had, but better. Remus all around him, Remus everywhere. Remus's body against his, so much heat and pressure.

Sirius collapsed on top of Remus, breathing as hard as though he'd just run a marathon and feeling a rapid heartbeat to match.

For a moment his lungs and heart were all he was aware of. Then the skin...he was pressed against Remus from torso to toes, his head on Remus's chest and Remus's feet grazing his ankles. Then there were fingernails...fingernails running along his scalp. He smiled against Remus's soft chest hair and if his eyes hadn't already been closed he would have closed them in pleasure.

"I love you, Sirius." A quiet whisper.

Sirius smiled even more broadly, and managed the effort to lift his head from Remus's chest and look into his dazzling eyes. He brushed a stray hair out of one of them.

"I love you, too."

—

**A/N:** This is the very first somewhat-awkward-teenagers-losing-virginity sex scene I've written, so if you have any constructive feedback (positive or negative) about it then I would really appreciate it. Thanks for reading!


	22. 22—November 1975

**A/N:** Just in case anyone elected not to read all of the last chapter because the detail made you uncomfortable, they had sex, exchanged 'I love you's, and fell asleep in each other's arms in a giant bed in the RoR.

—

The first thing Sirius felt when he woke up was something soft, wet, and warm on his stomach. He giggled because it tickled, and then he opened his eyes. Moony—no, _Remus_. He was _Remus _now. _Remus_ was lying across his chest under the covers, smiling at him, and the soft wet warmth had been his lips against Sirius's bare skin.

"Good morning," Remus whispered.

"Morning," Sirius whispered back. He sat up and kissed Remus just because he could—and to _prove_ he could. To prove to himself that it wasn't just an amazing dream that he never wanted to wake up from.

"Mmm," Remus said, pulling back and stroking the side of Sirius's face. "So I'm guessing you don't regret last night then, huh?"

"Of course not," Sirius said, looking at his lover critically. "Do you?"

Remus laughed. "Regret the best night of my life? Hardly."

Sirius smiled. "It was the best night of my life, too," Sirius murmured, leaning forward to kiss Remus again. They kissed for a minute. "I meant everything I said," Sirius promised when he pulled back. "I'm in love with you, Remus. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to be _your_ boyfriend."

"All right," Remus said, though he wasn't smiling anymore.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"You're calling me Remus again."

"Of course I am," Sirius said, furrowing his brow. "That's your name, isn't it?"

Remus looked away. "Well...for the past five-and-a-half years I've thought of myself as Moony."

"The first night I got you, you said that Remus was your human name," Sirius said. "That makes Moony an animal name—and you're not an animal. The next time there's a full moon I'll call you Moony again."

Remus sighed and leaned back on the bed, pulling the covers with him. "I understand why you want to think I'm a human, Sirius—I know firsthand how weird it feels to be in love with someone who's not your species—but saying it's so doesn't make it so. The fact is that I am your pet and I am a werewolf."

"I _know_ you're a werewolf," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "But that doesn't mean you're not a human. I'm an Animagus, but I'm still a human."

"You're a wizard," Remus muttered.

"And so are you," said Sirius. "You can do magic, can't you?"

"All magical beasts can do magic," Remus argued, "Most of them just aren't allowed wands."

"But how many of them could do every spell that wizards can do?" asked Sirius. "Remus, you're a human and a wizard. Just face it."

Remus sighed. "Okay, Sirius," he said. But Sirius could tell he wasn't really convinced. Well, if telling him wouldn't work, maybe he could convince him another way.

Sirius kissed Remus, kissed him like he had last night, deep and passionate. He held the back of Remus's head and his waist, leaning him back on the bed. As things began to progress, Sirius pulled back and looked down at Remus.

"I want to do what we did last night," he whispered, caressing Remus's cheek.

"Okay," Remus whispered. He kissed Sirius and pressed their bodies together.

Sirius murmured unintelligently. "Wait," he said when he got his brain back on track. "I mean, I want do it the other way around. I want _you_ to..."

Remus stopped and stared at him. "Why?" he whispered.

"Because," Sirius said. "I don't want to just be the dominant one—I want us to be equal in this."

"It will hurt you, though," Remus said.

"If you can handle it, I can," Sirius said. He sighed and rolled over, laying back on the bed before turning and propping himself up on his elbow so he could look the other boy in the eye. "Remus, I want this. I want to feel what you felt last night—and I want to make you feel what I felt. I love you as an _equal_. Please."

"But...I don't know if it's right," Remus murmured, looking at the bed instead of Sirius.

"And why not?"

"Because...I shouldn't be doing that to _you_ when you own me!" Remus said. Sirius could see tears in his eyes, though they didn't fall.

With a silent sigh, Sirius crept back over to Remus and kissed his face, first one cheek and then the other, his forehead and finally his lips. "Don't you see?" he whispered, rubbing Remus's side tenderly. "This is _why_ I want us to do that, to show you that I really mean we should treat each other equally."

Remus looked at Sirius. "That's what you want?" he asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, nodding.

"All right," Remus murmured.

Sirius wrapped his arms and Remus and kissed him again, and again.

—

Sirius's stomach growled and Remus giggled. He ran his fingers through Sirius's hair and kissed him. "You're hungry. We should go down to breakfast."

"I don't want to," Sirius pouted, despite the fact that he was really hungry. He sat up in the Room of Requirement's giant bed and looked at Remus. "I want to stay up here all day, with you, doing what we just did several thousand more times."

Remus giggled again and kissed Sirius again. "Well, it is Saturday, so we can come back up here after we eat, if you want. But I still think it might be a good idea to go down."

Sirius sighed. "You're right," he said. He watched Remus climb out of the bed and look around for his clothes—enjoying the view so much he was quite tempted to make another try at convincing him to stay in bed all day. However, his growling stomach had other ideas, and he reluctantly got out of bed as well to find his own clothes.

After they were dressed, Remus picked up the leash from the table and began to put it on.

"No!" Sirius shouted, and Remus looked up, startled. "I told you, _Remus_," Sirius said, grabbing his wand. "You're not an animal. I'm not going to lead you around on that thing any more."

Remus sighed. "Sirius, I know _you_ don't think I'm an animal anymore—you've made that very clear—but what about the rest of the school? What will they say when I get down to the Great Hall?"

Sirius crossed his arms. "Let them say whatever they want; I don't care. That thing is demeaning and disgusting and I don't want to see it ever again!" He slashed his wand through the air and Remus jumped back as the device in his hands burst into flame. Sirius swept his wand toward the wall and the burning leash flew toward it, hitting the stone at a high speed and breaking into a thousand pieces, which floated to the floor before crumbling into dust.

Remus stared at the spot on the floor where his leash had disintegrated.

"There," Sirius said, putting his wand back into his pocket. "That's done with. Now come on, Remus, let's get some breakfast. I'm hungry."

"Okay, Sirius," Remus murmured, and they walked down to the Great Hall.

No one seemed to notice that Remus wasn't on a leash—at least no one said anything—but then again, since it was Saturday the Great Hall wasn't as busy. Sirius looked around for James or Peter, but they weren't there and he figured they'd either already eaten or hadn't come down yet.

After eating, he would have liked to go back to the Room of Requirement, but he knew he would regret not working on his homework (stupid OWL year) and most of his school books were in his dormitory.

"Remus," Sirius said. "I need to go back to Gryffindor Tower to get some stuff. Do you want to come with me or just go back to the Room of Requirement?"

Remus stared at Sirius. "If I go back to the Room of Requirement, you have to take me there. I can't go by myself."

"Why not?" asked Sirius.

"Because I'm–"

"–You're not an animal," Sirius hissed. "You're not going to be until next Tuesday. What could possibly happen during the walk from the Great Hall to the Room of Requirement? You're not going to attack anyone, are you?"

Remus looked scandalized. "Of course not!"

"So what's the problem?"

Remus sighed, but he opted to go to the common room with Sirius instead.

"There you are," James said, lowering his wand and turning to Sirius. He and Peter were standing about fifteen feet apart in the dormitory. Both had had their wands poised when Sirius and Remus had walked in, and Peter had a nosebleed. Sirius guessed that they had been practicing dueling.

"Sorry," Sirius said. "I would have told you I was spending the night in the Room of Requirement, but I didn't plan on it."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Sirius smiled. "Better than okay. I've never been better in my life." He gave Remus a knowing smile, and his (he could hardly believe it) _boyfriend_ smiled back at him.

"How come Moony's not on his leash, Sirius?" Peter asked, wiping his nose.

"His name isn't Moony anymore," Sirius said calmly. "It's Remus. And he doesn't have a leash because he's not an animal, he's a human. He's a wizard, like us."

James and Peter looked at each other before the former turned back to Sirius. "Sirius, mate, you were the one who was always insisting he was animal. Always."

"I know," Sirius admitted. He shrugged. "But even the best of us can be wrong sometimes." He looked at Remus. "I'm sorry for thinking you were an animal, Remus."

"Don't be, Sirius," Remus muttered.

"What are you walking about?" asked Peter. "Of course Moony's an animal."

"No, he's human," Sirius contradicted.

"No he's not," said Peter. "He's a werewolf, and that makes him an animal."

"No," Sirius said again, his voice getting crosser. "Werewolves are not animals. They're human."

"No they're not," Peter said again. "Because you say it doesn't make it so. Everyone knows that werewolves are animals, including Moony."

"His name is Remus," Sirius insisted, starting to raise his voice. "And he is a human! He's a wizard and a human!" Sirius pulled out his wand and strode over to Peter, who backed against the wall.

"All right!" Peter said, dropping his wand and throwing his hands up in defense. "He's a human! Whatever you say, Sirius."

"That's better," Sirius muttered, stepping back and lowering his wand. "I don't wan anyone in here calling him Moony or calling him an animal ever again. That goes for you, too, Remus," he added, walking over to him and putting his hands on his arms, trying to look him in the eyes. He lowered his voice slightly. "Remember what I told you. I know you've been told you're an animal ever since you've been bitten, but you're not. There's no differences between you and me."

Remus didn't say anything and he kept looking at the floor. Sirius would have kissed him if they'd been alone.

As it was, with James and Peter looking at them, he let go of his new boyfriend's arms and walked over to his bed, looking through his trunk for his textbooks.

—

"Remus, are you okay?" Sirius asked. It was Sunday afternoon, and Sirius had finally finished all of his homework. He and Remus were sitting in the Room of Requirement where the other boy was curled up with a book, as usual. "You've been quiet ever since we went up to the dormitory yesterday."

They had not returned to the dorms or seen James and Peter since then. They'd spent another night together in the Room of Requirement and missed the other Gryffindor fifth-years at meals.

"I know I've been quiet," murmured Remus, setting his book down. "And I'm thrilled that you love me and that I'm your boyfriend now—I mean that—but no matter what you say I still have trouble believing that I'm not an animal." He sighed. "I know your explanations why, and I...I _want _to believe it, really. I just...don't." His shoulders sagged. "Please don't be angry."

Sirius sighed. "Remus, I'm not angry at you." He walked over to the sofa and put his arms around Remus, holding him and kissing the side of his face. "I mean, it's not your fault. It took me a long time to realize you were a human, too—I denied it for a long time because it went against everything I've been told. Did you read that article I gave you?" he asked.

Remus nodded. "It was interesting and it made some good points, but...I don't know that it's based on fact, Sirius. I skimmed through the rest of the magazine when I was through and nothing else in there seemed very objective. Of all I've read I've never heard of an animal called a crumple-horned snorkack, and to be honest I think the writer made it up. How do I know that what he wrote about werewolves isn't just as made up?"

"Because everything he said made sense," Sirius murmured into Remus's hair. He trailed his fingers through the light brown strands. It was so long. Sirius's parents made him cut his hair every summer, and sometimes in the winter, but they'd never bothered with Remus's and it hadn't ever occurred to Sirius to give him a trim. "We should cut your hair, Remus," Sirius said. "Most human boys don't have hair this long." Then he hesitated. "Unless you don't want to. It's your body; it's up to you."

"I could use a haircut," Remus said quietly. "As long as it's not too short, if you don't mind."

Sirius wouldn't dream of making it too short. He loved Remus's hair—it was so soft and always smelled so good.

The Room of Requirement supplied a mirror and a pair of magical scissors, and Sirius cut Remus's hair to a length just shorter than his own. He cut it shorter in the front so it wouldn't hide Remus's gorgeous face (that was a selfish decision on his part), and longer in the back so he could still run his fingers through it whenever he wanted. He did so at the end of the haircut, and Remus smiled.

"It's so short," he murmured, stopping up to the mirror to inspect himself. He shook his head, feeling the new lightness.

"Not too short, is it?" Sirius asked. "It's longer than James's and Peter's."

"It's not too short," Remus said. "It's just so different. I like it, Sirius," he said. Then he kissed him.

Sirius kissed back enthusiastically, wrapping an arm around Remus's waist and reaching the other hand up to the back of his neck, where Remus's hair just tickled Sirius's fingers. They made love on the enormous bed, and afterward Remus rested his head on Sirius's chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Animal or not," Remus murmured against Sirius's skin, "I still can't believe this is real, Sirius. I never thought you could fall in love with me. I'm the luckiest werewolf in the world."

"I'm the luckiest boyfriend of a werewolf in the world," Sirius whispered back, and he could see Remus's mouth twitch into a smile. For awhile they just lay there in silence, holding each other tightly and each lost in his own thoughts.

Then Sirius was struck with an idea.

"Remus, come on," he said, lifting their bodies to a sitting position. "I have an idea of something fun for us to do."

"Okay," Remus said, letting go of Sirius with one last peck to the lips.

They found their clothing and dressed, and then Sirius took Remus by the hand and took him into the hall and down to the main entrance. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he met someone—it was still early enough that they were allowed to be out, but he was holding hands with Remus and didn't know if he would continue doing so or let go if someone saw them.

However, they found the corridors deserted, and soon they were outside of the castle in the nippy November air.

"Are we going for a walk?" Remus asked as they strolled down the front steps.

"You'll see," Sirius smiled.

They sauntered around the castle and then began to head down toward the Quidditch pitch. Remus gave Sirius a sidelong glance but didn't say anything. Sirius kept walking, smiling to himself, and they soon arrived at the Quidditch pitch. Sirius was pleased to find it abandoned. He took Remus to the broom shed off to the side, located his Nimbus, undid the spell that prevented anyone from taking it, and grabbed it. They left the shed and went went into the pitch, and Sirius mounted his boom while Remus watched him.

"Come on," Sirius said, looking over his shoulder and smiling at Remus. "Get on."

"With you?" Remus asked.

"I won't bite," Sirius promised.

Remus smiled and joined Sirius, sitting on the broom behind him and wrapping his arms securely around his waist.

"Ready?" Sirius asked.

"Ready."

Sirius kicked off and felt the rush of cold air, smiling as Remus squealed and tightened his hold. He went as fast as he could, trying new maneouvers without warning Remus just to hear him scream with delight and feel him hold on ever tighter. After a while of flying fast and crazy, Sirius slowed it down a bit, directing his broom in lazy, relaxing circles, and was pleased to feel Remus rest his head on his shoulder.

When it started to grow dark, Sirius flew them back toward the castle because he didn't feel like walking. He landed them on the top of the astronomy tower, where they watched the sunset in a companionable silence.

Sirius had his arm around Remus's waist, holding him close. He wondered if his werewolf boyfriend had felt free tonight like the last time he'd flown. He wondered how long it would take to get him to believe he was human.


	23. 23—November 1975

**A/N:**

To my American readers: Happy 4th of July! We're finally free from those British tyrants!

To my British readers: That's what you get for taxing our tea! You can't boss us around anymore! (Maybe that's why you came out with Harry Potter while the best we can do, apparently, is Twilight).

To readers from other countries: Thanks for reading! You have no idea how awesome I think it is that people from so many different places read my writing.

—

"Are you gonna stay here another night?" Remus asked, rubbing Sirius's arm before kissing it. "Or go back to the dorms?"

Sirius sighed, leaning back against the Room of Requirement bed and running his fingers along Remus's bare back. Remus adjusted slightly, nestling himself better between Sirius's legs (which started to get Sirius excited again, even though they'd just fooled around after dinner and spell practice).

"I should probably go back," he murmured. He squeezed Remus to him, and the other boy buried his face into Sirius's chest, kissing his skin. "But I don't want to sleep apart from you." He leaned forward and kissed the top of Remus's head. "I never want to sleep apart from you ever again."

"Me neither," whispered Remus.

For a moment they were both quiet, and then Sirius said, "Maybe you could come to the dormitory and sleep in my bed."

It was another moment before Remus responded. "I'd have no problem with that, Sirius, but you've already told James and Peter that you don't consider me an animal anymore. What are you going to say to them?"

Sirius sighed. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe I should just stay here." He knew it was a bad idea, though. He couldn't hide from his friends forever. "All right, let's go," Sirius said, sitting up.

"You're sure?" Remus asked, stretching and looking at Sirius.

"Yeah. I've got to face them sometime."

For the third time that day, the two boys located their clothing and redressed, and Sirius took Remus's hand again before taking him up to Gryffindor tower. They got to the portrait and Sirius gave the password before Remus followed him into the common room.

Sirius spotted James and Peter doing homework in a corner, and he and Remus walked over to them.

James looked up as he sat down. "Well, look who's back," he said. "We thought you transferred Houses or something."

"I know," Sirius murmured, looking at the floor. "I'm sorry, I've been preoccupied."

"So, what's going on, then?" James asked, putting his quill down and closing his textbook. "Are you going to sleep in the dorms with your friends or are you and...Remus...going back to the Room of Requirement again?"

"We're going to stay here," Sirius said. "I'm sorry for avoiding you, all right? Just...after what happened, it was easier to stay with Remus."

"And what about Remus?" James asked. He eyed the boy, taking in the haircut that made him look more human than ever. "Are you staying in the dorms with us too?"

"If it's all right with you," Remus said calmly. "You haven't had a problem before, but I know things are a little different now."

"What's different?" asked James. "Now Sirius thinks you're a human? Either you are or you're not—and I guess I don't know enough about werewolves to make a judgement on that—but if you're human you've been human the whole time."

"I didn't know it, though," Sirius said. "And before it was just every once-in-a-while; now I think it would be every night—school nights, at least."

"Well, I've never had a problem with you being in the dorms; have you, Peter?"

Peter looked from Remus to Sirius. "No," he said quietly, looking nervous. "If you say he's a human, Sirius, then I guess Moo—_Remus_, I meant Remus—could stay up there with us from now on."

"All right, so it's settled," Sirius said, getting up from the sofa. "Well, I know _I'm _tired and _I'm _going to bed."

"I will too," said Remus, getting up as well.

"Are you two coming?" Sirius asked.

"In a bit," said James, turning back to his homework. "This is due tomorrow, but I'm nearly finished."

"Peter?"

"I've still got to finish, too," Peter said, not catching Sirius's eye. "I'll be up a little later."

Sirius shrugged, and he and Remus headed for the stairs.

"You're not going to tell them?" Remus asked once they entered the fifth-year-boys dorm.

"They'll find out soon enough," Sirius said, going over to his trunk and digging through it for pajamas. He tossed a pair at Remus. "Here," he said. "You're human, you should wear pajamas to sleep like humans do."

"Thank you," Remus muttered, taking off his robes and putting them on while Sirius did the same. They went into the adjoining bathroom and brushed their teeth before returning to the bedroom and climbing into bed. "What's going to happen tomorrow?" Remus asked while Sirius cuddled him, breathing his scent.

"Same thing that always happens," Sirius said into Remus's neck before pecking the skin. "We shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to class, complain about homework, maybe actually _do_ some homework, then go to bed and start over again." He kissed Remus's neck again. "The only difference is that you won't be wearing that infernal contraction anymore, and if we're lucky we'll get a chance to make love at some point."

"Okay," Remus murmured. He adjusted himself to get more comfortable on the bed.

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but before he fell asleep he heard the dormitory door open and one pair of footsteps enter. He opened his eyes and looked up to see who it was. James. Peter must still be downstairs. James caught Sirius's eye, and for a second the two just looked at each other, hazel eyes staring into gray.

"Sirius?" James said, a sigh in his voice. He took a step closer to Sirius's bed. "Do you think we could have a word, just us? Now?"

Sirius didn't even consider refusing him. He was a Gryffindor, but he knew he hadn't been acting like one. And he knew that it was time to start again.

"I'll be right back, Remus," he whispered into Remus's ear, resisting the urge to kiss the back of his neck.

Remus mumbled unintelligently, probably half-asleep, and Sirius withdrew his arm from around him, lifting the covers and getting out of bed.

James gestured toward the bathroom and then followed Sirius in.

"All right," Sirius said, slowly turning around to face his best friend. "What is it?"

"I just want to know what's going on," James said calmly. "Ever since the start of the school year you've been getting more and more distant with Peter and I. So you've been getting closer to Remus—that's fine, I like him—but we're supposed to be best friends and you don't talk to me anymore." He sighed and looked down. "First there was the animagus thing, you spend so much time on that and never say a word to us about it. Then you disappear on the full moon night without telling us where you're going. You disappear for another night without a word and don't show up until the next afternoon and all of a sudden you're proclaiming that Moony's name is Remus and he's a human. Then you disappear _again_ without telling us, show up and ask if he can stay in the dorms with us, bring him back up here and keep him in your bed like when he was an animal again. I just...I want to know what's going on," he repeated. "I feel like we're not even best friends anymore. You've been spending so much time with Remus and you say he's a human—it's like he's your best friend instead of me."

James and Sirius watched each other's eyes carefully. Sirius felt his heart in his chest. He was nervous, more nervous than he'd been ever telling Remus how he felt.

"Remus isn't my best friend," Sirius said slowly. "He's...more than that. Up until this weekend I considered him my pet, but once I finally realized he's not an animal...he's still...he's still more than just a friend."

James exhaled slowly, not quite a sigh, as he watched Sirius. "When were you planning on telling me?" he asked.

"Now?" Sirius suggested, and was relieved to see James's mouth twitch into a smile.

"I would have liked to have known sooner," he admitted. "We're best friends, we should be able to trust each other with stuff like that."

"I didn't know what you would say," Sirius murmured, looking at the floor. "We all saw him as an animal. I hated myself for it. For how I felt about him."

"So..." James said slowly. "That's really what it is, then...you and him?"

Sirius nodded, still not looking at James.

"And you like...snog and stuff?"

"It's not sick," Sirius said, looking at his best friend almost desperately. "He really _is_ a human, James. I can change into an animal and I'm still a human."

"I never said it was sick, Sirius," James said. "That was you, remember?"

Sirius nodded, ashamed. "I was...scared," he admitted. And it wasn't an easy thing to admit. He already felt emasculated from confessing that he was in love with another male, and this wasn't helping.

"I bet you were," James said. He took a couple of steps closer to Sirius, who looked up at him. "Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if you'd had someone to confide into. A best friend, for example."

"I couldn't talk to you about it," Sirius said. "All you two ever did was talk about girls. I would have felt like such an outcast. I _did_ feel like such an outcast. You were always asking me about how things were going with Rebeka and Rhonda and–"

"–and that would have been a perfect opportunity to say, 'Listen, James, I don't think I want to go out with her anymore because I'm not into girls, I'm into guys.'"

"And what would you have said?" Sirius demanded, crossing his arms. "Honestly, James, what would you have said to that?"

"Probably something along the lines of, 'It's about time you said something, mate. Do you want to talk about it? Do you like anyone?'"

Sirius scoffed. "And what's that supposed to mean, 'it's about time you said something.' So you're telling me you knew?"

"No," James said, crossing his arms as well. "I didn't know, but I wondered sometimes."

Sirius took a step back, watching James carefully. "Why?" he asked. "Did I do something? Is it really that obvious?"

"No," James said again, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "I don't know, Sirius, just little things. The way you would talk about Remus, they way you _wouldn't_ talk about girls unless prompted. Sometimes I'd see you checking out guys when you thought no one was looking–" Sirius blushed at this. "–And I wasn't even sure about it and I didn't want to assume anything before you'd said anything. I just—especially recently—I wished you'd felt comfortable enough with me to confide in me."

"All right," Sirius muttered. "Well, I didn't. I'm sorry."

James sighed. "It's okay. I just...don't shut yourself out from me, Sirius. You're my best friend."

"I know," Sirius said. "All right, well...I'm in love with him, okay? Like you are with Lily." He paused for a second and then smirked. "Only he actually feels the same way about me."

"Shut up," James said, grinning. "She's crazy about me, okay? She just doesn't know it yet."

"Yeah, whatever you say," Sirius replied. James shoved him playfully, and Sirius shoved back. James stumbled and Sirius grabbed him before he could fall, and then they hugged.

The bathroom door squeaked open, and Sirius and James broke apart as Peter entered, carrying pajamas.

"There you are," Peter said. "Sirius, Moo—Remus is in your bed."

"I know," Sirius said calmly.

"But I thought you said he was a human."

"He is."

Peter looked from Sirius to James in confusion.

"Just go with it, mate," James said, walking over to the sink and grabbing his toothbrush.

Peter mumbled something that Sirius didn't catch as they passed each other, but Sirius didn't care what Peter said or thought. While he considered the short, chubby boy a friend, it had been James's opinion that he'd been concerned about, and James supported him fully. Peter could think whatever he wanted, but Sirius and James were his friends, his only friends, and he needed them too much to ditch them.

When Sirius got back to the bedroom of the dorm, Remus was already asleep. Or at least Sirius had thought he was asleep until he got back into bed and his lover rolled over to look at him. "How did it go?" Remus whispered.

Sirius kissed him. "James knows," he said. "And he's okay with it, with all of it. Peter...I don't know if he even caught on, but what he thinks doesn't matter anyway. And James accepts that you're a human, Remus," he added. "He doesn't think there's anything odd about us being together even though you're a werewolf, not at all. Don't you see, Remus?" he sighed, pressing his forehead against the other boy's. "You really are a human. You are."

"Mmm," Remus murmured noncommittally before pecking Sirius and rolling back over. Sirius got more comfortable in the bed, wrapping his arm around him and closing his eyes. It wasn't long before he was asleep.

—

It wasn't until Potions the next day that someone (Snape) commented on Remus's lack of a restraint.

"Why isn't the werewolf tied up?" the greasy-haired boy asked, pointing across the dungeon to Remus just before Slughorn was about to begin the lesson.

"I'm not tying him up like an animal any more," Sirius said defiantly, crossing his arms and not caring that everyone was looking at him.

"It's an animal. It should be tied up," Snape said.

"_He_ is not an animal," Sirius argued. "He's a human. He's just as intelligent as me, considerably more so than you, and he as just as much right to walk free as any of us."

"It doesn't," Snape argued back. "Professor Slughorn, don't you think Black should tie his animal up?"

"No," Sirius said, also turning to the bumbling professor. "He's only an animal on the full moon, and the full moon is over a week away."

Slughorn looked, confused, from Snape to Sirius. "Well..." he murmured. "Mr. Black, you've always kept your werewolf tied up before..."

"Professor," a polite voice said from across the room, and Sirius, Slughorn, and Snape turned to see Lily Evans standing up at her table. Sirius noticed James grinning at her with lovestruck eyes. "With all due respect, Moony isn't hurting anyone. As Sirius said, it's a week until full moon, and he won't change until then. Sometimes he's let loose in Gryffindor Tower and nothing's ever happened. On days when it's not the full moon, he's a sentient being just like humans. He knows better than to hurt anyone."

Slughorn, looking utterly confused, stared at the girl Sirius knew was his favorite student—in their class, at least. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Miss Evans is right," he announced, and Sirius grinned at his boyfriend, who gave him a weak smile in return.

After class, Sirius sought Lily out. He saw her walking in the corridor and hurried over to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her aside while his friends and boyfriend continued on. At first, Lily bristled at the touch, but she smiled when she saw who it was. "Hi, Sirius."

"Hi, Lily," he said. "Listen...thanks. You know...for standing up for us today."

"It was no problem," she said. "You're right. There's really no reason to treat Moony like an animal when it's not full moon."

"Lily, you should know, his real name is Remus," Sirius said. "That's what his parents named him before he got bitten. When I first got him, he called it his 'human name.' I know not a lot of people share my view, but...I don't consider him an animal anymore. I think that, on every other day but the full moon, he's just as human as I am. You know, you've seen me—I turn into an animal too. But no one treats me like an animal."

"You mastered it, then?" Lily asked, still smiling at him.

Sirius nodded.

"Good for you, Sirius," she said, touching him lightly on the arm. "I was thinking about you two on the last full moon, you know. I still can't get over how sweet it was of you to go through all that effort just for him."

"I had to," Sirius murmured. "The way you said that, '_just_ for him...' there is no 'just' about him. He's...he's worth it."

Lily smiled sadly. "Animal or human...he really _is_ more than a friend to you, isn't he Sirius?"

Sirius nodded. "I didn't want to face it before because I refused to consider him a human. But he really is, Lily. I know he is."

"Did you...ever tell him?" Lily asked. "I remember when we were talking about it that day Rhonda and I walked in on you."

Smiling, Sirius nodded again. "Could you believe it, Lily? He loves me too. He really does. The same way. Don't tell anyone, but..." he smiled and leaned closer to her, and she did the same. "...he's my boyfriend now," Sirius whispered.

Lily beamed. "Sirius, that's great!" she said. "I'm happy for you, really. You should tell Rhonda," she added. "You know how thrilled she'll be. She really does care about you, you know. Still."

"I will tell her," Sirius said. They still passed notes in History of Magic a lot, partnered in DADA occasionally, and always waved and said hi in the corridors and Great Hall.

"Great," Lily said again. She kissed him on the cheek before adjusting her bag on her shoulder and hurrying down the hall down to her next class.

"I hate you so much right now," sighed James, coming down the hall in the direction Lily had left and glancing after her.

Sirius laughed, and James shook his head.

"How does that happen?" he asked. "You're _gay_, and she'll kiss you."

"If it's any consolation," Sirius said, walking up to James and slipping a companionable arm around his shoulders as they walked, "I didn't get any pleasure out of it."

"No," James said. "That actually makes it worse. Kisses from Lily Evans should not be wasted on poofs like you." He grinned at Sirius to let him know he was only teasing, but Sirius already knew. He chuckled and gave James's shoulders a squeeze as they continued down the corridor to class.


	24. 24—November–December 1975

**A/N:** If there are any bad errors, I'm sorry. I promise I'll get to them at some point, but not tonight. This took way longer than I thought to write...I like it, though.

—

Although some students made comments or asked Sirius about Remus not having a leash anymore and some even seemed wary about it, no one else petitioned a teacher to have him tied up. The teachers either did not notice Remus's new freedom or, for whatever reason, they chose not to comment on it. Sirius was quite sure that Professor McGonagall noticed during their next Transfiguration lesson: her eyes, which usually passed over Remus as though he weren't there, lingered on him for a moment. But she did not say anything to Sirius either. He wondered if she would go to Dumbledore about it later and ask him, but if she or any of the other teachers did, he must have supported Sirius's position because Remus was allowed leashless in every class Sirius had.

He knew, however, that Remus would need to be tied up again for the full moon—at least between the time McGonagall left the room and the time Sirius returned in secret. The night of, he borrowed James's invisibility cloak so he could wait outside the Room of Requirement for her to arrive and recall the cage with the chains (these had completely disappeared from the room Sirius and Remus usually used, making the room completely unrecognizable). Then, as soon as her green cloak billowed down the hall again, he darted back inside to untie Remus as quickly as possible.

"Hurry," Sirius said, grinning as he helped Remus out of the chains. "I have a surprise for you."

Remus smiled at Sirius but did not ask what it was. They left the room and held hands as they walked back and forth in front of the door three times, Sirius concentrating hard and Remus watching him.

The door reappeared, causing Sirius to beam, and he opened it. "You go first," he suggested to Remus, and then followed the taller boy in in time to hear his gasp of surprise.

"Sirius!" he said, spinning around and smiling so wide Sirius wanted to laugh with joy. "This is amazing!"

The two young wizards were standing on a grassy clearing in the center of a wood that stretched as far as either of them could see. The trees ranged from young and thin to old and gnarled, with just enough room between them for two canines to run between without getting twigs caught in their fur. Between the trees to the right, a spring fed a small pool and a brook that meandered through the trees, ending who knew where? Above them, clouds moved in the darkening sky, preparing the expose the pearly moon. The only thing at all indicating that Sirius and Remus were not actually outside was the door they had just passed through, which was covered in vines on their side, causing it to nearly blend in with the trees around it.

Before Sirius had time to finish taking in the beauty of what he'd created, Remus threw his arms around him and kissed him full on the mouth.

"Thank you," he whispered when they pulled back, running his fingers through Sirius's dark hair. "This is...absolutely incredible. It's more than I deserve. It's perfect."

"No," Sirius murmured, staring into Remus's beautiful eyes from only a few inches away as he cupped his cheek. "What you _deserve_ is never having to suffer the pain of a transformation again. It's not fair that this even had to happen to you in the first place."

Remus smiled sadly. "I know it's not, but I've long since accepted it." He kissed Sirius gently, and the dark-haired boy savored the feeling. "And as long as you're here it won't be painful anymore. Last month was wonderful, my best transformation ever. And I bet this month will be even better," he whispered.

The two walked through the woods, hand-in-hand, until Remus stopped in his tracks and began to shake, and Sirius transformed into the dog. Unlike last month, the wolf only needed a thorough sniffing before it accepted Sirius as a friend and playmate rather than a potential threat, and together they raced through the trees, nipping at each other's heels. They wrestled and tussled, splashed each other in the pool, and then went for another run to dry off. And, like last time, Sirius lay down, panting, once he wore himself out, and the wolf, also panting, lay beside him and cuddled close. Sirius licked the side of his head, and the wolf turned to lick him back, and soon both animals lost interest in sleeping in favor of licking.

It was like kissing, Sirius couldn't help but notice, the absolute affection the gesture conveyed. But it wasn't like when he and Remus usually kissed for more than a minute. Those kisses were always intense, filled with heat and passion that drove Sirius crazy with desire. His body always responded in a way that left no doubt as to what he wanted, as to exactly how he loved Remus.

But this was different. The affection was no less, but the feelings of love associated with it were different types of feelings. If licking and getting licked by the wolf was kissing, it was kissing in the way that a parent kisses a beloved child, the way women who haven't seen their friends in a long time kiss hello or goodbye. It was the way Lily had kissed Sirius on the cheek last week, but multiplied because the wolf's affection for Sirius outdid Lily's.

Sirius did not mind this different side of their relationship in the slightest. Though the pleasure he derived from the activity wasn't physical, it still brought him happiness to know that Remus loved him even as a wolf, that even when they were both transformed, they still had a closeness they did not share with others.

The wolf continued to lick Sirius long after the Animagus's energy had drained to the point of him closing his eyes and just enjoying the other canine's attention. Soon, he heard Moony yawn and settle down again, snuggling their bodies close together.

Sirius woke up to a warm, strong arm around him. He rolled over, saw that Remus was awake and looking at him, and licked his face. Remus giggled and kissed Sirius's forehead. Sirius wagged his tail, and the sound made a thumping noise against the grass.

"Why don't you change back?" Remus suggested. "So I can kiss you properly." Sirius liked that idea. He changed back instantly and quickly got to work 'kissing Remus properly.' The other boy was already naked. Unlike with Animagus transformations, werewolves' transformations did not allow the clothes to transform as well, and they'd torn and fallen off during his change and as the night went on.

At home, Remus had had to undress before being tied up for full moon nights, so as not rip his clothes, but at school, the Room of Requirement managed to get them fixed and returned by the next day.

This being the case, Sirius hurriedly undressed to match him. They continued 'kissing each other properly,' and not just on the lips, and it was another twenty minutes before they were ready to go down to breakfast.

—

Life had never been better for Sirius, and he was pretty sure Remus felt the same way. He had to. The morning after the full moon, Sirius had explored his body thoroughly just after the transformation back into a human, so he knew that there were no new painful cuts or bite marks on his body. Sirius actually had a couple of scrapes from Moony's overzealous play-wrestling the night before. The boy had apologized profusely for it the next morning, but Sirius didn't mind. They didn't really hurt; he barely even noticed them and they were soon forgotten.

It was good to be so close with James again. Sirius hadn't realized how much he'd missed him. With his biological brother no longer in the picture, Sirius yearned for male companionship that did not include romantic feelings, and James provided just that. Peter was all right, too, and easily fell into the category of Sirius's second-best friend. He always had. But Sirius knew he just didn't have the affection for the shorter boy that he felt for James. He loved James about as much as Remus (albeit in a very different way), and Peter just couldn't compare to that. He was not as intelligent as the others, and that made it harder for Sirius to relate to him. They were friends purely out of convenience, not because they really had anything in common. And although she was in a different House, Sirius still talked to Rhonda whenever he saw her. He had told her about Remus as soon as he could, and she seemed genuinely happy for him—and bit smug that she'd been right in guessing Sirius's feelings for the werewolf. In return, she told him about a boy she liked now that she'd gotten over her crush on Sirius: a Ravenclaw sixth-year who she'd met in Hogsmeade when her sister ditched her there and had been smiling at her lately.

Just as it was nice to have a male friend that was strictly platonic, it was also nice to have a girly friend to talk about boys with. He could tell Rhonda things about Remus that he'd be far too embarrassed to talk about with James. All he'd said to him about his relationship with Remus was that he was in love with him, and the other boy felt the same way, but with her he could go into more detail.

Too soon, the persistent snow on the Hogwarts grounds and the Christmas decorations beginning to appear all around the castle marked the end of another term, forcing Sirius to leave his sanctuary of devoted friends and return home where his hate-filled family would certainly make the two weeks of the Christmas holidays feel longer than the entire fall term had felt at Hogwarts.

Sirius sighed as he climbed out of the horseless carriage at Hogsmeade Station and followed James, Peter, and the other students out to where the Hogwarts Express was waiting.

"Sirius," Remus said as the students found their trunks and dragged them onto the train. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Sirius looked down at his trunk and shrugged. "If I am, it's a bit late for it now. But I think I've got everything that I'll need for the two weeks at home with _them_." Then he gave Remus a small smile. "I've got you."

Remus smiled back. "I was talking about my...leash," he said, and Sirius's smile faltered.

"I've told you," he said angrily, walking away from Remus and dragging his trunk toward the train. "You're a human, and humans don't get locked up unless they've done something wrong and get sent to Azkaban or something like that."

"Sirius," Remus sighed, "the only people who really think I'm a human are you, that little girl who yelled at you about it a few years ago, and that Xenophilius bloke who wrote that magazine article. The rest of the world, including your family (who we are going to spend the next two weeks with), considers me an animal. What do you think your parents are going to say when I walk in without a leash?"

"I don't care what they say," Sirius said stoically. "They can say whatever they want, nothing's changing my mind. They don't have a right to treat you the way they treat you. I'm not going to let them."

Remus sighed.

Sirius knew that when he got home and told his parents Remus was a human, they wouldn't just say 'Okay' and all enjoy a Christmas dinner together. But he didn't care. _He_ knew Remus was a human, and he was determined to treat him as one. He was determined to make up for all the years he hadn't been able to, all the years he'd been too ignorant at Remus's expense.

He wished the train ride could have lasted longer than it did, but eventually, as always, the scarlet steam engine reached King's Cross and the students had to get off and go home.

Walburga was waiting for her sons with pursed lips, as usual. Regulus had made it to her first, and she saw Sirius from a distance, narrowing her eyes at him. The younger Black son stood next to her, almost as tall as she was, and was giving his brother the same look that their mother was: a look of very strong disapproval.

"You see, Mother?" Sirius heard Regulus say. "I told you. Even here, in public, he dares."

"Why..." Walburga said very softly. Her glance flickered over to Remus in a way that made Sirius wish he could reach out and grab his boyfriend's hand. "...is that _thing_," she almost spat the word, through clenched teeth, "not on its leash?"

"This _person_," Sirius said defiantly, "does not deserve to be tied up. He deserves to walk free, just like you or I." Sirius could tell that it was only the fact that they were in public that prevented his mother from shouting at him.

"Let's go," she said quickly. "You wait until we get home, Sirius, I swear to Salazar..."

Sirius desperately wanted to provoke her into making a scene, to say, 'Then what?' But he didn't. He raised his chin and followed his mother and brother home.

When they got home, however, instead of beginning a tirade at Sirius, like he'd expected, Walburga disappeared upstairs. Ignoring Sirius completely, Regulus found and greeted Kreacher and asked him to take his trunk upstairs. Before Sirius had a chance to make the same demand, the house-elf took the younger brother's trunk and hurried off with it, leaving Sirius to carry his own trunk. When he got to the landing where he and Remus lived, he was surprised to see his father standing in the hallway. He was holding a rolled-up piece of parchment and it looked like he'd been waiting for them.

"So it's true," Orion said quietly, calmly observing the two teenage boys. "You're letting the werewolf walk free as if it were a wizard, as if it were equal to us."

"He is equal to us," Sirius said. "He is a wizard just like you or I. He can do magic," he added defiantly. "I've seen him myself, I've helped him learn it."

"Sirius," Remus murmured. But Sirius wasn't afraid of his father.

Orion's lip curled in apparent amusement. "Of course he can do magic," he said. "So can many beasts; that doesn't make him less of one. It certainly does not make him a wizard, and it certainly does not make him equal to us." He unrolled the parchment in his hand and held it out. "Do you know what this is, Sirius?"

"No," Sirius said as though he didn't care what it was. Although, in reality, he was curious.

"It is my proof of ownership of the animal," Orion explained. "Take a look, Sirius."

Glancing back at Remus, Sirius carefully stepped forward until he was only a foot from his father, close enough to read to the parchment.

"It was given to me by the Containment Center the day I purchased your pet. Ministry of Magic-approved proof that we (specifically _I_, as I'm the one who paid for him) _own_ the creature. And therefore, can do whatever I like with him."

Sirius did not like the sound of that. He knew as much as he claimed Remus was a human, the Ministry wouldn't believe it. They would support his father in this. Remus could get taken away from him and Sirius couldn't do anything about it.

"I have made a mistake," Orion said softly, curling the parchment back up and sticking it inside his robes. "I thought that buying you this creature would teach you a valuable lesson. We were always worried about you, Sirius, more so than your brother. During holiday gatherings, you would speak to Andromeda, who ended up marrying a filthy Mudblood, rather than Bellatrix or Narcissa, who actually understand the value of Black blood. Lesser creatures need to be controlled, Sirius, and _we_ are the ones to control them. The werewolf..." Both Blacks glanced for a moment at Remus. "...is a lesser creature. Your mother and I hoped that by putting you in a position to control it, you would learn that all lesser creatures need to be controlled, and hopefully fulfill your true Black potential.

"Alas, we were mistaken," he continued. "You were Sorted into Gryffindor, home of the Mudblood-lovers. Though we were worried, we thought that it didn't have to be the end for you. If you made friends with the Slytherins, you would learn what it means to be a pure-blood. But you would not listen," he said. "Instead, you befriended that filthy, Mudblood-lover Potter. And instead of treating this foul, disgusting beast like it deserves, you have _befriended_ it, come to treat it like an equal.

"I regret buying you the animal, Sirius. Perhaps if I had not done so, you might actually treat the scum of the earth like the scum of the earth." His voice softened to a near-whisper again and he slowly raised his wand. "I'm going to undo that action right now. _Avada kedavra_!"

"_PROTEGO!_" Remus screamed, just as Sirius screamed, "Remus!" and flew to him.

Sirius's body penetrated the bright shield that formed around his lover so he could throw his arms around him, but Orion's burst of green light did not.

Sirius did not have time either to process or to think. His next actions were guided simply by instinct: the instinct to protect the one he loved. Pointing his wand at his father, Sirius screamed "_Stupefy!_" and before Orion could stop it, the spell hit him in the chest and knocked him over. "Hurry!" Sirius shouted, flicking his wand to open his bedroom door. "Inside!"

"Sirius!" His mother's voice echoed in the corridor as she stepped into it from a room at the other end. In the half-second it took for her to survey the scene before her and make a decision, Sirius had Banished his trunk into his bedroom with Remus. He quickly bolted inside himself as his mother's face began to turn red and she opened her mouth to bellow.

His only act before closing the door and locking it with all the spells he knew was a hissed, "_Accio_ _parchment_!" accompanied by another flick of his wand so that the ownership paper in Orion's robes flew into Sirius's hands. He slammed the door shut just as the parchment floated over the threshold and quickly began locking the door with as many spells as he could. Vaguely, he could hear Walburga screaming at him through the door, but she could not get through. Just to be safe, Sirius levitated all his furniture to block the door.

Only then did he turn to his shaking werewolf boyfriend.

"Oh, Remus," Sirius moaned, flying over to him and throwing his arms around him again. Remus clung to him. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

"F-fine," Remus stuttered. "I...I did the spell in time, he didn't hit me."

"You're shivering," Sirius murmured.

"I know. I...I'm scared, Sirius. He...he almost..."

Sirius wrapped his arms tighter around his lover and hushed him gently as Remus cried into his shoulder. "Do you deserve that?" Sirius asked softly once the sobs ceased, pulling away to look at him. He noticed that Remus's pants were wet, but he didn't comment on it. "Did you deserve for him to try and do that to you?"

Remus wiped his eyes. "Well, not even animals deserve to be killed! I mean..." he trailed off. "Well, there are animals we eat, but that's..."

"Different?" Sirius asked, smiling slightly in spite of himself.

Remus looked away, and Sirius wrapped his arms around him again. "You're human, Remus," he murmured, "That's why it's different." He squeezed and then let go. "Now come on," he said, magically opening his trunk, throwing a pair of jeans at Remus, and quickly walking around his room to add a few more things to his trunk. "We need to get out of here."

"What?" Remus asked blankly, staring at Sirius. "What do you mean? Where will we go?"

"Well, we can't stay here," Sirius said, stopping packing to look at Remus. "Orion will come around any moment, and who knows what they'll try and do to us? I don't know how long the defenses on my door will hold—my parents aren't exactly Squibs."

When Sirius next looked up, he saw that Remus had not moved a muscle, but tears were running down his cheeks again. He put down the book he had been holding and sighed, walking over to him. "Come on," he said gently, taking the pair of jeans back. "Let me help you."

"This is all my fault," Remus murmured, holding Sirius's shoulders while the young wizard unbuttoned and unzipped Remus's soaked pants.

"Don't say that," Sirius said softly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"All this happened because of me."

"Leg," Sirius said, and Remus lifted one of his legs, allowing Sirius to take his pants halfway off.

"You heard your father," Remus continued as though there had been no interruption. "It's all because of me that your family rejected you."

"Other leg," Sirius murmured, removing Remus's pants completely and starting on his underwear. "And if what my father said is true, then thank Merlin he did buy you for me or else I might have turned out just like them." He summoned clean underwear from his trunk—they were his, not Remus's, but he didn't care—and pulled them on him before starting on the jeans. Once Remus was fully dressed, Sirius kissed him gently. "I love _you_," he said. "Not them."

"They're your family!" Remus said.

"No. _You're_ my family," Sirius argued. "You and James. And that's where we'll go—we'll stay with him. We have to, Remus," he said almost desperately. "Your _family _doesn't try to murder the person you love. I haven't considered them family in ages, really, and I never will again. Take a good look around this room, Remus, because it will be your last."

Remus took Sirius's words to heart, though he looked confused.

"Do me a favor, love," Sirius murmured, "and grab hold of my trunk. And stand back," he said.

While Remus grabbed the trunk's handle and stared at his boyfriend, both boys backed nearly into the furniture pile as Sirius raised his wand, concentrating on the bedroom window that gazed out onto the street Grimmauld Place. "The room's defenses are going to be greatly weakened in a moment," Sirius warned. "Walburga might even be able to get through. As soon as you can, jump, okay?"

As soon as Remus gave a nearly imperceptible nod, Sirius pointed his wand at his window. "_Reducto!_" he shouted, and the wall exploded, leaving a roughly six-foot diameter hole.

"Sirius!" Walburga's voice came through, and the furniture moved as the force of her magic began to push the door open. But Sirius had already rufn at the hole in his wall and jumped to the ground, enchanting it to be less forceful as he landed.

He turned around quickly to look back up at his bedroom, where Remus was standing on the edge next to the hole.

"Remus, jump!" Sirius shouted. "Throw the trunk and jump!" The trunk fell to the ground, bouncing and nearly opening, but Remus did not move. He heard Walburga's screech as she saw what had been done to her house and knew he had only another moment. "Remus, trust me!" he screamed. "Jump, now!"

Remus jumped as a flash of green light just missed him, and Sirius quickly swished and flicked his wand, levitating the trembling boy safely to the ground.

"Come back here!" Walburga shrieked as Sirius took hold of his trunk and flung out his right arm.

A triple-decker purple bus appeared with a bang out of nowhere. A young man started to get off and introduce himself, but Sirius didn't have time for that. With Remus's hand in one hand and his wand and trunk in the other, he pushed past the conductor onto the bus. The man looked highly affronted as he followed the two back on.

As Sirius collapsed onto a bed and the bus started to take off down the street, Walburga Black's cries echoed through the night air.

"You're going to regret this! You get on that bus, you're never returning! You are no son of mine, Sirius Black!"


	25. 25—December 1975

The conductor of the Knight Bus approached the bed that Sirius had collapsed on. Remus had dragged his trunk next to the bed and perched himself on the edge, watching Sirius.

"You'll need to pay up front, I'm afraid," the conductor said, looking down his nose at the boys and not at all regretful about having to charge them right away. "And where exactly is it you're going? The Knight Bus is an emergency transport for stranded witches and wizards, not a refuge for teenagers running away from home after a family spat."

Sirius glared at the man. He jabbed his wand so his trunk opened, and then summoned his money bag.

"You're not underage, are you?" the conductor asked, watching. "You know you're not to do magic if you are—I'll have to report you to the Ministry."

"I'm seventeen," Sirius lied coldly. Of course, he could barely call himself sixteen, but the conductor didn't press it. He told him where James lived and pulled out a couple of galleons—one for him and one for Remus—to pay for it. Then he got off the bed, took his trunk, and levitated it to one of the upper levels of the bus so he wouldn't have to deal with the jerk anymore. Remus followed him silently.

When Sirius walked to the far corner, several beds away from the nearest sleeping passenger, and stumbled into a bed (it was rather unsteady, as the bus kept jumping from place to place), Remus crawled in beside him. Sirius didn't know how long they just lay there, silently holding each other. It felt like a long time—Sirius suspected that the conductor was leaving them for last on purpose, but he didn't care. He felt numb. The reality of what had happened, what he'd done, was finally starting to hit him. He couldn't go back. Ever. Honestly, he couldn't imagine ever wanting to, but to know he _couldn't_...and hearing his mother say he wasn't her son anymore...

Sirius remembered when his cousin Andromeda had gotten married—married to a 'disgusting, deplorable Mudblood!' Walburga had taken both Sirius and Remus into the room with the Black family tree tapestry and made sure they watched while she burned her off it. She'd also taken the opportunity to deliver a long lecture about blood purity and its importance, warning her sons that they must never do anything that would bring such shame and dishonor to the Black family. Sirius recalled Regulus listening with rapt attention while he himself just mourned the loss of his favorite cousin and wondered why, if blood was supposedly so important, it was so easy to just burn her off.

_You are no son of mine, Sirius Black!_

Sirius shivered involuntarily. Right now, at this very moment, his mother might be in the same room, making another black mark on the tapestry, and this time burning off _his _name. Was running away enough to merit that?

_You are no son of mine, Sirius Black!_

Sirius hated his parents. He'd hated them for years, and he would never forgive his father for what he'd tried to do. He knew he'd made the right decision. He told himself so again and again.

Right decision or not, Sirius had not considered the implications of it. He was homeless, and that was a scary thought. There wasn't any worry that James's parents would refuse to take him in—Mr. and Mrs. Potter were two of the kindest people Sirius knew—but his home with them would be a temporary one. And how would he pay for books and other supplies? He had the key to his own Gringotts vault, so he wasn't sure if his parents had the power to keep him from accessing his money or even to empty his vault and return the gold to theirs. But if they did, how would he support himself? And what about once he left school? How long would the Potters be willing to let him stay with them?

Coming from a family as wealthy as his, Sirius had always been able to afford whatever he wanted, had never learned the value of a galleon. Even if the fact that he was the only one with a key to his own vault was enough to ensure that whatever was inside it was his, he didn't even know how much was in there. He didn't even know what he would and wouldn't be able to buy with it.

Sirius decided that he would return to London tomorrow and find out what state his funds were in. Once he knew where he stood, he might have a better idea of how to plan...what to do...

Although the December sky was still dark by the time the bus reached Sirius and Remus's stop, it was already morning. As the two fugitives followed the sneering conductor downstairs, Sirius noticed that the bus was empty except for them. He'd been right, then, about them being last. But it didn't matter.

Sirius and Remus climbed off the purple vehicle with the trunk, and the Knight Bus disappeared with a bang as soon as Remus's feet touched the ground. Both boys looked up at the familiar house in front of them. There were lights on, which was a relief to Sirius, because he didn't want to disturb the Potters in the middle of the night, asking for a place to stay. The walk to the front door had been cleared of snow, and Sirius hurried up it, shivering with the cold, and rang the doorbell.

He could hear Mrs. Potter's voice ask James to please get the door, and a moment later the door opened, giving Sirius a view of his yawning best friend in his pajamas.

"Sirius?" he said, taking a step back and staring at them. "Remus?" His hazel eyes surveyed the sight of the two shivering boys and the trunk. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

"It's kind of a long story," Sirius said, readjusting his grip on his trunk. "Do you mind?"

"Oh," James said, stepping back further to allow them room. "Sure, come on in. Mum was just making breakfast, I'll ask her to make extra for you, hold on..."

"James, who is it?" Mrs. Potter asked, stepping into the entrance hall from the kitchen on the right, a spatula in her hand. "Oh," she said, seeing the extra teenagers. Then she smiled. "Sirius, what a surprise. We weren't expecting you."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Potter," Sirius said hurriedly. "I've just...had a falling out with my parents and I didn't know where else to go...Do you mind...would it be all right..."

"Of course you can stay with us," Mrs. Potter said kindly. "James, why don't you go set up the guest room while I finish breakfast? Don't fret, Sirius, you and Moony are both always welcome here, stay as long as you need to. Are you all right?" she asked in a very motherly tone that Sirius had never heard from his own mother as she guided them into the kitchen. "You're not hurt, are you? You do look quite shaken up, Moony especially."

"We're fine, now that we're away from there," Sirius sighed, sinking into the chair she pulled out for him. "We just...had a fight...my father threatened Remus."

"Remus?" Mrs. Potter asked, turning around to look at them.

Sirius nudged Remus, who looked up at James's mother. "I...er...go by Remus now," he said softly. "That's...the name my parents gave me, and Sirius decided it was more fitting that I be called that than Moony."

Mrs. Potter smiled. "I agree. Remus is a lovely name. James," she added, as the boy crept back into the kitchen. "Go wake your father, tell him that breakfast is nearly ready and let him know that we have guests."

James sighed. "Yes, Mum," he murmured before disappearing again.

Fortunately, Mr. Potter was just as welcoming as Mrs. Potter. They made it clear that Sirius could stay the duration of the Christmas holidays, come back for Easter if he desired, and even stay the summer if he hadn't resolved things with his family by then. After breakfast, Sirius thought he'd be tired and want a nap, but he wasn't. Neither he nor Remus had slept a wink on the bus, but Sirius was too anxious to sleep now.

"I need to go to Diagon Alley," Sirius murmured in an undertone to Remus as the Potters cleared the table. "Do you want to go with me or would you rather stay here and sleep?"

"I want to go with you," Remus whispered back, squeezing Sirius's hand under the table. "I like the Potters; they're very nice, but I don't want to stay here by myself."

"Okay," Sirius murmured, giving Remus's hand a reassuring squeeze in return before getting up from the chair and approaching James's mother. "Excuse me, Mrs. Potter?" he said politely.

"Yes, dear, what is it?" she said, flicking her wand so that the clean breakfast dishes flew back into the cupboard.

"May Remus and I borrow some Floo powder? We need to go to Diagon Alley for some errands."

"Of course, Sirius," she said. "It's by the fireplace. Is there anything you need? Would you like James or I to come with you?"

"No, we should be fine," Sirius said. "And we shouldn't be gone too long."

"Do you want to wash up first?" she asked. "I've asked James to get the guest room ready for you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter," Sirius said. After a long day and a long night of travel, a shower sounded amazing. He let Remus go first and then went after him, pulling clean robes on after he finished.

"Remember to take the travel pouch with you so that you can come back," Mrs. Potter said once Remus and Sirius were both back downstairs. She handed them a small purple drawstring bag, which Sirius stowed in his cloak. He took a pinch of Floo powder, dropped it in the fire, which turned a harmless green, and then stepped into it. After a quick and clear, "Diagon Alley!" he stumbled out of the Leaky Cauldron's fireplace. Remus emerged behind him a second later.

Sirius held his boyfriend's gloved hand in his as they walked down the long, cobbled street to the enormous white building at the end.

"Sirius," Remus murmured in an undertone, leaning closer to him. "It doesn't bother you?" He nodded at all the people who were passing by, wrapped in their cloaks and hurrying to their destinations.

"That I'm holding hands with a werewolf?" Sirius asked quietly. "They don't know you're a werewolf. Besides, no one's even looking at us, not really."

"I know they don't know I'm a werewolf," Remus murmured. "But they can tell I'm male...I thought you said that people didn't approve of boys being together."

"A lot of people don't," Sirius conceded. He gave Remus's hand a squeeze. "But I don't care anymore. I'm estranged from my parents; what more can happen to me? I don't care who knows I'm in love with you."

They made their way to Gringotts. Fortunately, in the early morning on this frigid day, the bank was not busy and Sirius and Remus got a goblin immediately. To his relief, the goblin confirmed that since the vault was in his name and he was the only one with a key, even though he was underage, Sirius was the only one who had access to his gold. They went down to the vault so that he could see how much was in there. He determined that he had plenty to last him through his next years at Hogwarts, but once he left school he'd need to find a job soon. He'd always planned to move out at seventeen, banking on his parents giving him some start-up money to find a place while he looked for work, but now it seemed that he might have to infringe on the Potters' hospitality for at least the summer after school before he saved up enough to get his own flat.

It was a relief, however, to know that he'd get through the next couple of years all right. He would worry about finding a job and a home for himself once the time came, and that was still a long way off. Feeling better, Sirius withdrew more gold for himself, and decided to use it to buy the Potters some nice Christmas presents while he was in town. He knew Mr. Potter was rather bookish, so he got the older wizard one of Flourish and Blotts's new releases. James was easy; all Sirius had to do was go to Quality Quidditch Supplies and grab the first thing that looked interesting.

As they walked down the street, Sirius noticed a hat in the window of Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions that he thought Mrs. Potter might like, and decided to get new robes for himself at the same time, as he'd grown a few more inches since the last time he'd bought any.

"Some for you as well, dear?" Madam Malkin asked once Sirius was standing on a pedestal with an enchanted measuring tape taking his measurements, smiling at Remus.

"Oh, that's not necessary," Remus mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Remus," Sirius murmured, looking his boyfriend over. Remus's robes were the oldest pair he'd ever seen, gray, and torn in many places. Not to mention the fact that they were much too short on him. They were the same ones he'd had when he'd left the Containment Center at eleven years old, and Remus had grown even more since then than Sirius had. Walburga and Orion never considered him worth spending money on for new robes, and it hadn't ever occurred to Sirius to get him any. "Let's get some new robes for you too while we're here, come on."

"But I don't need them, Sirius. I have robes."

"I don't care, Remus," Sirius said firmly. "You could use new ones and there's no reason for us not to get them."

"You know I've got no money, Sirius," Remus argued.

"And that's why I'll pay for them," the other boy countered. "Consider it my Christmas present," he added when Remus still looked hesitant.

"All right," Remus sighed, and Madam Malkin smiled and escorted him onto a pedestal, finding a measuring tape for him too.

With new black robes that actually fit him (and that Sirius thought made him look quite sexy, though he kept that part to himself), Remus looked more human than ever. They were on the way back to the Leaky Cauldron to return to James's when Sirius stopped in his tracks, staring at one of the shops.

Remus kept walking at first, not quite realizing Sirius stopped. "What is it?" he asked, standing beside his boyfriend and also looking at the shop.

"You still think you're not human?" Sirius whispered in Remus's ear. "You still think you're not really a wizard?"

Remus didn't respond.

"Come on," Sirius said, striding up to Ollivander's: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. "I'll prove it to you."

A bell rang as the two boys entered the store, and Mr. Ollivander appeared from around a corner.

"Ahh, Mr. Black," he said, smiling. "Hazel, eleven and a quarter inches, unicorn tail hair. You've been taking good care of it, I expect?"

"Yes, sir," Sirius responded, pulling his wand out.

"Excellent," Ollivander said, taking it and inspecting it for a moment before returning it to its owner. "Well, what brings you in here, then?"

"My friend needs a new wand," Sirius explained, gesturing to Remus. "This is Remus. He's on foreign exchange from Beauxbatons. I accidentally broke his when we were practicing dueling last week."

"Sirius, no," Remus objected. "No, you can't."

"For an exchange student, you certainly don't seem to have an accent," Ollivander said suspiciously, stepping closer to the pair and inspecting Remus curiously.

Remus blushed and looked down.

"That's because he was brought up here," Sirius said, thinking quickly. "His family only moved to France a few years ago, just before he started school. That's why they wanted to send him on exchange," he added. "They want him to have at least a year in Hogwarts, since he's technically British and all."

Ollivander seemed to buy it. At any rate, he didn't press the matter further. Instead, he turned around and began looking through boxes of wands. "Tell me," he said, his back turned to them as he sifted through the many wands. "What was your last wand made of? What was its core? How long was it? The wand chooses the wizard. If the wand you bought in France chose you, your best bet will probably be a wand with similar properties this time around."

Sirius and Remus looked at each other, Sirius beginning to worry slightly. This was more difficult than he'd thought. He didn't just want to make up properties—what if he chose ones that were completely different from whatever wand would be best for Remus?

"My last wand didn't choose me," Remus said quickly when Sirius couldn't think of a response. He watched his lover with curiosity; he'd never seen Remus lie to anyone before. Ollivander turned to look at him, too. "It was my grandfather's. He died just before I was born, so my parents kept his wand for when I was ready to start learning magic. The wand worked well for me, but I've read a lot about wands, and from what I've learned...perhaps it would be better for me to start fresh."

Ollivander nodded at Remus, and went into the back to look through more boxes.

"That was brilliant," Sirius whispered into Remus's ear, and he saw him smile.

"But only if it works," Remus murmured back. He turned to Sirius. "Sirius, what's going to happen if a wand doesn't choose me? Wands only choose witches and wizards. Mr. Ollivander will get suspicious. What if he figures out what I am? What if he reports us? Sirius, just think of the trouble you could get in if the Ministry finds out you were trying to buy me a wand! Perhaps we just leave now, get out quickly before he comes back."

"No," Sirius said stubbornly. "This is exactly the point—wands only choose witches and wizards. One _will_ choose you, Remus, because you _are_ a wizard. You'll just see." However, Sirius wasn't as confident as he tried to portray himself to Remus. What if his parents, the Ministry, the rest of the world, and Remus himself were all right? What if he really _was _an animal? _He's not_, Sirius told himself. _He can't be_. But what if he was animal enough that no wand chose him? What would happen?

Sirius tried to push these thoughts away, tell himself that a wand would choose Remus and it would all work out, but when Ollivander returned and Remus tried wand after wand with no favorable results, he found his worry growing. He could tell, too, that Remus grew more and more nervous with each failed wand. It didn't seem to bother Ollivander at all, though, who just pulled out wand after wand as if he didn't expect one to work before he'd tried half the store. Sirius recalled that he'd tried many wands before finding the one that worked for him, but he didn't think it had taken _this_ long.

Remus waved every wand Ollivander handed him, until one wand he just stared at instead of waving.

"Remus, what is it?" Sirius asked, stepping forward and looking at him. "What's wrong?"

A hint of a smile was on Remus's face. He looked directly at Sirius, waved the wand, and Sirius found himself upside-down.

"Hey!" Sirius shouted, and Remus giggled behind his hand before letting him down.

"Reed," Ollivander smiled, taking the wand back and putting in its box. "Fourteen and a half inches, dragon heartstring core."

"You see?" Sirius whispered triumphantly as Ollivander packaged the wand for Sirius. He wrapped his arm around his waist and squeezed for a second before paying for the wand.

"I don't believe it," Remus murmured as they left the store, shaking his head. "I can't believe a wand...chose me."

"Of course it did," Sirius beamed. He pecked Remus's cheek quickly.

They were both quiet as they made their way back to the Leaky Cauldron, but it was a good quiet. For the first time since Sirius had realized Remus was a human, he felt a glimmer of hope that the werewolf himself would come to accept it, too.

"Come on," Sirius said once they returned to the Potters'. They went up to the guest room and put their packages in Sirius's trunk—except for Remus's wand, which he took out of its box and handed to its owner.

Remus stared at the wand, shaking his head with a slight smile on his face. "Why did you get this for me, Sirius? I'll never be able to use it. Not in front of anyone, anyway."

"I got it to prove to you that you're a wizard," Sirius said, digging through his trunk and extracting a piece of parchment. "That and...I need you to do a spell for me."

Remus gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?" he asked. "What spell can I do that you can't?"

"_Incendio,_" Sirius said.

"You can do _Incendio_," Remus said. "I've seen you do it a million times."

Sirius shook his head. "It has to be you." He took the parchment he was holding and straightened it out, placing it on the nightstand next to the guest bed. He took a few steps back and gestured at it. "Go on."

Remus took a step forward, looked at the parchment, and then up at Sirius. Sirius could see him swallow. "That..." he said softly. "That's my ownership paper."

"I know," Sirius murmured. "I want you to burn it. You're a wizard, Remus, you can't deny it anymore, not now that a wand chose you. You're free, and I'm not going to let a stupid piece of parchment stand in the way of that."

Remus looked at Sirius. For a long time they just stared at each other, Remus's golden eyes into Sirius's silver ones. Sirius did not look away, did not waver. Eventually, Remus shifted his gaze to the parchment.

"Do it," Sirius whispered, walking over to Remus and stepping close to him. "You have to."

Nodding, Remus took a deep breath and lifted his wand. "_Incendio_," he whispered.

Both young wizards watched as the parchment with Orion Black's signature and bearing the purple Ministry of Magic seal burned and curled into ashes, and was no more.


	26. 26—December 1975–January 1976

**A/N:** All right, I'm really sorry for the lateness. My area had a storm on Monday and my neighborhood has been out of power since then. I was able to work on the chapter because my laptop has a battery, but our Wi-Fi was out so I haven't been able to submit it until tonight. And...there is only going to be one more chapter after this, plus an epilogue. Sorry for the abruptness, I would have warned you sooner, but I didn't realize myself how close I was to the end until I finished this chapter. Oh, also, I've noticed that the number of reviews I've been getting each chapter has been dipping down again. Could we maybe do something about that please?

—

It was the best Christmas holiday that Sirius had ever had. And that was an understatement. True, when he held Remus close to him in the night before he fell asleep, thoughts of what happened with his family ate at him and refused to go away. And even after he managed to fall asleep, he would often wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing after a nightmare in which Orion's _Avada Kedavra_ had not missed.

He would cling to Remus whenever this happened, letting himself be held as his lover hushed and comforted him, but he did not tell Remus what the nightmare was of.

Daytime, however, was a constant joy. He helped the Potters decorate for Christmas, relished in the freedom having no homework for the first time since September, and indulged in the many delicious holiday treats that Mrs. Potter was so adept at baking. He even enjoyed himself when the Potters had family over in spite of them all being strangers to him—for the first time, he had his best friend and boyfriend to talk to during family gatherings, and he actually had fun. All three Potters loved the Christmas gifts he'd gotten them, Mrs. Potter gushing that there had been no need for him to go through the trouble, and bestowing him with hugs and kisses that the other two teenage boys teased him about for the rest of the day.

"Looks like I've got competition, haven't I Sirius?" Remus asked once Mrs. Potter let Sirius go to check on dinner, nudging him in the arm.

"No competition at all," Sirius contradicted, giving Remus a quick peck because Mr. Potter had also left the room. He flipped James the bird when the young man coughed, "Get a room!"

"Although," Sirius admitted, getting up from the floor, stretching, and inhaling the deep aroma of Christmas dinner, "I'll admit she can cook."

"Well, maybe I'll learn someday," Remus murmured, getting up as well and going into the kitchen.

Sirius almost did not want to return to school after the holidays, for the first time he could remember. Mr. and Mrs. Potter treated him—no, him and Remus both—like a second son. They'd even bought Christmas gifts for Remus, which had almost overwhelmed the young werewolf with gratitude, and when they found out what happened with Orion on the first night of break (Sirius had only intended to tell James, but apparently his best friend felt entitled to let his parents in on it), they reaffirmed their offer to let them stay summers and even offered to buy Sirius his school supplies for next year.

He'd turned down their second offer—they were doing too much for him already—but made it clear he was very grateful that he and Remus would have somewhere to stay between school years.

"You don't know how lucky you are," Sirius said to James the night before their return to school. All three were sitting in James's bedroom, but Remus had fallen asleep in his chair nearly half an hour ago, and the two best friends had been conversing in whispers since then. Sirius shook his head, watching the snow fall over the already white land surrounding the Potters' house. "I would give anything for a family like yours."

"No you wouldn't," James disagreed, and Sirius turned to him, eyebrows raised. The Potter boy nodded at the sleeping werewolf curled up in the chair next to Remus. "You're the one who's lucky," James continued. "You know Lily still won't even look at me? And you...with almost no effort, you land the guy of your dreams. I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at each other when you think no one's watching, and I keep thinking, what I wouldn't give to have that. To have Lily look at me that way, to be allowed to kiss her and hold her whenever I want because I know she loves me as much as I love her. You may have drawn a lousy hand as far as family, Sirius, but you wouldn't want to trade places with me because you're the luckiest guy I know when it comes to relationship stuff."

Sirius smiled. "I know I've been lucky with Remus," he admitted, taking his sleeping boyfriend's hand and squeezing it. "What are the odds that out of all the werewolves in the Containment Center, I'd choose the one who also happens to be gay?" They both chuckled softly. "But you must love your parents," Sirius murmured. "Hell, _I_ love your parents. I've seen the way you look at Lily, but you wouldn't give them up for her, would you?"

James shrugged. "I don't know. They're getting old, my parents. They spoil me because it took so long for them to have me and they're so grateful for it, but they're not gonna be around forever. Before I know it I'll have to give them up anyway. I don't want to lose them, of course not, but...Lily and I could have a lifetime. When I compare the time I've spent with my family to the time I could have with Lily...I mean, I don't think I love her _more_ than them, but Lily and I have a chance to be together forever. My childhood's been great, but I'm moving out after school and I won't see them as much. You've already moved out—you never have to see them again. All you have are your friends and your boyfriend. Now that you don't have to worry about your family anymore, don't you think having him makes up for all you went through?"

"Yeah," Sirius said quietly. "But having him is worth going through anything. I'd face a thousand Dementors, Chimeras, Voldemort himself and still be ready for more if it means having him."

"Yeah, well..." James shrugged, also looking out his window at the falling snow. "I feel the same way about Lily."

They were both lost in contemplative thought for a long time, before Sirius finally roused Remus and took him back to their room to go to bed.

—

"Sirius," Remus whispered into Sirius's ear, and the sound sent a chill up his spine. An inconspicuous hand rubbed his thigh. "Now that we're back in school...you want to go...to the Room of Requirement?"

Sirius shivered. They'd been at Hogwarts for about an hour—enough time to arrive and eat dinner, which they were just finishing up—and Sirius was more than tempted to take him up on his offer, drag him to the secret room right this instant. They hadn't made love during the holidays; at first neither could really get into the mood after what happened, and even after they began to get over it, Remus hadn't felt right doing so when they were guests in the Potters' house. As such, Sirius was quite apt to make up for two weeks of celibacy as soon as possible, but...

"In a bit," Sirius whispered back, squeezing the hand on his thigh and willing his body to calm down from the thrill it had caused. "There's something...important...that I need to do first. And I want you to come with me."

Remus nodded and took his hand back. He did not ask why they continued sitting at the table even though they'd finished eating. Sirius sipped at his water occasionally, though he wasn't thirsty, and glanced up at the staff table often.

Eventually, the tall man with the long white beard rose from the table, and Sirius got up to meet him at the entrance.

"Professor?" Sirius said, Remus in tow. "May I have a quick word, please? It's rather important."

Dumbledore surveyed Sirius over his glasses before nodding at him with a slight smile. "Come with me. There will be more privacy in my office."

Sirius and a bewildered Remus followed the headmaster up to a stone gargoyle which, upon seeing Dumbledore, let the three of them ascend a staircase to the circular office where the old wizard lived.

Dumbledore gestured at the two chairs in front of his desk, and the teenagers sat down before Dumbledore himself did, behind the desk. He crossed his fingers and smiled at Sirius and Remus. "So, how can I help you this evening?"

Sirius took a deep breath. If there was a time for needing Gryffindor bravery, it was now. "I know you've given Remus permission to sit in on classes with me. And I suspect you've given permission for him to do so without having to be tied up. You've given him a place to stay and be secure on the full moons, you've allowed him to eat at the table in the Great Hall. You have allowed Remus, who came here as my pet, to act almost like a student.

"Professor, I appreciate that you haven't prevented him from being treated like a student, but I'm going to ask you for something else. After a long time of thinking and denial, I've come to realize that Remus isn't the animal I always thought he was, the animal I've been told he was from birth. He is a human and a wizard. Professor, I want you to enroll him as a student here. I want you to let him take OWLs with us."

"What?" Remus exclaimed, staring at Sirius. The dark-haired boy, however, kept his eyes on Dumbledore, who had not reacted to his request.

The older wizard's light blue eyes were fixed on Sirius in return, and he seemed to contemplate the adjuration before responding calmly. "I'm afraid it's not possible for Remus to take his OWLs, Sirius." Hearing the headmaster say Remus's real name made the young boy recall that he had not reintroduced the werewolf. He supposed Dumbledore had simply deduced from the context who he was talking about. "As intelligent as I'm sure he is, and despite sitting in on class with you and reading about magic, there is simply no way he can learn all the necessary spells in less than five months."

"Er..." Sirius murmured guiltily, shifting from one foot to the other. His initial burst of disappointment at Dumbledore's words had subsided once the headmaster cited the reason for his refusal as the fact that Remus was inexperienced, not the fact that he was a werewolf. He was surprised, actually, that the issue had not even been mentioned. "Actually...professor...Remus already knows all the spells I and the other fifth years do. I know we shouldn't have, but...we've been practicing in the Room of Requirement. I've been letting him use my wand, and for some Defense spells I've been borrowing James's wand. We discovered by accident that he could do magic back in first year, and ever since then he's learned the spells when we learned them in class."

Sirius swore he saw Dumbledore's mouth twitch into a smile for a moment and hope surged through his heart. "Even so, Sirius," he said calmly, "He will not be able to borrow your wand during lessons or for OWL exams."

"Sir, that's not a problem either," Sirius said, looking into Dumbledore's eyes. "He has his own wand. I bought it for him over Christmas, telling Mr. Ollivander that he was a foreign-exchange student. The wand chose him."

Sirius definitely did not imagine it; Dumbledore smiled. "Do you have your wand, Remus?" the headmaster inquired, turning to the taller boy for the first time.

Remus began to shake his head, but Sirius interrupted. "I've got it, professor," he said, pulling it out of his robes. He held it out to Dumbledore, but the old wizard just shook his head and gestured toward Remus. Sirius handed the wand to him.

"Remus, could you please Summon me the hat in that cabinet over there?" he asked kindly, gesturing toward a display case in the corner.

Remus glanced at it. "If you want, sir," he said softly, and then raised his wand. "_Accio hat_!"

The doors opened and the hat flew across the room to Remus. The young wizard murmured, "_Wingardium leviosa_," and levitated it into Dumbledore's lap.

"Thank you, Remus," he said.

With a glance, Sirius realized the hat was none other than the Sorting Hat. He wondered if that meant Dumbledore was accepting Remus, or if that just happened to be what he was testing the young man with.

"There is still the issue of the Ministry," Dumbledore said, turning the Sorting Hat over in his hands and looking it over. "They do not need to be any the wiser about Remus enrolling in class here, but they regulate the OWLs and his name will undoubtably raise a red flag."

"His name?" Sirius repeated. He hadn't even thought about the Ministry recognizing Remus's name. Come to think of it, he didn't even know Remus's last name. Even after he'd acknowledged him as a human, it hadn't even occurred to him that he even had a last name.

"Yes," Dumbledore nodded, looking at Remus again. "Even though I'm sure they did not refer to you by it at the center, they still have your name on record, connected with your werewolf record. I would say your best bet is to register under a different name—a different last name, at least—for your OWLs, and if the Ministry comes around asking questions, we can just tell them what we've known all along."

"What's that?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at Sirius. "That Remus is a human."

For a moment all three were silent, and then Remus, who had not spoken since his fate had been decided for him, said, "With all due respect, sir, I don't understand how you can allow this."

"What do you mean, Remus?" the headmaster asked calmly.

"I mean..." Remus appeared to struggle to find the words. "Sirius just asked you to let me come here and you just allowed it, you didn't even think about it first. No matter who says I'm a human, I'm still a werewolf."

"Yes," Dumbledore conceded. "However, the decision was not even mine."

Sirius and Remus looked at each other, confused. "What do you mean, sir?" Sirius asked.

"I mean that it is my duty to allow entrance to every student whose name is on the admission list."

Again, they looked at each other.

Dumbledore put the Sorting Hat down on his desk and rose from his chair. "Come with me," he said, and Sirius and Remus followed him down a small hall on the room's left side to a set of doors. The headmaster opened them to reveal a small chamber. Inside was a quill, poised in midair over the longest roll of parchment that Sirius had ever seen. What seemed to be the middle, where the quill was, rested on a pedestal in the center of the room, but the ends of the parchment overflowed over the sides and it seemed to go on forever in both directions. And even as the three entered, the quill touched down and scribbled something on the parchment before rising and hovering over it again.

Both teenagers simply stared in awe at the secret room with the inconceivably long parchment while Dumbledore approached it and tapped it with his wand. Immediately, the quill moved out of the way and the section of parchment resting on the pedestal moved at a rapid pace for a moment before stopping. Once it stopped, Dumbledore beckoned them over, and Sirius peered down.

The top of the visible section of parchment read _1971_, and beneath that he could see a list of names, names he recognized. They belonged to his classmates and himself, and there, about halfway down the list before _1972_, was the name _Remus Lupin_.

"That's you?" Sirius whispered, though he'd never met another Remus and knew it had to be. In his peripheral vision—his eyes were still fixated on the parchment—he saw Remus nod.

"Your name was put down here when you were born," Dumbledore informed him. "All children born to Wizarding families are, and those of Muggle-borns are added once the child in question begins to display signs of magic. And the name cannot be erased or altered. Your being bitten by a werewolf as a young child cannot change that. You have every right to be a student here, Remus. Even if I objected, which I certainly do not, it is your right. Of course, I cannot force you if you do not wish to go. The choice is yours, Mr. Lupin."

Remus started at being called that. He looked at Sirius, then at Dumbledore. "Of course I want to go to school and take my OWLs," he murmured. "I just don't want to get Sirius in trouble."

"I'm sure I can deal with anyone from the Ministry," Dumbledore said. "But as I said before, it would be wiser to use a different last name. Ministry representatives may be cajoled into believing that there is a student here of the same age and with the same first name as the werewolf Remus Lupin, but unfortunately it will be impossible to to convince them either that Remus Lupin is not a werewolf, or that the werewolf Remus Lupin ought to be a student here. We may disagree with it, but legally, Remus is still classified as an animal. Even seeing his name on the admission list will not change their minds."

Both Remus and Sirius nodded, and at a gesture from Dumbledore, all three made their way back to the main part of his office and took their seats once more.

"So," Dumbledore said. "If you are accepting my offer of admittance, Remus, what should your assumed name be?"

"I don't know," Remus murmured, looking at Dumbledore shyly. Then he turned to Sirius. "Why don't you choose something?"

"I'm not your master anymore," Sirius reminded him. "You can make your own decisions."

"Well, I'm not asking you to tell me as my master," Remus said. "I'm asking you for a suggestion as my..." he glanced for a second at Dumbledore, "...friend."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well..." he said after a moment. "...as your _friend_...why don't you take my name?" he asked. "If I have my way I'm going to marry you someday anyway, so if you're agreeable we can just do the name change now."

Remus blushed deeply and looked quickly at Dumbledore again, but the older wizard seemed neither surprised nor affronted at the younger's words. On the contrary, he looked rather amused. "I'm...agreeable," Remus murmured.

"So, Mr. Remus Black, is it?" Dumbledore asked, smiling slightly. They both nodded, glancing shyly at each other. Sirius wondered if this meant they were engaged, and the thought brought a smile to his face. "All right then," Dumbledore said. "Well, Mr. Black, if you're going to be a student here, you need to be Sorted." He stood up, picked up the Sorting Hat from his desk, and placed it on Remus's head.

For a short moment Sirius worried that he might not be in Gryffindor—the thought had not occurred to him before and he did not like the idea of being in a different dormitory and different classes from Remus—but the worry was for nothing, as the hat shouted, "Gryffindor!" a second later.

"Excellent," Dumbledore said, removing the hat and returning it to its case with a wave of his wand. "Now we'll just have to see about getting another bed to the fifth-year Gryffindor boys' dormitories—and we'll have to order you some more supplies. You require more than just a wand as a first-time student, but we have a fund available for you and I can place the order for a cauldron and textbooks tonight."

"Thank you, sir," Sirius said. "But an extra bed...er...won't be necessary. Remus has always slept with me, even when I thought he was an animal, and now..." He trailed off before looking at Remus critically and then resuming again. "Well, he's a person, he can make up his own mind. Do you want your own bed, Remus?"

Remus was blushing again. "I've never needed my own bed," he said. "Lots of things are changing, I suppose, but that doesn't have to. I've always felt most comfortable sleeping in Sirius's bed. You could get one for me, headmaster, but...I probably won't use it."

"It is up to you, of course," Dumbledore said gently. "If you are both in agreement that you prefer the sleeping arrangements not be changed, they do not have to be. If either of you changes his mind, of course, you may, at any time, let myself or Professor McGonagall know."

Both of them nodded.

"All right," Dumbledore said. "Now, if there is nothing else, the both of you had better head off to bed. It's quite late as it is, and you've got class tomorrow—both of you."

They got up from their chairs and, with final good-nights and thank-yous to Dumbledore, headed back down the staircase.


	27. 27—January 1976

**A/N:** Errors will be corrected when I have the chance to read this at a time when I'm not about to fall asleep. The second half of this chapter is rated extra-M.

—

Sirius held Remus's hand through the halls. Like in Diagon Alley, he didn't care if anyone saw them. He didn't care if anyone tried to tell him he was a pervert for loving a werewolf, or for loving a boy. In fact, he almost wanted it to happen. He wanted a challenge, he wanted to tell someone, spread the word that Remus was human, that he was a student. That he was Sirius's boyfriend, maybe even his fiancé. He didn't want it to be a secret. Maybe if he told the world that Remus was still human despite being a werewolf, some people might believe it. Most wouldn't—he wasn't naïve, he knew that the majority of people would never accept what he now knew was the truth—but maybe some would. James seemed to accept it, and Lily and Rhonda had...

The fingers around Sirius's squeezed, and he heard a sharp intake of breath next to him.

"What?" Sirius whispered, turning to him. Remus nodded toward the corner of the hall, where a figure was leaning against the wall, nearly hidden in the shadows.

When he realized he'd been spotted, he stepped forward, approaching the two with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Regulus?" Sirius asked, squeezing Remus's hand tighter as he stepped forward toward his brother. "What are you doing up here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Regulus replied, looking from one Gryffindor to the other. Sirius noticed his eyes shift over their entwined hands and his expression flicker, for a second, into a smirk. "Though I suppose I no longer need to ask why you would betray your family, your blood, for a filthy, disgusting beast."

"Remus is my family," Sirius said, letting his hand go and stepping closer, getting into his brother's face and looking down at him. Regulus did not break eye contact, did not back away. "He is a human, and he's a Black now, too," he added.

"Mother and Father won't be at all surprised," Regulus continued as though his older brother had not spoken. "After what happened with Andromeda...you were so close with her, it really doesn't come as a shock that you'd go the way she did, fraternizing with something so much less than what you are, what your family is." Regulus took a step back, eyeing them haughtily. "I was wrong," he said, reminding Sirius for a moment of their father. He reached for his wand, trying to do so surreptitiously, ready to act in case Regulus tried to do what Orion had done.

"I still had some hope for you," the third year continued. "When Mother went downstairs shouting that she was going to burn you off the tapestry, I stood up for you. I defended you, I tried to tell her to give you another chance." He gave Remus a look of utter disgust before turning back to Sirius. "You were my brother, after all." Sirius noted Regulus's use of the past tense. "But now I see that Mother and Father were right after all. You...you're worse than a blood traitor! You're a degenerate!"

Regulus had gotten into Sirius's face again, but he stepped back, shaking his head. "I suppose it's not your fault. You can't help being a sick–"

"–I'm not!" Sirius shouted. "You're the one who's sick! You and the rest of them, trying to force your prejudiced views on the rest of the world! Muggles and Muggle-borns are human, too, they're just as good as us, and so are werewolves! Werewolves are just as human–"

"–Of course you would think that!" Regulus cut him off. "You need a way to justify your perverted feelings!"

"I don't need a way to justify anything! Remus is human, and I'm not the only one who believes it! Dumbledore thinks so too! In fact, as of tonight, Remus is a student here just like us!"

Regulus scoffed. "Dumbledore! Of course Dumbledore would let him in! Dumbledore would let Muggles in if they wanted to!"

"He let him in because he's a wizard! Remus!" Sirius turned to Remus, who had been standing back a bit, watching the argument nervously. "Remus, show him!"

Remus looked at Sirius, who whispered, "Show him," again, gently this time. The young werewolf pulled out his wand and took a step forward. Sirius couldn't help smiling at Regulus's shocked face.

"I'm a wizard," Remus said. "I'm a student here." He took another step forward, on the same level as Sirius now, and the two Gryffindors faced the Slytherin, both looking down at him. "I don't want to curse you," Remus said. "I don't see any reason to, but if you give me one, I can."

Regulus looked from Remus to Sirius, who had also taken his wand out, and was pointing it at his former brother. "Mother and Father will hear about this," he said.

"Good," Sirius said. "I want them to know. Tell them everything."

"I will," Regulus sneered. "I will apologize to them, revoking any support I gave of you." He turned on his heel and left.

Sirius watched him go for a moment before turning to Remus again.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius with concern.

Sirius nodded. He'd been surprised to hear that Regulus had ever tried to stand up for him. They barely spoke when both were at home and never at school. He'd thought his brother had stopped caring ages ago, and was long since over the loss of his childhood best friend and playmate. Or so he told himself. "Come on," he said, mentally shaking himself and taking Remus's hand in his once more. "It's getting really late. And if we want to..." he smiled at Remus, giving his hand a squeeze, "...make a stop before bed..."

Remus smiled back at Sirius before leaning forward and kissing him tenderly.

All thoughts of his brother and his family left Sirius's mind. He held Remus close to him, kissing him with fervor, forgetting everything but the lips against his; the warm, strong body in his arms; and the feelings of love he had for him. The Room of Requirement wasn't far—they were already on the correct floor—but Sirius still had no idea how they got there when neither was looking at anything but the other during the little time their eyes were open. They nearly fell into the room, Remus opening it from behind, his lips still glued to Sirius's, and then tumbled to the giant bed, rolling over each other and giggling between kisses.

Sirius stared up at Remus when the taller boy stopped kissing him to sit up and look down at him, straddling him and smiling.

"I love you," Sirius whispered.

"I love you, too."

They kissed again, Sirius cupping the side of Remus's face and pulling him down on top of him. Fingers drifted to openings of robes and then to buttons. Remus got Sirius's shirt off fast, but Sirius took his time, kissing his boyfriend's neck as he worked and stroking the flesh beneath the fabric. He heard Remus moaning beneath his lips and hands, quivering with pleasure and sweating with the effort. Sirius felt himself getting ever harder and pressed himself to Remus. In return, he felt something warm and hard press against his thigh and moaned at the contact. The pulsation against him made him more anxious than ever for more. His hands pushed Remus's shirt off his shoulders before moving to get his pants off.

Remus worked at Sirius's at the same time, but Sirius wasn't nearly as concerned with the progress of his own pants as he was with Remus's. He sat up, leaning against the headboard for better access, and after kicking his pants off, Remus rose to his knees, cradling Sirius's head and kissing him.

Sirius kissed back only for a second before returning his mouth to his lover's neck again and down his chest. He ran his hand up Remus's left thigh, stroking the tight skin of his thigh and arse before moving his hand to the hardened flesh of his erection and caressing it.

Remus cried out and pressed against Sirius, body and mouth alike.

Keeping control, Sirius held Remus's hips in both hands. He looked in the other boy's warm light eyes and grinned at him before leaning forward and taking him in his mouth. Remus cried out again and Sirius winced slightly as two strong hands squeezed handfuls of his hair before Remus murmured a quick apology and instead ran his fingers through it and kissed the top of his head.

Sirius pretended as though the indiscretion had not occurred; he continued moving his mouth across Remus's swollen cock, sucking and humming and smiling against the flesh at the variety of pleasurable noises it produced from the boy he loved so.

"Oh, god," Remus moaned. "Oh, Sirius…so…I want you so much."

Sirius stopped what he was doing and raised himself to his knees so that he was closer to Remus's level. He looked at him, into his pleasure-drunk eyes and kissed him, wrapping his arms around his strong body and allowing them both to collapse back on the bed again, Remus over Sirius.

The dark-haired boy could see his love's eyes change as he drew back from the brink Sirius had brought him to and became more conscious, more in control. He smiled at Sirius and wiped some hair out of his face. Sirius became more aware of his own body as Remus ran his hands all over it, their eyes never leaving each other. He rubbed Remus's arm, but apart from that did not move much other than his involuntary responses to his lover's strong hands. Remus circled his hands lower, closer to the appendage Sirius most ached for him to touch, but teased rather than granting his desire. Unable to stand it, Sirius pressed his naked self against Remus's, and both boys moaned and whimpered as their hard-ons rubbed together before exchanging a frenzied kiss.

Suddenly Remus laughed, staring at Sirius with smoldering eyes that made him ache and throb.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, grinning at his boyfriend and wanting to share in the mirth.

Remus kissed him lightly, too quickly to allow Sirius to deepen it, but only pulled back far enough that they could look into each other's eyes without their vision blurring. A soft hand held the side of Sirius's face, thumb stroking his cheek gently.

"You know all this time I refused to believe what you were telling me? You said I was a person because you love me and you want it to be so…then I finally started to see you might be right…" Another soft, quick kiss and another chuckle. "I am a wizard, Sirius. You're not the only one who says so. I think you're right that it is a conspiracy against us werewolves. It might…be some time before I get entirely used to the idea, before I believe it completely, but I'm starting to. I started to the day my wand chose me, the day I burned that piece of parchment declaring me the property of your father." Again, Remus kissed Sirius so lightly his lips trembled when he pulled back, wanting so badly to press against those soft lips with everything he had. "And yet…"

"Yet what?" Sirius breathed, gripping the hand that held the side of his face and maintaining eye contact with the boy he loved.

"And yet…" Remus chuckled. "…it's at this moment…I've never felt more like an animal."

Without warning, Sirius found himself flat on his back, Remus holding his wrists on either side of his head and grinning down at him with a flirty and seductive look. Sirius grinned back, wrapping his arms around him once again and kissing him with an intensity that was almost animalistic.

"I want you," Remus whispered. "I love you and I want you. That's all there is to it."

"You can have me," Sirius said simply. "Take me. I'm yours; I've always been yours."

Remus smiled. Sirius watched him as his hands and lips made their way across his body. He lay back against the bedspread and let the other boy take control, let him direct the movement of their bodies. He just hoped they would progress things soon; he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand this.

Remus's mouth worked the scar on Sirius's chest, the scar Sirius had given himself the first night they'd made love, to show that the dozens of white marks littering Remus's chest did not make him any less beautiful or any less human. A hand gripped his pulsing erection and he just lay back and savored the sensation, his eyes closed and in utter bliss. He was so far gone he didn't even notice that Remus had found his wand and performed the lubrication spell until he felt a finger probing his entrance.

Sirius's already accelerated heart rate jumped in a thrilling mixture of excitement and surprise. Though they'd done this before, had Remus top, more often it was either the other way around or did proceed all the way to penetrative sex. Then again, it was also usually Sirius who took control and led the movements while Remus lay back on the bed, rubbing his hands over Sirius's body as they discovered ways to pleasure each other.

Longer than it usually took for Remus, but not as long as it had taken Sirius the last time, Remus positioned himself over Sirius and prepared to enter. Sweat glistened on his face and Sirius wiped some of it off his brow as he watched and felt his love push himself inside him. He sat through the initial discomfort until he was ready for Remus to move in him, and then they both let loose.

Cries, moans, expletives and names tumbled out of their mouths as they rocked together, clutching each other and kissing any bare bit of skin they could find. Sirius pushed himself against Remus with every thrust, wishing each one were deeper so that he could take more of his lover inside of him, become even more as one with him.

However, such thoughts were too complicated to maintain for long, especially when Remus was touching him the way he was touching him, alternating between hitting that core of pleasure deep within him and manipulating the member that grew and pulsed with each frantic beat of Sirius's heart.

He couldn't keep his eyes open despite not wanting to take them off Remus. He clutched at him to maintain as much skin contact as possible between them when keeping his eyes open became an impossible task. He felt his high getting higher and higher until at last the orgasm crashed over him, just as Remus touched him in all the right spots at the right moment, and he found himself coming in bursts of utter bliss that left him completely spent and completely fulfilled. Remus came in the next moment and it was probably ages before either of them moved but for their breathing and frantic heartbeats.

Remaining in the Room of Requirement, just for tonight, was not a difficult decision. The others were probably already asleep anyway, and neither Remus nor Sirius had the energy to get up for more than finding wands to clean with and pajamas to pull on.

Soon, they were both lying in the bed again, this time under the covers and clothed, Sirius behind Remus with an arm holding their bodies together. Sirius was nearly asleep when he heard his name.

"Hmm?" Sirius said in response, deciding not to exert the energy to open his eyes unless it proved necessary.

"Can I ask you something?" Remus asked softly.

"Anything," Sirius murmured, tightening his hold.

"Will you…stroke my hair, like you used to?" Remus asked. Though his eyes were closed, Sirius knew, somehow he _knew_, that Remus was smiling. "Not…as your pet, not as an animal. But as a human. I've always loved the way it felt, your fingers through my hair as I fell asleep. Sirius, I want to feel that again. I want to feel it as a person, as an equal to you. I want to feel it as your boyfriend."

The strands had always been soft between his fingers. Sated and sleepily, Sirius decided that neither his family, Wizarding society, nor anything else in the world mattered as long as he could feel his lover in his arms and the soft strands of his long light hair in his fingers before they fell asleep.

—

**A/N:** I will post the epilogue as soon as I write it.


	28. Epilogue

—Epilogue—

Regulus Black told his parents about Remus being accepted as a student, and he wasn't the only one. Most students—even the Gryffindors that were accustomed to Remus and even the ones who knew him as Remus—found it strange that the werewolf was now in their midst as a participant rather than an observer and was even allowed to use a wand and do magic.

Sirius told his classmates that Remus was a human. Remus told his classmates that he was a wizard. Both boys pointed out that his wand had chosen him, which it would not have done if he was not a human, and the teachers (some more readily than others) supported them. While the insistence of Remus's humanity quelled many students' objections, it by no means satisfied all of them, and many, like Regulus, wrote home about the anomaly.

As such, it wasn't long before several Ministry officials took a trip to Hogwarts to question Dumbledore about his newest student. Professor McGonagall approached the Gryffindor table during breakfast to inform Remus that he was needed in the headmaster's office. Sirius, unfortunately, could not go, but during their morning break, Remus told him that, even witnessing the incident, he wasn't sure how Dumbledore managed to convince the officials that Remus was a normal human.

"He lied to them," Remus explained. "He told them that I wasn't the werewolf Remus Lupin, I was the human Remus Black. They didn't believe him at first, but he kept insisting, and then all of a sudden they just agreed that he was right. I was so surprised, I looked at them and they looked a little...different...afterward. If I didn't know better, I'd say Dumbledore bewitched them so they'd agree with him...but he wouldn't do that, would he? Dumbledore wouldn't Confund Ministry officials. Besides, I didn't see him move his wand or hear an incantation..."

Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. But I'm not complaining—are you?"

Despite Regulus Black and some other Slytherins' protests, the Ministry officials did not return after their meeting with Dumbledore, and Remus was allowed to continue as a student and take OWLs just like the rest of them.

A few weeks into the summer holidays, all three underage residents of the Potter home received letter with OWL results. Remus did not do very well in Potions, as he'd never had any practical experience with the subject before his official admission to Hogwarts, but he was surprised at how good his grades were in some of the other subjects. He'd thought his limited experience writing long essays to be evaluated would make his grades suffer, but all the reading he'd done had helped him to become a better writer. Though he wasn't taking as many NEWT subjects as Sirius or James, he returned as a student for his sixth year.

The next Christmas, Uncle Alphard came to visit Sirius and Remus and the Potters, promising he wouldn't make their whereabouts known to the rest of the family. It was lucky that they saw him over the holidays, because the wizard fell ill that spring, and before the end of Sirius, Remus, and James's sixth year, Sirius received a letter saying that he had passed away. Sirius was very upset about losing one of the only relatives that he still considered a relative, but his friends and boyfriend helped him through the pain, and he was incredibly grateful to discover that Alphard had left him quite a bit of money. True, he'd prefer his uncle back, but at least he didn't have to infringe on the Potters' hospitality as long as he thought.

The summer after Sirius turned seventeen, he and Remus got a small flat on the outskirts of London and, after school, jobs. Remus made sure to stay away from anything involving the Ministry, to be safe, but they kept his condition quiet.

One day, Sirius and Remus were shopping in Diagon Alley. James and Lily had just announced their engagement and their best man and his boyfriend were looking for a wedding present for them. It was on their way out of Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment that they ran into none other than Orion Black.

It was Remus who saw the older wizard first, freezing in place and staring at him before tapping Sirius, who was still chattering about the shop's selection. It was a moment before Sirius realized that Remus was no longer looking at him or listening to him, and when he looked to see what Remus was looking at, his eyes caught his fathers.

Orion took a moment to comprehend what he was seeing, but he began an uproar the moment he had. He shouted for a Ministry Law Enforcement Official, proclaimed to the street that Remus was a werewolf, and for a time Sirius was out of his mind with fear and worry that their secret would be found out. However, when the Ministry arrived, Orion could produce no proof that he owned anyone. He could not even prove that Remus was a werewolf. When Sirius and Remus both claimed that the tall wizard was a human, and the Ministry official found a Remus Black on record as having eight OWLs and five NEWTs, they let them both go free.

Usually they kept a low profile—there were still many witches and wizards who had known them at Hogwarts and knew the truth about Remus, and if any of them ended up working for the Ministry, Sirius did not want to risk someone reporting them. He knew it was dangerous for both of them, living as they did, but he was happy. They had their friends and each other, a home, work, and even a cause to fight for. Though they had no way of knowing whether the future would bring happiness or sorrow, they spent as much time together as possible and lived for the day. It was the only way they could live.

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><p><strong>AN:** To those of you who asked about a sequel, I haven't planned on a sequel, but but I am planning a companion piece from Remus's point of view. I have not started it yet, but I plan to start it soon. It won't be as long as this one and it might not be as good, but if you're interested, keep an eye out for it. It will be called "Confessions of a Pet Werewolf." Thank you so much for reading and, to my reviewers, thank you for all your reviews.


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